33. Marnie
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Marnie
Irene’s contact page stares back at me. I’ve probably called her hundreds of times since I started interning for her. Then why is it so hard to do so now?
Because you are about to drop a metaphorical bomb on her and you have no idea how she is going to react.
I stand up to take a lap around the kitchen, needing to do something.
Anything. I wash the dishes in the sink, clean the counters, water Charlotte and Boris, and reorganize the pantry.
The tasks don’t take me nearly as long as I would’ve liked, and I take a seat on one of the barstools and continue staring at the screen.
Stop delaying the inevitable.
Deciding to finally rip off the Band-Aid, I press the call button. Irene picks up on the third ring. “Marnie.” Her usual greeting. Short and not-so-sweet.
“Hi, Irene,” I reply, a touch too cheery. “How are you?”
“Enough with the pleasantries, I have much to do. Why are you calling?”
Her abrupt tone has me physically recoiling. I definitely don’t miss that. Josie has been such a breath of fresh air this summer and I completely forgot about what it used to be like dealing with Irene day in and day out.
I let it roll off my shoulder. “I just wanted to update you on everything. We are exactly one month out from unveiling and all the pieces are coming together. Installation is scheduled to begin on Monday. I am just waiting for the last of my name plates to arrive for the movie props.”
“Good, glad to hear it. Anything else?”
“Yes, Josie wanted me to put together a list of friends and family to add to the guest list. I wanted to know if I should put you down.”
Caleb agreed without hesitation. He almost looked offended that I had to ask.
Parker was there when I spoke to Caleb, and he promised to be there, too.
Linny would be back in the city for school by the time it unveiled, but she told me she wouldn’t miss it if I promised to let her talk about marine conservation for as long as she wanted and chose a good photo for her acknowledgment in the pamphlet.
And of course, Gwen had the month blocked off on her calendar since I first left Boston.
My parents were somewhere in eastern Europe, so I knew they weren’t going to make it, but I extended an invitation anyway. They sent their regards. Not surprised.
The only other person I wanted there was Irene.
Not just to prove to her that I could do it, and that the years she spent training me and showing me the ropes haven’t been for nothing, but also to prove it to myself.
That everything I’ve done to get myself to this point has been worth it.
All the late nights, the holidays spent working, the missed time with friends.
All of it, so that I could be proud of this. Of myself.
“Remind me the date,” she says.
“August 30th.”
The telltale sign of her flipping through her planner fills her end of the phone. “I’m coming back from a conference that week. Put me down as a maybe. I’m sure I’ll have to put out a million dumpster fires upon my return, so I’m hesitant to commit to something that far in advance just yet.”
That’s as much of a commitment as I’ll get from her. “Thank you.”
The line goes quiet again. Here goes nothing.
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Make it fast, I’m about to go into a meeting.”
I take a deep breath. Slow and steady, just like you practiced. “Josie still hasn’t hired someone for the vacancy that I am filling.”
“That’s not a question.”
Touché.
I take a moment to choose my words. “Josie mentioned that she was hoping I might apply. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I am seriously considering it.
” Irene remains silent on the other end, so I continue.
“I really like it here. Josie is great, and I’ve made friends here, too.
This role gives me the challenge I’ve been looking for, and I know we are still waiting for the board to choose their candidate, but I wanted to get your opinion on me applying for this position as well. ”
The silence on the other end returns. I wait and wait and wait for her response until I think the line’s gone dead. I’m about to hang up and redial when a low voice grumbles, “You’ve got a lot of nerve.”
What?
My stomach drops, a wave of nausea passing over me, but I don’t dare speak.
“You’ve got a lot of nerve,” she repeats. “I pulled all these strings to get you this role for the summer to give you an advantage in the hiring process, and this is how you thank me? How do you think that makes you look? Makes me look?”
Her voice continues to rise. I’ve heard Irene yell before, and I’ve been on the receiving end of it several times, but it was never aimed at me specifically, just the situation. This is different.
This time, it’s personal.
Her next words are the nail in the coffin.
“Don’t jeopardize everything you’ve worked towards because you’re too busy living in a fantasy and not in the real world.”
I just can’t quite find it in me to say it. To fight back. This is not where I thought the conversation would lead, and not at all how I thought she would react. I suppose I should’ve expected it, given that everything I’ve done for the last two years has been about continuing to work for her.
But as my mentor, she should be happy that someone notices how capable I am. She should be proud that she prepared me well enough to stand on my own. Instead, she makes it sound like the worst thing in the world. Like I am ridiculous for even entertaining the possibility.
“What makes you think you are even qualified for that job? You’ve done one exhibit and suddenly you think you can do this without me?
” The condescension drips through the phone.
“You have never done an exhibit completely on your own before now, which makes you neither prepared nor qualified.” Her tone shifts.
“Be reasonable, Marnie. Working there is not a long-term solution. There’s no room for growth, and Josie can’t give you the same opportunities that I can. ”
I don’t like the insinuation that I couldn’t thrive and be successful under Josie, but there will always be more opportunities in a major city than on a small island.
I blink back several tears on the verge of spilling out, the realization now dawning on me that there is no scenario in which I can have the best of both worlds.
I’ll have to sacrifice something. “You’re right. ”
“Of course I’m right. Loyalty is always rewarded, Marnie.”
I nod, even though I know she can’t see me.
“I’ll have my assistant try to shuffle my calendar for August 30th.”
“Yeah, sounds good. Thanks, Irene.”
She hangs up without another word.
I check my messages briefly, seeing a missed text from Gwen asking how the conversation went.
She’s been eagerly awaiting an update since I told her over the weekend that I was planning on talking to Irene.
I type out a quick reply and toss my phone into my bag, flopping onto my bed to bury my face in my pillows.
Defeat washes over me, which quickly turns into sorrow. I really thought this would work, and I was sure my plan was foolproof. Turns out the fool was me. I was stupid to think I could have it all.
Rolling onto my back, I wrap myself inside my blanket, desperate to escape the feeling of the world caving in on me.
I feel the dam break on my emotions, and the tears begin to fall.