Chapter 21
Malin
The next time I spoke to Jacob was online a week after my trip to the bar and Cassius broke the sphere.
He knew my impatience well and did not start off with small talk.
“How’s Cassius?”
Jacob was trusted. I could admit things to him I couldn’t say to others. Right now, I was in my bedroom with the door closed. Cassius was down in the game room. I had utmost privacy.
“This past week we’ve been settling in. He likes to cook.”
“That means you’re not living on takeout as much? Good for you. It’s healthier.”
“He’s doing well. More relaxed. The first night tensions are gone.”
“Glad to hear it. How about you? How are you doing having him around? You aren’t used to this sort of thing.”
“We both like gaming.”
“Do you talk?”
“Sometimes. We’ve had discussions.”
“Emotional?”
“More at first. But yes.” My chest felt tight. I mentioned going to the bar after our last session and coming home drunk. “But I haven’t done anything like that since,” I added.
“You’re smart. You understand more than you think. It’s hard, I know.”
I didn’t respond.
“Do you have specific concerns?”
I had worries. “Yes.”
“Do you want to go over them?”
“I don’t know what the future looks like. It’s uncomfortable.”
“You’re the alpha.”
“So? He’s been through hell. I don’t want to add to it.”
“You took him away from that. Now he lives with you. That’s a big deal. And yes, your future is in flux because of it. Specifically, because you are alpha and omega.”
I blurted out my topmost worry. “What do I do when he goes into heat?”
Jacob’s eyebrows jumped into his bangs. He cleared his throat. “That’s a major question. If he’s been hurt before and would not enjoy that part of his life with you, you would probably need to leave. Omegas are capable of taking care of themselves while in heat.”
“He said his heats are painful.”
Surprise flattened Jacob’s features. “How so?”
“I never asked.”
“This is a subject you need to discuss with him, not me. Is it difficult for you to bring it up?”
“Very.”
“Why?”
“I think it has to do with Dad and Kirion and all that went on there.”
“That makes sense. But you are better with your anger.”
“Not last week when I got drunk after our in-person session.”
“One slip is not a disaster. You need to talk to him. Bring it up. You have that right. He’s your housemate. You live together. If you have feelings for him—”
“I want to protect him. Even from me.”
“That’s your alpha side.”
“You can lead with that. It’s not unwelcome to omegas to have an alpha want to protect them. Tell him.”
“He cooks now. A lot. Does that mean anything?”
Jacob chuckled. “Could be nesting. But that comes in many forms.”
“Nesting? I hadn’t thought of that.”
Nesting is a dragon trait. Any omega who has that instinct is revered.
It was no secret Malinekan accepted Cassius as one of us.
“These are things to explore,” Jacob continued. “Look them up. Read articles. I can send you links.”
The rest of the session went well. But my nerves were on edge about bringing up my heat concerns to Cassius.
When Jacob logged off, I turned off my computer and went downstairs.
When I found Cassius in the game room, he was on the couch, the fire I’d lit still dancing. He was engrossed in a movie. I grabbed two sodas and sat beside him. “This one’s for you, little wolf.”
He took the soda I’d brought to him and the small smile on his face burned right through me.
Seriously? What was I going to do?
Why are you fighting your affection for him? Do you think it makes you a reflection of your father?
It made me feel weak, and yes, it was because of Dad and all my disapproval.
And all your grief, Malinekan finished for me.
His words sent a sharp stab through my chest and stomach.
“Did you have a nap?” Cassius turned down the TV volume.
“I wasn’t napping. I had a session with my therapist.” I could be honest about that much.
Cassius didn’t look away as expected. Instead, he stared at me, gaze deepening. I’d already told him some things about my outbursts, about fights. I couldn’t recall if I’d told him about being arrested.
“Does that help?” he asked.
I stretched out my legs. “If you trust your therapist, I think so.”
“Good.” He looked at his soda bottle and swigged another drink. A heavy breath followed. "Do they make therapists for set omegas? My pack didn’t have anything like that.”
His question threw me. Could he not get any help even in this area of healing? “I suppose Brimstone offers nothing like that.”
“Nope. Not classes. Not group stuff. Nothing. We got together on our own sometimes, but more than three to a group is broken up by the ranch hands.”
The welling of unfamiliar emotion came over me.
Again. Unexpected. “It’s not right.” For one of the first times in the past six years, I had a lightbulb moment.
Technically, Dad had rescued Kirion. When I allowed all my anger, grief and resentment to subside, I understood why.
It had been my own instinct to protect Cassius.
Dad had the same exact instincts. The alpha inside me leaking out.
“You’ll never go back there.” My statement came out hard.
Cassius blinked up at me. His eyes flashed. “Can you promise that?” Then he whispered, “Please.”
“I promise. No matter what. Even if you break my entire hoard.”
His mouth dropped open.
I frowned, then followed up with a laugh. “I swear.”
“I can’t always tell when you’re being… real.”
I punched at my chest, still chuckling. “That almost hurt.”
“You’re kind of scary, but only on the surface.”
“Am I?”
Cassius tilted his head back. “Not anymore.”
“Why is that?”
“I’ve had some time to get used to you.”
“Same.”
“What? I’m not even a little bit scary.”
I pursed my lips. “In the way that I might feel I’m doing something wrong or hurting you, you are.
Because I don’t know. And I’m still learning about myself, how I come across to others.
” I paused, making a face. “Not very nice sometimes, I know that because one thing I do know… I didn’t give a shit. I don’t know how to be nice.”
“You paid over eight million to take me out of that slave prison. And you’re saying you don’t know how?” He let out a tsk. “Maybe you just sometimes forget.”
“Yeah, right. It wasn’t even my money. I wanted something and after all these years I just called my daddy to get it for me without apology, without concern. Not nice.”
“I didn’t know that’s where the money came from.” Cassius looked a little worried. “But you still did it. And your dad gave the money to you? What do you think that means?”
I leaned forward, setting my bottle on the coffee table. I stayed in that position, fight or flight.
Cassius came forward on the cushion. “And did you just say you wanted… me?”
“Enough on this subject. Let’s order dinner and play games.”
Cassius watched me get up, his eyes following me as I moved around the couch and toward the door.
I called back over my shoulder. “Let’s do pizza.”
When I walked toward my living room, phone in hand, the air changed. The energy lifted. I could breathe again.