CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Avonlea – Now
“You can’t avoid this forever, sweetheart,” Mum says, placing her hand on my cheek.
Dad said his goodbyes already and is waiting for her in the car.
It’s Sunday and they have to head back to Glasgow for the week, leaving Lennox and me to feel out this new living situation on our own before they come back Friday night.
“I know, Mum. I just want to get through these next few days with Lennox and then I’ll tell Jamie. If he didn’t figure it out by just seeing him…”
Her knowing look cuts me to the quick. She knows me too well—that this confrontation is something I always hoped to avoid and yet here I am with it looming over me like an incoming storm.
But if it’s going to be a fight—and I can’t imagine another way it could go—I don’t want Lennox around to witness it. It’s my fault that we’re in this state of limbo, that I didn’t tell Jamie sooner, but I need this week to go smoothly for Lennox.
“I’ll tell him. I will,” I insist, lifting my chin and feigning a confidence I don’t feel. “After Lennox goes back to Glasgow.”
“Alright,” she says, admitting defeat. “If you need us earlier for some reason, just call. You’re not alone in this, Avonlea.”
“Thanks. And thank you for this weekend. I’m really glad you were all able to be here.”
“Me too. It was nice to come back—make some new memories to erase some of the hurt… you know?” She pauses to look around us and then glances back at me with a small smile.
“Of course you do. You’ve been doing the same thing.
I’m glad your father and I have a reason to come to Skye again. I’ve missed it.”
“I’m glad too.” I pull her in for one last hug and then, with a small wave, she joins my father in the car.
I’ve had weeks to acclimate to being back in Cluaran, to regain some of the positive feelings I used to have for this place before everything happened with my grandparents.
But Mum was thrown into this trip with very little warning.
And though I worried it would be too much for her, she embraced it.
Not that I missed the longing in her eyes when we’d pass the farm—the place she’d grown up and spent so many years of her life.
We’re creating a new life here now and we’re not going to let the past hold us back.
I skip up the porch steps to find Lennox playing his Nintendo on the couch.
“Hey, bud.” I plop down next to him and ruffle his hair. “What would you like to do today?”
He shrugs—focusing wholly on his game—so I use my hand to block his screen. “Hey!” he screeches, attempting to pull it away. I laugh and keep moving my hand to block it until he finally looks up with annoyance.
“Come on, give me five minutes. What do you want to do today?” I ask again.
His gorgeous green eyes bore into me—exactly the way Jamie’s used to—and I push back a lock of hair that’s fallen into his face so I can see them better.
“Could we just have a chill day?” he asks. “I’m tired after our hike yesterday. Maybe we could go to the inn later or something?”
“I’m tired too,” I say with a yawn, then lean my head over to rest on his. “Old Man of Storr was pretty cool though, right?”
It was Dad’s idea to pile into the car for a hike and a picnic, and once he got Lennox on board, there was no changing their minds. Even though pulling into that parking lot felt like a gut punch and looking out across the beautiful view tore at a wound in my heart I thought was long healed.
The last time I went on that hike was with Jamie. The time we spent together—barricaded in the back of the campervan to avoid the rain—had been a dream…
I wish we could’ve stayed in the bubble, lived in that dream, because less than twenty-four hours later everything came crashing down.
Yesterday was emotionally draining as well as physically exhausting. But since no one aside from me and Jamie knows what happened that day, I kept my happy face on, shutting out the memories that bombarded me with each step.
In the quiet of last night though, it flooded back and I remembered it all. Every moment, every detail, every touch… And it felt like my heart broke all over again.
“Aye, it was cool. Can we go again this summer? I want to explore more.”
“Of course, bud, we can go on a bunch of hikes this summer. Maybe go out to the Fairy Pools?”
“Oh aye, that’d be cool!” His wide smile stretches his face, a smile that also reminds me of Jamie. I hadn’t realized how similar they were until I saw them almost side by side the other night. How he didn’t see it I don’t know, but I’m glad for it.
“Alright, I’m going to read for a bit and you can play your game. Dinner at the inn sound okay?”
I don’t feel like cooking, and as I’ll be back to my chef duties tomorrow, I might as well enjoy one last night off for the week.
“Aye, cool.”
Aye, cool—the ultimate ten-year-old response. I ruffle his hair one more time and watch him fall back into his game with ease. I settle into a chair across the room and pull my book onto my lap. Jamie’s book.
Stepping out of the car at the Thistle & Tartan, the first thing I register is the sound of a drill… I think. My power tool knowledge is not extensive, but I’m pretty sure it’s a drill.
Curious, I grab Lennox’s hand and relish the fact that he still lets me do this—at least when his friends aren’t around—and lead him through the garden toward the side of the inn. The sound gets louder as we approach the arch in the hedge that leads to the swing and side door to the kitchen.
When we walk through, it takes me a minute to understand what I’m seeing.
Where the bench swing used to face the front garden, perpendicular to the inn, it’s been moved to face the kitchen—sitting closer to the hedge—and next to it is a new structure.
And there’s a large tire sitting next to it on the grass.
All of that would be enough to make me pause, but the thing that brings me up short is Jamie.
Shirtless. Arms lifted above his head as he holds the drill to the piece of wood connecting the side braces to the top.
Holy shit. His triceps flex, muscles tightening along his torso, his focus solely on the project before him, blissfully unaware of his audience. Of me.
It’s a warm day by Scotland standards and a drip of sweat glides down his chest, then lower toward the waistband of his jeans that hang loosely at his hips.
I follow its path over the ridges of his abdomen and feel my own stomach tighten in response.
This is obscene… And so fucking hot. I should cover Lennox’s eyes or something.
Before I can blink out of my stupor, he lowers his arms and uses one hand to push his unruly, sweat-drenched, auburn hair from his face. Then his eyes land firmly on me.
The stare pins me in place, fire blazing underneath my skin. I swallow thickly and so does he, based on the way his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat.
Bloody hell, this was not what I signed up for today.
“Hey,” he says, a smirk quirking up the side of his lips.
“Hey—hi. We, uh, heard the noise,” I stammer. “Came to investigate.”
“What’re you building?” Lennox asks, and I finally pull my eyes away from Jamie’s face, only for them to move six inches lower to his bare chest…
Again. God, the man is fit. He was in good shape as a teenager even if he was more bookish than he ever was sporty, but this is not the same body I knew all those years ago.
No, this is not a boy’s body at all. This is a man’s body, and I want to kick myself for how feral I am at the sight of it.
For god’s sake, get a grip, Avi.
I turn my attention to Lennox and hope that my cheeks, hot with embarrassment and lust, will cool. This is what I get for being the equivalent of a nun in the dating department for the past ten years.
“Grandad wanted Lennox to have a tire swing—like we had. He said he couldn’t grow up around the inn without one. So…” He shrugs, arms opening as he rotates right and left, indicating exactly what he was doing.
“You’re building Lennox a tire swing?” I ask, my heart gravitating to my throat. There’s also a sting behind my eyes. I blink rapidly and drop my head back to stem my tears.
“Grandad obviously couldn’t do it, and this place really isn’t the same without one.” His gaze is questioning, one eyebrow raised as he watches me try to keep it together.
“Aye, it isn’t.” I sniff, still keeping those pesky tears at bay. “Is this what you’ve been doing all weekend?”
His only answer is a small smile and a nod.
We mostly avoided the inn the last few days. Enjoying the time with my parents, visiting restaurants my mum used to love, going on hikes and adventures. I didn’t expect to come back and discover that Jamie spent his weekend building a tire swing for my son.
For his son.
“Mum? Why’re you crying?” Lennox asks, an incredulous look on his face.
“I’m not,” I say, but I totally am. “I-I’m just feeling a little nostalgic is all.” I pull him against me and he offers a chuckle and an eye roll.
“Girls…” Lennox says under his breath, exchanging a look with Jamie, who stifles a laugh behind his hand.
I shoot him a glare, but there’s no bite to it. No, there’s only softness in me right now for this man… And maybe something else stirring too, but that I’m going to ignore. Entirely.
Now I just need him to put on a damn shirt so I can do so.