Chapter 17
aimee
I shrieked, burrowing into Lukas, his arms tightening around me on instinct. I looked over to see my best friend standing there, her phone in her hand and pointed at us. I saw the flash go off.
“Eloise!” I gasped.
She dropped her phone and covered her eyes, all with a shit-eating grin on her face.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt. Had I known…”
Irritation spiked in my chest and I wanted to cry. God, I was tired of crying, but these tears were of frustration and longing, and not sadness. At least, not in the way they’d been for so long. It was a feeling of loss—a loss that I had yet to experience since Asher.
Asher.
It was the first time I’d thought about him in hours.
Once there would have been crippling guilt, but right now, it was a dull ache.
One, I figured would never actually disappear, but Lukas was right.
I was allowed to be happy. Him showing me that video—it changed something.
And maybe in all the ways those closest to me tried to help me and keep me sheltered and protected in the aftermath, was a little bit of a disservice.
Letting me dwell on the negativity of two years ago, and not showing me the one thing that seemed to really help.
I glanced back at Lukas who had leaned against the windowsill.
His eyes were still molten and heated, and his gaze didn’t leave mine as a little smirk pulled at the side of his mouth.
He mouthed later, and I prayed there really would be a later, preferably once I’ve murdered and buried my best friend for interrupting what was definitely going to be an amazing kiss.
“Can I open my eyes now?” Eloise asked.
“You can go back in time to right before you decided to barge in here, and not,” I deadpanned, turning to look at her.
Her hands were already down from her face, and she was staring at the two of us like a kid on Christmas morning.
Lukas chuckled quietly against me, pressing a kiss to my temple. “Zara’s texting me. I have to go, but I’ll happily pick up where we left off if you’re still interested later.”
My cheeks had to be on fire, but I looked at him and gave a shy nod.
“Good girl,” he whispered,
What the fuck?
Heat pooled low in my belly, and I nearly whimpered.
He grinned as he shifted me off his lap, and I had no doubts that his moves were slow and deliberate on purpose. Lukas ran his hand over the top of my head, before bending down and pressing another kiss to the top and the butterflies kicked up a storm and the heat grew molten.
“I’ll find you later,” he said as he walked out, smiling politely at Eloise as he walked past.
She peeked out the door and once he was gone, she ran at me.
“You sneaky little bitch,” she cackled and shoved me.
Then, she pulled me into a tight hug that I returned and I was glad she wasn’t mad at me for actually being a bitch.
“I’m sorry about the other day,” I mumbled into her shoulder.
She held me tighter.
“I didn’t mean any of it,” I said, wanting to take back every emotion filled word I spewed at her.
“Aims, there isn’t anything you could say to me when you’re lost in the emotions that would keep me mad at you,” she said, and I hugged her tighter.
“I am sorry I interrupted that.”
I laugh and push her away.
“I mean, I have eyes and know the man is hot, but what I saw…girl. That was fucking fire.”
“You really had terrible timing. He hadn’t actually kissed me yet,” I sighed.
“Well, shit. I’m a terrible friend. Want me to go grab him and let you finish?”
I laughed and then sighed. Moving over on the sofa, I collapsed into it and stared at the flames dancing in the fireplace. As much as I wanted that, I needed to just talk with my best friend.
“Lukas showed me the video. He showed me what happened.”
“He did?” Her voice was small, uncertain.
“I wish I’d let you all show me a long time ago. I think it would have saved me a lot of heartache.”
Eloise reached over and took my hand in hers.
“I think…I think that even if we had, you wouldn’t have been ready to acknowledge it. But we should have tried again. Everyone was just worried…you were so lost for a long time.”
I looked at my best friend, seeing the tears glistening in her eyes. I squeezed her hand tightly in mine, turning to look at the fire flickering in front of us.
“I’ll probably never not feel guilty, but seeing that video…” I paused. “I haven’t looked at a picture of him in so long,” I choked out. “I thought I was starting to forget what he looked like.”
Using my free hand, I wiped at my own tears that had started to fall.
Eloise scooted closer, her body pressed against my side, her free hand coming to wrap around our joined hands.
The fire crackled and popped in front of us, its warmth a cocoon of comfort.
She rested the side of her head on my shoulder.
“I miss him, too,” she said.
“I’m sorry I was such a mess after the accident. He was your friend too…and I just…”
Eloise sat up. “Look at me Aimee.”
I let my head roll to the side to meet her gaze.
“Asher was my friend, and you’re my friend. While it’s weird that he’s not around anymore, I’ve made my peace with what happened that day. Plus, you didn’t need to see my grief over what happened, while you were dealing with your own.”
More tears spilled from my eyes, and I wiped at them furiously.
“I’m so tired of crying,” I said, my words coming out in a sad laugh.
“I doubt you'll ever stop crying over him, grief is a pain that way.”
She settled back against my side, her head on my shoulder again. We sat there in silence for a few moments. I watched her in my periphery mess with her phone. I had a suspicion I knew what she was doing.
“So, the moment you kiss Lukas, you better fucking tell me,” she said.
I groaned. “You are not privy to every aspect of my life.”
“Bullshit. As your best friend, I get to live vicariously through you. He looks like he’s an amazing kisser, so inquiring minds would like to know. I know I already said it, but that scene I walked in on…” She fanned herself, and I giggled.
“Yeah, remind me to get you back for that.”
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“So am I. I wanted him to kiss me so badly,” I sighed.
Eloise jabbed a finger into my side, and I grunted. “What was that for?” I asked.
“I’m just so happy and proud of you. I know there’s not really been anyone since Asher, so this is a big deal, but I’m trying to not make it be a big deal, but I’m just so happy to see you happy.
And I know Lukas was…well, weird…in the beginning, but I really don’t think that had anything to actually do with you. And the lengths he went to…”
“He was on the slopes earlier today, and I was in the middle of a panic attack and he just showed up and helped me calm down and then the video happened, and then the almost kiss. He just showed up.”
“He likes you,” she sang.
“And you know what the crazy part is—I don’t feel guilty.
Before there was always this guilt that I was somehow betraying Asher—that I wasn’t allowed to be happy because of that happened.
The feeling had already started to go away every time I faced off with Lukas, but when he almost kissed me after he sat with me and helped me through the video… ”
I paused.
“I don’t want to say the guilt is completely gone, but I felt lighter, and maybe being happy was a better way of honoring Asher, instead of being miserable and not allowing myself to be happy.”
I looked over at Eloise, and it was her turn to cry. She threw her arms around my neck and pulled me in close and I hugged her back. I could hear her sniffling, and I squeezed her tighter.
“You know, when I woke up today I felt like shit. I felt like a shitty person, a shitty friend and I couldn’t stop crying and I just wanted to go home and then he showed up.
I don’t understand how he seems to be making things better.
It’s only been like a week, and part of that time I honestly wasn’t sure about him, but now—I just want to be around him all the time. ”
“He makes you feel safe.”
Eloise pulled back to look at me. It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah. He does,” I said softly.
Weirdly enough, Lukas did make me feel safe, and I didn’t want to over analyze the small part of my brain that was scared about that fact.
“I’m so happy for you,” she said again.
I gave her a small smile, feeling better than I had in a while. Eloise squeezed my hand, and then reached over to pick up her phone. The screens on both our phones had been lighting up as the group chat went haywire.
“This is your fault,” I said.
Knot Your Favorite Book Chat
Val named the conversation “Knot Your Favorite Book Chat.”
Isabella
Val I stg with these group chat names
Val
hehe you love me
Plus, I’m working on a wolf shifter romance, so it seemed fitting.
Eloise
[sends pic of Aimee straddling Lukas’ lap on the couch, nearly kissing]
Cami
Okay, I get it now, and I don’t even like men
Val
SCREECHING
HOLY SHIT AIMEE
Can I print this for writing inspo?
Aimee
Eloise
Eloise
Ellory
Val, go put your horny self in time out.
Jessa
Does he have a brother?
Asking for a friend.
Aimee
Younger sister.
Have Ell’s brother set you up with one of his friends.
Isabella
I also have two hot brothers
Val
Jessa I mean this in the nicest way, but back off my twins
Eloise
LOL
Isabella
VALERIE
Val
[road runner gif]
Isabella
Guys brb, I have to go throttle our favorite author.
I put my phone down and shifted on the couch, turning to face my bestie more fully.
I opened my mouth to give her crap for posting in the chat, but then her phone lit up.
I glanced at mine, so whatever she was seeing, it wasn’t in the chat.
But whatever it was had her snatching her phone and hastily unlocking it.
“What is it?” I asked, my voice still only slightly stuffy from all the crying, there was also a slight pressure headache blooming, but I tried to ignore it.