Chapter 22
We had ten glorious days off, spanning all the way from Christmas Eve to New Year’s.
I kept myself from gouging on the candy my parents still filled my stocking with and didn’t go back for extra helpings of dinner.
I considered that sufficient self-control.
There was no way I would keep myself from all the best holiday treats or a glass of champagne on New Year’s Eve.
Most people might not consider it indulging, but it was enough for me.
It was a sharp contrast to my brothers, both of whom seemed to take the heaping plates of food at my grandparents’ house as a personal challenge.
I’d always thought my skating had been the most expensive thing Mom and Dad had paid for over the years, but seeing Isaac and Levi wolfing down three plates apiece had me reconsidering.
Not having to think about skating felt like a luxury.
Whenever nagging thoughts popped into my head about what I should be doing to prepare for Nationals or how little time there was to improve, I forced them from my mind.
I would not let stress ruin the only week I’d had off since the summer.
Seeing my extended family for the first time in months, being encouraged to eat up and drink more, also helped.
But the best thing of all was the ability to sleep.
No alarms, no pre-dawn gym classes, and no early morning ice times.
Just me, my pillow, and the ability to sleep in as late as I wanted.
That didn’t mean that I wasn’t surprised to see that it was nearing ten by the time I woke up on New Year’s Day. I didn’t know when the last time I’d slept in that late was. The last time I’d slept that long without jet lag being involved was even harder to remember.
I picked up my phone from its spot on my nightstand, face down beside a mostly empty glass of water. There were a few texts, but my eyes were drawn to one from Dom.
Happy New Year! Do you want to meet up in the next couple of days? We should probably hash some things out before heading back to the rink.
I reread the message twice, just to make sure that I my eyes weren’t tricking me. I should’ve known that my stress-free days couldn’t last much longer. Not that it made it easier.
Sure. Do you want to stop by this afternoon?
Thinking of all the ways him coming to my apartment could go wrong could have sent me spiralling again, but there wasn’t much to be done about that.
Things were closed for the statutory holiday and, even if they had been open, I doubted this was going to be a conversation we would want people to overhear.
His reply came back almost immediately
2 sound good? I’ll bring coffee. Let me know what you want.
I wouldn’t normally have coffee mid-afternoon, but I wasn’t going to make things more awkward than they had to be by saying that outright. He was trying to be nice and, in his mind, two PM was within prime coffee hours. I texted back saying I would have a green tea.
There were only four hours before he was going to come over, which seemed to be simultaneously too soon and too far away.
Four hours was a long time to think over all the things that we would need to talk about.
Stressing about it would probably be more accurate.
We had been carefully tiptoeing around the subject for weeks and had gotten pretty good at it.
Sometimes, I even had entire conversations without my mind drifting to the things we were avoiding talking about.
Knowing that not only was it going to come up, but that it was going to be the main topic of conversation, was a drastic change.
I bolted upright with the realization that I had to clean the entire apartment.
I normally tried to keep things from getting too out of hand, but things had gotten away from me over Christmas.
Most of the gifts I’d received from my family were still sitting in their boxes or bags on my living room floor.
They overwhelmed the tiny potted tree that I’d decided was good enough to be my Christmas tree.
I didn’t exactly have the space for a full-sized tree and since I hadn’t been at my apartment for Christmas, it hadn’t seemed like a big deal.
Now that I had presents from my grandparents, aunts, uncles, parents, and brothers, it seemed like more of a problem.
Half of my living room floor was a tripping hazard.
I moved the gifts from the living room to my bedroom.
It wouldn’t be the best, but at least I could close my bedroom door and Dom wouldn’t see the mess.
Plus, maybe it would be smart to keep my bedroom out of sight.
Lord knows that the last time one of us had set foot in the other’s bedroom, things had gotten a lot more complicated between us.
The only problem with that plan was that I also hadn’t gotten around to unpacking my overnight bag or putting everything away.
I’d gotten as far as doing most of my laundry, but that just meant that I now had piles of clothes inside two laundry baskets on my bedroom floor.
With a sigh, I picked up one of the laundry baskets and put it on my bed.
I stacked the second one on top. It leaned precariously but didn’t fall.
For now, that would have to do. I’d need the rest of the space on my bed to drop the mess from the living room.
If I had the time, I would get back to it.
Midway through cleaning my kitchen, I hesitated after wringing out the cloth I used to clean the sink.
Some of the cleaning that I had done made sense.
My mother would die if she thought I had guests over with a dirty toilet, for instance.
But was I going over the top with the rest of it?
It was Dom, for Christ’s sake. Why was I trying to impress him?
He wouldn’t judge me if I had a slightly messy apartment.
He was organized and liked to keep his things clean, but he knew I wasn’t like that.
He would be more surprised if my apartment were spotless than if it were covered in clutter.
Oh God, would he be suspicious when he arrived?
Had I cleaned so much that he would think I was trying to impress him?
Was I trying to impress him? I had better stop to be safe.
I should sit down and relax. The upcoming conversation was stressful enough.
I might as well take a few minutes to myself.
I didn’t even make it five minutes on the couch before I was up again back in the kitchen.
I opened and closed several cupboards, trying to find something that I could offer Dom to eat.
I had been putting off going to the grocery store, so there wasn’t much.
The best choice was the last few cookies my mother had made, so I placed them on a plate in the middle of my coffee table.
I had been saving them for when I was having a rough day, but Dom would appreciate them.
My mom would probably appreciate that I was sharing with him, too.
Dom arrived five minutes early. I had been expecting him to get to my place ahead of time, so I was waiting near the door. Maybe it would look too eager, but I couldn’t help myself. “Hey,” I said.
Dom looked surprised. “Oh, hey.” He clearly hadn’t been expecting me to open the door that fast. He held up a cardboard tray with 2 cups and it. “I wasn’t sure what size you wanted, so I got you a large.” He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.
“Please, come in,” I said, opening the door wider and standing aside.
As he was kicking off his shoes at the far end of my entrance mat, he turned around. “Why are you acting so weird?”
“I’m not acting weird,” I said defensively. “I just said that you should come in.”
“That wasn’t the weird part. It’s just that you are being so formal,” he said. “You would think that I wasn’t someone you’ve spent hours every week with, goofing off.”
Being formal seemed safer than being too casual.
It might seem stiff and uncomfortable, but at least then I can guarantee that things would not go down the wrong path.
I wasn’t sure if having the days away from each other would make it more awkward or if it would help us shake the last bits of discomfort we had had around each other.
“Do you want something to eat?” I asked.
“I got out some cookies that my mom made. Or I guess I could make something if you’re starving. ”
“Cookies sound good,” Dom said. He made his way towards my living room, waiting for me to follow him.
In the living room, he perched himself at one end of my couch and reached for the plate.
He leaned back, holding his coffee in one hand and one of my mother’s sugar cookies in the other.
He seemed pretty relaxed, but I couldn’t be sure that he just wasn’t a better actor than I was.
There was plenty of space for me next to him on the couch or at the other end of it, but I sat on the second-hand armchair from my grandparents instead. It was hard-backed and the cushions were well worn, but I thought the physical distance would help us get through a conversation like this.
“So…” I said, trailing off.
Dom waited for me to continue, but when it became clear that I didn’t know how to start, the conversation turned towards me more.
Putting his drink down on a coaster, he shoved the rest of the cookie into his mouth and rested his elbows on his knees.
“I think we need to sit down and find a way to move past what happened last month.” Now I could see the tension in his shoulders.
The way he was sitting might look normal to most people, but my job was reading his body language to get a sense of what he was thinking.
I knew better than that. “We are so close to Nationals. I would love to skate more like we did at Skate Canada than at the Grand Prix Finals.”