Chapter 21 Matilda
I had difficulty ignoring the butterflies in my stomach from Luca’s finger stroking my shoulder. Something about knowing we shouldn’t have been flirting made it just a little more exciting.
I doubted Luca and I would ever be friends—let alone anything more. Admittedly, while I enjoyed his company more these days, I thought our tentative truce was as good as it would get.
But, dear god. He was among the most handsome men I’d ever seen, and his undivided attention did something to me.
I pulled out my phone and texted Lily as we returned to reception after the interview.
Matilda: I need to get laid, asaaaaap.
“Are you going out with Asha and the others tonight?” Luca asked. The studio was much quieter. Jack had had to take a call straight after our interview and swiftly left to deal with some family stuff, so it was just the two of us left.
“I probably should,” I groaned. “I haven’t spent much time with them this season. It’s been a bit hectic with my family.”
“How are things with your mother?”
I glanced at Luca, surprised by his question.
“What do you mean?”
“Your phone call with her didn’t sound particularly positive the other night,” he explained.
“Oh, yeah. Things are tense, but that’s kind of the norm.” I shrugged.
“Sorry if I made things worse with her by not showing up at the press event.”
“Oh, don’t worry. You didn’t,” I replied, to which Luca just raised an eyebrow. “OK, maybe it made things a little worse, but honestly? She’s never happy with me, so one more thing doesn’t make a difference.”
“Why isn’t she ever happy with you? I thought she’d be proud of you, following in her footsteps and all.”
“I think she’d rather have been the one doing the skating, as opposed to having a daughter doing it for her. I always hoped the fact I figure skated would negate the guilt of my ruining her career, but…” I shrugged, feeling embarrassed at the admission.
“You know that’s not your fault, right?” A crease formed between his brows.
“Isn’t it? She gave birth to me and couldn’t skate professionally again.”
“That’s not your burden to bear—she made the decision to have another child.”
I knew he was right, but I wasn’t wrong either. My being born had stopped her career.
Perhaps Luca sensed my train of thought, because he changed the subject. “So, are you going out?”
“I don’t know. Going home, getting ready, and going out again sounds pretty awful. But I know Asha will be disappointed if I don’t go, and I’ll probably enjoy it once I’m there.”
“Why would she be upset?”
“Because I’ve barely seen her this season.” I laughed, but it sounded hollow. We arrived at the reception area; the quiet space starkly contrasted with how busy it had been that morning.
“Putting yourself first doesn’t make you a bad person.”
“I know it’s dumb, but it makes me feel bad. Like I’m letting them down.” The moment the words left my mouth, I wanted to laugh them off and pretend they’d been said in good humor. But they weren’t, and I wanted to try to be honest about that.
“If your friends think you’re letting them down by taking care of yourself, then they shouldn’t be your friends in the first place.”
I knew Luca was right. I just struggled to put it into practice.
You’re not struggling with Luca.
“At what point between smashing my face with a door and flirting with me to win an ice-skating show did you get so wise and chatty?” I laughed.
“I’ve been spending too much time around a particular blonde.” He rolled his eyes, but I could have sworn I almost saw a smile. I shoved his arm.
“What time are we meeting tomorrow?” he asked.
“Hair and makeup are at four-thirty, but it would be good to warm up in the morning beforehand. Would eleven work?” That would give me a chance to call Taylor. With the run-up to the show, I hadn’t seen her that week, and Lauren had texted to tell me how upset Taylor was about it.
“That’s fine,” Luca said as we walked out through the double doors. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but instead he turned and approached his car.
Climbing into my own car, I pulled out my phone to see a few emails and text messages, but I’d reply once I was home. It was only six-thirty, so I had time to go home, shower, and make it into town to meet the others.
But did I want to? Not really.
Putting yourself first doesn’t make you a bad person.
A knock sounded on my window, causing me to almost jump out of my skin. Luca stood outside my car. He gestured for me to roll the window down.
“Don’t you know not to do that to women? You scared the life out of me.”
He frowned but didn’t apologize. He saved that for special occasions. Hitting you with a door being one of them.
“Do you want to get food?”
The phone slipped from my hand.
“Excuse me?” I asked, not comprehending what he was saying. He glanced up briefly, a weary exhalation leaving his lips.
“We need to rewatch the recording of today’s rehearsal, because it wasn’t perfect. I’m hungry. Two birds, one stone. We get dinner and watch the tape.”
My brain couldn’t catch up with his sudden change of heart. Silence from his producers must really have been getting to him. I’d had to all but beg him to watch the recordings the first time.
“Are you going to go to the bar?” He crossed his arms.
“I don’t want to, really,” I answered truthfully.
“Do you want to get food?”
“I am hungry…” I trailed off. “But sitting in a restaurant sounds equally exhausting.”
“That’s fine.” He nodded. “You go home, and I’ll grab food.” He stepped away from the car before pausing. “Anything particular?”
“I…I don’t mind.” His words swept over me, taking a few seconds to sink in.
“OK, see you in a minute.” He pulled his phone out of his jeans pocket and stalked back to his car.
There was a gentle warmth in my chest, like a sigh of relief I hadn’t known I needed. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something had changed in Luca.