Chapter 30 #2
I opened and closed my mouth several times, wordlessly.
Great, now I looked like a fish. My first instinct was to lie my ass off, but I didn’t think he would buy it.
He was too good at picking up on my nonverbal cues after all these years.
He would see right through me. Then, not only would he know I had liked the feel of him touching my inner thigh, but he would know that I was a liar.
“You need to make up your mind. I thought you were trying to be professional and then you’re doing this.” I waved my hand in front of his face. “So sorry if I’m a little confused by your mixed signals.”
“Are you telling me this is unprofessional?” he asked, eyebrows raised.
“I thought that this was exactly what our boss told us we had to do. We are supposed to convince the world that we have fantastic chemistry in two days. We were most effective at doing that back before we got awkward around each other. Before we slept together, you weren’t shy about a little playful teasing, and you didn’t hold yourself back from fully committing to the whole sexy hip shake thing.
At least not after Brandon was out of the picture.
We’ve gotten better at the elements, but we have both been scared to fully commit to the flirty thing we had going before. I think I figured out the solution.”
I swallowed hard as he stood up just long enough to sit next to me on the end of my bed. “What’s the solution?” I couldn’t raise my voice above a whisper, even though I tried.
“I thought it was obvious. We need to stop worrying about what would be considered professional in any other situation. We need to go back to when we both really wanted to fuck each other, but didn’t know the other one wanted it, too.”
It was unfair of him to bring this up while we were alone, nevermind on my bed.
Although I couldn’t think of a single person I would want to overhear this, so maybe it was the right call.
“But we both know…” How should I finish that sentence?
We both knew that the other one thought the sex was amazing, even if we acted like awkward fools around each other?
I tried again. “We both agreed that it was fun, but a bad idea.”
“We said that because we didn’t handle the aftermath well,” Dom countered. “But what if that was a self-fulfilling prophecy? Maybe we only didn’t know how to act around each other because we started overthinking it and were scared it could end badly.”
I looked down at my hands as though there was something I needed to examine.
“Do you really want to take a risk this close to our competition?” Anything that caused us to be less than perfect would derail nearly a decade of hard work and dedication.
We would then have to wait four more long years for another shot at gold outside of a team event.
Assuming, of course, that it didn’t negatively affect us long-term.
Assuming that we were both still capable of competing at this level by then.
When you pushed your body this hard every day, it was impossible to know when the damage would build up to the point you couldn’t do it anymore.
Plus, twenty-five may be young in the normal world, but it was not young for figure skaters.
There was a reason the people pushing the sport to new limits were on the younger end.
“You say that, but this entire thing involves some risk,” Dom said.
“Going for the quad twist instead of an exceptional triple is a risk. The lifts, jumping only to land on a narrow blade, all of it is risky. The risk is what makes us great. It’s what got us here.
So, can you honestly tell me that going back to a no pressure, no expectations flirting off the ice is more of a risk? ”
Technically, it wasn’t. But the emotional weight made it feel like it.
“I just don’t want to screw everything up,” I said vaguely.
My anxiety was at an all-time high. It was taking everything in my power just to put on a brave face.
At any given moment, I was silently panicking about messing up one of the skates.
Any sign of trouble would be enough to turn that into a full-blown panic attack.
The weight of everything was on my shoulders.
The thought of trying something that had led to a few disastrous weeks would push me over the edge.
“I can’t handle more stress,” I mumbled.
Dom rested his hand just above my knee. “It’s up to you. If you don’t want to flirt, we won’t. But we did better when we weren’t enforcing such firm divisions between our off-ice and on-ice personalities.”
He was right. I hated that it was the truth, but how could it not be? It was easier to dial up the sexiness when I wasn’t overthinking my words the rest of the time. I wasn’t an actress, much to Mark and Olga’s disappointment.
“You’re right.” I finally met his eyes again. He looked surprised. “We need to get in the right headspace. It’s what everyone wants to see. We have to give it to them.”
Dom’s smile lit up his face and eased some of the tension in my chest. “No overthinking things. Just showing off why we have the best chemistry of all the pairs.”
I rolled my eyes. “So modest.”
“We were awarded as part of the best team in the world last week, Hazel. It isn’t arrogance if it’s true.”
He didn’t stay much longer. We both needed a break from being around people all the time, even each other.
I needed time to myself to get into the right frame of mind for our upcoming competition.
I turned on the shower, letting the water warm up.
Once it was as hot as I could stand, I let the water wash over me until my muscles relaxed.
We were so close to victory. If we won, everything we had to go through would have been worth it.
All the sacrifices would have served a purpose. I had to make sure that it did.