Chapter 28
aimee
For a moment, I had to wonder if my parents had put him up to this. I knew that Lukas saw me in ways that other people didn’t. I could feel the first inklings of dread, nonetheless.
Everything had been going so well until I saw the rink. I’d pretty much avoided it since that first day here, except for a few days ago when I happened upon Zara skating alone. A part of me twinged at the loss, and wondered if maybe saying never again was stupid.
“I-I’m not trying to pressure you into anything,” he said softly, his fingers brushing over mine.
I swallowed the hard lump of fear in my throat, the feeling of betrayal, of wanting to buck against the feeling of being forced. I knew he wasn’t doing anything out of malice.
“I know,” he paused. “I know your feelings are still a complicated mess, and they might be forever when it comes to skating.”
He paused again, his fingers still moving until he had my hand grasped in his again.
“I also know that a part of you misses it, and I just wanted to present you with the option if you wanted it. My feelings won’t be hurt if you don’t, but I thought that maybe the seclusion and lack of eyes on you might help.”
I shut my eyes and breathed deeply and told myself again, that he wasn’t trying to push me into anything.
He was trying to quell the thoughts, voices, and fears crowding my mind.
I might not have known Lukas for very long, but I knew that he wanted to give me the space and chance to maybe find my footing again.
I’d like to go back to the thing that I used to love more than anything in the world.
I knew that even if I didn’t touch the ice, or the skates, he would be more than happy to just sit out here under the stars with me. No pressure, like he said. So I opened my eyes and squeezed his hand, and his shoulders visibly relaxed.
“You know, you might be too good to be true, Lukas Fraiser.” He moved closer and dipped his head down to look at me.
He brushed my hair back, tucking it behind my ear with the hand that wasn’t currently clasping mine, intertwining our fingers.
“You deserve my best, and I have a horrible first impression to make up for,” he said, pressing his lips softly to mine.
I smiled against his mouth, and pulled back slightly.
He leaned in, chasing my lips, his eyes still shut and brows furrowed as he couldn’t make contact.
“It really was horrendous, wasn’t it? You’re lucky I even gave you a chance.”
He opened his eyes, and their normal golden brown had turned dark and heated and he captured my mouth, kissing me deeply. Drawing my body against his. His arms banded around me, sweeping up my back, pressing me to his body, drawing me up on my tiptoes as I let him devour me.
“You,” he paused and cleared the roughness from his voice. “You have the power to break me Aimee Bryant.”
The rasp in his voice had my pulse and other parts fluttering and I put my hands on either side of his face and kissed him softly.
“You wield the same power.” It was my turn to pause as we stared at each other. “Now, you said something about hot chocolate and plans,” I said.
“I’m almost regretting ever mentioning plans.” He groaned.
I titled my head back and laughed and when Lukas picked me up, I wrapped my legs around his waist and let him carry me over to the picnic under the stars.
It had been two hours, and I was antsy. I kept staring at the ice on the rink. The perfectly smoothy, glossy, untouched ice. The no pressure option. The skates Lukas had acquired were sitting near the edge, waiting.
I couldn’t stop wiggling my foot, fidgeting with my fingers.
The urge had started trickling in once Brittney dropped that little surprise bomb about Asher.
I’d sworn off skating to honor him and to punish myself.
Then seeing Zara that first day, talking to Brennan about her, and Lukas.
That he was helping me find a way back to normal.
A way back to actually living instead of just surviving each day.
“Tell me what’s on your mind,” he said, his fingers absentmindedly trailing up and down my arm.
I bit my lip and warred with myself on whether or not I really wanted to do this.
It felt like a step that I could never take back—like a betrayal, or the final nail in the coffin of what Asher and I had once been.
I had been so adamant that I would never skate again.
I’d trashed my skates in a fit of pain and rage and had thrown all of my outfits out of my closet.
All the medals, trophies, ribbons, and other memorabilia I’d accumulated over the years in regards to skating ended up in a trash can.
I tweaked my still healing knee in that explosion, screamed my voice raw.
Orion had to restrain me, curled around me on the floor until I’d calmed down enough to pass out from pain and exhaustion.
When I woke up the next day, he was sitting on the floor next to my bed, and one glance at the trashcan by the door, told me everything I needed to know.
I’d rolled over, away from him and his sad and concerned gaze and let the exhaustion drag me back under.
I was pretty sure my parents and my brother had gathered up everything and stored it away somewhere out of sight. There was no way they actually trashed any of it, but the skates had been a lost cause—I’d butchered them.
“No eyes?”
Lukas’ fingers stopped moving, and I swear he held his breath.
“None.”
“No pressure. Like if I only get as far as putting on the skates?”
He moved closer, and gently moved my face to face him, catching my gaze. I focused my eyes on his.
“None. Even if we don’t move from this blanket and all you do is think about doing it.”
The twinkle lights danced in his eyes and I searched them for any hint of lying. But he was open and honest and truly wanted whatever I wanted at this moment. My voice dropped to a whisper.
“I’m scared.”
He pressed his forehead against mine, and the chilliness of the air was replaced by his warmth. “That’s okay.” He pressed a kiss to my nose and sat back.
I took a deep shaky breath and gave myself a curt nod. He got to his feet and helped me up and I shook my hands to get rid of the trembling nerves. Slowly he led me over to the bench where the skates had been sitting all evening.
“Do you know how to skate?” I asked, and it felt like something I should already know.
“I’m about as graceful as a baby deer, but I made an effort to learn when Zara became interested. My parents aren’t around as much, and I wanted Zara to have someone who could skate with her.”
My heart warmed at that—at how caring he was. I sat down next to him and slowly pulled off my boots and pulled the skates on one at a time, lacing them up tight. It was as if muscle memory took over, and despite the trembling in my hands and breath, it felt…good.
Getting up and actually putting the skates on the ice—that took longer. To build up the courage, to face the mental fear, but like he said, Lukas didn’t pressure me.
I stood at the entrance to the rink and so many memories played across my mind of all the times I’d been directly right here, fighting the anxiety and butterflies as well as prepping myself to step out onto the ice.
It was maybe a little ironic or funny how similar the experiences were pre and post-accident. How the feelings were almost identical.
Lukas was already on the ice, waiting patiently for me.
He wasn’t skating, and he seemed pretty steady, but his hand was gripping the wall rather tightly.
I giggled, and the tension started to break.
The feelings might be the same, but the differences were there.
No more Asher to quell the nerves and give me reassurance.
Instead, it was Lukas and his care and attentiveness and maybe the death grip he had on the wall, but I took a deep breath and stepped out on the ice for the first time since the day everything changed.
I wobbled for the first few moments, letting my muscles remember.
My knee twinged the tiniest bit, but then it felt like no time had passed.
I glided around the rink, my skates skimming over the surface as I picked up speed.
I could feel my heartbeat rising in my chest, quickening as the air rushed past, chilling the tip of my nose, and blowing the loose strands about.
I spun and pushed myself off backwards, crossing my skates, picking up speed and spinning back around.
Moves that had been drilled so hard and deep into my body even the lack of practice couldn’t purge them from me.
I kept going, faster and faster and faster.
My breaths were heaving gasps now. I could hear the quiet thunder of the people in the stands as well as the heavy silence that would fall as breaths were held and complex skills were executed.
And then, the kinetic frenzy that would fill the atmosphere once they were successfully completed.
It didn’t feel like I was back at that day—which had always been a fear…
that if I stepped foot on the ice again to skate, I would only remember the worst thing to ever happen.
But this was a culmination of everything except that day—all the good things, the reasons I loved it and suddenly it was too much.
I skidded to a stop, and tears slipped down my face.
Gasping sobs wrenched from me, but they weren’t filled with sadness, but this blinding relief and borderline happiness.
I felt Lukas before I could see him, tears blurring my vision. I was wrapped in his arms and tucked against his chest. I pressed into him and tried to convey how much it meant that he brought me here, that he’d found me and stood by me.
“Hey, pretty girl. Good tears or bad tears?” he asked, his lips next to my ear.
I sniffled and leaned back. Tears still dripped heavy from my eyes, but his thumbs caught them and brushed them away.
“I was scared that it was going to dredge up the bad.”
“But?” He hedged.