Chapter 45
GEMMA
Sitting here on the back stairs, hidden by the switchback, I listen to Colt walk away. A few seconds later, the front door slams behind him.
I didn’t call him over here to threaten Riggs over his morning coffee and I certainly didn’t call him over here so he could threaten him into leaving. I just texted him to let him know that while coffee and breakfast was ready and waiting, I wasn’t feeling well and that I was going back to bed.
He probably figured after the very public kiss Riggs and I shared at the Mill last night, that we were snuggled up in bed and didn’t want to be bothered.
Riggs charging into the kitchen, the second he heard Colt, must’ve promptly dispelled him of that notion and brought him closer to the truth of it—that something happened and I was hiding upstairs, licking my wounds.
And of course, Colt being Colt, he’d place the blame squarely on Riggs’s shoulders.
Swarmed by guilt, I tell myself to get up and go downstairs.
That what I did was incredibly unfair. I dropped the mother of all truth bombs on Riggs and then I ran to a place I knew he couldn’t follow.
Hid like a child instead of facing it head-on.
Laid in my bed and listened to him shout my name.
Ignored his texts, begging me to come downstairs until the rain finally stopped and the sun began to peek over the horizon.
Sure he’d fallen asleep, I crept downstairs, breath held in my lungs to take a quick, cautious look around the corner of the switchback.
The kitchen was empty.
Moving quickly, I bribed Janet with Churu to keep her quiet while I made coffee and whipped up a batch of drop biscuits because after ignoring him all night, I at least owed the man breakfast, didn’t I?
Do you? Are you sure, because you heard what Colt said.
Riggs is leaving. He was always going to leave because that’s who he is.
That’s what he does. He pushes his way into your life and tears it apart.
He tears you apart and when it’s over—when you’re torn into a million tiny pieces, he takes the ones that he wants and then he leaves you to try to move on with what’s left.
It’s what he’s always done and hoping for more makes you exactly what he thinks you are. A stupid little girl who can’t let go.
While the biscuits baked, I gathered my courage and opened the pocket door that separates the kitchen from the sunroom, just enough to be able to check on him.
Like I thought, Riggs was asleep, flat on his back.
Resisting the urge to sneak in and gather the wet towels we used last night, I left the door open so I could hear him if he woke up while I pulled the biscuits from the oven and buttered their tops.
Setting out a jar of homemade strawberry preserves I traded Mrs. Wilson for a batch of lemon blueberry muffins last week, I left Riggs’s makeshift breakfast on the counter and ran back upstairs to hide like a scared little girl.
You’re smart to be scared. That man has done nothing but hurt you, time and time again.
You’re not hiding. You’re protecting yourself.
Maybe if you’d done it sooner, you wouldn’t be where you are now.
Alone, sitting on the stairs of your dead grandfather’s house, wishing that you mattered to someone enough to stay.
The loud snap of the front door still echoing through the house, I hold my breath while I listen to the sound of Riggs’s wheelchair roll across the kitchen’s worn linoleum floor before stopping at the foot of the stairs I’m hiding on.
Even though I know he can’t see me, I hunch my shoulders and hold my breath.
“I know you’re there, Gem,” Riggs says quietly, his tone tight with anger. “I know you heard everything…” He lets out a long, weary sigh that tells me he’s just as tired as I am. “I’ve got things to say—I think we both do—so why don’t you come down here so we get it over with.”
Dropping my hand away from my mouth, I plant both of them on the step I’m sitting on and push myself up with every intention of taking the rest of the stairs to the kitchen because he’s right. We should just get it over with.
Instead, I prove what a coward I really am.
Turning around, I go back to my room so can hide, for just a little while longer.
Emily stares at me from my phone screen, jaw slightly unhinged. “You’re twenty-seven years old,” she says, shaking her head, violet blue eyes blinking with a mixture of disbelief and puzzlement. “You’ll be twenty-eight in a?—”
“Yes, Emily,” I cut her off before she can say it. “I’d nearly forgotten that I’m almost thirty years old and still a virgin—thank you for reminding me.”
“I’m sorry…” Wincing slightly at my tone, Emily shakes her head. “It just never occurred to me… I mean, we never talked about it but I guess I’d always assumed that you?—”
“Threw my virginity at the first person who’d take it?
” I cut her off again with a scoff. “Who would that have been, exactly? It’s not like Barrett is crawling with eligible men.
” Tone dripping with sarcasm, I snap my fingers and point at her, on my phone screen.
“Oh, I know—Ethan Pryce. I know for a fact he would’ve jumped at the chance to punch my Vcard.
Too bad he turned out to be a puppy strangling psychopath. ”
“Riggs,” she says his name plainly while doing me the courtesy of ignoring my tantrum. “I’d always assumed that you gave your virginity to Riggs before he shipped out.”
“Yeah, well I obviously didn’t,” I grumble at her. It wasn’t for lack of trying. I tried giving myself to him—he just didn’t want me.
I can’t, Gem. I can’t do that to you. I won’t.
“Can we change the subject, please?” I beg her quietly even though I’m the one you brought it up. “I don’t want to talk about my sad, pitiful, lack of life anymore.”
“Sure…” Gaze sharpening slightly, Emily tilts her head. “You want to tell me what Cade and his mother were doing there yesterday?”
Cheeks suddenly flush with mortification over my lie to her the last time we talked, it’s my turn to wince. “I’m sorry, Em,” I tell her. “I just… they pulled up, in front of the house, and I panicked. I didn’t?—”
“It’s okay for you to forgive him, Gemmie,” she says softly. “You don’t have to hold onto it. It’s my hurt—not yours.”
“It is my hurt,” I insist, old anger flaring in my chest. “How can you even says that? What hurts you hurts me. Besides, I’m the reason you were there in the first place. If I hadn’t talked you into?—”
“Stop it,” Emily says in a stern tone I imagine she uses on her students when they get out of line. “I was there because I wanted to be. You had absolutely nothing to do with it, and don’t ever let me hear you?—”
Downstairs, I hear the front door slam. Checking the time, I see that Riggs’s daily PT appointment isn’t for another hour, which means it’s Colt, checking up on me again. Either that or he’s changed his mind and decided to come back to kill my roommate. “Shit. Em, I have to go.”
“Why?” Brow crumpling slightly, she shakes her head. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m not sure.” Answering her honestly this time, I start to move across my bed to stand up. “Colt’s here and I don’t think it’s a good?—”
“It’s not Colt.”
Neck suddenly stiff, I look up from my phone screen to find Sera standing in my bedroom doorway, a white take-out bag from June’s dangling from her fingers.
“What are you doing here?” Seeing her, I feel that old anger flare in my chest again. Glancing down at the phone screen, I see Emily’s pale face staring back at me because she heard her. She doesn’t have to see her to know who I’m looking at.
“I, ah…” Stepping into the room, Sera sets the bag on my dresser before rubbing her hands on the legs of her worn jeans.
“I know it’s kinda random but I ran into Colt earlier and he said that…
” Realizing she’s about to sell her brother out, she shakes her head.
“He said you weren’t feeling well, so I thought I’d bring provisions.
See how you were doing.” Guilt-ridden because she knows who I’m talking to, Sera takes a step back in retreat.
“I didn’t mean… I don’t want to—” Shaking her head, she turns around to make her escape, not making it past my doorway before she stops like she hit a brick wall.
Squaring her shoulders on a muttered curse, Sera turns back around and looks at me.
“Can I talk to her?” Like they’re sweating, she gives her legs another nervous rub with her palms. “Please. I just?—”
At Emily’s insisting, things between Sera and me have been mending quietly over the past month.
While miles from where we were before things went sour, things have been good.
We can laugh in the same room without clawing each other’s eyes out.
We can offer each other a glass of wine.
Pass a bowl of popcorn while watching Buffy. Smile. Hold superficial conversation.
What we can’t do is talk about Emily. Mentioning my best friend is a one-way express ticket back to square one and until now, Sera’s seemed to understand that. Mouth open, I’m about ready to tell her to fuck off when Emily’s voice fills the silence between us.
“Give her the phone.”
Hearing Emily’s quiet demand widens my gaze and jerks it down to my cellphone. “What?”
“Give Sera the phone, Gemma,” Emily repeats herself calmly while giving me an encouraging nod. “It’s okay—I’m a big girl. I don’t need a watchdog anymore.”
Shaking my head, I’m about to refuse or maybe just throw my phone out the window and tackle Sera when Emily pulls out the big guns.
“Please, Gemmie.”
Goddamnit.
“Okay.” Looking up from my phone, I give Sera a look that tells her I can and will murder her if she does or says anything I don’t like. Standing, I walk the short distance between us and hold out my phone. “Here.”
For a second, Sera looks at me like she has no idea what I’m doing.
Like she isn’t the one who asked for it in the first place.
Snapping out of it, face pale, she gives me a quick head bob before taking my phone with a muttered thanks.
Swallowing hard, Sera drops her gaze to the screen in her hand.
“I’m sorry,” she says, her tone barely held above a whisper.
“I’m so sorry for all of it. I never meant…
” Shaking her head, I watch while her bright green eyes go glassy with tears.
“I didn’t know what was going to happen that night.
I didn’t…” Tears spill over her lids and she looks away while she quietly reins herself in.
Sera always hated to cry. It didn’t matter what it was.
A skinned knee. A failed test. A broken heart.
She’d rather swallow her own tongue than let someone know how hurt she really is.
Looking back at the phone screen, she lifts a hand to give the tears on her cheeks an annoyed swipe.
“I didn’t know what they were going to do.
If I had, I would’ve warned you. We’d been awful to you—both of you—” Sera flicks a quick, glassy-eyed look in my direction.
“But what they did was too much. It was too far and I never would’ve let it happen if?—”
“It’s okay,” Emily says, interrupting her quietly. “It was a long time ago.”
“It’s not okay.” Sera’s face falls into a scowl. “It was completely fucked up and?—”
“It’s okay, Sera,” Emily insists. Even if I can’t see her face, I can hear it in her voice. She’s crying too. “I wasn’t innocent either. I made mistakes. I did things I regret.”
Still scowling, Sera starts to open her mouth, ready to argue with her but Emily cuts her off. “Clean slate,” she says around a sniffle. “Everyone starts fresh. Everyone moves on—deal?”
Staring at her for a moment like she doesn’t understand what Emily’s saying, Sera finally nods. “Deal.”
“Kids are coming in from recess,” Emily says, her tone lifted to indicate she’s talking to me. “I love you. I’ll call you later.”
When Sera hands me my phone back, the screen is blank. When I look up, she’s watching me. “I haven’t talked to Cam since that night,” Sera confesses quietly. “I couldn’t. Not after….”
“Then who are you texting with on Monday nights?” I’ve always assumed it was Cam but I realize now that that’s exactly what it was—an assumption.
“My mom mostly. Sometimes Scarlett to check on her.” She gives me a quick, sheepish look. “Sometimes I’m playing Wordle—in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have very many friends. If not for Sloane and River…”
For a moment, all we can do is stare at each other. It isn’t until she starts to move like she’s going to leave that I speak up.
“Please tell me that’s not chocolate cake,” I say, tilting my head at the to-go bag on my dresser.
“Hell no,” Sera answers on a watery laugh. “There’s raisins in it—I wouldn’t force feed that shit to my worst enemy.”
Realizing what she just said, we both stare at each other for a few seconds before we both burst out laughing.