Chapter Forty-Two Sam
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
SAM
The car ride back to the lake house is so silent I wonder at what point the life left our bodies. Was it after leaving the police station? Or before?
At this point, it all feels like a fever dream I can’t wait to wake up from.
Now we’re headed home. That’s what they’ve said to me more than once now.
For the first time in a long time, that word doesn’t disrupt my nervous system.
In fact, a sense of safety washed over me the moment we hit the mountainous road.
We pull into the driveway, the gravel crunching beneath the tires.
Kane rolls the car into park and kills the engine.
No one moves for a long time. And when we do, Kane is the first to exit, the car shifting with his weight.
I watch through the window as he stares into space, his mind clearly occupied as he instinctively opens the back door for me.
I step out, searching his face in the process.
The others exit at the same time and still we don’t speak.
I enter the house before them, heading straight to the kitchen for water bottles, immediately opening mine and downing half of it in one go.
When I return to the living room, the boys are waiting for me.
I hand them each a water bottle, and we each move to our own corner.
Alex plops down in the center of the sofa, Kane stands in the middle of the room, and Mountain stands next to me as I sit on the arm of the loveseat.
After a beat, Kane turns and glances at me, holding my gaze for what feels like an eternity.
“What are we doing?”
Confused, I frown. “What do you mean? We just have to wait to hear what the invest—”
He shakes his head. “That’s not what I’m asking.”
Mountain’s spine straightens, and Alex sits up. We stare at Kane, each impatiently waiting for him to continue.
“This.” He pauses. “Us. What are we doing? It’s clear that we all have feelings for you. Clear that we all want you.”
My shoulders slump, that dreadful question brimming just beneath the surface.
“But who do you want, Sam? Who do you choose?”
I stand up, frozen in place, my emotions fighting against my thoughts, everything I know and want colliding like a tidal wave.
Suddenly it’s hard to breathe, and I have to squeeze my eyes shut.
Maybe if I will it away, if I pray hard enough, that question would fade into oblivion.
Only I know it won’t. Deep down I’ve known all along.
The moment I realized that things with them were shifting, I knew I was in over my head.
With each passing day, every study session, every coded argument, every text, I found myself falling off the deep end, and now I’m drowning in them.
I should put them out of their misery and finally make a decision.
One by one, I take them in, locking the way they’re watching me into memory.
Alex already told me where he stands and, in a way, so has Mountain.
I expect one of them to come to my aid, but they don’t.
And I realize it’s an answer they want to know as well.
Kane’s just the only one willing to ask out loud.
“Me? Alex? Or Bry?”
I sigh, squeezing my eyes shut one more time, but it doesn’t stop my skin from prickling under their scrutiny. Then I look at him.
“I choose you all.” I stare between them.
“I didn’t expect to fall for any of you, didn’t expect to care.
But I did. And I do. So I’m sorry, but I can’t think of being with one of you and not the others.
And it’s not fair. I know that.” I exhale.
“It’s crazy and people will talk, but that doesn’t matter.
It’s all noise that gets drowned out the moment I look into your eyes. ”
Turning to Alex, I continue. “Or when you make me laugh or bring me into one of your impulsive moods.”
Then I peer up at Mountain. “Or when you just give me space to feel safe around you.”
“What are you saying?” Alex interjects.
I shrug helplessly. “I guess I’m saying that if I have to pick one of you, then I can’t pick at all.
” I stare at each of them. “It’ll hurt too much, and if that’s not something any of you want, I’ll respect that.
The last thing I want is to hurt any of you.
For me, it’s all or nothing. But this is your lives, too, so you’re going to have to make your decision. ”
The room is quiet for a moment. This time heavier, more like gravity than tension.
And we sit, our gazes passing around the room like we need someone else to break the ice.
Alex does the honor, reaching out for my hand, and brings me close, letting his fingers brush against my thigh.
His touch is subtle, stifled by the fabric of my jeans, but it stills sends a chill through my body.
“I’ve already told you where I stand,” he says, his voice low yet full of conviction. “I want you.”
Mountain inches closer, his hand at the small of my back as he hooks a finger under my chin to bring my gaze to his. “I’d rather share you than not have you.”
We turn our heads to Kane.
“How is this even supposed to work?” Kane says after a long moment.
I shake my head. “I don’t know how any of this works. I’ve never had an actual boyfriend, let alone three. We’ll be figuring it out together. But it shouldn’t be hard as long as we love each other. Right?”
“You love us?”
I look at them, my heart fuller than it’s ever been. Never in a million years did I think I would be in such a position, and maybe it’s a trauma bond and I’ll soon learn that it’s a mistake. But it’s one I’m willing to make.
“Yes. I love you, Kane. And if I’m being honest, I probably have since we were kids.”
He blinks, a smile beginning to tug at his lips, but he manages to keep it from forming.
“And as much as you got under my skin”—I grip Alex’s jaw, and he nestles his face against my palm—“I love you, too.”
Turning my head to Mountain, I smile before laying my other hand on his chest.
“And falling in love with you has been the easiest thing of my life.”
“So, you’ll be with all of us?” Kane asks.
“Yes.”
He nods coolly. “Together? At the same time?”
“I mean, she does have three holes,” Alex interjects sarcastically.
“Pause,” I quip. “This is my first quartet—”
“Is that what it’s called?” Mountain chimes in.
I shrug. “Four-way? I don’t know. Either way… we should hold off on the butt stuff for a while.”
Alex chuckles.
“But I’d love to be with you together,” I continue.
Kane swallows, his sight shifting between us. “Four might be a crowd.”
“Crowds can be fun,” I whisper, my breathing now labored.
Mountain groans beside me, his fingers twitching at the small of my back while Alex claws at my denim-clad thigh. Without another word, Alex stands to his full height.
“We’ve shared before, but never with someone who mattered.
Imagine how good it’ll be with someone we care about.
” And with that, Alex reaches across me, cups my cheek, and forces me to look at him.
Towering over me, he strokes my cheek and lowers his mouth to mine. “Thank you for not counting me out.”
And then his mouth is on mine, hot and heavy. His tongue slips past my lips, and I grip his sweater to pull him close. I moan against him, feeling the heat of his body radiating through me. Alex’s hands find their way into my hair, and he gently tugs like he wants to keep me from moving.
When our foreheads touch, and his nose brushes against mine, I feel his brows pinch and open my eyes the same time he does.
“I fucking love you,” he admits low enough for only me to hear. We’re in the center of the room with his best friend and brother watching, yet this moment still feels so personal.
Reluctantly, I break our kiss but keep our closeness and turn to face Mountain. Mountain inches close, his strong arm wrapping around my body as he tugs me to him. Like always, it’s safety and warmth, but there’s also aggression. Like he’s claiming me right here and right now.
Our chests collide, and a rush of air escapes me.
Then his palm touches my skin, and he strokes my cheek, his eyes falling to my mouth and back to my eyes before finally kissing me.
He smells good, his scent heady and intoxicating.
Our tongues dance, a battle for dominance that I lose the moment he sucks mine into his mouth.
Their tastes mix together, and I realize I’ll never get enough.
This is indeed it for me. They are it for me.
Breathless, I lean back just long enough to look back at Alex and call him to us.
He closes the distance, his hard body pressing into my back as Mountain’s even harder frame encapsulates my front.
I’m bracketed by them, and I feel so alive that I want to crawl out of my skin.
Alex slips a finger beneath my hoodie, and skates it over the bare skin of my hip.
Then he slides both hands up and, in a single motion, he removes it and tosses it off to the side.
Mountain’s big hands settle on my hips, his thumb tracing lazy circles, and I bring his mouth back to mine.
I fumble between us, gripping the hem of my shirt and yank it over my head, relinquishing it to Alex without a thought.
He tosses that, too, the sound of it falling softly against the couch the only thing I hear.
Alex is behind me again, sandwiching me between an immovable Mountain and his own eager heat.
Mountain’s hand threads into my hair, pulling my mouth back to his.
Alex’s lips find the hollow of my neck, then my ear, his teeth scraping a path that makes my knees weak.
Suddenly, we’re a triptych of hands and hungry mouths.
I give in to them, the world narrowing to the feel of our bodies, the sound of their breaths, and the shuddering in my own chest. Every nerve in my body is on fire, every sense acutely aware of their touch, their scent, their need.