Chapter 32 #2
Zoe chuckled. “Who’s everyone?”
“My parents, my friends, my neighbours,…” Nicki was counting on her fingers.
“Were you gutted?”
Nicki nervously took a sip of her glass. “So what do you think of Harry’s suggestion?”
“Nicki, answer the question please,” Zoe teased.
Nicki bit her lip. “I’m so sorry Zoe, I’d been rooting for Barbara since the beginning of the show.”
“For Barbara?” Zoe exclaimed, faking outrage. It felt insane to let herself have this moment of lightness, but she couldn’t resist.
“Well, she did win the competition, didn’t she? So my gut feeling was good, she was clearly the best chef.” Nicki said mischievously.
Zoe didn’t take the bait. “She’s massively talented. I hear her new restaurant in Manchester is a huge success.” Zoe circled the rim of her glass with her finger. “I guess everyone prefers a nice Northern girl to a thoroughbred Southerner.”
“I know I do” Nicki chuckled as Zoe jokingly swiped at her.
Nicki looked serious again. “So what do you think of Harry’s plan?”
Zoe groaned. “It would solve all of our problems, wouldn’t it? Tom and I saying yes in a nice little meadow in the countryside. Then we would ‘ accidentally’ leak some wedding pictures to the press for everyone to see.”
“That would really be the best solution,” Nicki nodded. “But… is it really what you want to do?”
Zoe knew that she wouldn’t be feeling this way about it if it was.
But maybe that wasn’t the important question right now.
Maybe this was the moment to set aside her desires, to prioritise her career, and Tom’s, and bring some stability back into her life.
Maybe once she’d done that, she could take the time to properly think through her feelings for Julie.
And then from there, she’d figure out how to tell Tom that she’d cheated on him, and that she’d had feelings for someone else, and that that person was a woman, and then deal with fall-out from that crisis, and ultimately end up back where she was now.
Or maybe it would all be fine. She really had no idea.
“What would you do if you were me?”
Nicki leaned on her chair and pretended to think deeply about it. “Well, Zoe… If I were you, I would tell my assistant about what I really wanted to do, deep down in my heart.”
Zoe smiled. “I guess this is a question that only I can answer.” She looked at the bottom of her wine glass. “The truth is… I don’t know.”
“You don’t want to marry Tom that soon?”
Zoe was bursting to tell Nicki the truth about why she couldn’t marry Tom now, but she couldn’t.
They were already in a crisis; she couldn’t throw gasoline on the fire by admitting, even to Nicki, that she’d slept with Julie.
She shook her head. “Everything just feels so rushed. And I don’t want to make my wedding into this soulless commercial thing for pragmatic purposes. ”
“That’s fair enough.”
The sound of a key in the lock interrupted their conversation. Tom was coming home.
Zoe tensed up. Would she still be able to look him in the eye?
“Zo? Are you home?” Tom walked into the kitchen. He had a black t-shirt underneath his black leather jacket. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his beard looked like he hadn’t shaved in four days.
Tom stopped in front of Zoe, dropping his backpack on the floor. He looked at her from head to toe for a moment then took her into his arms.
“Oh god, Zo. Everything’s a shit show, I’m so sorry.” He broke the embrace then held her by the shoulders. “That girl, she’s just an actress that I met to discuss this new film project. But of course, the bloody tabloids had to run with it.”
Zoe nodded. She couldn’t care less about this French actress, especially when she was the one who’d really cheated. She should be the one apologising to him.
“It’s alright, Tom. I know how tabloids are.”
Tom took Zoe’s face in his hands and planted a kiss on her lips. “I’m so relieved you understand. Last time we spoke on the phone wasn’t great and now this, I thought you’d be bloody livid with me.”
Nicki cleared her throat. “Hi Tom! Good to see you. I’m just going to let myself out so you two can talk about things.”
“Oh, hi Nicki. I didn’t see you there, sorry!”
“It’s alright.” Nicki smiled then waved at both of them before gathering her things and heading out the front door.
Being alone with Tom made things more stressful.
How was Zoe going to approach this? So Tom, I slept with a woman I knew ten years ago and I thought about calling off the engagement but I ruined everything with her so now I have no clue what I should do.
Fancy eloping next week to get the tabloids off our back? There was no good way to put it.
“Did you talk to your manager already? I just had a lengthy meeting with mine.” Tom walked towards a dining chair and sat down.
He put his head into his hands. “This girl, she’s a gem.
She’s one of these once-in-a-lifetime talents and there’s no one else I can see working with me on this project.
” He looked at Zoe with pleading eyes. “It’s gotta be her. But at the same time…”
“The tabloids are never going to leave you alone.”
“Exactly.” Tom sighed.
“Well, I was in a meeting with Harry.” Zoe felt her heart beat faster. If she went this way, there was no going back. “He suggested… something.”
“What is it?” Tom frowned. Zoe knew that he’d always thought Harry was a slimy business guy.
“Well…” Zoe clasped her elbow. “He said that this is a reputational problem. And that the tabloids were very interested in our wedding that didn’t have a date yet.” She swallowed. Her chest was pounding. “Harry suggested we get married as soon as possible.”
Tom blinked.
A silence.
Zoe took a deep breath. “We really don’t have to. You know how Harry is-”
“That is fucking brilliant.” Tom interrupted. He stood up suddenly. “This man’s a bloody genius.” He walked towards Zoe, a big grin on his face, and took her hands. “Let’s do it.”
“What? Tom, surely we should-”
“Zo, we’re gonna get married no matter what, let’s get it out of the way and wriggle ourselves out of this mess. It’s such a bloody stupid situation and it’s going to ruin this project I’ve been working on. I don’t want tabloid scandals to taint my dream project!”
“But don’t you think it’s all a little too… pragmatic?”
“Pragmatic?” Tom chuckled. “We’re business people, Zoe.
It’s just that the business is ourselves.
I’m wearing this jacket because a brand asked me to.
Every pot, pan and plate in our kitchen comes from one of your sponsorship deals.
What’s a little more or less pragmatism in our lives?
It doesn’t change the fact that I love you and I want to marry you. ”
Zoe squirmed at his last words. Of course, there were always feelings involved deep down, but how could something real be hiding behind something so fake?
Every public interaction she’s had with Tom was carefully planned and managed to look perfect.
At times, she’d had trouble knowing if she was showing affection to Tom or for the invisible audience that seemed to be watching them at all times.
Tom was right, their wedding wouldn’t have been any different if it was now or in two months.
Zoe suddenly wondered how she and Tom would be like if there ever wasn’t an audience to look at them any more. Would they be different people? If there weren’t tabloids to convince and people to charm, would they still be together? Maybe all of this really had been pure pragmatism from the start.
Julie’s face kept popping into Zoe’s mind.
For every interaction that felt forced with Tom, being with Julie was a natural thing.
There was no audience to watch and judge them, there was no one that Julie was trying to charm or impress, except for Zoe.
To be fair, Zoe didn’t even know if Julie had been trying to impress her.
Everything had seemed so genuine. Julie listened when no one else did and she cared when everyone else was busy.
She had held Zoe all through the night like she didn’t want to let her go.
But now this was all done and it wasn’t coming back.
If Zoe couldn’t be with Julie, would it be so wrong for her to just focus on her career?
What was a little bit more pragmatism going to change?
But again, she had to come clean to Tom about what happened in Belgium.
Zoe’s cheeks were burning. She wasn’t ready to do this.
Not just yet. She felt like she was standing on the edge of a cliff.
Tom broke the silence. “Listen, I understand it’s a big decision. Please think about it and let’s decide in the next few days.” He smiled at Zoe, his eyes as tender as ever.
Zoe forcedly smiled back and nodded.