CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Jamie – Now
But yours are my favorite.
She’s read my books.
Avi’s read my books… and they’re her favorite?
I walk into my room rubbing my chest, willing the ache there to dissipate.
An ache that started when I saw her holding my book in the parlor.
I always wished I could share that accomplishment with her.
I used to picture her walking into a bookstore and seeing my books on a display and I’d imagine her smiling and happy for me.
But I never once believed she’d read them.
When I dedicated that first book to her, I almost mailed a copy to her parents’ pub, but I chickened out. Five years had passed since I’d seen her, six years since we’d spoken, and I just couldn’t bring myself to be the one who broke the silence.
Of course, I pictured her living this beautiful life with a husband and child, her parents… She wouldn’t need me. But from what she said, it doesn’t sound like Lennox’s dad has ever really been around.
Did the guy from the pub walk out on them? Or is there more to the story that I’m missing?
Likely. But that’s a part of her life I don’t deserve to pry into.
I broke her heart and she moved on, which in turn broke mine.
But she doesn’t know that. For all she knows, I left and never looked back…
Except the emails I sent. I tried, and she was the one who never gave me that chance to fix things.
I shake my head, willing the confusion to clear.
At least she agreed to find some common ground now. Maybe we can be friends. And maybe it won’t be as tragic as it sounds, because no matter how much water is under the bridge with us… I’d happily let the current that is Avi take me wherever it wants to go.
Deep down, I’ve always known she was it.
And for ten years, I’ve been sitting on the bank of my life, watching it stream by, because if I couldn’t be in it with her, I didn’t want it.
One-night stands. Random hookups. No more than two dates with any one woman.
That’s the pattern I fell into because even in college, with a broken heart, no one lived up to Avi.
After college, I told myself I was too busy for something serious. It was easier to keep things casual.
God, I was stupid. Am stupid.
A buzz buzz draws my attention to the phone vibrating on my desk. I left it behind when I went down to the kitchen for a snack—Avi’s biscuits might rival the ones Grandad makes—before I got distracted by seeing her in the parlor.
On the screen is the name of the only other woman I’ve allowed a place in my heart. Rory. She’s the sister I never had; our relationship so different than mine and Avi’s ever was.
Rory
Hey stranger! I miss you.
The eight-hour time difference between Nevada and Scotland has really put a damper on our usual communication.
That and I’ve been avoiding telling her about Avi being here.
I don’t know why exactly… Probably because I never told Rory what happened that final summer when I came back and saw her with baby Lennox.
I never told anyone. But I think it’s time I finally stop hiding that piece of the story.
I tap on her contact and she picks up on the first ring.
“Jamie! Hi!” she practically yells into the phone.
“Hey, Roars.” I chuckle at her enthusiasm. “How are you?”
“Good. I can’t believe you called. I’m this close to saying ‘where you been, loca,’ but I’ll refrain.” She giggles, and I imagine her laughing at her own joke.
“Ugh, please, no Twilight references.” I cringe at the thought and fall flat onto the middle of the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
“Oh come on, you loved it when I made you watch all the movies with me.”
“No… It was you who loved that. I did it because it made you happy.”
“And I loved you for that.” I can hear her smile through the phone and I relax instantly, feeling the guard I’ve had up since Avi arrived finally fall. “So, how’re things going? Your grandpa’s doing okay?”
“Yeah, he’s doing pretty well, all things considered. I’m glad I’m here though. I think Avi taking the stress of the kitchen off his shoulders has helped a lot too—”
She cuts me off and I silently curse, realizing what I’ve said.
“Wait… Avi is there?” Her voice screeches through the phone and I wrench it back. I can still hear her from a foot away. “Like Avi, your friend from the summers Avi?”
I pull my glasses off and press a thumb into the bridge of my nose. “Aye, she is…” I draw it out like it’s a question.
“First, listen to you saying ‘aye,’” she says in a mimic of my accent, and it’s terrible. “You sound so Scottish right now. Second, why didn’t you tell me she was there? Weren’t you guys kind of a thing during the summers? Oh god, is it so awkward?”
So many questions. I smooth out the space between my eyebrows.
“Rory…” I say, but she doesn’t stop.
“She’s taken over the kitchen? So, is she there for the long haul? Is she living at the inn? Do we hate her? Or do we still like her?”
So, so many questions.
“Rory,” I say louder and with a bit more force to get her attention.
“What?” She finally takes a breath.
“Do you want answers or do you want to keep peppering me with incessant questions?”
“I want answers. Zipping my lips now. Sorry.” She goes completely silent after making a zipping noise.
I chuckle. “Okay. So, yes, Avi is here. The same Avi I was friends with during the summers.” I emphasize the word friends, but even Rory knows it’s a lie because she harrumphs—though, to her credit, she doesn’t interrupt. “We were kind of more than friends one summer… but it all went to shit.”
“And by went to shit, you mean…?”
“I mean I was an asshole and broke her heart when we were seventeen…” I squeeze my eyes shut and force out the next words. “And in turn she broke mine.”
“Wait… What?” Rory says, shock coloring her tone.
I sigh because this is the part I haven’t told anyone.
“The summer after senior year when I came back to Scotland, I was hoping she’d keep her promise of spending one more summer together on Skye.
That I’d get to apologize, because she’d completely cut off contact after—well, everything.
But when I came back, she wasn’t here. I went to where she lives in Glasgow and looked for her… ”
“And you didn’t find her?” Rory asks.
“No… I did. But she wasn’t alone and”—I blow out a breath—“she had a baby, Rory. Like, a tiny baby, and this guy… She’d completely moved on.
She must have gotten pregnant not long after I left the summer before, so she clearly wasn’t as broken up over everything that happened between us as I thought she was. ”
“Did she… Did she see you?”
“No. I walked out, went to Skye for a couple weeks, and then told my grandparents I was going to change my flight to go home early to get ready for college.”
“And you never went back,” she says, a sadness filling the space between us. “I’m sorry, Jamie. I always wondered what happened, but I never imagined… Why didn’t you ever say anything? I could tell you were hurting, but you wouldn’t talk about it.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to be like I was keeping it from you.
I just—something about mine and Avi’s relationship out here had always been just ours.
And I was so ashamed of the way I acted with her that I didn’t want to tell anyone what happened.
Not you. Not even my parents or grandparents.
Then I realized how much I’d messed up, that I loved her, but by that point she wouldn’t even return my emails.
She just… moved on.” I squeeze my eyes shut because that still stings, no matter how mature I’m trying to be or how much I’m trying to let it go. That still fucking stings.
“Jamie…” Rory’s voice softens, and I’m glad we aren’t on FaceTime because I don’t want to see what I’m sure is pity on her face.
“So, anyway,” I say, trying to move us back to the present, “she’s here now and her son, Lennox, will be here once his school year ends. And she’s the new head chef for the restaurant. So, yeah.” That’s the best I’ve got.
“Are you okay?”
“Ehhh, depends on the day. She still has my sweatshirt. An Empyreal one I gave her when we were teens. It still looks fucking amazing on her too,” I grumble, picturing exactly the way she looked in it last night.
“She can’t hate you all that much if she kept it,” she says. “Also, you didn’t answer my other question. Is it awkward?”
I shrug even though she can’t see me. “Kind of, but it’s getting better. We’ve talked a bit, just not about then. I think that’s best. Maybe we can move on. Be friends… I guess.”
“Right…” She drags the word out, clearly having more thoughts on the matter.
“What?” I grump, but it’s half-hearted. I can never truly be annoyed with Rory.
“Nothing. Friends is good. So, is the guy coming with her? You mentioned Lennox but not him.”
“No, she’s single. From what she’s said it doesn’t sound like he stuck around, which is fucking confusing because I kind of built a whole idea up in my head where she was married and had a kid with this guy…
only to find out the guy isn’t part of the picture.
” I want to throw my hands up in frustration.
Even though I was an idiot and left Avi once, I came back, and I can’t imagine leaving her behind with a kid and never looking back.
Rory harrumphs again.
“You sound like my grandad when you make that noise,” I clip. “What is it?”
“Nothing… I just… Never mind. Listen, being friends sounds good. Let the rest go and see what happens. You’re both there for a while, so that sounds better than being uncomfortable around each other.”
I want to force her back a step and make her tell me what she was thinking, but I don’t have the energy.
“Yeah, the first couple weeks were brutal.”
“I can’t believe you waited this long to tell me. I could hit you.”
“If only you weren’t half a world away.”
“True. I wish I was there.”