Chapter 20
TWENTY
I’m antsy as I sit on my couch, holding a mug of warm chai and watching The Nightmare Before Christmas. I’m still not ready to let go of spooky season, but the world spins on regardless.
A weird energy has been thrumming through me all day, like a weird calm before a freak storm. I’ve been doing self-care all day to try to thwart it off, but it still sits there, vibrating beneath my skin.
What the hell is going on?
Casey’s face flashes in my mind, his grin wide and his hair fluffed. As I think about how silly he looks when he laughs, I find myself smiling.
I grab my phone, my face falling when I realize I can’t text him as easily as I once could.
Things have been weird between us since we found our scent matches.
I’ve been avoiding him, but I also feel like he’s been avoiding me as well.
I’m not sure why, but a part of me—the self-deprecating part—wants to believe it’s because of what happened during my heat.
Maybe seeing me like that was too much for our platonic friendship to bear.
Still, I want him. Friend or not, I feel so deeply for him, and every second things are like this between us is another second where I feel like I’m drowning.
Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me. Maybe I am missing my other half so deeply, my body can feel it even now. Maybe I should just rip the bandage off and tell him how I feel. It’s better than this distance that’s occurred between us.
Fuck it. I’m doing it.
I click Casey’s number under my favorites—where it’s been since we were thirteen after we got our very first cell phones—and pull the device to my ear. It barely gets through the first ring before he’s answering.
“Elsie,” he says softly.
I bite my lip, nervous. “Hey.” It’s silent for a second before I whisper, “I miss you.”
He huffs out a sound of relief. “I fucking miss you too.”
A sigh escapes my lips. I needed those words more than he will ever know. “Where are you? Can I see you?”
“Actually,” he starts, and then there’s a knock at my door. My eyes widen as I get up and rush to the door, my heart beating wildly in my chest.
I open it and see Casey standing there, his phone idle by his ear and his key in the other. His brows are raised, hesitation written all over his face, and I can’t hold it in anymore.
I throw my phone to the side and rush to him. His arms wrap around me on instinct, enveloping me into his body in one fell swoop. I let all the air whoosh out of my lungs, the feeling of being in his arms again enough to cure me on a molecular level.
I wiggle my nose, getting his beautiful scent, but also something else. “You smell like that biker bar.”
He lets out a laugh. “Probably because I was just there.”
I pull back, looking at him. “Visiting Reed?”
“Who else?” he asks, his lips curving. “He was giving me some shit, to be honest. Told me I was an idiot.”
“Well, that’s not surprising,” I joke, thinking of Casey’s other omega friend. “Why did he call you an idiot this time?”
“Because I haven’t told you that I love you.”
All the air gets sucked from my lungs, my body stilling.
He takes that opportune moment to step inside my apartment and close the door, locking it before guiding me to the couch. My limbs feel stiff as I take a seat, my eyes never leaving his face.
His expression fills with nervousness, his bottom lip fixed between his teeth.
I blink a few more times. “You love me?” I repeat. “Like… wait, sorry. I’m being weird. You tell me you love me all the time. Why would he call you an idiot for that?”
Casey takes a deep breath. “I do tell you, but I don’t mean that way.
Elsie…” My name lingers in the air as he licks his lips in a nervous tick.
“I’m in love with you. I have been for a long time…
and now that we’re destined for the same pack, I need you to know that.
I don’t want to live our entire lives with this unspoken thing between us. ”
Now I’m really stunned. He loves me? In the same way that I love him? Is this real life?
I reach down and pinch myself, hissing when it hurts. Yeah, this is real.
“Did you just pinch yourself?” Casey asks, amused.
I look up at him. “Yeah, I had to make sure this was real.”
A nervous chuckle escapes his lips. “Is that a good thing? I’m not really sure what you’re thinking.”
“It is a good thing,” I say. In fact, it’s amazing. My heart stampedes in my chest, my stomach lit up like a firework, because loves me. He loves me.
The smile that breaks out across my face is bashful, but happy. My entire world has been turned upside down, my fears from yesterday completely wiped away.
He sees my change in demeanor, his lips turning up slightly. “Elsie?”
I exhale and let the truth fly free.
“I’m in love with you too,” I tell him, and his eyes widen slightly, a glossy sheen encasing them. “For so long, Casey. I just never knew how to tell you.”
“For so long?” he asks, his features pulled in equal surprise and relief. “Like, when? High school?”
“Since… gosh, I don’t know. Since forever, I think.”
He shakes his head slightly. “I had no idea. I thought I was the only one…”
“I thought I made it obvious when my omega begged for you to join my heat.” I wince. “God, I was so embarrassed.”
“No, don’t be. I was so happy to be here with you.” He sighs. “I just thought you needed me. I didn’t read into it. I always assumed I would be giving myself false hope if I read into all the affection you give me.”
“All the affection that I want to give you,” I point out, scooting closer. “Because I’ve liked you ever since I figured out what liking someone meant. Maybe even before that.”
It’s true. My love for him was just sitting dormant inside me, waiting to be discovered. The second I got a glimpse of it, that was the end. I knew no one would ever compare to my best friend, and I was willing to accept that for the rest of my life.
Until I met the alphas, he was the only person I ever wanted that fiercely.
He clasps my hand, and this time it feels different. How many times have we touched where it felt natural? This time, however, I feel a dose of nervousness. This isn’t a friendly touch anymore; this is him trying to connect with me. Us crossing a boundary that we once subconsciously put into place.
He bites his lip and then whispers, “I ran into you on purpose.”
I stop, blinking. “What?”
“When we were kids, the day of the science fair. I always saw you on the bus, thought you looked… beautiful. Ethereal.” He takes a solemn breath. “I wanted to be your friend, so I purposefully ran into you on the sidewalk.”
My mouth parts in shock. “You... You never told me that.”
He shakes his head. “I didn’t know our projects would be destroyed in the crossfire. You were so upset… I hated that I made you feel that way, so I tried to pretend it was my fault to begin with. Did everything I could to make it right.”
We sit there, him staring at the rusty-orange checkerboard rug, me watching him with absolute awe.
He wanted me, even then.
“Casey,” I say.
He looks up, his beautiful blue gaze holding mine as his chest rises and falls. “Yes?”
“Kiss me.”
His entire face relaxes, and then he leans forward until he is inches away. I can feel his breath on my cheek; smell the way his scent sweetens the closer he gets. I feel a sense of wonder that I’ve never felt before as the anticipation grows.
My breath hitches as his lips finally land on mine. They’re soft, supple. I moan into him, letting him control the pace completely. I can’t help the heat pooling in my stomach, like I could snap at any moment from the barest of touches. His touches.
It’s gentle, sweet. Our tongues dance together in a slow tango before it heats up. We’re rampant as the pace quickens, our need for each other becoming more urgent and powerful.
He pulls my shirt over my head as I pull off his own, the feeling rushed and hurried. When he sees I don’t have a bra on, he groans and leans down, taking one of my nipples into his mouth. A sound escapes me as he sucks, my nerve endings sending out zaps of pleasure with every roll of his tongue.
My head falls back, the feeling almost too much to bear. He plays with the other, twisting it between his fingers in a way that makes me feel revered.
I pull back, holding eye contact as I stand. His gaze travels over me, curiosity sparkling there as he watches me pull down my pajama pants, not realizing that I’ve discarded my clothes completely until I’m left bare before him.
“Fuck,” he whispers as he looks at me. “You’re fucking beautiful.”
My lip quirks as I saunter forward and then place each knee on either side of his hips, straddling him completely.
“Wait, I’m supposed to be fucking you. Worshipping you.”
I find myself smirking. “We’re no longer rule followers, Casey. Let’s fuck however we want.”
“Are you sure?” he asks, his hands caressing my thighs and sending goosebumps all over. “We don’t have to do anything just yet. We can go at your pace.”
“I want you inside me,” I say bluntly, and he inhales sharply. “And after so long pining for you, I think it’s time that I get what I want.”
He nods like he’s in a trance. “Yes, take what you want from me. Please.”
I pull his lips to mine, this time languid and sensual as I experiment with a few rolls of my hips. I swallow down the sound that escapes him, feeling my stomach dip with heat. My clit rubs up against something hard in his sweatpants and I part from his lips to let out a moan.
“Use me, Elsie,” he rasps, his hands moving to my hips to help me maintain the momentum.
I shake my head, needing something else, needing more. I kiss him again, this time sloppy and rushed and desperate.
I pull myself up a little, tugging down his sweatpants as quickly as I can. When I finally have his cock in hand, we both let out a breath of relief.
I stroke him a few times and his fingers slide over my breasts, pinching and kneading them just the way I need. When I finally position him at my entrance, we both pause, staring at each other in awe.
We’re actually doing this. Oh my god, this is real.
A keening noise falls from my lips as I sink down onto him. He’s the perfect size and hits me in all the right places. He bites one of his knuckles and a soft growl emits from his chest once I bottom out.
“Holy f—”
I start to roll my hips once more, testing out the way our bodies feel together. The slide of him against my walls leaves me breathless, every nerve ending lighting up in my body as I work myself over him.
He grits his teeth, his grip bruising. “Fuck, baby. You feel so good.”
His voice is hoarse, the deep sound of it doing things to my insides with every stolen whisper. He moves his hips, meeting me on each and every thrust.
“Your cock is perfect,” I moan against his lips.
He gives a sexy chuckle. “I might not have a knot, but I can fuck you however you want. Anywhere, anytime. My cock is yours to do with whatever you please.”
I pulse around him, stars dotting behind my eyes.
“Milk me dry, Elsie,” he says as he watches my face. One of his hands grips my breast while the other holds onto my hip. “I can feel how close you are. Come all over me. Let me feel it.”
His words send a spark of energy up my spine. My clit rubs over him, the feeling supercharging just as I fall. My body seizes as I cry out, the feeling so good that I black out. He comes inside me then, his own sound of pleasure flying free as his arms wrap around me, holding on tight.
It lasts so long that I almost forget that we aren’t knotted. We rut against each other, kissing and breathing each other in as the feeling subsides. When I pull back, his lips are swollen and his hair is as messy as it’s ever been. When we see how ridiculous we both look, we burst out in laughter.
“Fuck,” he says, his thumbs caressing down my sides.
I snort. “Fuck, indeed.”
A sexy and exasperated grunt escapes him. “I don’t want to pull out of you.”
I flex around him, loving the length of him. It’s perfect, just like I always imagined. “Maybe we can do some cockwarming later.”
He playfully scowls at me. “Don’t say things you don’t mean. I would live in this pussy if I could.”
“You may have some competition.”
Instead of acting disappointed, he just grins. “Bring it. Those alphas love competition. I’m happy to throw my dick into the mix.”
“Stop it,” I laugh.
“Never.” He kisses my forehead and pulls me close. “Give me a few more moments and then I’ll clean you up. I’m still soaking it all in.”
Securely wrapped in his arms, his heart beating by my ear in a steady hum, I feel whole for the first time in weeks.