18. Marnie #2
“Checking for depth. The middle is usually the deepest and safest part to jump from, but sometimes the weather can shift the sand below, even after it’s dredged.” She moves next to Parker and leans over the rail, too. “See that?”
She points down at a sharp angle, and I do my best to follow the trajectory.
Her fingers come under my chin and tilt my head slightly to align with the direction of the sun. “You can see the bottom right there. But you can’t just to the left of that spot. So, this is where we want to jump from. If you see sand, it’s too shallow.”
Caleb comes up behind me. “Need a boost?”
His words echo those of the day we went to the Flying Horses when I couldn’t reach the horse from the broken stirrup. This time, I don’t mind his hands touching me. “Yeah, thanks,” I reply.
He places his hands on either side of my waist, flush against my bare skin, holding firmly.
His hands are so warm, and the contact makes me pause.
My eyes wander down to his hands, admiring the way they cover most of my waist, then up to his forearms glistening under the afternoon sun, and finally up to his face to find him already staring back at me.
Time stands still.
My eyes squeeze shut, reminding me of the task at hand. As I bend my leg to find the first rung, he starts to lift. I can’t deny that I love the feeling of his hands on me right now. This is a special kind of torture.
Two more rungs and I will be at the top, ready to balance on the railing beside the others.
His hands start to ease off me, and without the distraction of his hands on my bare skin, I suddenly get seeds of doubt flooding my brain.
I’m about to do something reckless, maybe even a little dangerous.
I have no experience doing anything like this.
Jumping off the deck of a pool doesn’t exactly help prepare oneself for this.
“Wait, wait,” I rush out, carefully scrambling to move my feet back to the lower rungs.
His hands find my waist once more, holding firmly and guiding me down gently, no questions asked.
“Marnie, are you alright?” Linny calls down to me.
“I . . . um. I need a minute,” I say, taking a step back from the railing.
The three of them look between each other. No one says anything for a moment, and then Caleb spins to face me, before calling up to Parker and Linny. “You two go together. I’m going to wait for Marnie.”
Parker looks down at us. “You sure? We can wait for you.”
“No, you two go ahead,” I assure them, taking another small step back and avoiding Caleb’s stare. “You should jump with them,” I whisper quietly.
“I’m fine right here.”
“Seriously, I don’t want to disrupt your summer tradition.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll wait with you.”
Parker takes Linny’s hand and counts down from three. The two of them leap forward simultaneously, Linny’s small squeal echoing off the beams beneath the bridge.
Dozens of people of all ages continue to pass by, finding their prime spot on the bridge to jump from. I step toward the railing again and watch each person jump, studying their form, their ritual, their confidence. Anything for me to mirror.
A wave of courage comes over me, and I plant my hands on the top beam, bracing against it, and begin to climb.
Caleb doesn’t say anything from beside me—he only watches and holds his arm out in case I need the support.
My second foot finally reaches the top of the railing, and I slowly begin to straighten my legs. I keep my hands gripped to the sides for balance, and only once I have solid footing do I dare let them go.
I stand up fully atop the railing in time for Caleb to climb up and join me.
I look out at the ocean, then to the bystanders watching on the jetty, then back to the ocean. The sun is high in the sky, elongating our shadows and warping my perception of our proximity to the water.
What I said about the bridge height last month?
Wrong. The perspective from Caleb’s boat does not do it justice.
Floating on the water below the bridge is a hell of a lot different from this vantage point.
The bridge is twenty feet high from the surface of the water to the ground level.
Add on the railing height, plus your own height standing on top of it and looking down, easily makes it look thirty feet high.
A slight breeze picks up from behind, urging me forward. I’m not sure I’m ready for this.
I turn to face Caleb, looking for reassurance, and I find him already looking back at me.
“You ready?”
I break the eye contact and zone in on the depths below. “What if a shark eats me on the way down?”
“That’s irrational.”
“What if I sink all the way to the bottom and don’t come back up?”
“Impossible, the salt water will bring you back to the surface.”
“What if?—”
His hand reaches out to find the small of my back, hovering lightly over the skin above my bikini line. “Don’t be afraid, I’ve got you.”
“I think a healthy amount of fear is perfectly normal in this situation,” I counter, studying the water.
“Marnie, look at me.” He hooks a finger under my chin, forcing me to meet his eye.
He studies my face, and for a moment I get so lost in the vast blue of his eyes that everything else melts away, and I forget to be afraid.
“If you don’t want to do this, you should not feel any pressure to.
There’s no shame in sitting this one out. ”
Deep down, I know he’s right. There are enough people here that no one would notice if I got down and decided not to jump. But with him here beside me, encouraging me, I feel like I can do it. I feel like I can do anything.
“No, no. I want to do this. I’m just psyching myself out. I never do things like this, so I’m way out of my comfort zone.”
“I’ve got you,” he repeats, grabbing my hand and rubbing his thumb across the back of it soothingly. Maybe it’s the warmth of his touch, or sincerity behind his words, but I believe him. I trust him.
“You should go first,” I suggest.
Maybe if I know he is waiting down at the bottom for me, it won’t seem so daunting.
“Are you sure? You won’t leave me all alone at the bottom? I am a strong swimmer, but I’ll tire quickly in this current if I tread water for too long.”
“I promise.”
My knees wobble slightly as I try to hold my balance and keep an eye on Caleb. He rotates his body away from me, giving me one last reassuring smile. And then he’s gone.
The ocean engulfs him with a large splash and a few seconds later, he resurfaces, running a hand over his face to wipe the water from it and slicking back his hair.
There’s a loud cheer coming from the jetty, and I see Linny clapping from the rock she’s perched on. It gives me the final rush of much-needed confidence.
Here goes nothing.
My right foot extends over the railing, and before I have the chance to second-guess myself again, I’m free falling into the water below.
One.
Two.
Three.
My toes hit the water first, an invisible force absorbing the rest of my body and pulling me under.
Though colder than expected, it’s more refreshing than chilling.
My feet hit the sandy bottom and I scrunch my toes, hunkering down for leverage to push back to the surface.
When my head emerges from the waves, I push the droplets off my face to allow my eyes to readjust. Caleb is there, smiling widely at me.
Oh my god.
I did it.
My body feels alive, everything inside me buzzing with exhilaration.
His hands wrap around my waist and gently pull me to him until we are inches apart, both of us treading water as I try to catch my breath.
“So?”
“That was amazing,” I squeal, breathing heavily.
“Want to do it again?”
I hold a finger up, continuing to tread water with my other hand. “Now I didn’t say that.”
He throws his head back with a laugh, and my heartrate spikes again. I’ve been dying to hear that sound again since I first heard it at the movie theater.
We swim over to the side of the jetty that leads back up to the beach. The lower rocks at the base are submerged in the water and slick with seaweed. I slip twice trying to get my footing to boost myself out, but each time, Caleb is there to catch and steady me.
Toweling off proves a bit more challenging than anticipated because of all the excess sand sticking to my limbs from climbing off the jetty. Each swipe of the towel grinds the sand back into my skin, leaving a few light scratch marks. I wipe as much sand off with my hands before trying again.
“Can you spare some time later today? I have a surprise for you,” he says.
I quirk an eyebrow.
“Berry misses you,” he clarifies.
I blush and nod eagerly. “I’ll be there. For Berry.”
“Good, I’ll text you the address.”