Thirty-Six Kassen #2
The heavy shame and crawling disgust I’d felt wearing Parable crawled over me.
It’d psychologically screwed me up. For months after being chained, I’d been embarrassingly obedient.
I’d no longer sneaked extra food for my family.
I turned my back on their wounds and refused to slink through the dark to get medicine.
I was a perfect little slave, and to this day, it left oily guilt in my stomach.
I still couldn’t shed the shame. I’d conveniently shoved that memory away—just like all the rest. I forgot what a nasty imprisonment Parable was.
I’d forced Gemma to wear it. The girl currently helping me survive winter.
The girl who no longer looked at me as if I was her enemy.
The girl I was fucking falling for—
Get it off!
The ax handle grew heavy and hot in my hands. I might wear a different end of the chain these days, but it still bound me to this place, to my memories, to the masters who I despised. It made me become that master. It made me the bastard in Gemma’s eyes.
Get it the fuck off me.
Swinging the ax, I didn’t aim true.
I just struck.
I struck and struck, clods of dirt went flying as I hacked at the monstrous chain.
“Wait!” Gemma sprang backward, getting the hell out of the way as I went wild, chopping Parable into pieces just like I wished I could’ve back then.
Storymaker’s ghost slithered in my mind, hissing retribution and pain.
I hit harder.
I would’ve sliced the damn chain into ribbons if it wasn’t for my broken arm sending shooting pains through my bone, making me hiss, sending my swing unstable.
“Stop!” Gem hugged herself, staying a safe distance. “Stop, you’re hurting your arm again! For God’s sake, I’ll do it.”
I folded forward, the ax blade wedging into the dirt as sweat poured down my back. I looked at the massacre. The ground had well and truly been murdered, including the chain that now rested in broken links.
Satisfaction soothed my mania.
It’s done.” Breathing hard, I dropped the ax and stepped back, waiting to see how many metal loops followed me. Not many. Just a short reminder. A length to match hers, no longer joined together—just a memento of so many sick and twisted things.
My knees wobbled as she moved toward me, picking up the short length and tugging it slightly, reeling me into her, a slave caught by a leash.
I wanted to tell her to stop. To let me go. But the closer she came and the more steps she dragged me forward, the thicker the air became.
Every inch of me buzzed with need as we stopped in the middle of the garden, her hands wrapped around the chain as if she never wanted to let me go. I was captive before her, aware my heart had a new master now, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
“I promise I won’t run,” she whispered, her head tipping up, her hair slipping down her back like liquid honey.
I licked my lips. My blood hummed, and my bones sparked, and I couldn’t fucking breathe without inhaling her delicious scent of papaya, soil, and woodsmoke.
Woodsmoke?
I looked over my shoulder to the screen hiding the bath from the wind. Even from here, remnants of charred firewood and muddy ground were visible, giving simple and obvious evidence that the bath had been used last night.
It’d been filled and lit, and I’d apparently fucked this beautiful girl beneath the moon, and we’d kissed and talked, and I—
I can’t goddamn remember!
It wasn’t fair that I’d forgotten.
I was sick of being sick.
I was done with all of this.
The living alone.
The constant hard work and endless loneliness.
The refusal of my mind to give me anything but darkness.
The blank moments. The haze. The constant headaches and mood swings.
I wanted more.
I wanted her.
I wanted her even knowing I might forget her, hurt her...kill her.
I wanted to be nice to her.
But how do I do that?
How did I put aside a decade of animalistic existence? How did I shrug off the beast I’d become and willingly give up my life?
Because loving her would demand my life.
My sacrifice.
My pain.
And I would pay it because the way she looked at me? The way she trembled with welcome, with wariness, with hope—it undid me in the worst kind of ways.
It reminded me of those eight kids who I’d sheltered in the dark. Of my vow to take every rape, every bloodplay, every disgusting game so they didn’t have to.
That was the only part of me that was good.
It redeemed me, even if it condemned me.
But I didn’t know if I had the strength to be that again.
“Kas...” Gemma licked her lips, her blond hair clean and fresh, her body drugging me the longer we stood so close. “You’ve gone white.”
I gulped.
I felt feverish and twitchy.
I wanted to run, to strike, to fuck, to cry.
I wanted her to touch me, all while I wanted her to get far away from me.
I didn’t understand what was happening.
How could I stand so still, all while my thoughts unraveled? How could my heart race with anger directed at everyone, everything, yet my cock hardened with a sudden desperation?
Lust twisted with trust, granting an intoxicating, bone-deep knowledge that I could be true with her.
I could talk to her, and she wouldn’t run.
I could share what I’d done and how I’d been treated, and she wouldn’t look at me as if I was dirty or broken.
It would be a gift.
A curse.
A brand new experience that would probably break me.
“I...I don’t know what to say.” I shrugged, drawn to her body, her eyes, her goodness.
For the first time in my life, I wanted to try out honesty.
I didn’t want to filter, choosing what to say in order to protect the family I’d chosen to guard.
I wanted to speak from my heart even though it fucking terrified me.
“You don’t have to say a thing.” She inched closer until our feet touched and heat ignited hotter between us. “Do you want me to let you go?” Her fingers curled around the chain, tugging on my waist.
Did I?
Yes.
No.
Christ, I don’t know.
“What do you want, Kas?” she whispered. “You’re scaring me, and not in the usual way. You’re impossibly still, yet I know your mind is racing. I see it in your eyes. In the way you clench your jaw and brace your shoulders. You’re fighting something, and I don’t know how to help you.”
I sucked in a heavy breath. “Would you? Help me? If you knew what I’m struggling with? Even after everything?”
She nodded instantly, her hair dancing in the sunlight. “Always.”
Her answer rolled my shoulders with yet another layer of unfathomable emotion.
I didn’t deserve this woman.
Not even a scrap of her.
Whatever had happened last night might always be erased from me, but somehow, we were no longer strangers, no longer enemies.
She had the power to become my fucking everything.
I would fight to the death for her. I would take any beating. I would put myself between her and every monster imaginable.
I would give her everything, and wasn’t that the crux of my problem?
She. Was. Mine.
But in return, that meant I was hers.
Heart, body, and fucked-up soul.
And if I admitted to that, it would be my Fable family all over again.
I would give up my life to keep her safe, even if that meant keeping her safe from me. I would do whatever was necessary to make her happy, and the key to her happiness was to release her.
To let her go home.
Where I wouldn’t be able to watch over her—wouldn’t be able to protect her from men like Storymaker. My gut churned with acid at the thought of Storymaker ever getting his hands on Gemma. Of guests making her scream.
Fuck.
My muscles locked with fury.
“Hey...” Her hand landed on my chest, her fingers pressing against my thundering heart. “It’s okay.” Her hazel gaze glittered with worry, ringed with gold and green, a wisdom that made me feel unworthy and adrift.
I felt so goddamn lost all the time.
I needed an anchor. I wanted her to be that anchor.
But even now, I felt the looseness in my thoughts. The haze of white just waiting for me to snap into forgetfulness.
She swayed closer, her nipples hard beneath her dress. “Do you want me to let you go?” she asked again, her fingers flexing on the chain she still held, keeping me trapped.
I looked down at her hands, one on my chest and one on the remnants of Parable, and I saw a fork in my future.
The chain had all the power to suck me back and keep me imprisoned. I could continue to be a toy for the ghosts inside this mansion and fight demons that would never die.
Or...or I could choose her.
I could finally admit that even though it would drive me insane in a different way, I wanted to be worthy of this girl.
Her.
I want her.
My stomach clenched as she sucked in a breath, sensing I’d reached a decision. The world fell away as I reached out and cupped her breast, running my thumb over her nipple.
She twitched as a noiseless moan escaped her.
I looked up.
I studied this girl who’d trespassed and made my life a living hell, and suddenly, it was all too much. Drawing my hand from her breast, over her throat, to her cheek, I pressed my palm against her softness.
Her eyes snapped closed as her entire body shivered. “You don’t have to hold yourself back with me,” she breathed. “I know...I know you want me.”
Dragging my thumb over her bottom lip, I forced words through a tight and gravelly throat. “But do you...want me?”
Her eyes flared, more gold than green, vibrant with lust. “If you are aware of who I am and where we are, then yes.” Her tongue touched my thumb with a sensuous lick. “I want you. I’ve always wanted you, even while I fought you.”
Pulling her to me, I smashed my mouth to hers.
She gasped in shock as I broke the seal of her lips, driving my tongue deep.
I wasn’t slow.
I wasn’t gentle.
I was hungry.
Fucking starving for things yesterday had given me, and today had wiped clean. I was jealous of myself. Furious that I’d had this girl, I’d come in her, we’d shared things I’d always craved, yet it was as if it never happened.
“You’re mine.” I kissed her rough and mean.
Chain or no chain, she would always be mine.