Chapter Twenty-Two
Zinn
Zinn pressed his fist into his back. The dull ache at the base of his spine had plagued him since this morning, and it hadn’t helped that he’d been on his feet all day trying to get ahead on projects at the bakery.
Because he’d need time off soon.
“Are you okay?”
Zinn looked up at Ked, who stared uneasily at him. The teen had found him resting in the office after his shift. He’d asked Zinn to run lines with him for the school play. Since Zinn was dead tired and not excited about the prospect of walking six blocks home to his apartment, he readily agreed.
But now he felt like he might doze off on Calder’s comfy office couch.
“My apologies,” Zinn said, scrubbing a hand over his face. “It’s been a busy day.” He straightened his posture. “I’m listening. You can go again.”
“It’s alright.” Ked sat down next to him. “I think I’ve got everything memorized. It’s honestly making me more nervous to keep going over it.”
“I get it. Sometimes I draw and erase the same cake designs until I can’t see them anymore. It means you care about your art, that you’re willing to rehearse so much. But you’re probably fine to call it a night.”
Zinn crossed and uncrossed his legs several times before slumping back into the cushions.
“Sure you’re not sick or something?” Ked asked. “My papa is wiping down tables out front. I can go get him.”
“I’m fine,” Zinn insisted, managing a smile. The last thing he wanted to do was explain the intricacies of pre-heat symptoms to a fourteen-year-old beta.
As though summoned, Calder walked in. His nostrils flared. Zinn cringed, knowing the alpha was clocking his elevated pre-heat scent. “I heard the last part of that,” Calder said, concern in his features. “Did you need me for something?”
“No. All good,” Zinn said, forcing himself to stand. “I was helping Ked run lines, but I’m heading home now.” He swayed on his feet.
Calder rushed to his side, steadying him before helping him back to the couch. “When was the last time you ate, sunshine?”
Zinn thought about it. “I had a sandwich at lunchtime.”
“That was hours ago,” Calder admonished. Eyes flashing, his nose twitched. “You need to take better care of yourself.”
Zinn scowled. He knew his scent had activated Calder’s protective instincts. Still, he didn’t want any alpha, even one he admired as much as his boss, telling him how to manage himself.
Ignoring Zinn’s down-turned mouth, Calder spoke to his son.
“Ked, please call Jordie at the pizzeria. Order three pizzas for him to bring home after his shift.” Turning to Zinn, he asked, “What toppings do you like?”
“Oh, no, but thank you. I can’t stay for dinner. I have leftovers in my fridge, and I don’t want to get home too late.”
Calder stared at him, and Zinn shuddered at his intensity. Ked stood to the side, looking bewildered.
The alpha’s green eyes were hypnotic. “I’m not going to argue with you, sunshine,” he said. “What kind of boss would I be if I allowed one of my employees to walk home when he’s obviously bone-tired? How about you have pizza with me and my boys, and then I’ll drive you to your place?”
He’d phrased it like a question, but Zinn knew a command when he heard one. He swallowed hard. Calder rarely displayed this level of alphaness.
The scent of pine and clove rolled over the room.
Calder had offered to drive him home in the past, and Zinn had never accepted. But pre-heat symptoms were hitting him like a truck, something the doctor had warned him would happen after long-term suppressant usage.
He was exhausted and his back hurt so much that he honestly wasn’t sure he’d be able to walk home.
Not without collapsing onto the sidewalk at every corner.
Calder was a good man, so of course he could not ignore Zinn’s distress.
It didn’t have to mean anything. Besides, Zinn’s inner omega was screaming at him to let the alpha help.
Maybe he could give an inch.
“I’d appreciate the ride home,” he finally said.
“And the pizza toppings?”
Zinn sighed. He supposed he could eat. Save himself one more chore. “Sausage and mushrooms.”
The alpha looked at Ked to make sure he’d heard. Ked nodded and left the office, pulling out his phone as he stepped away.
Silence filled the air. Zinn rubbed his back again.
“Can I help?” Calder asked quietly.
Zinn instantly removed his hand. He registered the pull of the hormones, the ones demanding he let this beautiful alpha touch him. And as much as he understood logically that he’d be drawn to any alpha this close to his heat, it felt extra dangerous to imagine that intimacy with Calder.
“I think I’m good now,” he said, “but thanks.”
Calder flattened his lips but didn’t push. Instead, he said, “I noticed you finished up the cakes for this Saturday and made all the bases for next weekend. Does that mean…?”
Zinn’s cheeks warmed. He and Calder had not spoken about his impending situation other than an awkward discussion a month ago when he’d told his boss he was going off suppressants and would eventually need six or seven days off for his heat and recovery.
He could not predict the exact date, but it would likely arrive within three months.
Coughing, Zinn confirmed that his heat was now less than two weeks away. “I’m hopeful it won’t cause too much disruption at the bakery. That’s why I’m trying to get ahead. I know it can be a pain when you employ omegas, having to deal with this, so I want to minimize the inconvenience.”
Zinn’s attempt to chortle fell flat, considering the severe expression on Calder’s face.
“Your heat is neither a disruption nor an inconvenience. It’s a natural part of your biology and you never need to apologize for it. Not to anyone, and especially not to me.” He placed his palm on Zinn’s knee.
Zinn shivered as a snap of electricity traveled along his leg. “Thank you.”
Calder retracted his hand but remained close. He took a few deep breaths before broaching a subject they’d never discussed, even though Zinn knew the alpha had wanted to ask.
“Sunshine, I realize it’s none of my business, but I’m curious what plans you’ve made for your heat. Do you have an alpha friend who is going to take care of you?”
As much as Calder’s presumption in asking something so personal triggered his defenses, Zinn had lowered a few of his walls over the past two years, particularly in recent months. Calder was more than his employer, so it was fair that the man was worried about him.
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” he answered carefully. “And I haven’t made good friends since I moved to this province. Definitely not any alpha friends. Honestly, I was sort of in denial about this heat. It was due over six months ago, but I kept taking suppressants.”
“That’s not ideal, right? I mean, Denni never used them, but I remember learning.”
“No, you’re correct,” Zinn said, discomfited as always by Calder’s mentioning his late husband. “That’s why my doctor took me off them, and the reason my pre-heat symptoms are so bad.”
“Ah…but if you don’t have a friend helping you, do you mind if I ask how you’re planning to handle things?” Calder’s tone was gentle.
Zinn found the alpha’s slight prudishness endearing.
“What are you asking, cap?” he challenged with a wry smile. “You want to know who’s going to be fucking me through my heat?”
Calder sucked in a breath. “Well, I suppose…I…well…yes.”
The answer was more complicated than Calder was probably thinking. Like most omegas, Zinn’s heats came every other year. For his last three, his fathers had hired betas who got him through with toys and, during his second day deliriums, donated alpha semen.
Zinn was lucky they’d managed without him needing to get fucked by the alpha his parents kept on standby.
Still, the experiences had been awful, since his fathers had made the arrangements without bothering to ask him what he wanted.
He’d been reluctant to go through heat again, even knowing he’d be in control this time.
When he felt the first signs last summer, he’d immediately gone on suppressants.
He hadn’t actually been fucked by anyone—alpha, beta, or omega—since his first heat, when he’d gotten pregnant. No, when Zeller had gotten pregnant.
And no one could ever find out about that.
Especially not Calder.
The alpha waited patiently for an answer. Zinn dusted his hands over his thighs. No use dwelling on the past. The urgent matter at hand was his impending heat. It shouldn’t be embarrassing to explain his decisions to Calder. He was doing what he had to do to take care of himself.
His doctor had explained that, because of his suppressant usage, and because his last heats hadn’t been properly serviced by an alpha, he’d be unlikely to make it through this one with only toys and donated semen.
Although heat services had made huge strides over the past decade, there was no way around his body’s need to get legitimately penetrated and bred. Dr. Shey had been clear. If he didn’t treat this heat with the seriousness it required, he would be at risk for long-term disabilities.
As much as it galled him, his omega body needed an alpha.
“I found an omega-owned heat service I trust,” Zinn said. Then he realized Calder might not have kept up with the news. “You’re aware that since a High Court ruling ten years ago, heat services can be owned by any gender?”
“Yes.”
“So they’re a more viable option now for single omegas like me. A lot less sketchy. The coordinator there connected me with an alpha who will make himself available during my heat.”
Zinn thought about the amiable alpha he’d video chatted with a few weeks ago.
The heat service had done a great job vetting him and matching them up.
The man was younger than him, a grad student.
Monetary transactions were handled by the service, Zinn paid them and they paid the alpha, so it created the sense of being organic and friendly between the two of them.
The sticking point for Zinn had been an ironclad agreement that, if their coupling resulted in pregnancy, the alpha surrendered all parental rights.
Dr. Shey believed Zinn’s body was overdue for proper relief and had recommended they not use condoms, meaning there was a fifty-fifty likelihood of pregnancy, since half of all heats ended up being breeding heats.
Zinn hoped for a non-breeding heat, but if he did end up pregnant, he wanted to have all the decision-making power as to what came next, including the choice to potentially be a single father.
In previous generations, single omega fathers may have been met with society’s scorn, but the world was changing fast, and now plenty of omegas successfully parented children alone. Mostly they were widowers or divorced, but there were a few pioneers who intentionally chose single fatherhood.
“Let me get this straight—” Calder stood abruptly. “You’re going to share your heat with an alpha you’ve never met before?”
He paced across the small office, his deepening scent invading Zinn’s nose.
“I’ve never met him in person, that’s true. But we spoke over video for almost an hour, and he’s been thoroughly evaluated. The service has an excellent reputation.”
Calder stopped moving, directing a laser gaze at Zinn. “But are you… Are you…” He flailed his arms around. “You’re sure you want to do this?”
Under other circumstances, Zinn might have been annoyed by Calder’s prying. Or his judgy tone. But he understood it was his radiating pre-heat hormones that made the alpha so pushy.
Zinn choked out a laugh. “I don’t really have a choice, cap. I’ll spare you the gory details and just say that professional betas and fun toys won’t cut it. Not according to my doctor. It’s gotta be the real deal…hence, heat service.”
Calder’s mouth dropped open. “Are you saying that you’ve never shared a heat with an alpha? You’re twenty-seven, so this will be, what, your fourth heat?”
“Fifth,” Zinn muttered. “And I’ve been with—I’ve shared a heat with an alpha before.
” He refused to let the memories overtake him, nor the inevitable emptiness that followed whenever he thought of Valentin.
If he allowed himself to brood on it, he wouldn’t be able to do what needed to be done.
“But it’s been a long time, which is why I have to be taken care of by an alpha now. ”
“An alpha you’ve never met in person.”
“That’s how it works.”
Calder sat again. He covered his face with his palms.
And said nothing.
Before the silence could suffocate them, Zinn continued, “Welp, you have the whole plan now. Based on my symptoms today, I’ll be calling in soon. Probably within the week. And I promise not to inconvenience you more than I already have.”
“Stop!” Calder commanded. Zinn flinched. “Sorry, sorry.” The alpha’s voice softened. “I didn’t mean to get loud. But I guess I’m just trying to understand.”
Zinn’s irritation grew. Calder apparently couldn’t imagine what it was like to be an omega, having to make tough decisions.
Zinn didn’t have friends or family. Being that vulnerable with a stranger wasn’t something he wanted to do.
But what other option did he have? Calder might be his boss, but that didn’t give him the right to look down on Zinn’s choices.
“What exactly do you need to understand?” he asked testily. “My heats are not your concern, other than Felton’s needing to cover me while I’m out. If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t need to bother you with it at all.”
“I already told you, it’s not a bother.”
“Then why are you having such a difficult time wrapping your head around me using a heat service? Why are you judging me?”
“Judging you?” Calder’s head snapped up and he emitted a faint growl. “I would never.”
“Then what?”
“When I said I didn’t understand, what I meant was, I don’t understand why you need to use a service.”
“I just told you.”
“No,” Calder stated firmly. Then, with the silkiest alpha voice Zinn had ever heard, he added, “I don’t understand… Why didn't you ask me?”