Chapter 43
GEMMA
Ilay here, on my side, offer to help locked in my throat, while I watch Riggs prepare to put himself to bed.
Wheeling himself to the side of the mattress, he sets the wheel locks on his chair before reaching out to wrap a hand around the guardrail of the over-sized hospital bed he’s called his own since he got here.
Hauling himself out of the seat, he finds his balance before letting go of it completely so he can shuck off his sleep pants.
Leaving them in a heap between his chair and the bed, Riggs palms the railing again to steady himself before he pivots.
Slowly lowering himself to the mattress, he plants his hands and pushes himself back before reaching down, using them to pull his legs onto bed, first one and then the other.
Laying back, head resting on the pillow next to mine, I watch while he tries to control his breathing, his chest heaving slightly with exertion.
Getting himself into bed took more work and effort than he’s willing to admit.
“If you ask me if I’m okay, I might throw myself through one of your fancy windows,” he warns, his tone telling me he’s only half joking.
“I wasn’t going to,” I assure him, studying his profile while he stares at the glass ceiling above our heads. “I was going to ask if you’re sure you don’t want that water.”
Barking a loud laugh, Riggs shakes his head on his pillow before he turns it to look at me. “Don’t make me laugh, right now. My pride is wounded.”
“It shouldn’t be.” Brow furrowed I let my gaze rove over his features in the dark. “You’ve done things, over the past month, I didn’t even think where possible.”
“I’m completely gassed after a two mile turtle walk on the treadmill,” he says, brow furrowing slightly. “It’s a far cry from where I was a year ago.”
“It’s a far cry from where you were a month ago, too,” I remind him quietly. When he keeps frowning, I give him a wry smile to hide the fact that my heart hurts for him. “Besides… that was you who just walked from the car to the bathroom, stubbornly unassisted, in a torrential downpour, wasn’t it?”
Pride kicks up the corners of his mouth. “I’m lucky I didn’t fall and break my neck.”
“Agreed...” Moving a little closer, I smile back. “And that was you who got me naked in said bathroom and gave me my first real orgasm in pretty much forever… seems to me, you’ve got a lot to be proud of, Riggs Wheeler.”
Reaching for me, Riggs drags me even closer before I can blink.
Pulling me across his chest, he doesn’t stop until I’m sprawled out, on top of him, straddling his hips, the press of his thick, rigid shaft splitting the seam of my pussy.
Gasping softly, I feel the head of his cock slide over my still humming clit.
Hands planted on his broad shoulders, I suddenly find his dark gaze, inches from mine.
“Define real.”
“Real—” My breath catches in my throat when I feel his palms push themselves under the hem of my borrowed T-shirt to coast their fingers up the length of my spine. “As in an orgasm I haven’t given myself.”
“Mmm…” Flexing his hips, teasing us both, Riggs makes a low, rough sound in the back of his throat because he’s remembering the same thing I am.
The night down by the river when he had me pushed up against the side of a tree, my legs wrapped around his hips while he watched me touch myself.
Running his hands down the slope of my back, Riggs palms my ass, his thick, blunt-tipped fingers brushing against the juncture of my thighs while he skims his thumbs up the center of my cheeks.
Spreading me open from behind, Riggs flexes his hips again on a low, rumbling groan. “Forever?”
Dropping my gaze to his mouth, I shift restlessly in his grip, brow collapsed into a frown because I can’t think about anything except the way Riggs is touching me right now. “I…” Chest pumping, I shake my head. “It’s…”
“You said it’s been forever since you’ve let someone else make you come,” he says softly, those thumbs of his teasing me between my cheeks while his hips roll against mine, sliding his stiff, swollen cock between my slippery wet folds. “How long is forever, Gem?”
“After you left…” Staring down at him, I let out a soft, shallow breath, my cheeks reheating with leftover embarrassment, even while my hips shift restlessly against his teasing grip, desperate for more.
“I wasn’t ready. I was…” heartbroken. I was heartbroken.
I don’t want to say it out loud. I don’t want to put the past between us right now.
“And then Dent got sick. He stayed sick. Got worse… and I jumped headlong into taking care of him. It was just us. Everyone else was gone but that was okay because there wasn’t room for anyone else.
I didn’t even think about it. I was so focused on?—”
When he realizes what I’m telling him, the hips rolling and flexing under mine go still.
Lifting his hands from my backside, Riggs brackets them against either side of my face.
“Gem…” Expression falling into a scowl, I see the Riggs I know.
Panicked and sick—so I just shake my head and let my gaze drift away from his because I can’t look at him.
Not like this. “Gem.” Shifting his head on the pillow, he angles my face between his hands, forcing me to look at him.
“Are you saying you’re a virgin?” He sounds like the thought never even occurred to him.
Like he’s sure he’s misunderstood somehow.
“Yes.” I mumble it, my cheeks so hot I can practically feel them melting off my bones while Riggs stares up at me like I just spit in his face. It’s the same look he gave me the night I told him I wanted him to kiss me while he walked me home in the dark. It’s a look that tells me I ruined it.
I ruined everything.
Again.
“I’m gonna…” Pushing hard against his chest, I feel his hands tighten on either side of my face for just a moment, like he knows what I’m about to do and he means to stop me—but then they relax.
Fall away and the absence of pressure rebounds to press and prickle against the corners of my lids.
Unsaddling myself from his hips, I shake my head as I move toward the far side of the bed, away from him.
“Gem.” Sitting up, Riggs reaches for me, his fingertips snagging on the sleeve of the oversized shirt I’m wearing, intent on hauling me back but I jerk my arm out of reach before he can grab hold.
Standing, I can feel his gaze aimed at me in the dark while I make my escape.
Feet planted on the floor, I start to move as fast as I can without actually running, his expression fed to me in flashes of light.
Same Riggs.
The Riggs I know.
The Riggs who’s ashamed.
The Riggs who left me behind.
“Gemma—”
“I should go check on Janet.” Shooting him a flat smile, I stumble my way to the pocket door that separates the sunroom from the kitchen. “She’s not used to riding out storms by herself.”
Throwing back the covers, Riggs growls at me, his intentions to follow me obvious, crippled by the fact that he’s incapable. “Don’t fucking do this. We need to talk?—”
Bobbing my head, gaze fixated on the open door, I feel my chest start to hitch. “You’re right.”
“Goddamn it, Gem, just?—”
“Be right back.”
It’s a lie.
I won’t be back and we both know it.
Staring at me from the side of the bed, Riggs shakes his head, that sick look plastered all over his face. “Gemma, please?—”
I’m through the pocket door and closing it between us before he can finish.