13. Julius
JULIUS
Ididn’t think this through as well as I should have.
I was sure I could lie here beside her and not be moved.
I’m not a teenager after all, and it’s not like sex was the only thing on my mind.
I knew I had a lot of work to do before we got to that; those tears earlier were proof of that.
But what was even more worrying was the fact that she’d let them slip.
I know her well enough to know that she’d never allow the enemy to see her at a moment of weakness, and I am very much the enemy in her eyes still. With all of that in mind, I gave her some space to get settled before joining her in bed. I wasn’t kidding when I said she needed more rest.
Her father, for whatever reason, had given me a complete rundown of what she’d been up to since that night he brought her home, and one of the things he’d mentioned was her late nights and early mornings.
I think he was afraid she was running out of steam or something the way he was acting, but then again, it’s always been like that.
She may not be the youngest child in the family, but they all spoil the hell out of her, even her sister, who’s not much older but takes her place as the eldest very seriously from what I’ve seen. That’s what made little Jess into the pain in the ass she is today, and my new headache.
As soon as my knee touched the mattress, she dragged herself to the furthest edge of the bed away from me, dragging the covers with her. I didn’t say a word to her, just dragged her back to my side, covers and all, once I got settled.
The scuffle that ensued almost left me castrated by her foot, but I prevailed and held her close with her back turned and my arms like bands of steel around her to keep her there.
“Have you mastered the art of sleeping with one eye open? If not, tonight might just be your last. Make peace with your sins.”
“What sins might those be?”
“You should know better than me. Now get out of this bed before I Farrah Fawcett you.” What the hell is she talking about? I wasn’t about to ask this late at night because who knew what the hell was going through that head of hers now.
“Settle down and go to sleep, Jess. I have work in the morning.”
“I’m not entirely sure what that has to do with me, but okay.”
“If you want me to keep you in the lifestyle your father raised you in, you’d better care.” She snorted and came back with some disrespectful retort about not needing me for shit, which I ignored.
I think I drifted off first, but for some reason, I was still very aware of her in my arms. I was conscious of what it felt like having her there, almost as if all of my senses were tuned into her.
I don’t think she budged, at least not for those few minutes it took for me to fall asleep, and I felt such peace I knew there was going to be a battle in the coming days, because there was no way I was letting her leave, at least not at bedtime.
I’m not sure how I was going to get around her to make that a possibility, but I wasn’t sweating it. If I have to kiss her into submission, I’m not above that. I just have to figure out how to make it up to her so that there are no more tears.
Apparently, her tears and this family annoyance have some kind of backlash because seeing her eyes filled with tears earlier had damn near gutted me. I didn’t let on to her because it was her moment, but damn, what the hell is this new hell?
I’ve never seen my mother cry, and my sister hasn’t cried since she was a kid with a skinned knee, so I am not very familiar with female tears.
My sister-in-law did plenty of that when my brother was going through his shit a few years ago, but he never let anyone get close enough to her to be affected.
Maybe that’s why seeing her big, beautiful eyes swimming in tears had hit me like a hammer to the gut. Somehow, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it, so I made up my mind then and there that for the rest of her life, there will be no more tears.
JESSICA
What the hell? When did I fall asleep? And what is all that racket? I’d planned to wait him out until he fell asleep, knowing that I’d be up all night as usual, since nothing makes me sleep, not even the strongest sleeping pills. Believe me, I’ve tried them all.
The last thing I remember is listening to the sound of his heartbeat beneath my ear after he dragged me into his arms, wrapping them tightly around me, making it impossible for me to escape.
I’ll admit to feeling a sense of safety and warmth that has been missing from my life for a while, but none of that should’ve made the impossible happen.
I’ve had my head examined for crap's sake. I’ve been poked more times than I care to remember, and nothing worked.
Last night was the first time in more than two years that I’ve been able to get a full night’s sleep.
Now my nemesis was trying to rob me of that with his yelling. Who the hell was he yelling at anyway?
I couldn’t get my eyes to open to see or my mouth open to tell him to scram the hell outta here. They felt heavy, like I needed to sleep for about another week. I could feel the sun on my face coming through the window, which meant it had to be the next day.
It took me a minute to accept that I wasn’t dreaming, that I had really slept through the night. I haven’t slept a full night in years. Not since I picked up my incurable case of insomnia that started right about the time that jackass rejected me.
No one ever mentions just how dangerous insomnia can be, and I myself had no idea until it happened to me. I’ve done my best to keep it hidden from my family as much as I could and have seen many specialists in the past to no avail.
I don’t know the root cause of insomnia, but I know where mine started.
I just don’t know why that pain had manifested itself in that way.
Most people get over such things after a while, but in my case, it seems like I’d been traumatized to this point.
That’s another reason for me to dislike that jackass. It was all his fault.
Now that jackass was making a fuss about something or the other and won’t let me sleep. What the hell is he saying anyway? His words sounded muddled as if coming from afar, but I was sure he was right there in the room with me.
“Why the hell can’t I wake her? It’s well past noon, and she’s still passed out. I tried waking her three times already.” Haha, he probably thinks I’m dead. I’ve scared others like that before, but no one deserves it more. That’s what you get, caveman.
“You sure you didn’t do anything to her? You two never could get along. Tell me what you did.”
“Dad! Are you serious? What can I do to her? That damn family curse of yours would probably kill me if I did something to my dearly beloved.” He didn’t sound too pleased with this beloved person, whoever she was.
What the hell was I doing in his bed if he had someone else? “Hurry up and do something, Dad.” Either he or someone else sat on the bed next to me and grabbed my hand. “Wake up, Jess, open your eyes.” Why does he sound so scared?
“Come on, baby, do it for me?” Huh? Who’s his baby? Wasn’t he just talking about his dearly beloved? I wonder who she is. She’s probably really pretty and smart. I felt that familiar pain in my chest and felt the tears gather in my closed eyes.
“What the fuck, she’s crying in her sleep. Dad, do something.” Someone started poking around at my arm, and I swatted them away, or at least I think I did. My limbs felt so heavy, I wasn’t sure I had the strength to lift them.
He sat on the bed beside me, taking my hand in his, and I felt that heaviness pass, but had no interest in waking up. Since he was here and I was safe, I let myself drift off again to the sound of him screaming my name.