Chapter Two #2
There was the missing guilt, at last. It arrived with vicious urgency, seizing at her insides, swelling up within her, rising in her throat like—
Oh bollocks.
Adeline sat up, swaying so immediately, she had to grab at the headboard to catch herself. Kai stirred, eyes screwing up, then blinking half-open, peering blearily around for her.
“Kai?”
He sat up, at once alert at the whimper in her voice.
“What is it? What’s—”
The hot bile rolled up her throat and she retched, scrambling out of the bed in a blind panic, dimly aware of Kai on her heels as she stumbled upright.
“Gonnabesick,” she blurted, hand clamped tight over her mouth.
Kai bolted, but when the next insistent wave of clawing, sour heat rushed through her body, he was there. A bucket thrust under her as she doubled over, her curls quickly twisted up in his other hand.
Her throat opened to the burning rush, insides convulsing painfully. The sound was excruciating; the retching and splattering, the gasping pants in between. It seemed an age before it finally ended.
“ —alright now,” Kai murmured, and she realised he’d been speaking the whole time; low, soothing words by her ear as the nausea overwhelmed her every sense. “You’ll be alright.”
“Daughters fucking slay me,” she croaked.
“All done?”
“I think so.”
The heat was gone, the sick, rolling feeling ebbing away to leave only a pounding headache and the vile taste on her tongue. Kai set the bucket down and produced a handkerchief, still holding tight to her hair with the other hand until she had cleaned herself up.
He took the cloth and bucket and disappeared beyond the creaking door without a word while she clawed her dress off, taking a silent moment to pray that Imogen had packed a few loose day dresses rather than giving in to her own preference for corsetry and heavy ice diamonds.
She stood shivering in only her shift, glancing around for her trunk, when Kai returned with a bundle of supplies tucked under one arm.
He took two of his long, brisk strides inside before faltering mid-step.
And as he paused, she caught the slight widening of his eyes on her—then he glanced hurriedly away.
“Adhlas, I—I’m sorry, I didn’t even think—”
“It’s fine,” she said, although she now wondered if it would be more awkward or less if she grabbed the cover from the bed to drape over her shoulders and chest. It hadn’t even occurred to her how bare she was until he stood there stammering, eyes darting every which way but hers.
It should have occurred to her that he’d be uncomfortable with such casual intimacy, considering how they’d left things.
How she’d left things.
She’d told him it was over. Twice, in fact. Did it matter that the circumstances that brought their end had changed? Maybe it didn’t, when that change had crashed over them in such a catastrophic flood.
Maybe the damage was done.
The thought was bitter enough to tighten her aching throat, but the thick swallow that followed broke the strange silence. Kai shook his head, remembering himself.
“Here, I thought you might need these.” He took the bundle from under his arm and thrust it toward her: mint paste, a waterskin, a small bristled brush, some linens. “Simon’s on his way down with your trunk, too, if you’d like some fresh clothes.”
She took the supplies awkwardly and turned on the spot, until her eyes landed on the small, empty wash basin propped on a tiny chest of drawers in one tight corner. Goddess, she was desperate to wash the awful taste from her mouth.
Adeline scrubbed thoroughly at her teeth, and in the grimy little mirror that hung lopsided above the basin, she caught sight of Kai still rooted to the spot behind her; even with her back turned and some of her modesty preserved, he kept his gaze trained away from her as he spoke.
“How are you feeling now?”
Kai addressed the door handle, and it was with a small tug of warmth in her raw chest that Adeline was reminded of a time not so long ago.
A time when he’d taken great pains not to look at her; not, as she’d first thought, because he found her lowly or indecent, but because she flustered him.
He hadn’t been able to hold her eye for fear of blushing in a most un-kingly manner.
And now—
That flicker of warmth slipped away, and in its absence, her heart slid down the inside of her chest, thick and heavy and aching.
Now it’s different.
It should have been a fond memory. The thought of Kai, her tall and stately Merrow King, reduced to stammers and sweet, pink-kissed cheeks.
He wasn’t blushing now. But when she didn’t answer, Kai half-turned to her, question evident in his eyes even if he wouldn’t turn them her way.
She spat a mouthful of mint and took a pull of fresh water, turning her thoughts inward to consider his question.
How was she feeling?