Chapter 6
When Cody woke up with a jolt, his body on fire, his first thought was no, no, not again, before he registered someone murmuring to him and rubbing his back.
He curled into the touch, starving for it, and pushed to get closer, as close as he could.
Whoever was with him smelled amazing, like comfort and good memories, warm grass and fresh rain and home—in a way Cody hadn’t had growing up.
Cody took deep lungfuls of it, whining and mouthing at any free skin he could reach.
He barely heard the, “Easy, easy, you’re okay, sweetheart, you’re okay,” as he rolled onto his elbows and knees and presented as best he knew how, for all that he’d never done it before. From there it was warm hands and a warm body touching him outside and in as he whimpered and writhed in turns.
He came back to himself in Leo’s lap, the knot deep inside and stretching him open. He felt satiated and so, so good…
But he also had no idea how much time had passed, and only being able to remember what had happened in snatches was freaking him out.
“Leo?” he gasped.
“Cody?” Leo ran his hands through his hair, up over his back, and moved to cup his face. “You back with me?”
“I—what happened?” Cody asked, feeling pathetic. “I don’t—what time is it?”
Leo shifted, reaching to grab something off the nightstand. In the dimness of the room, Cody could just make out the bottle of water. Leo cracked it open, then held the bottle out to Cody. “Drink,” he said. “And it’s about one thirty.” There was a pause. “What do you mean, what happened?”
Cody drained the bottle. When he came up for air, he said, “I don’t know. I can’t remember. I mean, I can but—only bits and pieces. What’s going on?”
There was a sharp intake of breath from Leo. “Cody, how long have you been taking libido inhibitors?”
“Since I first presented as an omega when I was twelve,” Cody said, frowning.
“My dad started me right away.” Most omegas tended to stagger their use, off for one heat, on for another two—something like that, but Cody simply didn’t.
He’d gone straight from preteen to teenager, billet family to the draft.
Going off his inhibitors had never been an option. Hockey was always too important.
“But…you said you’ve never had someone take you through a heat before,” Leo said.
“I haven’t,” Cody snapped. He didn’t mean to lose his temper at Leo, not when Leo was doing so much for him, but Cody didn’t know what was going on, and it was making his body go haywire.
Unsafe unsafe. But Leo’s here. But you’re losing time.
Something’s wrong. “I’ve just been on inhibitors.
They keep my symptoms managed, it’s fine! What’s the big deal?”
“Cody, that’s crazy unhealthy,” Leo said shakily. “Omegas are supposed to go through at least one proper heat every couple years to make sure their system stays regulated. You’ve been on inhibitors since you were twelve, and you’ve never been off them?”
“That’s ridiculous.” Cody scowled. “Lots of omegas on suppressants don’t experience heat at all.”
“Yeah, which means they’re not taking libido inhibitors,” Leo said, arms tightening around Cody. “The inhibitors are the problem, not the regular suppressants. If you still experience heats, that’s because you still need to have them once in a while.”
“Well, it’s a moot point now,” Cody said. He shifted in Leo’s lap, the knot still pulling in the best way, and he moaned involuntarily. “Fuck.” He dropped his head to Leo’s chest. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Leo said, stroking Cody’s back. “I just…” He exhaled raggedly. “That’s probably why you lost time and were less…lucid. Your heat’s erratic from being on the inhibitors too long.”
“So you’re saying we have no idea what’s going to happen next time I skip an inhibitor dose,” Cody said flatly.
“I’m sorry,” Leo said quietly.
“Fuck.” Cody sighed. “It’s fine. I’ll just keep taking them, then. I have my dose for tomorrow morning, and by the time we land back home, my script will be ready for the rest of my heat.”
“Cody…” Leo let out a whine. “Cody, I really think—”
“Don’t,” Cody cut in. “I have to. We have games. I need to be able to play. I can’t risk it getting out that…that I’m still….”
Leo somehow pulled Cody even closer. “Yeah,” he whispered into Cody’s hair. “Okay.”
“Okay,” Cody mumbled, taking a big lungful of Leo’s calming scent. Maybe his body was fucked up, but at least Cody had had the experience of one nice, actually good heat. Something he could think back on and remember when things felt really hard.
Leo cleared his throat and then reached for the side table again, snagging…a bag of cashews?
“Where’d that come from?” Cody asked as Leo tore it open. Now that his eyes had adjusted, he could see that the nightstand was covered in packages of non-perishable food.
“I asked Sergei to raid the vending machine,” Leo said, which made…no sense to Cody at all.
“Sergei?” Cody asked, frowning. “Why…?” His eyes widened. “Fuck, you told him?”
“Shh, no, no, shh,” Leo hurried to say. “I didn’t tell him anything, I promise. It’s just…he already knew you were in heat. So I figured he was the best person to—”
“How did he know?” Cody’s voice shook. “If you didn’t tell him!”
“Cody, Sergei was with me, remember?” Leo sounded pained. “When we found you.”
Reality rushed back to him. Sergei and I were coming back from dinner early and heard—your door was open. I ripped him off you and Sergei dragged him out.
“Oh,” Cody said, voice small. “Sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Leo said quietly. He held a cashew to Cody’s lips. “Have something to eat, okay?”
Cody opened automatically. When Leo popped the cashew into his mouth, Cody was hit with such a rush of positive endorphins that it made his head spin. “What the hell,” he panted into Leo’s shoulder. “What…why did that feel so good?”
Leo sucked in a breath instead of replying, and held out another cashew, which Cody took with a whimper. “Fuck,” he said with feeling once he’d swallowed. “More.”
Leo let out a pleased rumble and pressed cashew after cashew to Cody’s lips.
When Cody was tired of cashews, Leo switched them out for chocolate covered blueberries, which made Cody moan with how good they tasted, then pretzels after that.
His alpha offered water too, every few bites, and by the time Cody was pleasantly full, he was floating on a blissful cloud.
Nothing hurt or felt awful. Everything was lovely and warm and good.
“How do you feel?” Leo asked, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
“Mm good.” At some point, Cody’s eyes had slid shut. He couldn’t make himself open them again.
“Good,” his alpha murmured. “That’s good, sweetheart. Try to get some more sleep. We’ll figure the rest out in the morning.”
***
Cody woke up to the delicious feeling of someone playing with his hair and feeling settled down to his bones.
He was gloriously warm and surrounded by the scent that meant happiness and home, and there was a very pleasant, low humming sound reverberating through him that was comforting in a way he couldn’t remember feeling in a long, long time.
Purring, he realized a moment later as he fully woke up. He was purring.
Cody hadn’t purred since he was a kid. He’d trained himself out of it, trying to spare himself his dad’s reaction anytime the sounds slipped out. Even when he could remember purring when he was younger, it had always been to self-soothe. He didn’t know if he’d ever purred out of contentment before.
But as nice as this all was, he couldn’t stay here forever. He had a plane to catch.
Which meant taking his inhibitors again. Never having this again. If Cody couldn’t risk going off his inhibitors for fear of his heat being erratic, then…this was the last time he’d ever share his heat with someone.
First and last time. At least it had been a good experience. Something to hold close and treasure. To look back on four months from now, when he was pushing through his next unhappy heat.
And the next. And the next.
Fuck, what about Leo? Leo had used the word love, but—would Leo even want to still be friends after all this? After he’d seen how much of a mess Cody truly was?
“Cody?” Leo murmured, tugging gently at his curls. “I know you’re awake. What’s wrong?”
Cody swallowed and pushed his face into Leo’s chest. He didn’t want to talk about this. He didn’t want to get up. He didn’t want to have to take his inhibitor.
But he had to do all three, didn’t he?
Several long moments passed before Cody was able to make himself pull away from Leo’s embrace, biting down the whimper that threatened to escape as he put distance between himself and his alpha. No! His body seemed to scream at him. Don’t leave your nest! Stay lovely and warm and safe.
“We’ve got to get ready to leave,” Cody said. His voice sounded dull and tired even to his own ears. “I’ve—” for a moment his throat closed up. He clawed it back open. “I’ve got to take my inhibitor so I can get through breakfast and the flight.”
“I know,” Leo said quietly. He sounded so heartbroken that Cody wanted to apologize and fling himself back into Leo’s arms.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m like this. I’m sorry this is how it has to be.
Then Leo cleared his throat. “Let me take care of you before breakfast?”
That gave Cody pause. “Um, how?”
Color rose to Leo’s cheeks, but he didn’t look away from Cody. “I want to wash you. Please?”
Cody’s breath caught. Suddenly he wanted that more than anything. “Okay.”
Leo beamed at him and rose out of the bed, catching Cody’s hand and tugging him up, leading him to the bathroom. Once there, Leo fussed with the shower for a second, getting the water hot, and then he motioned for Cody to step inside before following.
It could have been too tight a fit with two hockey players, but with Cody being shorter and slighter, it worked okay.
Leo seemed to think so too. “It’s lucky you’re so small,” he chirped as he made sure Cody was fully under the warm spray before reaching for Cody’s shampoo.
“Fuck off, we can’t all be giants,” Cody replied without heat. It was a long-standing back-and-forth he had with his team. Lots and lots of jokes about his height and weight, but with it came the acknowledgement that he was the fucking fastest of all of them.
“I like it,” Leo said, voice low, as his hands slid into Cody’s hair. “I like that I’m bigger than you. Means you fit so fucking perfectly in my arms.”
The words made Cody shiver, but Leo working shampoo into his curls made him moan with how good it felt. He loved getting his hair played with.
“Close your eyes so I can rinse,” Leo murmured in his ear. Cody shuddered and let his eyes fall closed, melting a little more as Leo got out all the shampoo.
A kiss was pressed to the back of his neck. “Conditioner now,” Leo said, voice a rasp. Sounding just as affected as Cody felt.
Leo was painstakingly careful with the conditioner, liberally coating each wet curl. “You don’t wash it out right away, right?” Leo asked.
“You…you know how I wash my hair?” Cody asked, voice trembling. When he had time, he had a method that he used to keep his curls under control. That Leo noticed and remembered…
“Yeah,” Leo said, fingers skating down Cody’s body, making sparks fly under his skin. “Of course.”
“Leo—” Cody gasped as Leo began to run Cody’s loofah over his skin, but then his sense returned. “Wait, wait, stop—”
Leo froze, eyes wide.
Cody swallowed, suddenly filled with shame. “I need to use my scent blocking soap.” He couldn’t meet Leo’s eyes when he said it. “Sorry.”
For one horrible moment, there was only the sound of the water. Then, just as horrible, was Leo quietly saying, “I know, sweetheart. I know. Don’t worry. Is it this other bottle?”
Cody nodded, digging his nails into the meat of his thighs. “I’m sorr—”
He cut himself off with a startled sound when Leo closed his hands around Cody’s wrists and pulled, so that Cody was no longer scouring marks into his skin.
“Don’t be sorry,” Leo said, firmer now. “I—Cody, I know how much shit you get, being an omega. I know how hard it would be for you if it got out that you still had your heats. Your secret’s safe with me. I promise.”
Cody nodded again, throat closed up with emotion. He wanted to repeat that he was sorry. He wanted to tell Leo how grateful he was, for last night through to this morning. He wanted to say screw it, the press, the fans, they didn’t matter, because Cody was so tired of hiding. So tired of hurting.
Instead, he stayed mute and kept his eyes down, and if any hot, awful tears dripped down his cheeks, at least the fact that they were in the shower meant that Leo had no idea.