Chapter 20 #3
When it was time for bed, he climbed into the nest with my help, shuffling blankets around until he was satisfied before looking up at me. There was a hesitation in his expression that hadn’t been there the night before.
“Cassian?”
“Yeah?”
“I…” His fingers twisted together in the blanket. “I liked you kissing me.” His cheeks flushed. “Not because I expected it,” he hurried on. “Or because I wanted more. I just…” He searched for the right words. “It was kind.”
My chest tightened. “Soren—”
“You don’t have to do it again,” he added quickly. “I only wanted to say… thank you.”
Thank you.
Not I need you. Not kiss me again. Thank you.
I rested one hand lightly against his cheek and kissed his forehead. “Sleep,” I said quietly.
He closed his eyes for a second, leaning into my hand.
“I will once your wolf is in here with me,” he whispered.
I shifted, and my bones settled into the familiar shape of my wolf before I circled in the nest and nuzzled in beside him. Soren turned toward me, one arm finding its place around my neck as though he’d done it his whole life, and I lowered my head until my muzzle rested on his shoulder.
Within minutes, his breathing had slowed.
Mine followed.
Maybe the kiss had changed something.
Maybe it hadn’t.
All I knew was that I was lying beside Soren, feeling as if I was betraying Raff, and at the same time, not.
It felt as though I was keeping a promise I’d made the day a terrified omega had stumbled onto my mountain—to keep him safe from whatever was in his nightmares.
The first night, I’d left enough space for another person between us.
By the third, Soren always rolled closer in his sleep.
By the fifth, my tail usually ended up wrapped around his legs before dawn.
Ours to protect.
Mine.
The evenings settled into a rhythm that should have become ordinary but never quite did.
We watched another episode of The Den, argued over whether Aldric was really a dragon, and shared soup and bread while snow piled higher against the windows.
Afterward I helped Soren back to the nest, kissed his forehead the way I always did, and turned to leave.
“Cassian?”
I looked back, and he was sitting up among the blankets with one hand resting over Asha, his eyes fixed on me. “You always kiss my forehead.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why…” I stopped when he shook his head.
“I like it.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “I… I think I’d rather you kissed me here.” He touched his lips, and for a heartbeat I froze. My wolf surged forward so hard it stole the air from my lungs, but it wasn’t his turn for control. This was Soren. His choice. His words.
“Soren?” I asked.
“I’ve never known… I haven’t ever… please?”
I crossed the room slowly, giving him every chance to change his mind.
He didn’t. If anything, he leaned towards me before I reached him.
I cupped his face with care, terrified of going too quickly, and brushed my lips over his.
It was meant to be another gentle kiss, but it lasted less than a second before Soren’s fingers slid into the front of my sweatshirt and held on, and something inside me cracked.
I kissed him again, slower this time, and he answered with a soft sigh that seemed to come from somewhere deep inside him.
His lips parted beneath mine, not from urgency but from trust, and I felt the careful control I’d clung to begin to slip away.
My thumb brushed his cheek while my other hand settled at the back of his neck, holding him as though he were something precious enough to break.
Peaches. The faint sweetness that was Soren. There was no heat in his scent; he was pregnant. This wasn’t biological imperative; this was simply Soren, and apparently that was enough to make my wolf lose his damn mind.
He kissed me back with a desperation that hurt, and every hesitant press of his tongue felt as if he was asking if this was real, and every time I answered him, he came a little closer. His forehead rested against mine when we broke apart, both of us breathing harder than we should have been.
“I’ve wanted to do that for days,” he admitted, his cheeks flushing.
I closed my eyes. He deserved to know the confusion of denying my wolf, of the desperate need clawing inside me.
I should have all the words to explain why I needed to leave him, to back away.
I carried a broken bond. I loved Raff. I couldn’t do this, but when he lifted his beautiful ice-green gaze to mine, I found I couldn’t lie.
“So have I.”
Asha chose that moment to kick hard enough that Soren laughed in surprise, the sound breaking whatever spell had settled over us. He covered his stomach, still smiling, and I let my hand fall away.
Reality came back all at once.
We weren’t two men stealing a kiss that meant nothing. We were an alpha with a grieving heart and a frightened pregnant omega carrying a child who depended on both of us.
“Goodnight, Soren,” I said.
“Goodnight, Cassian.”
I left the room with my wolf pacing circles inside me, already knowing a single kiss hadn’t made anything easier.
It had only shown me what I’d been desperate not to want.