Chapter 22 #2
He took a seat on his bed while Dan wandered the room. Dan picked up a textbook, then set it back down again. Peered at a photo of Mitch and Cody tacked to the wall. Shoved a dirty sock into a corner with his foot. Played with the ear of the little Alex Bear Alex had gifted him on Halloween.
He was nervous.
Well, Mitch didn’t get nervous. Okay, that was a lie. Alex made him nervous all the time just by breathing.
“How did you know about the article?” Mitch hugged a pillow to his chest. “Did Dad tell you?”
Dan cleared his throat and muttered, in a very quiet voice, “Google Alerts.”
Mitch stared at him. “That’s weird and vaguely stalkerish.”
This was so bizarre. Mitch had lived here almost two years and he could count on one hand the number of conversations he and Dan had had in that time.
And he wouldn’t need every finger. Not to mention that Dan had barely spoken to him over Christmas.
So how did one trip to the hospital change things?
“Yeah, well.” Dan sat on the window seat. “It’s the only way I can keep up with you.”
“Why would you want to?”
Dan leaned his head back against the window and closed his eyes. “I have quite the story to tell you.” And then he did.
The story went something like this: Once upon a time, there was a boy who wanted to build things, and he took all sorts of classes after school to become better at working with wood, eventually becoming quite the skilled woodworker.
But the evil witch—AKA, his mother—somehow convinced him that there was no money to be made, no recognition to be had, in that type of career.
So he caved and went into the family business instead, putting all of his aspirations aside.
But, midway through college, he had a change of heart. “No more business degree!” he decried. The evil witch, however, threatened to withhold the boy’s younger brother’s college tuition, if the boy didn’t finish his studies and come work for her.
“I’m sorry, she did what?” Mitch’s screech echoed around the room and he winced when it aggravated the headache that hadn’t quite abated.
“It’s the only reason I stayed at Columbia.” Dan’s voice was flat, dead. “I didn’t want to be the reason she took your tuition away.”
“She did that anyway when I told her I wanted to play hockey and didn’t want anything to do with the family business.”
“Yeah. The article mentioned the hockey scholarship and I asked Dad about it, and…” Dan leaned his elbows on his knees and dropped his face into his hands, pressing his palms against his eyelids.
“I’m sorry,” Mitch whispered. “It must’ve been horrible to have that hanging over your head.” A heaviness expanded from his core, leaving him cold. Swallowing past a bitter taste in his mouth, he fell sideways onto the bed. “Does Dad know about this?”
“No.”
His mom had always been distant, but this…this was… He didn’t have the words to express how awful it made him feel, knowing that she’d dangled this over Dan’s head for years. As if they were pawns in her game of manipulation.
“They’re getting a divorce,” he said.
“Yeah.”
Mitch buried his nose in his pillow and muttered, “This doesn’t explain why you’ve been so mean to me.” The five-year-old was back, less petulant, more hurt.
Dan’s hands fell away and he looked at Mitch head-on.
“At first, I was pissed. At you too, even though you had nothing to do with it. Misguided, I know. And then I got scared that if Mom saw us together, she’d think I told you about the arrangement we had and take your tuition away, anyway.
Stupid, but…” His shoulder twitched. “And then I really was pissed when I found out you were going to a non-Ivy League school for freakin’ kinesiology of all things.
I couldn’t believe she put her support behind that, except it turns out she didn’t, so… ”
“And you found out the truth, and came here to…what, exactly?”
“Apologize,” Dan said, and Mitch almost fell off the bed.
“And explain. But mostly apologize. I should’ve talked to you about this a long time ago.
Instead, I let her manipulate me. Let her dictate my life.
You were brave, Mitch.” He smiled at Mitch and it was his old smile, his Dan-the-proud-older-brother smile.
“You stood up to her and did what you wanted, damn the consequences. I took the coward’s way out. ”
“No.” Mitch joined him on the window seat.
The window was cold at his back, matching the feeling spreading through his limbs.
“No, you were trying to protect me. I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it.
Maybe if you’d talked to me about it, we could’ve come up with a solution together, one that didn’t have you doing a degree you hated and treating me like dirt. ”
Dan grimaced. “I’m sorry,” he said, dejection rounding his shoulders. “I’m so sorry.”
He was only a year older than Alex, but he looked a lot older, as if life had aged him prematurely.
Still handsome, but the lines around his mouth and eyes were deeper than they had been at Christmas.
Mitch wanted to stay mad. He had over five years of anger built inside him, anger and confusion and an aching sense of loss.
Mitch rubbed a palm with his thumb. “I thought it was my fault. That I did something to make you hate me.”
Dan’s breathing stuttered and he ran a hand over his chest. “No. God, no. I’m so sorry you ever felt that way.”
Enough. That was enough. Dan was wrecked: voice hoarse, eyes watery. Even his suit seemed to droop. As much as Mitch wanted to stay mad, he also desperately wanted his brother back. If Dan could come here and eat crow, then Mitch could meet him halfway.
“I forgive you,” he said.
The breath Dan sucked in was unsteady and wet, and he turned his face, presumably to wipe his eyes. Mitch did the same and then chuckled at the absurdity of the situation. Two grown men trying unsuccessfully to hide the fact that they were crying from each other.
Dan rubbed his hands on his slacks. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Are you okay? The whole passing out thing,” Dan tacked on when Mitch looked at him with a question on his face.
“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s been a hectic year. I guess it caught up with me.”
“I’d like to hear about it.”
“Yeah?” Mitch smiled at the floor. “Maybe you could stick around for a few days?”
“I can do that.”
“Cool.” Mitch tried not to blush like a younger brother whose older brother had just bestowed him with praise for a job well done. And failed.
“Cody’s going to be mad at me forever, isn’t he?”
“Yup.”
Dan grunted. “Who’s the jacked guy downstairs?”
“Alex. My boyfriend.”
“Why does he look familiar?”
“He plays defense for Tampa.”
“Holy shit, Alex Dean?” Dan goggled at him. “I didn’t know he’s gay.”
“He’s not. He’s demi.” Shit, he shouldn’t have said that. It wasn’t Dan’s business and it wasn’t Mitch’s secret to tell. Although knowing Alex, he’d probably shrug and tell Mitch it was no big. He’d told his brother, not the world.
“Demi what?” Dan asked.
“Sexual.”
“The hell is that?”
“A person who doesn’t feel sexual attraction unless they have a deep emotional connection to someone.”
“That’s a thing?”
“Yup. You can’t tell anyone.”
“Goes without saying.” Dan nudged Mitch. “Alex must really like you then, huh?”
Mitch grinned wide, happiness making him feel weightless. “Yeah.”