28. Jessica
JESSICA
This was better, this was plan A from the get.
If Mom and Dad hadn’t shanghaied me, I would’ve been holed up somewhere plotting my revenge with no distractions.
Come to think of it, my life has taken a very strange turn lately, and it’s only now that I can breathe freely that it’s hitting home just how crazy it is.
I dropped onto the new bed in my newly bought villa, replaying things in my head, and it reads like a cheesy B-movie. Had I not run away at this point, I’d have been sucked into whatever drama these people have going on.
Now that I was alone, it was safe to unpack each thing and look at it separately without anyone here to influence me one way or another.
I’d already set off the first volley with Ms. Charlotte, and it was going to take a few days for that to really blow up, so I had time there before moving on to phase two of operation detonate everybody’s shit.
I jumped back up and looked for my purse, which had been left on the coffee table downstairs; I needed my notebook to take notes. I could’ve grabbed my laptop or tablet, but either of those things could be used against me in the future.
Good ole-fashion paper can be burned or eaten once I’m done with it, no trace left for anyone to follow. I learned that from Gramps and the uncles who hate modern technology like it owes them back rent.
First order of business. I stopped with my pen held above the page, then wrote Julius’ name three times, pressing down so hard I scratched a hole in the paper. At this point, I know that if I want to live in peace again, I’ll have to give in to him at some point; I know that much.
Mom, Dad, my siblings, they were sellouts who would no doubt guide him to me wherever I went, so there was no point even thinking about escaping. That being said, I’m no pushover and will not be giving in to him that easily, no sir.
A smile started to bloom on my face. I have so much wriggle room here; there’s so much I can do with this. He owes me, and there’s nothing like the debtor knowing that his shit is due; plus, there’s interest- high-yield interest. That means I’m going to take him for everything he’s worth.
First order of business: stay away from him for now. It must be making him crazy to find me gone; good, serves his ass right. Next in line, play up the hurt and scars he’d left in me back then. I can milk that shit for years. You see, I was still thinking of him.
I hadn’t run away exactly, just found a new location for negotiations and to show him that I cannot be pinned down. My pen flew across the page with each new idea. First, let him panic for a few days before making or accepting any calls; that goes for my family as well, the traitors.
Wait, Dad found me last time. Shit, damn, blast. Oh, but he thinks I’m with Julius. Would Julius tell them that I disappeared? Does he dare? Then he’d have to tell them why and what he’d done. A sinister grin spread across my face. I can use that shit to hold him hostage, too.
I wasn’t worried about whether or not Julius would think something had happened to me; he knew very well that I walked out of his house on my own, but how long before he comes looking for himself? How much time do I actually have?
I calmed down once I reminded myself that there was no way for him to find me, not unless I went back into town, which I have no plans on doing for now. Most of what I planned now was for future negotiations. He should be happy that I’m even thinking about giving his dumb ass a second chance.
I had to dissect and pick apart everything that he’d said tonight. In all fairness, I should at least try to understand his point of view, bitch ass. That’s the conclusion I came to after five minutes of deep thinking.
I’m not clear on why his pushing me away was supposed to help anything back then. It sounds like fear to me; I can work with that. Within half an hour, I had him cooked. He’s afraid; he’s under this family legacy thing, which he has no power over, and I’m his soul mate. I’m going to run his shit.
Yes, sir, he has no idea what weapon he had put in my hands. I replayed everything he’d said about his brother and his relationship, the thing that had scared him enough to want to push me away, and I saw opportunity and room for growth.
The one thing he had overlooked that was going to come back to bite him in the ass: I’m not Victoria. She was a kid when she let his maniacal brother run game on her like that. I’m fixing to bust all their shit wide open.
Since all the men in the family have lost their damn minds, it’s up to me, the newest daughter-in-law, to show these ladies how it’s done. Because what do you mean you suffer from something where you can’t live without me? Demand and supply.
I was warm and fuzzy all over at just the thought of how I was going to run his life and have him at my beck and call until the grave. Can’t live without me, huh! Will lose your mind if I’m too far away for too long, hah. These are tools I can use at any time. I was giddy.
The more I wrote and pondered, the more that pain that had been with me for so long began to ease. It’s not that I plan to let him off the hook, but it didn’t hurt as much as it used to. Though his explanation left much to be desired, I don’t think he would lie to me about something that serious.
I tried to imagine how I would feel in his shoes, but came up empty. I have no point of reference. My feelings for him were more classic, like your run-of-the-mill girl falling in love with the pretty boy. His sounded more like something out of a supernatural movie.
It was obsessive and possessive, and everything a woman with sense would run away from if she had any sense, but I know him. That’s the thing: I know Julius Blair, and it’s because I know him that I fell in love with him in the first place.
The first time I saw Julius, he was with his mother and sister. I’m not sure even now what it was about him that caught my attention and held it, but I knew it had something to do with the day he’d fawned over those two women, like they were spun gold.
I have my fair share of fawning in my family as well, so I know when it’s real and when someone is putting on an act; he wasn’t. Because they were in our home that day for some backyard party or the like, I had more than enough time to study him without him even knowing, and he was the real deal.
He didn’t change when he thought no one was watching; he had been the same throughout. He reminded me of my Dad and the way he is with Mom and us girls. With Dad, it’s annoying; with him, it was cute.
Add the fact that he has the face an artist would love and the body to go with it, and there you have it. His voice, when he spoke, had a melody to it that seemed to reach deep inside me and touch something hidden there.
My body shivered with the memory of what had befallen me that day. I’d fallen head over heels with him right then and there, but I was too young. It could’ve easily been cast away as an innocent teenage crush, but with each consecutive meeting, those feelings only seemed to grow stronger.
It was hell being in love with someone so far out of reach, and that is why the things he had said to me that night had cut so deep. The worst part had been carrying that pain and still not being able to fall out of love with him.
It was nothing like his family legacy, but my love for him was just as strong. I underlined that part over and over again, because that was the crux of the matter. Had I lost all feelings for him, none of this would be necessary. I could just toss it aside as wasted effort on my part.
But those feelings were still there; they had never left. And now that he was back with hat in hand, I was going to get my due before settling down into marital bliss. Why not marry him after all is said and done? I’m holding a royal flush while he’s still asking the dealer for new cards.
Most women would probably run scared by now because what he described was so intense, but as for me, I see an uneven playing field, and I have the upper hand. I want to settle down and have kids someday, so what are my choices?
Go looking for someone else? Someone like Dale, whom I couldn’t even stand while in the relationship and hate now? Or stick with the guy who just told me he’s basically stupid in love with me? That’s a no-brainer.
I still have to deal with my own feelings, though, something I have avoided forever.
Just because I know why doesn’t negate the fact that I was hurt back then and still bear the wounds.
Just running away like this isn’t enough.
I have to find a way to make him pay so that he’d never do that shit again.
And that was the problem. I had nothing. Each thought was pushed to the side because Julius wasn’t like anyone else I’ve ever met. I can’t use my usual warfare tactics on him; more’s the pity. I think he read the same books I have. If I go at him head-on, I might lose.
That’s why I’m here: I need time and space to think, to come up with a sure-fire way to deal with him so he doesn’t get out of line again. I chewed on my lip as I gave it some thought, taking notes as I went. The more I wrote, the more relaxed I felt until my hand grew tired.
By the time I put the pen down, it was way past midnight, and I realized that I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten anything all day, and there was only a chocolate bar in my purse that had been in there who knows how long.
It was too late to go anywhere since I was sure that everything would be closed by now, so I had to make do. I turned my phone back on since I’d turned it off when I left and saw a slew of missed calls and messages.
I snorted and put it away again; no way was I calling him back to put his mind at ease.
His messages sounded harried and out of sorts, like I’d done him some grave injustice by leaving.
I didn’t call my parents because they were under the impression that I was with Julius, and I wasn’t about to tell them that I had run away again and why.
I was protecting him from my Dad and the other men in my family because if they knew about that night, he’d never make it out alive. Worst, if they knew, there’s no way in hell my Dad would let me be with him.