34 - Avery
Avery
The lights glint off the fresh ice as the team slowly filters out of the locker room for warm-ups. We funnel into our seats while I force myself to act casual instead of searching for the jersey with his name on it.
The energy in Revere Arena is high, everyone buzzing with the knowledge that if the Blades bring it home tonight, they punch their ticket to the Cup Finals. Winning three straight against New York was totally unexpected to most fans, but not me.
I’ve watched Grayson dial in hard over the past couple of months, getting extra ice time for those who needed it, bringing the team together anytime he could, and motivating every single one of his teammates to bring their best game to the table.
When I told him he was a good leader, I meant it. He’s a damn good leader, and everyone here tonight knows it.
Thousands of people fill the stands, and among them, there are more Shaw jerseys than I can keep track of. The number twelve is everywhere, except on me.
I’d considered it, but the statement seemed too grand to skate by unnoticed, and I didn’t want to spend the whole night explaining to my friends why I’m suddenly wearing the jersey of the man they think I hate. Grayson and the rest of the Blades deserve the spotlight to be firmly on them tonight.
“There he is.” Wesley points down to the ice right as Nathan glides onto it. Her grin widens when he glances up and blows her a kiss.
I settle into my seat beside Wesley while Harper and Sloane slide into the row with us, balancing drinks and snacks as the crowd slowly grows louder around us.
“This place is insane,” Harper says, looking around at the crowd.
“It’s playoff hockey,” Sloane says with a shrug. “Everyone loses their minds.”
“You would know, considering you’re the goalie’s sister.” I steal a handful of popcorn out of the bag. “You probably lived at the rink watching your brother growing up.”
A shadow passes across her face. “Actually, I’d never seen him play until he hit the NHL.”
I’m tempted to ask why, but that kind of conversation in a sea of waving rally towels and shouting fans doesn’t seem like a good idea.
My eyes scan the ice, only to see that he’s still not on it yet.
Wesley bumps my shoulder. “Going from our game yesterday in Philadelphia with less than one thousand in attendance to this kind of fanfare is actually insane.”
We’d won in Philly, getting us back on a winning streak that we desperately needed, not only for the record, but to save my legs from sprinting more suicides tomorrow at practice.
I bump her back. “And this kind of fanfare is nothing to the kind of attention you’ll get when you’re in the World Cup one day.”
Her cheeks flush, but I can tell that she gets a little lost in the dream.
Music pounds through the speakers while highlights from the first two games flash across the giant scoreboard overhead.
Harper starts talking about some restaurant she wants all of us to try during our next girls’ night, but I don’t even process the name.
Damon’s taking shots at the far end of the rink. My stomach tightens briefly, but the feeling disperses almost as quickly as it came. Last year, seeing him would have ruined my night. Now, my eyes kept drifting somewhere else entirely.
Grayson steps onto the ice, and the composure he maintains off the ice translates to complete and total control on it.
A coach stops him, and another player joins the conversation. Then Grayson breaks away, only to have two other teammates stop to talk to him. Even from up here, it’s obvious how naturally everyone gravitates toward him.
Myself included.
The thought appears before I can stop it, causing heat to creep up my neck. I take a sip of my drink and force myself to look somewhere else.
I hold out for approximately three seconds before my eyes find him again. He’s laughing about something one of his teammates says as they skate toward center ice.
“Avery, are you even listening?” Sloane asks from beside me.
“What?” I start, turning toward her. “No, sorry. I wasn’t.”
“Do you want to go out after the game?” She wiggles her eyebrows. “Maybe you can teach me your ways.”
Four months ago, it would’ve been the easiest answer in the world. Every single part of me wanted to get out of my head.
But now?
I just want to go home with Grayson.
“I’m probably going to call it an early night, actually.”
She groans.
I’m at peace with my choice. The comfort I feel when he’s with me is better than any drunken hookup ever was.
A couple of days ago, I almost told him that too.
He’d been cooking me breakfast in a way that seemed more domestic than I ever thought I’d be comfortable with. But I watched him anyway, not a single fear circling my head. The words had been right there.
Then my dad called and reminded me exactly why opening yourself up to someone is dangerous. Neither of my parents has ever healed from the damage their relationship caused. Nobody gets married expecting to spend the next twenty years trying to hurt each other.
So, I chickened out.
The starting lineup flashes across the giant screen overhead.
Beside me, Wesley sits forward in her seat while Sloane laughs about something stupid Wyatt did on the ice.
They call off the players, one by one, and when I hear his name announced, I catch myself shifting forward, eyes locking on him as he skates in a circle around the ice.
My stomach does that stupid fluttering thing again. As if sensing it, Grayson glances toward the crowd.
Toward me.
The look is so brief that nobody around us would ever notice it.
Hell, most people would think he’s just scanning the stands.
But I notice the way his mouth lifts into the tiniest hint of a smile, my entire body warming in response.
His eyes linger for another heartbeat before he turns back toward his teammates.
There’s no wave or gesture, but in that moment, we’re connected. Even if the thousands of people surrounding us don’t know it. For the first time, I catch a small part of myself wishing he had waved. Or that I had worn his jersey. Or that we stopped hiding altogether.
It doesn’t sound so bad.
A sudden squeal pulls me from my thoughts.
“Sloane!”
I look up just in time to see a woman launch herself at Sloane.
Sloane laughs as she catches her in a hug. “Katie.”
My stomach immediately drops.
Grayson’s sister.
The one Grayson seemed extremely concerned about me meeting. The one who is currently sitting down directly beside me after Sloane scoots over to make room.
I force myself not to look nervous because, as far as I know, Katie has no real idea who I am. She’s never met me or seen me, and will have absolutely no idea that I’m sleeping with her brother.
Sloane motions to Wesley and Harper, introducing them, and then shifts to me. “And this is Avery.”
As soon as my name leaves Sloane’s mouth, I know that I’m fucked. Katie’s eyes widen before she recovers, and a knowing smirk flashes across her face.
“It’s so nice to finally meet you.”
My pulse spikes. “You too.”
Nobody else notices because Harper’s back to being distracted by her phone, and Wesley is watching the ice.
I’d never had a serious relationship until Damon, and in our entire year together, I’d never once met anyone in his family. And on top of it all, I know the pedestal that Grayson puts his family on.
What the hell am I supposed to do right now?
Luckily, Katie doesn’t draw attention to the fact that I’m quite literally frozen in my seat.
Instead, she charms Harper by talking about the kids in her class and comparing them to her own children. She manages to chat up Wesley about soccer, and then she launches into a story about her sister with Sloane. I’m not sure if anyone notices how she doesn’t try to talk to me once.
Other than the occasional glance in my direction, I may as well not be here at all.
I take the opportunity to focus on the ice, watching the Blades skate circles around the Yeti, but fail to capitalize, leaving the scoreboard empty by the end of the first period.
Harper stands. “I need a bathroom break.”
“Same,” Sloane says.
Wesley groans. “I’ll go get more snacks.”
The three of them gather their things and start filing out of the row. Every part of me wants to run away with them, but I force myself to stay put.
“We’ll be back before puck drop,” Harper promises.
Then they’re gone. The noise of the area seems twice as loud, but it’s only because I’m hyperaware of Katie sitting next to me. She watches the crowd for a moment, then she takes a sip of her drink.
“Oh, good.” She turns to me. “We can stop pretending now.”
I let out a slow breath, steeling my nerves.
“Pretending what?”
“That you’re not sleeping with my brother.”
I choke, curling over into a coughing fit.
“We’re not, I mean I’m not–”
“I’m supposed to believe you guys just hang out and play Uno?”
“That’s not what I meant.” I fight the urge to grin because I might be under fire, but I love anyone who shoots it straight. “How do you know?”
Katie laughs. “My little brother can’t hide anything from me.”
“So he told you?”
“When Gray was in New York, Wyatt threw him under the bus.”
“I’m going to kill them both.”
She smirks. “Good luck. Wyatt’s got a thousand lives, and every single one is somehow shinier than the last. And to be fair, Grayson swore up and down that nothing was going on between you two.”
“You didn’t believe him?”
“He does this thing with his hand when he’s lying. Always has been a shit liar.”
My lips twitch. Okay, so maybe I like Katie. A little.
“How long have you guys been doing whatever the hell you’re doing?” She asks, eyes searching my face.
“We’ve been dating for around a month, but it’s all been going on longer.”
“How much longer?”
“February, I guess.”
“So, what? You’ve been toying with him for months?”
My temper flares. “He’s a grown-ass man. I’ve been nothing but honest with him about where I stand with everything. No one is toying with anyone.”
“But no one knows. Why is that?”
“It’s really none of your business.”
She quirks a brow, then takes a slow sip of her drink.
I shift in my seat, knowing that I’m fucking blowing this. I should shut up and be nice, but between her and Wyatt’s warnings, I’m losing my patience.
They make me out to be some villain. As if I didn’t tell Grayson exactly what I don’t want.
As if he didn’t make the choice to be with me regardless.
I’ve told him more than I’ve ever told anyone.
I’ve trusted him more than I’ve trusted anyone.
And if one more person makes me into the asshole stringing him along, I’m going to burst.
I expect exactly that from Katie, but instead, she smiles. “I think I like you.”
“Um, what?”
“Grayson used to bring home these perfect girlfriends. They were quiet and fit perfectly into whatever box you needed them to live in. The problem is, Grayson has lived his entire life being exactly that.”
She takes a bite of her candy bar, then shrugs. “He was never going to fall in love with someone who let him stay in that box. He needs someone who challenges him and gives him room to not be so perfect all the time.”
“And after ten minutes, you think that’s me?”
“Considering this is the first time we’ve met, you should be trying to impress me, and instead basically told me to get fucked.” She chuckles. “I’m going to guess that you pull the same shit with him.”
I cover my eyes. “This is a nightmare.”
Her hand lands casually on my arm. “You know, when I pressed him about you, he talked about you in a way he’s never talked about anyone.”
“Really?” I peek between my fingers, then drop my hand entirely.
“Really.”
The knot in my stomach loosens. “I like him.”
“Oh, honey, I know.” She glances at the ice. “I can tell by the way your gaze keeps drifting down there to see if he’s skated back out of the tunnel yet.”
And maybe it’s because she’s easy to talk to, or maybe it’s just because it feels good to be honest, I keep going.
“I want to tell people. I do.”
“You’re scared.”
“No.” The answer is knee-jerk until I actually consider it. “Well, yes. But if you knew the half of it, you’d understand why. I know what happens when people become important to you.”
“I don’t have to know any of it to understand why.
” She bites the inside of her cheek. “My heart is cut into pieces that all walk around outside of my body. And sure, I know motherly love is different than what we’re talking about now.
But at the end of the day, love of any kind is terrifying.
It wouldn’t mean as much if it weren’t.”
I watch her carefully.
“So, I get being afraid. But I also get that you can’t do things halfway. You need to be all in or all out with every single thing you do in life. Otherwise, what’s the point?”
I turn the words over in my head, but we don’t have another chance to speak before Sloane slides by us back to her seat.
“What are you guys talking about?”
Panic courses through me. This isn’t when people should find out.
Katie saves me. “I was telling her that Mia’s moving to Denver for a bit after her lease is up.”
Thank god.
“Already? Didn’t she just get there?”
“Yeah, but it was a contract job that’s over now.”
Harper and Wesley settle in on my other side. Their conversations blur together because I can’t stop thinking about how simple Katie made it sound.
Is what I feel for Grayson enough to risk being hurt again? Because the fallout from Damon hurt, but the fallout from Grayson would destroy me completely.
Then the arena lights suddenly go out, and the entire building erupts. Players filter back onto the ice, and the second period starts.
All in or all out.
We both deserve better than doing this halfway.