Chapter 5
aimee
An hour later, after Eloise and I had fought over who would sleep in each bed—I got the one near the window—we were walking around outside.
She also convinced me to unpack and not just live out of my suitcase. The room was cozy but still spacious with a bathroom I couldn’t wait to use.
“Can’t we just hang out here until dinner?”
“Absolutely not. We’re going to go for a walk.”
I groaned, but before I could flop back on the bed, she was hauling me out of the room and down the hall to the elevator. She promised me hot chocolate and that we could come back to the room if it proved to be too much.
“You swear?”
“Of course! If anyone causes us problems, we out,” she nudged my shoulder with hers. “I got you Aimes. You know that.”
I let out a quiet laugh. I did know that, even if I didn’t always believe it anymore.
“Besides, it’s been over a year—if anyone is still harping on what happened, then they’re sad, miserable little people who need to go touch grass. I pity them.”
I choked on a laugh this time—it was that or I choked back a sob. I understood the sentiment and the anger on my behalf, but her words hit just a little too close to home.
A mix of snow, gravel and salt crunched under our boots as we wandered around outside.
The Lodge wasn’t especially large, but the grounds and facilities outside it were expansive.
Tubing, skiing (all types), sledding, skating, snowboarding, and hiking trails were all within five minutes of The Lodge.
It was kind of incredible that this place seemed so secluded, but it was apparently a prime destination for professional athletes to come practice and prepare.
“Apparently there is a skiing final right at the start of the year—an Olympic Qualifier,” Eloise said, reading a flier. “We’re still going to be here, it could be fun to watch.”
I made a non-committal noise. I wasn’t agreeing to anything.
“Apparently this happens often—a bunch of the downhill runs are perfect for racing.”
“How do you know all of this?”
“Annalise, who heard it from Orion, who is apparently beyond excited about it.”
I hummed.
Once upon a time, my brother had entertained the idea of skiing competitively and professionally—he was even on the Willow Creek University Ski Team.
I remembered being pulled from practice early as we rushed to the hospital.
He wiped out during practice and his landing had resulted in a shattered tibia and months of rehab.
He still skied leisurely, but pursuing it professionally was no longer an option.
He still enjoyed watching any races, and he was still really close with some of the other guys who’d been on the team.
“I’m sure Annalise is thrilled,” I said.
Eloise snorted, and I let out a little chuckle.
I could imagine her reaction in my mind. I loved her, and I loved that she very clearly loved my brother. I’d never admit it to Orion, just because he’d be insufferable and his ego does not need to be fluffed, but he was lucky to have her.
“Ecstatic really,” Eloise said, and for a moment she held back her laughter. Then, it burst out. I couldn’t help but join her.
Orion and Annalise were that type of couple when you saw them, you just kind of wanted to hate them on principle.
Both were objectively gorgeous, and it was a little annoying.
Annalise’s dark brown hair literally always fell in glossy waves.
Her light brown skin was always glowing—she stood out in a crowd.
She had these gorgeous brown eyes rimmed with amber, her brows were perfectly full—the kind that people paid money to have.
Her face was sort of oval shaped, with a jawline I wanted badly.
Her lips were full and there always seemed to be a smile hiding in the corner.
She had soft curves and had the boobs and butt—two things that I was sorely lacking.
Annalise was the polar opposite of me, and for a long time I was so jealous of her—I wanted to be her.
And I’m not blind to how women view my brother—he’s attractive.
People sometimes thought we were twins, even though three years separated us.
While I was naturally a strawberry blonde, he was more golden with paler highlights.
He tended to keep it longer on top and shorter on the back and sides.
His eyes were also a deep blue compared to my greenish hazel eyes, and whereas I was on the shorter, leaner side, he was built like a damn tree.
Over six feet, with shoulders that would give a certain fictional shield wielding American Hero a run for his money.
In reality, he was a giant teddy bear, and honestly Annalise couldn’t have chosen better.
The only time I’d tell them that was probably on their wedding day.
Eloise had spent many sleepovers waxing poetic about how attractive he was and how much she was in love with him. And then when Annalise entered the picture, she lamented, but ultimately ended up crushing on both of them.
Hard.
All three of them had been there for me after the accident—had put their lives on hold to just be there in whatever ways I needed or would let them….it meant more to me than I could admit. The guilt was still too much.
“So, do you think Orion is finally going to propose?” Eloise asked as we mindlessly meandered down the shoveled paths.
I shrugged. “Maybe Annalise will just get tired of waiting and ask him first.”
“I would pay money to see that. Your brother flustered?” She sighed.
It was a long time ago, but Eloise had once upon a time envisioned herself married to my brother—back when we were kids and newly friends and he was three years older, practically a grown up in her eyes.
She’d planned the whole thing, and I was told that I was going to be her maid of honor and that her own brother would be the one to marry them.
We were like eight and she was utterly convinced for years that she would be his wife.
Then, Orion met Annalise when we were 14-years-old, and now eight years later they were still together. Annalise was practically my sister at this point, and if Orion didn’t propose soon, I would do it for him. I wouldn’t be losing her to his stupidity.
“Calm yourself, he’s taken. I think he’s proposing on this trip. And I thought you were dating Cami?”
“I am, and she’s great, I love her. And she knows that Orion was…is my first love. I can’t just forget that.”
“You can, and you should,” I chuckled. “Annalise will 100% fight you. And honestly, I don’t think you’ll win that battle.”
Eloise gasped and stopped walking. “How dare you? As my best friend, you’re supposed to back me up.”
I stopped and turned to look at her. “As my future sister-in-law, I have to back her. Sorry,” I said, and laughed as Eloise shoved me.
She paused for a second, her eyes going wide, and the first trickles of panic started filling my chest. “I cannot believe that you’d choose her over me,” she said, mockingly affronted. “No hot chocolate for you.”
“You promised!” I said, as Eloise started walking away.
“Fine. Let’s go.” She sighed dramatically, holding her hand stretched out behind her.
I grasped it in mine and let her haul me down the path as I bit back a laugh and a smile.
For a moment, I felt light and free. I opened my mouth to tease her, when I heard the familiar sound of blades on ice.
As we rounded a corner, the outdoor rink came into view, and one lone girl skated on it.
She couldn’t have been any older than fifteen or sixteen, and she danced across the ice. She was smooth and graceful, seeming to float as she pulled off move after move. It wasn’t until she went to jump, that I cringed. She set up wrong and landed poorly.
“How about you stay here? I’ll go grab some hot chocolate from that stand over there?” Eloise said slowly.
I think I nodded and continued to watch the girl.
She skated around again, and set up for another jump.
Her skate dug in, but she didn’t get the lift or spin she needed, and she hit the ice hard.
I felt the impact in my bones, and I was suddenly moving before I gave myself the opportunity to talk myself out of it.
I knew very well the consequences of a bad fall.
“Are you okay?” I asked, in a way of a greeting.
She stood up, grimacing and turned to face me. Her eyes went wide after a moment, and dread started to do that thing where it pooled in my stomach.
“Y-yeah,” she stammered.
I nodded and then asked, “Do you have a coach?”
“N-no. Not yet…well, not currently. I had one, but she quit on me, told me I had no chance at a professional career starting so late, and because my jumps are crap.”
The fear of being recognized faded as burning anger replaced it.
“Your coach dropped you instead of teaching you?”
She looked down at the ice, her hands clasped in front of her and nodded. I could feel the shame rolling off of her in waves.
“Well, they’re shit and you’re most definitely better off,” I said.
Her eyes snapped up to me, and she stared at me shocked. Her reaction brought some clarity back, and I cringed when I realized how that could have come across.
“Sorry,” my voice soft.
“No. No! Don’t be! I-I agree. I thought that maybe it might have been my fault —”
I cut her off. “No. It’s their job to teach and train, and if their student struggles, it’s on them. A good coach will coach you through the tough moments, and if traditional methods don’t work, then they work with you to find a new way.”
A blush rose to her cheeks. “You really think that?”
“I know that,” I said. “Brennan spent months with me perfecting my double axel, and then my triple. He spent countless hours making sure I was the best and I was performing safely. He never once gave up on me because I didn’t land a jump on the first or second try.”
“You’re lucky to have him,” she said.
“Oh…he’s…he’s not my coach anymore. I gave…up skating,” I looked past her, not meeting her gaze.
“Does it hurt to not skate anymore? Because there are days where I feel like I could give it up.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
When I opened them, I met her gaze. The sun had started to drop lower in the sky, evening was falling quickly and twinkling string lights were lighting up the trees all around us. Words that were truer than a lot I’d spoken in the last two and a half years fell from my lips.
“It hurts every day. So much. A part of me died.”
And then there were arms around me, hugging me, and I didn’t know what to do. This girl, who I didn’t know—who didn’t know me—was comforting me. Somehow her hug didn’t bring the tears to my eyes like I’d expected the admission to.
“I’m glad to have met you,” she said as she pulled away. “I’m Zara.”
The panic didn’t come when the knowledge that she knew who I was settled over me.
“I can’t imagine what you went through that day.
You inspired me to pick up skating, the way you looked out there, gliding across the ice.
I’d never seen anything like it in my life, and I knew that I wanted to feel whatever you felt when you laced up.
I get why you don’t skate anymore, but if you ever do… I’ll be here.” She squeezed my hand.
I looked at this young girl in front of me—cute, small, and just so earnest. I found myself pushing past the pain and giving her a small smile. I felt this little flutter of something warm in my chest and I took a deep breath before backing up.
“Okay, show me what you learned, and I’ll see if I can help.”
“Really? I mean, you don’t have to…” Zara said, not wanting to sound too eager.
I could see it in her face that she was thrilled, and I made a mental note to text Brennan and asked if he knew any coaches looking for a student.
I watched as Zara skated around, building up speed, and I noticed her problem immediately. Her center of gravity was off, and her skates weren’t angled properly to get the height and rotations needed to successfully pull off the double axel.
I waved her over, and surprised myself by finding that I was enjoying myself. I walked her through the motion, and mimicked the jump sans skates and speed.
“The way you leave the ice is going to determine how far you jump and the number of spins you’ll get.
You have to time it completely right. And you’re probably going to miss it more than once, and you’ll probably hit the ice covered in bruises.
But you have to get back up and keep going.
Because once you get it, that first time you perfectly land a double…
you’ll get it,” I said, remembering my first time.
It was late, practice had ended and I knew my parents were waiting, but I had to get this jump.
I knew if I stopped now, I’d be back at square one.
Brennan was standing off to the side, leaning against the side board, and Asher was right next to him.
I knew my parents were standing somewhere near them, watching me as the frigid air in the rink sucked the heat from their bodies, but I couldn’t stop.
I could taste the double axel, and the bruises that undoubtedly covered my elbows, knees, hips, and butt were not going to be reminders of not finally getting this jump.
I came around the curve of the rink again, picked up speed and dug my skate in, using my momentum to force me up and forward.
I tucked my arms in, and let the turns take me, and as I felt my crescendo start to falter, I loosened my body, and prepared to land.
My skate hit the ice hard, I bent my knee to absorb the impact, and skated away smoothly.
Yells and cheers erupted and everything just kind of got drowned out by the knowledge that I’d just landed the double axel that had been the bane of my existence for weeks.
A body all but slammed into me, and arms came around me, as tears just started falling.
All the emotions, tension, and frustration just broke inside of me.
Asher was hugging me so tightly, and I was pretty sure he was congratulating me, but everything was still muffled by the realization I’d finally done it.
At some point I’d wrapped my arms around him and hugged him back as fiercely.
I laughed and the sound came back with glaring clarity, and Brennan was telling us to get off the ice, that today’s lesson was finally over.
I unwrapped my arms from around Asher and wiped at my cheeks, getting rid of the tears.
“You did it Aimes!” He grabbed the sides of my face with his hands. He had a big goofy grin on his face.
I just stared at him through the happy tears, a goofy grin splitting my face as well, and I marveled at how I got so darn lucky to have him as a partner.
I blinked back into the moment and Zara was staring at me, anticipation on her face. And for the first time in two and a half years, the idea of maybe getting back on the ice—well, it wasn’t so scary.