Chapter Eighteen #3
Of course she would argue. It gave him small comfort. “I…” It was time to put all his cards on the table. He nodded. “The real reason I did that? I’m afraid.”
Heavy silence followed the admission.
“Of what?”
The pounding of his heartbeat in his temples was quite odd, but it reminded him that he still lived.
“Not the darkness. Not the consequences of what I’ve done.
Not living with ghosts. But of losing you.
” His chest was so tight he could barely draw breath.
“I realize I’m not a prize, not even with a title, but what sort of a man am I if I don’t have you?
” To his horror, moisture filled his eyes.
“With you by my side, the darkness doesn’t feel nearly as overwhelming.
It’s as if I can live alongside it, but I fear you have merely traded one horrid situation for another by choosing me. ”
When her expression cleared, it was as if the clouds blew away revealing the sun. “You let me weigh those two things. It is not for you to decide for me. And moreover? I love you despite your darkness, despite the fact that you live in the gray. I love you because of all that.”
“What?”
She nodded. “I haven’t tried to change you; you told me not to, but I love you anyway. Doesn’t that count?” Again, she took his hand. “Can’t you make room for me, Michael? Gray means there is a bit of light there, and that means there is hope for us.”
“Ah…” If she’d stabbed him through the heart with a knife, her entreaty might have hurt less.
As it was, instead of feeling anger because she wouldn’t leave him alone, there was a distinct but fleeting sense of …
freedom. Almost as if his soul was cut from some of the anchors weighing it down.
How could he deny her anything? Deny himself this next chance, since he was well beyond a second or third? So he threw everything away. “Yes.”
A frown tugged at the corners of her mouth as she peered up at him. “Yes, what?”
The prominent feeling surging through his veins in that moment was a giddiness that was foreign to him.
He offered a grin, and it was as if he hadn’t done that in far too long.
“Yes to all of it. I want a life with you, regardless of how rocky it might prove. Because a future with you is better contemplated than a future without you, no matter how difficult it might be for us both.” Then he grasped her hand, pulled her into a standing position, then framed her head with his hands as his cane clattered to the floor.
The truth was clear, and may it always burn that bright so he’d never forget.
“I love you, Evvie. As much as a man like me can love anyone, but what I feel for you is… extraordinary. And I’ve never had that before.
Never had that… hope. Please forgive me. Don’t take it away.”
The joy in her expression caused his heart to squeeze and break free of the walls he’d put it behind.
“Oh, you aggravating, maddening, adorable man, of course I won’t.
Wherever you are, there I will be too. I might be in a fury with you right now, but I’m not going anywhere.
Love compels us to work out the problems and work through them. Not run from them.”
Damn, it was the sweetest benediction. “Shit, Evangeline, I think you’ve done the impossible and made me, not necessarily different, but a tad better.”
“It is a start and more than we’ve had for the past three weeks.”
“Yes.” Then he took her into his arms and claimed her lips, treated her to deep, searing, drugging kisses that he hoped would bind her to him and show her that he was in earnest. There were no flowers or poetry or the usual things found in epic romances, but he’d told her the truth, and he’d not done that for anyone in a very long time.
When she wound her arms about his shoulders, he walked her backward, still kissing her, and when they crashed against the nearest wall, he grinned against her lips and kept her trapped there.
And damn if she didn’t feel good—right—with him, as if she alone could prove the balm he’d needed for quite some time.
As long as he didn’t muck it up.
Michael kissed her, drank from her again and again, dragged his lips along the silky side of her throat while she clung to his shoulders.
It didn’t matter that his muscles hurt like the devil at the moment, for he forgot any discomfort while finding a brave new world in her embrace.
Three weeks had been far too long to be apart from her in any way, so with a soft growl, he curled his fingers into the bodice of her gown, yanked it down, and when the perfect globes of her breasts were bared, he took one in hand while sucking the nipple of the other into his mouth.
“Oh, I have missed you, missed this.” A shuddering sigh escaped her. She arched her back, putting herself more securely into his care. “Michael, I…” Her words were lost to a moan as he pleasured those pebbled tips with his tongue, lips, and fingers.
“Did you come all the way out here just to dress me down?” he whispered against her skin, and he couldn’t have enough of that sweet, floral scent.
“No. My original plan was to arrive here, distract you with your friends, then sneak into your bedchamber tonight and restrain you, then dress you down while I teased you.”
Dear God, how would he survive her? “I can’t wait; I need you now.” As he spoke, he slid a hand down her side and gathered handfuls of her skirting.
“That is generally what follows heated kissing,” she responded in an equally soft and smoky voice.
“Minx.” He kissed her again, shared breath with her, wanted to show his possession so she’d always want to remain with him.
When he’d bunched the bulk of her skirts between them, he eased his hands beneath the layers of fabric to clutch the rounded curves of her buttocks.
A surprised squeal came from her, and the sound made him grin.
“I’ve dreamed of fucking you senseless since we’ve been apart. ”
“If it wasn’t for your poor decision making, you could have had weeks of doing just that. After all, we are still in a honeymoon period.”
How much did he adore that tart mouth and clever mind? “Tell me you want me, Evvie, for I won’t have you crying foul that I took you against your will.”
“As if that has ever stopped you.” So much sarcasm dripped from the words, he almost looked for puddles.
“True.” Already, his shaft pulsed with pain-tipped pleasure. He’d explode soon and embarrass himself if she declined. But then, he wouldn’t allow that to happen, for he would bury himself into her heat one way or the other.
“And don’t you think we’re well past the permission stage?
” The damned woman looked up at him with passion-drugged eyes and kiss-swollen lips, and he knew.
The same need etched upon her features fired through his blood.
“I will always want you, Michael. No matter what, and I will never turn down your overtures.”
“You might come to regret those words,” he said seconds before rolling her nipples.
“But tonight, I’m so grateful you are here.
Dinner will need to start without us, for we will definitely arrive late.
” There was nothing else he’d rather do in this moment than make love to his wife.
Without toys or restraints or anything to hide behind or do things to guarantee his control.
In this, the power was balanced, and he welcomed that change.
For a while.
“I guess time will tell.” And she bumped her hips against his, setting off another round of shivering sensation through his prick.
With a grin, he fumbled at the buttons of his frontfalls.
“Why do we never use a proper bed?” Besides, the wall would suit his purposes much better.
She was petite enough that he picked her up and leveraged her against it, holding her thighs while letting the tip of his hardened shaft brush against her center.
“Perhaps that is not who we are as a couple.” She looped her arms around his shoulders. Her fingers at his nape encouraged him with slight pressure, and she sought his lips, lightly nipping the bottom one.
“Oh, God.” That little gesture nearly sent him over.
With one flex of his hips, he penetrated her body, buried his shaft deep in her warmth and didn’t stop until he was in stones deep.
“Bloody hell, Evvie,” he whispered against her lips.
“I promise never to go away from you again.” It had been too much without her, and damn if she wasn’t already so wet that sliding in and out sent pleasing sensations through his form.
“I’m going to hold you to that.” She wriggled her hips to better accommodate his girth, and that movement nearly became his ruination. “Oh, goodness, how I’ve missed this, but truth to tell, I was far too maudlin with you gone that I didn’t complicate pleasuring myself.”
The mental image of that nearly had him shooting his wad, but he bore down and told himself to wait. “In the near future, I’m going to order you to do that for me while I watch.”
“Mmm, I rather enjoy being dominated.”
“Good.” Then there were no more words. He dug his fingers into the soft flesh of her thighs, and as need raced down his spine and tingled through his stones, he pulled out merely for the heady rush that thrusting into her honeyed heat brought.