Chapter 19 #4
He brushes the hair off my forehead and kisses my cheek, inhaling me in. He rolls off me carefully. He keeps one arm under me as he does it, so my head doesn’t lose the pillow.
“I’ll be right back.”
“Okay.”
He gets up.
I watch him cross the room in nothing.
He’s beautiful and muscular. His legs are built with solid muscle. I watch him while I sit up onto my elbows. He grabs the towel off the back of his door and ties the condom. He drops the condom into the tiny trash bin and walks over to me.
My chest’s still heaving a little. My thighs are still trembling.
The space between my hipbones is still tight and warm.
I can still feel where his mouth was on my collarbone, where his hand was on my hip, where he was inside me a minute ago.
My body’s a brand-new instrument I don’t know how to play yet.
Everything’s lit up. Everything’s tender. Everything’s his.
I press my palm flat against my chest over my heart and feel it slow.
He sits on the edge of the bed. He cleans me up with careful motions. I’ve never had this happen before. He’s so gentle. My throat closes.
I don’t let my face do what my face wants to do.
But God — God — the absent-minded tenderness of him doing this for me, like it’s the most natural thing in the world, like there was never a question of whether he would — it breaks something in me I didn’t know was still whole.
Chase never did this. Not once. Not even close.
And here is Blue, who has had me for ninety minutes total, and he’s taking care of me.
He looks up at me when he’s done and smiles. “Hi.”
He starts to clean himself when I whisper, “Hi,” back.
Now my chest is back to being tight as he keeps his blue eyes on me.
He drops the towel, gets into bed, and pulls me against him. I rest my head on his chest. His arms wrap around my shoulders. He kisses the top of my head.
I feel his heart under my cheek. It’s slowing down. Mine’s slowing down. They’re finding each other again. The same rhythm. The same beat. Like our bodies have decided this is how it’s going to be now.
We lie there for a long time.
He closes his eyes. A small smile pulls at the corner of his mouth, and I feel it in my chest like a hook.
“I’ve wanted to do that…” His mouth pulls into a full smile now. “…ever since that night, Melly.”
I laugh, small, into his chest. The laugh’s still half a sob. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully stop crying tonight. I think I might just cry softly through the rest of my life now, every time I look at him.
“I meant what I said, Mel. The I love you.” He exhales quietly. “I’ve loved you since high school.”
The confession lands in my chest like a stone dropped in still water.
The ripples go out in every direction. They reach every corner of me.
They reach back through every year — every party where he stood at the edge of the kitchen and pretended he wasn’t looking at me, every time he turned around in class and asked me for my notes, every game he’d look up into the stands and ignored me for the rest of the game, every time I caught him looking at me across the quad — and the ripples make sense of all of it at once.
I’ve always known.
I’ve always known, and I’ve spent so much time convincing myself I was wrong. And now I’m wrapped in his arms like all of it happened just so we could end up in this moment together.
He tightens his arm around my shoulders and kisses the top of my head.
I lift his hand and kiss his knuckles.
He smiles and mutters, “Don’t leave tonight.”
I grin. “Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Let me text the girls.”
I pull out my phone and start tapping the keyboard.
Me: I’m staying the night here.
Mara: What’re you guys doing up there?
Mara: (Sends eggplant emoji and water splashing emoji)
Mila: Shut up!
Mila: You’re not coming back down?
Me: No.
Gianna: Second Hawthorne House boy down.
Lucy: I’m so happy our plan worked.
I look up at Blue.
“What?” he asks.
I show him my phone.
Mila: What plan?
Gianna: I wanted it to happen too. Benson hated to see Blue under the weather.
Gianna: Benson and Lucy played matchmaker.
Me: Seriously?
Mila: God, I’m a terrible friend.
Me: Hahaha Mila!
Mila: So, what’s going on up there?
Me: He asked me to be his girlfriend.
Gianna: He did!!
Mila: NO FUCKING WAY!
Penelope: Congratulations.
Mara: Yes!!
Lucy: Yay!
I hear a loud cheer come from downstairs.
Blue looks at me. “What’re you texting them?”
I shrug, smiling. “Sorry.”
My phone keeps buzzing, but I ignore it as I kiss the corner of his mouth.
Then the cheering turns into a song, “Blue and Melly sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love ––”
Blue and I glare at each other, horrified. The singing continues. Every single one of our friends are downstairs belting out this song for us. Blue and I break into laughter within seconds, laughing against each other’s faces.
He pinches his nose. “Oh my god.”
I cover my mouth and laugh. I look over at him right when I hear the song end and our friend’s laughter that follows it, and I admit, “I love it.”
He pulls me into him. “I love you. You’re mine, Melly Sorcha.”
I smile up at him. “And you’re mine, Blue Golding.”