Chapter 16 #3
“But what if the spell wasn’t something that could break?” Fenric asks slowly. He sits with his elbows on his knees, his gaze directed at the ground. He lifts it as he talks, words coming out more confident, “What if we could use something to ease the fear that didn’t rely on our concentration?”
“What in the hells are you talking about?” Talon snaps, and when I glance at him, I realize this situation is bothering him as much as it is me. The potential of losing Nyx and Fenric are getting under his skin.
“These.” Fenric pulls his hand from his pocket and reveals the Veridra berries from earlier.
“I told you, those—” But my words cut away when I realize what he’s saying. I stare at him, and at the berries that seem to pulse in his hand.
Yes. Yes, a person who drank a tonic made from those berries would not only stop feeling fear, they wouldn't feel anything but happiness and pleasure.
“I can make the drink.” I look first at Fenric, then Talon, then finally, at Nyx. But she’s not looking at me, she’s staring at the berries, too.
“They could kill you if you have too much,” I say, to which Talon mutters, “Good thing I’m already dead.”
I whirl on him. “They could drive you mad too. They’re not safe for mortals. Not safe for anyone who doesn’t have a god’s blood running through their veins. I have no idea what will happen if…”
“But we know what will happen if we don’t,” Nyx says, her voice even.
Turning to look at her, I cross my arms. “Nyx, these things are seriously powerful. You have to understand that they’ll wipe out the fear, but also…”
I swallow, thinking of every time I've wanted to reach for her and stopped myself. The restraint we're all showing around this connection between us. The things I've still not told them. If we have them, I could admit more than I plan to.
"If they work the way we're hoping," I say, "the dose has to be precise.
Too much and it could kill us. Too little and it won't be enough to work.
" I pause. "And if they do work, we lose our inhibitions entirely.
We could end up doing things we wouldn't otherwise choose to do. Dancing naked in the forest, or worse."
Nyx looks at each of us in turn, resolve settling across her face. "If we're all together," she says, "I'll be safe."
Berries or not, none of us would ever hurt her.
“I’m willing to do it,” Talon says, kicking away from the wall. “Even if it means you all will see my terrible drunk dancing.”
“Me, too,” Fenric says, staring at the berries in his palm. “But I’m a good dancer.”
“Bragger,” Talon teases.
“Thorian?” Fenric asks, holding the berries out.
A few seconds pass, and I nod. “I’ll do whatever it takes to protect Nyx.”
Talon and Fenric second that, and I sigh, reaching down and scooping the little pile of berries from the berserker’s hand. “We’re going to need more than this. Talon—?”
“On it,” he says, nodding.
“And, Fenric—” But he’s already digging into the knapsack, producing a rounded piece of wood he’s been using as a bowl for some days.
“Here,” he says, handing it to me and standing. “I’ll find a rock.”
Fenric disappears around the corner, Talon disappears out the front of the cave, and Nyx and I are left alone for a moment. I can still hear the skipping of her heart as she gets to her feet.
“Everything’s okay.”
She turns her chin up. “I’m just trying not to be afraid. Trying to be someone different. That’s who I need to be tonight.”
Unable to help myself, I pull her close. “You don’t need to be anyone different. You’re perfect just the way you are. It’s our responsibility to protect you. To protect what’s ours.”
Surprise flashes across her face. “I’m yours?”
“And we’re yours. Aren’t we?” I ask, heart hammering.
Have I read too much into this? She’s nice. Maybe she’s this nice to everyone.
She smiles. “Yes, you’re mine.”
My whole chest aches.
“And,” she begins then hesitates before continuing, “sometime in the future. When we’re all relaxed… I’m ready. Ready for whatever comes our way.”
“Ready?” I ask, and then everything shifts into place in my mind.
Is she saying…?
She nods, her cheeks red. “I wonder if, without all the fear and worry, our relationships might change… advance.”
I understand her drift. “Maybe. Maybe tonight. Maybe just in the future.”
She smiles, tucking hair behind her ear. “Good. Because there are some things I might not mind experiencing, no matter how the Trials end.”
“We’re going to be okay,” I say, and I hope that it’s true.
Hope that at some point I can give her a beautiful experience. But not just a good first time, a good rest of her life.
“Don’t worry, I know you’ll keep us safe.”
Relief makes me pull in a deep breath. “Good. Then, trust us. This will work. We’re all going to make it out of this.”
She sags against me, dropping her cheek onto my chest. I hold her close, knowing I need to get moving, but stealing this minute anyway. Because no matter what we do now, night is coming, and I’ll fight to my death if it means these people have a chance.
They’re mine, after all. And I’ll never let someone take what’s mine again. Never.