Chapter Thirty-Eight #2
“Then it sounds like you and Wes being…that…is what brought Ryde into your lives. And obviously, I’m grateful.
” Zinn surprised himself by getting the words out, considering his mind was swimming with images.
Wes’s broad chest, the dark hair on his forearms, the prominent vein running along Assa’s biceps, the freckles peeking above his neckline.
Did they take turns fucking people? Watch one another?
Put men between them? The possibilities seemed endless.
Guiltily, he shoved the thoughts away. He’d just decided to give Calder a chance. Clearly, he’d been suppressing his sexual side for far too long.
“I never thought of it that way.” Assa smiled, mercifully unaware of Zinn’s disquiet.
“It doesn’t bother me.” Zinn kept his voice level. “I’ve been around the McGinns enough to know that polyamory is a perfectly fine choice for consenting adults, not some kind of moral failing like old-school society folks might say.”
Assa took Zinn’s hands and pulled them into his lap. “The universe really knew what it was doing when it brought Ryde into our lives, and by extension, you. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Zinn exhaled away some of his unease.
Assa had been so generous last night, wrapping him in his arms, accepting him into their lives. He hadn’t expected to return the favor.
“So, um, what did you bring?” Zinn asked.
Assa let go of his hands and sat back, picking up the tote from the floor.
“More photo albums. We have a lot more than what you saw on the shelf. These four will give you a good sense of Ryde’s growing up.”
Eagerly, Zinn reached for the bag. “This is so thoughtful. Should I look at them now?”
“Only if you want to, but I figured you might prefer to go through them privately.”
Zinn bobbed his head, appreciative of the beta’s foresight. “If you’re willing to leave them for a while, I’d like to do it on my own first.”
“Absolutely. We can even get copies made of any you want to have.”
“That’s kind. Thank you.”
“Pfft. Showing you pictures is literally the least I can do.”
“It really isn’t,” Zinn murmured.
After transferring the bag to the tiny bookshelf that doubled as his nightstand, he paced a few laps before going into the bathroom and grabbing the thing he’d hidden in the cabinet earlier.
Assa had been so open about his and Wes’s polyamory.
It helped explain why they’d been willing to welcome Zinn, why they hadn’t feared him or rushed to judgement.
Assa was brave in his honesty, and Zinn wanted to be brave too.
“Can I tell you something?” Zinn asked.
“Sure.”
He placed the stick down on the table. “I’m pregnant.”
Assa’s eyes widened momentarily, then a grin took over his face. “Congratulations!” He clapped his hands together. “I’m sure Calder is ecstatic. Since that man is stupid in love with you.”
Zinn’s cheek lifted. “It wasn’t, um, planned. We weren’t a couple before my heat.”
Assa arched an eyebrow. “But I’m willing to bet you were something.”
“Maybe,” Zinn hedged. “But it’s still hard for me to imagine having this, after everything… Do you really think he loves me?”
“It’s only obvious to anyone with eyeballs.”
Zinn laughed, then scooted closer to Assa. “Having a new baby feels like a dream. But I hope you understand that this doesn’t change my commitment to Ryde. More than anything, I want to be a part of his life. Whatever you and Wes will allow.”
Assa’s expression grew serious. “I know the four of us are getting together next week to talk logistics, but I need you to understand something. Wes and I want you in Ryde’s life.
We discussed it last night, and we don’t want you to think of it in terms of what we’ll allow.
We are welcoming you into our family with full hearts.
So we can get this right for our son. We aren’t just tolerating you or humoring you.
” For the second time, he enveloped Zinn’s hands in his own.
“I meant what I said, omega. We are better off for knowing you. All of us.”
Zinn felt the beta’s sincere words in his soul. “I—thank you,” he whispered.
Assa nodded. “And I hope you’ll consider letting us know this new baby, since he will be Ryde’s brother.”
“Yes, definitely. I don’t have a connection to my family.” Zinn frowned, remembering he still hadn’t decided what to do about Asher. “And this baby deserves all the love he can get.”
“He does. And the reason you want that for him is the same reason I trust you to put Ryde’s best interests first.” Assa took a breath. “From the moment I heard your story, I’ve felt a kinship with you I couldn’t quite explain. But now I get it.”
“Yeah?” Zinn gulped as the beta squeezed his fingers.
“You want your children to have the love you didn’t have growing up.”
In Assa’s eyes, Zinn saw an understanding drawn from experience.
“When I was a kid, my alpha father treated me like shit,” Assa said. “When he was older, and dying in a nursing home, I took care of him. It seemed like the right thing to do, and I wanted to counter his awfulness with compassion.”
“Was he better to you as an adult?”
“A little, but not entirely. Wes didn’t like it. He wanted me to cut ties.”
“But you didn’t?”
“No. It was important for me to be the bigger person. I learned a lot dealing with that. Papa was my first bully, but in the end, I figured out how to stand up for myself.”
“Tough way to learn that lesson.”
“For a long time, I waited for an apology from him, or at least some kind of acknowledgement that he regretted his actions.”
“Let me guess—it never came?”
“Never.” Assa shrugged sadly. “So, I didn’t get that, but what I got was an appreciation for what I’d lacked growing up.
Absolutions and do-overs don’t mean as much as getting things right the first time.
When Ryde entered our lives, I felt like I understood what mattered, what kind of man I wanted to be.
Regardless of whether my alpha father approved.
Most importantly, I’ve taken joy in being a parent.
I doubt Papa was happy a day in his life. ”
“I’m glad you made peace with it, even if you never got your apology.”
“It’s in the past.” Assa rubbed his thumbs over Zinn’s knuckles.
“But that’s what I meant when I said I felt a kinship with you.
We both had shitty childhoods—although I’m not comparing my father’s harshness to your parents’ treachery—but what truly connects us isn’t that we suffered.
It’s how we reacted to our pain. Last night, you came into our home, referring to the baby who was stolen from you as our son and humbly asked to be part of Ryde’s life.
You are selfless and fierce when it would be reasonable to be selfish and bitter.
” He tipped Zinn’s chin up and locked their gazes.
“I feel like you might understand me in a way that even Wes doesn’t. Or cannot.”
Zinn covered Assa’s hand with his own, arranging it until the beta cupped his cheek. He closed his eyes and whispered, “It isn’t easy for me to blithely accept this. There’s a part of me that wants to hate you for raising Ryde when I couldn’t.”
Assa tugged gently on Zinn’s wrist and kissed his palm. “I understand. Just like there’s a part of me that wishes I’d said fuck you to Papa at age eighteen and never looked back.”
Zinn stared at him. “We’re truly family now, aren’t we?”
“In more ways than we could have imagined.” Assa stood, brushing imaginary dirt from his thighs. “Thanks for letting me come over on short notice. Tell me if you want me to print off copies of any pictures.”
“Okay.” Zinn walked him to the door.
Assa stretched out his arms, giving Zinn plenty of opportunity to decline before easing him into a hug.
“Congratulations again on your pregnancy,” he mumbled into Zinn’s hair. “Your baby is very lucky to have you… So is Ryde.” Assa pressed their cheeks together to whisper directly into Zinn’s ear, “And so am I.”
Pulling back quickly, the beta let himself into the hallway.
Zinn closed the door behind him and immediately slid to the floor, touching his fingers to his cheek.