33. CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Wes
“ J oss, wait!” I charge after her, but she spins on her heel to face me, hurt and anger radiating off of her. We nearly collide as I try to stop my forward momentum. The look on her face could derail a freight train. Fuck, what happened?
“Who are you to tell me not to run? Isn’t that exactly what you’re doing?” she spits, pushing a finger into my chest.
“What? No, what are you talking about?”
“I heard you, Wes! Just now, on the phone with Breck. He’s selling Adventure Chasers, right? You’re going to leave and get a job at an airline.”
Her face crumples, tears falling in earnest, arms wrapping around her middle. Dammit, I can see the conclusions she’s drawn from what she overheard, and it physically hurts that she thinks so little of me. Like I could just up and leave her without a second thought, without a conversation.
“Joss, please. Look at me.” I’m begging her, my heart breaking with every tear. Her trust is so fragile, and she looks more broken now than she did yesterday. “Joss, the sale will take months, getting a new job will take months. Neither of those things are happening right away. I’m not—”
“You’re not what, Wes?” She cuts me off, and I have to rake my hands through my hair to rein in the frustration that she won’t let me finish, won’t let me explain. “Leaving yet ? Oh, we’ve got months, right? Well, I don’t want months with you. That’s what I came over here to tell you. I-I’m such an idiot. The last few days have been purely pretend to you. You were always going to leave, and I was stupid enough to fall in love with you anyway.”
Everything stops. It’s like the whole world has fallen away. There’s no sound. Not even the rasp of Joss’s breathing permeates the space. Her eyes are wide and terrified, the words dangling in the space between us. I stagger back a step, like they carried a physical blow when they hit me square in the chest.
“You…” I can’t seem to form the words, in my head or out loud.
“Don’t, Wes.” She holds a hand out in front of her. “You don’t have to say anything. I have to go.”
“No!” I reach for her, catching her hand before she can bolt. She tries to yank it free, but I hold fast. I’m not letting her go. Not again. Not ever. “I’m not leaving, Joss.”
The tension releases just enough, the instinct to flee leaving her body as her eyes search mine .
“I’m not leaving. I’m not,” I say, beseeching her to believe me. To trust me. “Yes, Breck is selling, but that will be months from now. Enough time for me to get applications in with the airlines. Australian airlines, Joss. I’m not leaving, I’m looking for a new job here .”
“Here?” Her voice cracks, making it sound high and squeaky, barely contained. She’s not letting herself believe it.
“Here, Joss. In Sydney.”
I tug her forward, our chests not quite touching but close enough that I can see the way hers rises and falls with unsteady breaths. I place her hand over my heart, because it’s hers if she’ll take it.
“It was never fake for me, Grey. I didn’t pretend for a single second. I think I always wanted it to be real.” My hand finds her chin, tilting it up, my thumb caressing her bottom lip. Silver tears shine in her eyes, and I can just see the glimmer of hope there, battling with her doubts. “You know what I figured out last night, Joss? The pretending? It’s what we’ve been doing all along. For months. Pretending we weren’t everything to each other when we are. Pretending we didn’t belong to each other when we do. You are everything to me, Joss. Everything.”
I can’t wait any longer, I crush my lips to hers, pulling her body flush against mine. I can’t take another second of us not touching, of not being together. She finally relaxes, all the fight in her falling away. Her hands lift to my neck and slide into my hair, making a mess of it as she pulls and tugs it between her fingers.
“Wes, I… ”
The words are just a pant between breaths, my lips interrupting her ability to continue. She pulls her head back slightly, so I move on to her neck, her pulse a frantic beat under my lips, matching the one in my chest.
“Say it again, Joss.” I punctuate each word with a kiss down her throat. She whimpers when I nip at her collarbone. She looks nervous as I meet her gaze, unsure even after all I’ve told her. “Trust me, please.”
I know I’m asking her to take a leap of faith. To trust I won’t break her. She let the words slip in fear earlier, but I want to hear them in hope this time. Her eyes shutter closed, a stilted breath escaping her before they open again. My sapphire blues meet her graphite greys and there’s nothing here but me and her.
“I love you, Wes.”
Her heart sits between us, almost like I could reach out and touch it, and I have no intention of leaving it there. It will never be anything but mine. Mine .
“I love you too, Joss.”
She moves first now, pressing up to her tiptoes, chest brushing against me as her lips meet mine. I feel it all in this kiss. Her love, my love. The way we move, like two halves of a whole that have finally found each other.
My hands slide low, from her back, over her ass, and down to her thighs. Gripping tight, I lift her, those firm, sexy legs wrapping around my waist. The way her hands tighten in my hair drives me wild and I growl against her mouth. I have never wanted anything in my life more than I want her. Not just her body, which I very much want, but all of her. Her heart. Her trust. Her smile. Her very soul. I want every part of her. I want everything with her.
She moves against me, a moan slipping past her lips, giving me access to slide my tongue along the seam and into her mouth. Tasting her, needing more.
I pull back just enough for our eyes to meet again. The burning heat there and the soft nod of her head all the answer I need to the silent question between us. Our lips crash against each other again. Muscle memory carries me toward the bedroom, unseeing, lost in this kiss. We break apart only long enough for me to find the door with my foot and kick it closed behind us.
We made love twice before needing to come up for air. Our bodies sated and tired, I wrapped Joss in my comforter and carried her to the balcony where we now sit, cocooned together watching the sparkling lights of our city.
She’s quiet, and I let her be, knowing that she’ll tell me what’s going on in her head when she’s ready. I smooth soft kisses over any inch of skin that peeks out from beneath the blanket, watching goose bumps erupt in their wake.
“I had dinner with my dad tonight.”
“You did?” I try to keep the tension out of my voice. The protective part of me hates that she went alone, wishing I could have been there. I must not hide it well enough because she laughs under her breath, turning on my lap so she can see me.
“Yes. And I knew you weren’t going to be happy about it.”
“It’s not that I’m unhappy you went, especially if that’s what you needed to do. I just wish I’d known so I could have gone with you. It’s the caveman in me, I guess. I know how much you love that side of me.”
Her laugh breaks free. Good. After all the tears of the last few days, it’s a relief to hear that laughter, feel it deep in my bones. If she’s genuinely laughing, she must be okay, and that’s all that really matters.
“I do love that side.” There’s that word again. My heart swells every time I hear her say it, no matter the context.
I really liked it when it slipped out between her breathy moans as our bodies melded together earlier. I shift under her, and the look on her face, one eyebrow lifted, smirk across her lips, tells me that I’m not doing a good job of hiding just how affected I am by her.
“Sorry, uh, ignore me. You were saying you had dinner with your dad?”
“Yeah.” She pulls her lip between her teeth. “And I had coffee with Eric this morning after dawn patrol too.”
“Eric, your ex?” I ask, and she nods. “Hold on, did you say you did dawn patrol this morning? Alone?”
If she wanted my attention, she’s definitely got it. I stay fully focused on her as she walks me through the last day and a half. I don’t know how she’s still conscious at this point between the early wake-up and the emotional toll of her conversations with both Eric and her dad. I kind of wish I could hate her ex, but it sounds like that chance meeting was exactly what she needed .
Then there’s everything with her dad. I know it’s on him for leaving and not fighting for her, but what kind of mother keeps a child from their father out of spite?
“I don’t know, Wes. I don’t think she’s changed at all. I think she sees an opportunity here, with either me or my dad—or maybe both—to have her needs met. I hope I’m wrong, but it doesn’t feel that way, does it?” she asks, and I can see the sadness in her eyes at even having to voice such a question about her mother.
“I obviously don’t know her like you do, but no, sweetheart. If I were a betting man, I would put money on the fact that she’s only here because of your trust fund.”
Her head hangs forward.
“Why am I never enough for anyone just on my own? Not enough for my dad to stay, not enough for my mom to want me just for me, just never enough.” Her head is in her hands now and I pull her shaking body closer, wrapping my arms around her.
“They failed you. Their mistakes are not on you.” I hate to see this beautiful, strong woman so broken. “They’re just two people, Joss.”
“But they’re my parents . Of all the people in the world, they’re supposed to be my biggest supporters.”
Her arms come around me, her face in my neck, and I can feel the wet tracks of her tears against my skin.
“I know, Joss. But that doesn’t mean other people won’t love you like you deserve. Look at Jaz and how much she loves you. Joss… look at me.” Her eyes meet mine as she pulls back. They’re red and puffy but full of hope, waiting for the words. “Look at how much I love you. ”
I bring a hand up to wipe a tear that’s making its way down her cheek. I let her sit in the moment and soak up my words. She’s still learning to believe them, and I’ll continue saying them until she does.
When she finally moves, it’s to fist her hands in my shirt, her gaze never leaving me as it searches out the truth on my face.
“I told you earlier that we’re everything. You might not have been their everything like you should have been, but believe me when I say that you are my mine , Joss.”
She sucks in a breath and her eyes flutter closed as she rests her forehead against my sternum. My heart is hammering, and I’m sure she can feel it. It’s still new for me to put my heart in her hands too, and as much as I’ll continue to do it, I have fears laced underneath that I have to fight.
She finally pulls back, her shoulders straightening, her head held high as she brings her eyes to mine. She smiles then. It’s small at first and then it grows before she finally speaks.
“You’re mine too.”
My heart explodes and I’m finally able to take a full breath before I pull her into me, holding her tight. Her head tilts up just as mine tilts down, and we fall into the perfect kiss. It’s slow and languid, and the fire beneath it burns strong and steady, unlike the blaze of those that came before it. This one is full of unsaid words. It’s full of promise as we sink into it, deeper and deeper.
She’s reluctant to pull away, and I don’t let her go far.
“Wes, I…” She falters, and I give her the space to find her way to what she needs to say. “What happens now? I mean…” She glances away. “Your visa, your plans—I know you said you were staying, but you can—”
I bring my finger to her lips to stop whatever it is she thinks she needs to say. I can see the protest forming on them. She isn’t ready to trust that this is true yet, but she will. I’ll make sure of it.
“I love you, Joss. I’m staying. We’ll figure out the rest as we go.”
The lip under my finger starts to tremble and her eyes are now so shiny with tears that another one spills over. I lower my hand so that I can kiss her again. I know that words aren’t the way to show her that I’m in this for the long haul. It’ll be my actions, showing up for her again and again until she believes it down to her very bones.
When I finally pull back, there’s a smile on her lips. It’s one of wonder and excitement at what comes next. Her hand lifts to my face and, touching my cheek, she laughs lightly.
“You know I swooned over your dimples that very first day in the airport terminal, but you’ve made me fall for you in so many ways since. I just couldn’t let myself admit it.”
“I might have fallen for you the moment I saw you in your sexy flight attendant uniform, but I know I fell for you the night I held you in my arms while you were sick. I couldn’t imagine being anywhere but where you were.”
“So.” She blows out a breath. “Now what?”
“Well, sweetheart, we figure out what you want to do about your parents first. We have all the time in the world for the rest, yeah?” I say, and she silently nods, pressing her forehead against my chest again.
“But I don’t want to think about them right now. I just want to be here with you, in this moment. Can’t we worry about them tomorrow?” She looks up at me with a little pout on her lips, and I melt at the sight. I want to take that lip in my mouth and nibble on it, or maybe do something else with her mouth entirely.
That thought definitely doesn’t help my resolve that we should focus on the situation with her parents first. I reach up and run my thumb across her bottom lip, making her mouth drop open in a perfect O. When she pulls my thumb into her mouth, giving it a firm suck, I lose all semblance of self-control. Fuck, I want her again and I want her now.
“Fine. You win.”
With that, I stand from the chair and throw her over my shoulder before walking straight to the bedroom. She giggles and attempts to tickle me, which earns her a light swat to her behind. She squeals as I toss her onto the bed, the comforter falling away. We’re lost to everything else as we find each other. Again and again and again.