Chapter 11
This wasn”t going well.
We”d made it back to the condo, but as soon as we announced our ”we eloped” reveal, it didn”t feel like an apartment anymore. It felt like we”d walked into one of those giant thwap mousetraps, and the bar clamped down on us.
Elliott stood next to the Elvis bust that had accosted Maya yesterday.
Maya reached for my hand, and I couldn”t tell whether it was for my benefit or hers.
Elliott shook his head as though he were a disgruntled parent instead of an agent who took home fifteen percent of my earnings. ”This continuing cascade of questionable decisions has to stop.”
I”d bet he”d prepared that line ages ago and had been saving it for the right scenario. Because he didn”t even stumble over the words—and there were a lot of words.
”A cascade of questionable decisions” was a pre-planned word salad if I”d ever heard one.
”An annulment is the best choice here,” Emily added, standing beside Elliott and crossing her arms just like his. ”Hands down, the best choice.”
”I mean, this has to rate up there with your most questionable antics of all time,” Elliott continued.
”Wait.” Angela turned to Elliott. ”Why is marrying Maya questionable? Maya”s great. He”s lucky to get to marry Maya.”
Elliott pursed his lips and stared at the floor. ”It”s not about Maya. We”re trying to avoid more scandal here—not come up with new creative ones. A quickie marriage and then an annulment doesn”t look good for him.”
”But at least he didn”t talk more shit about ZipZing,” Finn said, but no one was paying any attention to him.
”Let”s all be sure to worry about what”s important here: Sloan”s reputation.” Emily tossed her arms wide and nearly clocked her brother.
He ducked in time.
”Hey, everyone,” Maya said, loud enough to get everyone”s attention. ”It”s all good. We”re going to stay married.”
”There”s no annulment. No divorce.” I stared straight at Elliott. ”No scandal.”
Emily, Angela, Elliott, and Finn said nothing for entirely too long. They all just blinked in near unison.
Finn laughed like we”d told an exceptionally funny joke. No one else laughed. The defensive stronghold of Maya”s girlfriends…and Elliott…didn”t find this amusing.
”So, you planned this whole thing and didn”t think to loop me in?” Elliott asked.
”No, we didn”t plan it,” I corrected.
”I mean, if we’d planned it, don”t you think we”d have invited you all?” Maya asked, her fingers still tangled with mine. ”We don”t even remember getting married.”
”But that doesn”t mean we”re getting an annulment,” I clarified.
”Or a divorce,” Maya added.
”You”re standing here telling me this wasn”t planned, and you want us to believe it?” Elliott asked me at the same time Finn asked Maya, ”You don”t remember marrying him?”
”Bits and pieces come back to me here and there,” Maya said.
I said, ”Yes, you”re supposed to believe it.”
I looked up at the ceiling where the cherub Elvis-in-a-diaper held a violin. ”For the first time in my life, I think drunk me made a decent decision.”
”You just got married on accident?” Elliott asked, still disbelieving.
”Yes.” I nodded. ”And you can keep asking the same questions, but I”ve got the same answer.”
”Pretty sure it was the margaritas we bought on the sidewalk,” Maya added.
”They had to be spiked with something other than tequila,” I agreed. ”We could get some tests done.”
”But I”d have to pay cash,” Maya said.
”Because she”s got shitty health insurance,” I added. ”I”ll get you added to mine first thing.”
Elliott wiped his thumb across his bottom lip like he did when he was about to say something that would piss me off. Then he continued to stare at me as though trying to read a playbook in French, but he didn”t speak French.
”Man, what is your deal?” I asked Elliott instead of keeping my trap shut. ”You wanted a distraction. I got us a distraction.”
”That”s not what I would”ve led with,” Finn said, rubbing his temples. ”But you do you.”
”A distraction? Maya is a distraction now?” Emily asked, and the pulse in her neck was now thrumming just like her brother”s.
”A questionable decision and a distraction?” Angela asked.
”That isn”t what I meant. You”re not only a distraction,” I assured Maya with a squeeze of her hand and a sweep of my thumb along the inside of her palm.
”And you aren”t only my ticket to being TikTok famous,” Maya agreed, squeezing right back.
”If you hurt her.” Emily pointed at me. ”I”m going to ship your nuts in an unlined cardboard box to a small European country with no physicians, and I promise you, Sloan, you won”t be attached to them when I do, and your health insurance will not cover the damage.”
I squeezed my legs together involuntarily at this extremely specific threat.
”If you hurt her, I”ll help,” Angela added.
I didn”t frequently encounter the consequence of castration, but I had never married Maya before either.
”We”ve barely walked in the door.” Maya released my hand to toss her hands wide. ”Can we put a pin in this and leave Sloan”s testicles right where they are?”
She gestured to my aforementioned testicles, which wasn”t entirely necessary. Now didn”t seem like the time to bring that up, though.
”Let”s listen to my wife,” I said instead.
”Your wife.” Elliott shook his head. ”Because you married her…” Elliott confirmed this again.
”The answer is still, yes,” I said.
”You married her.” The guy needed to stop saying the same thing over and over.
On the outside, Elliott relatively kept his cool. He wasn”t yelling, but what concerned me was how the vein in his neck pulsed. ”How did I not see this coming? I should”ve taken you to Ohio or North Dakota or someplace you couldn”t dig yourself a new hole.”
”Elliott.” I held up my palms in surrender. ”Nobody saw this coming.”
”The man”s right.” Finn lounged on the sofa like this wasn”t a big deal at all. Everything was totally fine, and everyone needed to take a fistful of chill pills and eat a bag of Cheetos Puffs. ”Mr. Denver”s Most Eligible Bachelor is no longer a bachelor. The man who basically took out ads announcing the joys of single life is no longer single.”
Emily glared at Finn. ”What do you know about it?”
Now it was Finn”s turn to throw his hands up in surrender. ”Clearly, I know nothing.”
”We got married! We”re staying married. He didn”t dump me in Lake Mead near Hoover Dam,” Maya said. All the post-game marital interview questions clearly annoyed her.
”We worked it all out this morning,” I added, looking directly at my new wife as I spoke.
”We communicated the hell out of the situation, and we both understand where things stand. All expectations are laid out, and this marriage will be stronger than any other because we know why we”re here and exactly what the other wants out of it,” Maya added, picking right up where I left off, her gaze totally locked with mine.
”Nobody”s heart is involved,” I said.
”It”s just two people realizing that this mistake can be a mutually beneficial opportunity,” she continued.
”Not only is she good for my reputation, she”s not into games and bullshit,” I added.
”And he”s not only the reason my socials are blowing up; he also appreciates my efficiency,” Maya continued.
”Elliott, you need to take a big, deep breath before you burst a blood vessel,” Angela said, breaking the moment between my new wife and me.
Elliott gave her a look that had me seriously questioning if I”d missed something while I was getting drunk and getting married. Elliott, who never took direction from anyone but himself, stared right at Angela and took that deep breath she suggested.
Straight up, he was deep breathing with her, and the neck pulse thing chilled the fuck out.
New plan: I should ensure Angela was at all future negotiation meetings with Agent Elliott.
”Hey, Sloan, the guys are planning a you-got-drafted-for-marriage tailgate party for you and Maya. They”re wondering if you want ribs or burgers?” Finn looked up from the screen of his cell phone.
”Are you on the team group chat?” I asked.
He nodded and asked Maya this time, ”Ribs or burgers?”
”Whatever,” she said. ”I”m not picky. Sloan can decide.”
”Uh…” I wasn”t sure what I wanted. I mean, I”d made some big decisions that morning. ”I think I might be out of decisions today. I don”t know what to pick.”
”No parties,” Elliott announced. ”There”s a private jet meeting us on the tarmac in two hours. Finn. Sloan. You”ll both pack your bags, and the plane will take you back to Denver. Sloan, you”re going to huddle up in your house until I give you the all-clear to leave. You go nowhere without me. In the meantime, I”ll run interference with the Stallions and social media.”
Angela”s phone rang. She glanced at the screen and held the phone out to Maya. ”It”s one of your sisters.”
”Dammit.” Maya pursed her lips and shook her head. ”Do not answer that.”
She”d turned her phone off on the way over because her sisters had a lot of thoughts about our marriage. While Maya had listened to most of them, they just kept coming.
”How about I come to Denver, too?” Maya asked, bouncing on her toes. ”It”s definitely time for me to get out of Vegas. Don”t you think?”
I most certainly agreed. ”You need extra clothes or anything?”
She shook her head. ”Nope. I”m a great packer. I could live out of my suitcase for weeks.”
”What about a Rookie Husband Huddle?” Finn asked, apparently still on the group chat for the team. ”That seems to be in the lead for what we”re gonna call this shindig.”
Honestly? I liked it.