Chapter 20
Something had happened last night. Or more accurately, something had been about to happen.
She didn’t know why she hadn’t been able to resist touching Julie, why she’d been so close to pressing her lips against hers.
If they hadn’t been interrupted… Zoe shivered at the idea, but she felt excited at the same time.
What was wrong with her? She was about to marry the man she loved.
After they’d come back to the villa to share a bottle of wine with Yasmine, Zoe had kept glancing at Julie, hoping to understand how she was feeling.
Julie had seemed totally unbothered by the events of the evening, bantering and joking with Yasmine as usual, then she went to bed without mentioning anything to Zoe, besides a nonchalant “goodnight”.
It was hard to imagine that just hours earlier, they’d been standing in the dark, laying their feelings bare to each other.
Once in her bed, Zoe had thought she was going slightly nuts.
Had she imagined tracing her finger along Julie’s collarbone?
Was it all in her head? But the look in Julie’s eyes…
It was the same as that night ten years ago.
Zoe was sure of it. She’d turned around for hours before eventually falling asleep, her mind replaying this moment on repeat.
She tried not to think about it, but it was relentlessly intrusive.
Zoe sighed. Julie and Yasmine would probably wake up soon. The other bridesmaids would arrive during the morning and in the afternoon she would have to manage her catering team. If there was a free moment for her to talk to Nicki, it would be now. She texted her assistant.
“Hi Nicki, I know it’s very early but I could use your advice. Let me know if we could speak? Don’t worry otherwise.”
She should also call Tom. Maybe talking to him would set her mind straight?
If anything, all of this was probably just wedding stress.
Nicki was right. Things were left unresolved between Julie and her, and now it was all making a resurgence because of Zoe’s wedding jitters.
She wasn’t going to throw away her entire life - everything she’d built with Tom - for a ten-year-old crush, was she?
Besides, Tom didn’t deserve that. He was a good man.
Zoe was too restless to just wait around for Nicki’s answer.
She decided to take a small stroll through the garden.
The florist had already laid the structure for the flower arch that Yasmine wanted.
This was something that Zoe could have at her own wedding.
Same with the countryside location. Tom’s family had an estate in the Cotswolds, which would make for a bucolic and beautiful setting for a wedding.
Zoe could almost picture it. A small wedding party sitting in the September sun, laughing and cheering on Tom and her.
And Julie sitting on the side, looking at her. Zoe’s blood rushed to her head. It was not even a question that Julie would be invited to her wedding. But, why did it feel so weird to imagine getting married in front of her?
Zoe’s phone rang. The screen flashed Nicki’s name.
“Hi Zoe, how’s it going?”
“Hi Nicki, I’m so sorry to bother you so early. I don’t think it’s even 7:30 yet in London, is it?”
“It’s pretty early. But I’m out for my morning jog and also I’m way too curious and involved with what’s going on with your personal life these days. Tell me everything.”
This was probably crossing several professional boundaries, but Zoe was way past worrying about that with Nicki. “I don’t know what’s going on. I think you were right. Julie and I have unsettled issues and now everything is weird.”
“Did something happen?” Nicki’s voice was shaking and breathless, probably because she was currently running.
“Almost.”
“What does that mean?”
Where to start? The truth is that nothing had objectively happened. They’d only had a late-night chat. “I think we were about to kiss.” Zoe said factually.
Nicki didn’t answer. Her footsteps echoed through the phone.
“Please say something, Nicki.”
“Sorry, I’m thinking. You think you were about to kiss? What makes you say that?”
“We were having a night walk. Then we talked about our secret crushes on each other from back then. It was a very emotionally charged moment. Then… I don’t know.
Julie had this look in her eyes and I was touching her hands.
” Zoe stopped. Maybe all of this was silly, maybe she was interpreting Julie’s intentions.
“But nothing happened?”
“No!”
“Because you didn’t want it to happen?”
“Because Julie’s phone rang and the moment was interrupted.”
“I see.”
There was another short silence. Zoe was growing more and more nervous and started pacing at the back of the garden.
“Did you want it to happen?”
Zoe froze. “No, of course not. I’m about to get married.” She rubbed her forehead with her hand. That seemed like the right answer.
“But if you weren’t getting married? If Tom was out of the picture?” Nicki’s voice was less jittery. She was walking at a normal pace now. Her tone was very neutral, it was hard for Zoe to guess what she was thinking.
“Then maybe? I don’t know!” Zoe took a breath.
“I think so. In a world where none of our lives would implode, then I could say yes. But that’s not the case, I’m engaged and I have a life.
” Zoe started walking restlessly again. “I just don’t know what to do, Nicki.
Something’s going on with Julie, that’s all I know. ”
“This sounds confusing,” Nicki started. “If you want my advice, there are two ways this could go. The first one is that you avoid anything risky. Stop having late-night walks slash emotional conversations about the past with Julie for the next few days until the wedding’s done.
Only hang out with her in group settings.
Don’t let this get any further than it has already, and then go back to your life and maybe realise that it was just a passing fling.
Once you’re away from her again, hopefully the feelings will fade. ”
“Mmhmm.” Zoe nodded patiently. “That makes sense.” It sounded doable. Not easy, but doable, and she was desperate.
“Now the other scenario… Do you wanna know about it?”
“Just shoot, Nicki.”
Nicki exhaled. “You give into whatever unresolved tension there is and let it lead to something happening with Julie. Maybe it’ll be the best decision you’ve ever made, maybe the worst mistake you’ve ever made.
Maybe it’ll just get it out of your system.
But no matter what, your life will be impacted by it forever.
I don’t think there’ll be any going back.
And if there is, you’d have to live with the consequences of what that means for both you and Tom. ”
Zoe gulped. “I see.”
“Can I be honest with you?”
“I appreciate that you’re trying to pretend we’re still having any sort of employer and employee boundaries, but I’m in way too deep and would welcome whatever you have to say.”
Nicki chuckled. “OK. You’re clearly attracted to Julie.
I don’t know enough to say if it’s mutual, but you were talking and thinking about her for weeks before leaving for Belgium.
Then you confessed your past crush - which you weren’t even sure about the last time we talked before I went on vacation - the minute you saw her again. ”
Zoe’s heart beat faster. She wished she could backtrack and tell Nicki not to say that.
But it was all true. Julie had been missing from her life and the rush of feelings and emotions she’d had since the first night of the hen do were almost too much.
She was stupidly attracted to her best friend from college. She couldn’t deny it any more.
“Are you still there, Zoe?”
No sound came out of Zoe’s mouth when she tried to speak. She inhaled. “Yes, yes I’m still here.”
There were no more words for a moment.
“I can’t have that, Nicki.” Zoe swallowed around a lump in her throat. “This isn’t right. I can’t be attracted to her. I have a whole life back in London. I can’t allow this.”
“Well, then, maybe that’s your answer,” Nicki said. She sounded sad. “I’m sorry, I know this is really hard. But I really think those are the only two ways this could turn out. And I’ll stand by you whatever you choose, Zoe.”
“Oh god. Don’t say that. Nothing is going to happen between us. I’m going to follow your advice and just avoid her. It’s only a few days.”
“You can do it.”
“Thanks for your time, Nicki. I’ll leave you be, now.” Zoe hesitated then added. “Except if you want to talk about something else?”
“I’d love to chat more but I’m really smelly and I need a shower right now.”
“Alright, I’ll talk to you later then.”
Zoe put her phone in her pocket and walked back towards the house.
As she reached the glass doors, she could already hear rumbling in the kitchen.
Julie and Yasmine were finally up, but still in their pyjamas.
She braced herself. It was only a few days.
She didn’t really even need to do anything, she just needed to not do anything stupid.
“Are you two trying to make breakfast without me?” Zoe put on the best smile she could. She had to pretend that everything was alright.
Yasmine was leaning on the kitchen island.
She smiled back at Zoe. “Yes. Julie thought that you were already doing so much work for us, so she wanted to make you breakfast before the other bridesmaids arrived and you’d have to cook for an entire regiment.
” She approached Julie, who was busy frying eggs, and gave her a friendly slap on the back. “She’s real wife material.”
Julie giggled. “I hope you like your eggs sunny side up, because the eggs were the only things I dared touch in the kitchen.” Julie turned around and flashed a big grin at Zoe. “I didn’t want to mess with any of your meal preparation.”
Zoe was internally screaming. None of this was helping. And Julie’s beautifully kind blue eyes were not making things easier. Now that the cat was out of the bag, Zoe couldn’t think about anything else than the fact that she was fancying Julie.
“Thanks, that’s very nice of you.” It was actually too nice.
Zoe was happy to relax a bit more this morning, before serious business started.
But she wished it didn’t make her want to run her hand through Julie’s sleep-tousled hair and kiss her.
Good thing Yasmine was right there to keep her from doing it.
She walked as calmly as possible towards a stool on the other side of the kitchen island and sat down.
Yasmine angled towards Zoe. “I tried to explain to Julie that you were a professional chef and that it made little sense that she cooked for you, but she wouldn’t listen.”
“Well. Julie has a point there. I love cooking but it’s still nice to be cooked for. Being a chef just means I really understand how nice of a gesture it is.” Zoe felt her cheeks flush. She glanced at Julie who was suddenly very focused on her eggs, not saying a word.
“Is something burning?” Yasmine raised a brow.
“Oh no.” Julie glanced at the toaster on the counter. “I thought you were keeping an eye on the toast.”
“You only asked me to put them in.”
Julie pounced on the toaster and saved the pieces of bread. “Zoe, how burnt do you like your toast?”
“I’m very hungry and will happily make do with whatever degree of burnt they are.”
“Then breakfast is served!” Julie put the eggs and toast on a plate and handed them to Zoe. She stood self-satisfied with her hands on her hips, in her white t-shirt and black shorts, still smelling of sleep. Zoe had never imagined that this is what she wanted to wake up to. And yet here she was.
“Thanks, this looks amazing.” It looked okay. The toast was slightly burnt but still very much edible and the eggs were just your regular sunny side up eggs.
“I hope you’ll enjoy it. I know that cooking is not your forte so maybe you can pick up some tips here and there.” Julie was back at the stove to fry more eggs.
Zoe couldn’t help but chuckle. “Clearly you could teach me a thing or two.” Did that sound flirty? It did, didn’t it?
“You’d be surprised.”
They were back in flirting territory. Zoe needed to not entertain this. She cleared her throat. “I’d love some coffee with my eggs.”
“I’m on it.” Yasmine headed towards the coffee machine. “I wouldn’t want you to think that only Julie thinks you deserved to be pampered.”
“Glad we’re all on the same page.” Zoe took a bite of her eggs and toast and it felt like the best thing she’d ever eaten.