Chapter Nine
Zeller
Zeller stared down at the pictures on Valentin’s phone. Decoy stuffed into a shoebox. Decoy sleeping on the couch. Decoy watching a squirrel from the window.
“He’s getting big!” Zellar exclaimed. “Thank you so much for keeping him.”
Decoy had not been chipped, so Valentin unintentionally adopted the cat. Zeller took secret pleasure in knowing this. It felt like they had adopted a cat together.
But when it came to them doing couple things, Valentin drew the line at covert feline ownership. Since that day in Zeller’s room a month ago, the alpha hadn’t allowed so much as a finger brush against his elbow.
Zeller could not claim that Valentin was avoiding him.
They still talked during his walks and in the library, but the alpha kept the topics light.
He never alluded to the idea that things had changed between them.
Zeller understood that Valentin needed time to accept that their relationship had evolved, but darn it, it had been four weeks!
And his parents had forced him to meet two more ridiculous alphas since then.
“I know it makes you happy seeing pictures,” Valentin said. “Maybe someday I’ll figure out a way to bring Decoy for a visit.”
They sat next to each other on a bench in the garden. It was relatively private, far from the main house, so Zeller moved closer. Valentin coughed, then put a few more inches of distance between them.
Zeller sighed in frustration.
Valentin had nosed into his skin and scented him. They had declared themselves to one another. He hadn’t imagined that.
And it wasn’t as though the tension simmering between them had cooled. Smoky sage overwhelmed the air, telling Zeller exactly how hard Valentin was fighting to appear unaffected.
“Are you afraid of my parents?” Zeller asked abruptly.
“W-what?”
“My parents. Are you afraid of them?”
“No.”
“Is that why you won’t touch me? Or talk to me?”
“We…talk.”
Zeller scoffed. “Not about what matters. We’ve spent the past month making stupid chit-chat about Decoy, or my artwork, what book we should read next, and pretty much anything other than figuring out how we’re going to be together.”
Valentin shoved the phone into his pocket. He scrubbed his hands over his thighs, letting out a drawn-out exhale. “I’m not afraid of Keyes and Deveron, not exactly. But I can’t afford to get fired.”
It was only half an answer, and Zeller wasn’t having it. He had followed Valentin into the garden determined to make the man explain himself. “Are you going to pretend the conversation in my bedroom never happened?”
The alpha’s nose twitched. He shifted, angling his hips toward Zeller.
“So we’re clear,” he rasped, “I’ve done nothing but think about our conversation…about you…since that day. Make no mistake. Not touching you is difficult.”
“Then why don’t you?”
“Because you need to have an out!” Valentin practically shouted before lowering his voice again.
“I care about you too much to risk doing something we can’t come back from.
We can’t just act like there won’t be consequences if we give in to our…
impulses. By any measure, I’m a terrible choice for you. ”
“That isn’t—”
Valentin held up his hand. “I have no money. No real family. No connections. I can’t give you the kind of life you’ve always lived. It’s not a question of wanting you. Every time I look at you, I want you. I just don’t know what we can do about it.”
Zeller slid over until his thigh touched Valentin’s. The alpha’s eyes flashed.
“I refuse to believe there isn’t a way,” Zeller said.
“Obviously, I want to believe that too, but with your parents, plus me not having anything to offer right now—”
“I don’t need anything but you.”
Valentin shook his head. “And maybe that’s true. But I want to be a better man anyway. Not only for you. For myself too.”
Zeller placed his palm on Valentin’s knee. “Then we’ll make a plan. But in the meantime, please stop pretending we’re just friends. Especially when we’re alone… I liked it when you held me. That memory is on repeat in my mind.”
“Mine too,” Valentin admitted.
“You’re the only man who’s ever touched me like that. One of the alphas my parents brought around tried to steal a kiss during a dinner party, but I ducked,” Zeller smirked. “It was awkward. Luckily, Antoni saw and came to my rescue.”
Valentin growled. “I hate thinking about anyone else touching you. I hate that you’re meeting other alphas.”
“It’s fine. My brother Jem had to go through the same thing a few years ago when he got married.
Every government official and business associate of Father’s with an eligible omega son came sniffing around.
” Zeller flattened his lips. “Now Jem’s miserable, but hey, the connection to his omega’s family has been great for ours. ”
“Rich people,” Valentin muttered, shaking his head. “If you don’t show a preference soon, what will your parents do?”
“I’m still young enough that it doesn’t feel urgent, but eventually I imagine they’ll try to pick someone for me.
Except that’s not going to happen, because I won’t accept one of their beneficial alliances.
We’re going to make them understand that I should be with you.
” At Valentin’s grimace, Zeller added, “You realize my parents can’t force me into a marriage I don’t agree to? ”
Valentin hmphed. “That doesn’t mean they’ll let you marry me.”
“If all else fails, once I’m twenty-five, I can choose for myself.”
“That’s almost seven years away,” Valentin said, eyes wide.
“So?”
“A lot can happen in seven years. You’ve hardly left the estate. You might find another alpha you like better than me.”
Zeller pursed his lips at Valentin’s defeated tone. Then he recalled the way they’d pressed against each other in his bedroom.
Valentin was intimidated by his parents’ power and influence, but Zeller wasn’t about to let him diminish their connection.
“I might be stuck in this old mansion, but I know how I feel when I look at you.” Zeller pictured the water dripping down the alpha’s chest his first day on the estate. “To be honest, I’m pretty sure meeting you is what started my bloom.”
Valentin clasped Zeller’s hands. “You shouldn’t say that.”
“Why not?”
“Because!” He looked around before running his thumbs along Zeller’s knuckles.
“It’s one thing to admit we want each other, but it’s another to make it so…
so…epic. I need to know you’re being sensible.
I barely pay my rent, and I have no idea what’s going to happen in my life.
You need to keep an open mind about being with an alpha who can care for you the way you deserve. Give you everything.”
Zeller took a deep breath. “I deserve to be with the alpha who makes me feel like the most important person in the state, the one who makes my pulse speed up, and the one…the one who makes my ass slick,” he finished on a whisper.
A long swallow worked its way down Valentin’s throat, making his Adam’s apple bob. He leaned down to kiss Zeller’s fingertips. “You would really wait seven years?”
“My parents might come around before then.”
“They won’t.”
“They might. I’ve been a good and obedient son. Maybe they’ll give me this.” Ignoring Valentin’s skeptical expression, he continued, “But if I have to wait seven years, and turn down every eligible alpha my fathers throw at me, then that’s what I do.”
“You realize that staying single that long will be complicated?”
Zeller’s cheeks warmed. Valentin was referring to his heats, that he’d need to manage them, and that might require an alpha.
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We can tackle that when the time comes. Daddy told me his first heat didn’t happen until he was twenty-one, so I’m hoping for that. But Valentin?”
“Yeah?”
“What I need from you the most is for you to stop trying to talk me out of this. Stop pretending you don’t want it.
We both understand the obstacles. But if we’re going to get what we want, we have to stop dwelling on the problems and start working on the solutions. I need to know we’re in this together.”
Valentin was silent for a long, loaded minute. Finally, he said, “You humble me, as always.”
“Humble you?”
“Your tenacity… Sometimes I can’t believe you want me.” Smoky sage thickened the air.
“I love your scent. It calms me.”
Exhaling, Valentin pushed off the bench. “I want to be as strong as you.”
Zeller startled as the alpha knelt in front of him, reaching up to cup his cheek.
“What—?”
“Omega, we are in this together. Your smile…your eyes…your laugh…have become necessary to my existence.” His fingers carded through Zeller’s curls.
“And if knowing the depth of my desire is what you need, then please understand—I would crawl across broken glass for you. I would fight any battles you ask me to. And if you truly want to wait seven years, we will endure those years together. And during that time, I can make myself worthy.”
“You’re worthy,” Zeller whispered.
“No. You have my heart, and I won’t try to talk you out of it again, but I need to be a partner you can be proud of.”
Zeller wanted to reassure him that he was already proud, but he understood what the alpha was driving it. And, practically speaking, it would be easier to broach this subject with his parents if Valentin had more direction. “So, being forced to wait might be a good thing?”
Valentin dipped his chin. “From that lens, it is. But you need to promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“If you ever decide that waiting isn’t what you want anymore, you’ll cut me loose with no regrets and live the happiest life you can. You owe me nothing. That off-ramp is always there.”
“I won’t need it.”
“Well, it’s there all the same. Because it will never be me who walks away.”
Zeller looped his arms around Valentin’s neck and sank down next to him. “Promise?”
“Promise.”
They embraced, on their knees in the garden, rubbing their noses into each other’s necks.
“Will you kiss me?” Zeller asked.
Valentin leaned down.
Zeller relished his first taste of the alpha’s velvety soft lips, and the buzzing sensation beneath his skin told him he was exactly where he needed to be.
They kissed, mouths closed, as Valentin ran his hands up and down Zeller’s back. He stopped short of his ass, but Zeller registered his body’s desire to be touched there. He ached to join intimately with the alpha of his heart.
But he could wait. He would wait. Seven years was nothing when the love of his life lay at the end.
Against the seam of his lips, he felt the touch of Valentin’s tongue.
He opened instinctively and the alpha invaded his mouth.
Between the smoky sage, the kiss, and the firm grip on his shoulders, Zeller’s senses were on fire.
He wanted to melt into his alpha. The feelings intensified until Valentin pulled back, panting.
“Wow,” Zeller breathed out.
Valentin grinned shyly. “I don’t think we should do much kissing,” he said, looking down at the tents in their shorts. “It’s probably better if we aren’t alone together too often either. So your parents don’t catch on.”
Zeller considered it. “We shouldn’t tell them. Not yet. They’d be sure to fire you.”
“Agreed.” Valentin rose, stretching an arm out to him.
“But maybe once they’ve known you longer, they'll be open to me bringing it up. You’re a hard worker. And Antoni likes you.”
“Even so, I’ll start looking for a new job. Something with growth potential. If I’m more your equal, they’ll be likelier to accept it.”
Zeller nodded. He would love Valentin under any circumstances, but his parents would certainly prefer an alpha with a more established career. “I’ll miss you around the estate, but it’s the right call.”
Valentin kissed Zeller on the nose before leading him over to the zinnia beds at the edge of the garden. “I know your fathers are partial to the roses and the calla lilies, but these remind me of you.”
“The zinnias?”
“All the flowers, really, but mostly them. There are so many different types, but they’re all colorful and bright. Just like you have so many sides—sweet, mischievous, inquisitive, thoughtful, opinionated, kind—but at the heart of everything is your vibrancy.”
Zeller stepped into Valentin’s arms. “That’s how you see me?”
Rather than answer, Valentin continued, “The zinnias attract more butterflies than the other flowers…You make me feel like that, like I’m being drawn to something perfect and unique. I’m not distracted by all the other flowers in the garden.”
“You never get distracted? Ever? Even when the other flowers are very beautiful? And…available?”
“Ever since I saw the zinnias, I haven’t looked at another flower. And I won’t.”
“Thank you,” Zeller murmured.
“Can I tell you something else?”
Zeller smiled and buried his face in Valentin’s shirt. “Don’t stop now.”
“I’m glad I have Decoy. When I leave the estate and he’s waiting for me at home, it’s like a little piece of you is there too.”
Zeller’s smile turned into a laugh.
“What?”
“You.”
“Me?”
“I can’t believe you just said all this amazing stuff, about the zinnias, and Decoy—about crawling across glass for me—after not talking about anything real for a month.”
“My omega, I thought I was protecting you.” Valentin shrugged sheepishly. “But while I may be willing to crawl across glass, I think it’s pretty clear here who the fearless one is.”