Chapter 7
After a warming coffee, we headed to Hyde Park. I had the perfect idea of how to play tourist.
‘I get the sentiment,’ said Noah, staring at our reflection in the water, ‘but do you not think we should do this when it’s warmer? I’m back for good now; we could do it any time.’
‘Come on, you know what life is like. You’ll be on the merry-go-round of work and brunches at the weekends, and you’ll never do it.’
I looked around the park. It looked majestic today under the bright-blue sky. It was cold and crisp and the grass was almost sparkling with the frost.
Noah breathed out steam. He giggled and did it again.
‘I haven’t done that in ages,’ he said.
‘See, you’ve missed the cold, too.’
He shivered and bounced a little on the spot.
‘Maybe I have, but I also missed sitting in pubs by fires and drinking warm beer. We could do that instead?’
‘No.’ I took hold of his arm and gently pulled him towards the pedal boats on the edge of the lake. The man took our money and showed us on a jetty to our boat.
‘I can’t believe we’re doing this. What if we fall in?’
‘Ha, listen to you. Aren’t you always telling me to take more risks?
’ I climbed in the best I could in my heeled boots.
The pedalo rocked and I saw that the floor of it had the same icy white sheen as the grass.
I was starting to doubt that it was a good idea, but I felt that I’d gone too far to turn back.
Noah took his place next to me.
I popped my foot on the pedal and immediately slipped off. I quickly put it back on, not wanting Noah to spot any weakness.
‘I’m not sure you’re dressed for this,’ he said as I tugged at my wool coat that was in danger of hanging down in the bottom of the boat.
‘It’ll be fine.’ I gritted my teeth, hoping I wasn’t going to turn up for afternoon tea a sweaty, bedraggled mess.
‘Uh-huh.’
He watched as my heels slipped again, the non-existent grip on the soles doing nothing.
‘Sure you don’t fancy that pint by a fire?’
‘Stick with this, I’m sure we’ll get warmer.’
He threw me a look that let me know he wasn’t convinced.
‘I guess there’s that.’
‘Do you think we should have at least done any limbering stretches first?’ He turned his head to look at me, and the smile was at least returning.
‘Probably. We’re getting old now; my muscles aren’t what they used to be.’
‘I know, we’re positively ancient. Twenty-four, eh?’
We pedalled gently, and there was something comforting in hearing the boat push through the water. There were only a couple of other boats on the lake, far over the other side.
‘Do you know, up until I went to uni I thought I’d be married with kids at twenty four?’ I said.
‘Really?’
‘Uh-huh, it seemed like a really grown-up age.’
An image of me in dungarees with a baby bump and a paint roller popped into my mind. I’d always had this weird fantasy of painting a nursery in a London townhouse. The kind that, now I lived here, I realised I’d never be able to afford, along with the husband that was too perfect to ever exist.
‘Yeah, anything over twenty felt ancient. But I guess in our parents’ generation that would have been our life. My parents met and got married at twenty-two. I’m already behind schedule on their plan.’
I watched a duck nearby put his head under the water and it made me shiver at the thought of the cold.
‘I bet they wouldn’t have dreamed that at that age their son would be unemployed and technically homeless,’ he said, a hollow laugh escaping.
‘I’m sure they’d have been proud of your bravery and all that you’d seen on your travels.’
My legs were starting to burn from the exertion of the pedalling. We’d started to increase the pace and it was highlighting how much I needed to start using my gym membership for something other than their power shower.
‘Is that what you think?’
I nodded. ‘Yeah, I do. I know loads of people go travelling, but it’s one thing to go on a gap year before uni, before you’ve got anything to lose. You went when you’d finally got on the career ladder.’
‘Don’t remind me.’
‘But look at the work experience you had in Sydney,’ I pointed out. ‘Sounds like it turned out to be a good move.’
‘Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have left that too. They offered to sponsor my visa, you know.’
‘What? And you didn’t take it?’ I cringed at the tone I’d used, wishing I had been able to hide my disbelief that he hadn’t stayed.
‘Things with Hayley at that point weren’t great, and I felt that if I got a visa that would probably be me living there indefinitely. My parents would have killed me for starters.’ He let out a deep breath. ‘Coming back here, though, seems terrifying too. More starting again.’
We’d almost come to a standstill with our pedalling.
‘You’ve done it before; you’ll be fine. Plus, we’re not that old, I promise. You’ve barely got any wrinkles.’
‘I have.’ He stretched the skin by his eyes. ‘Look, here.’
‘They’re laughter lines, and they just mean that you’re fun. I reckon I’m going to get scowl lines.’ I scrunched my forehead.
Noah chuckled.
‘You know, you did that look a lot a couple of times when we were on our jaunt around Calais and at points I wondered if you were going to murder me if you didn’t find somewhere open.’
He pursed his lips, trying to stop himself from laughing harder.
‘Ha, ha, very funny. I can’t help it. If I’m daydreaming I just kind of stare off into space.’
‘And look like you’re planning someone’s demise.’
I pushed him a little and it only made him laugh harder.
‘Actually, I think it’s kind of cute.’
‘Kind of cute?’ I tried not to blush at the compliment. ‘Me looking like a murderer? Oh, I get it, some kind of sadomasochistic fantasy?’
‘Now you’re talking.’
I shook my head. Noah was the only guy that could take me from moaning about getting old to talking about bedroom kinks.
‘You’re doing it now,’ he said.
I sighed loudly and tried to push my face into a more neutral position, but I was having trouble.
‘You’ve opened a Pandora’s box in my mind with me now thinking about whips and—’
‘Go on.’ He turned to look at me.
‘Noah Matthews. I think we’d better change the subject.’
‘Hmm, yeah maybe.’ He started to pedal again, but I moved my feet further back, just taking in the scenery and watching the life in the park. Dog walkers. Tour groups. Runners. There was something for everyone. ‘Do you ever think about that day in Calais?’
‘What, about how close I came to murdering you?’
‘I mean,’ he said, raising an eyebrow, ‘about how we met. You know, it’s our anniversary today.’
‘Our anniversary? That makes us sound like an old married couple.’
He shrugged. ‘But it’s true. We met four years ago today.’
‘Does that mean it’s our first anniversary? If this is our sixth birthday?’
He paused, as if he was weighing up the answer.
‘Quite possibly.’
‘It’s funny to think that we’ve known each other four years.’
‘It’s gone past in the blink of an eye though, hasn’t it? I mean, so much has changed since then.’
I thought back to the woman I was at university. So na?ve in so many ways, dreaming big, living small, and I wondered if anything had really changed.
‘I guess it has,’ I agreed. ‘Although I think you’ve crammed more into yours than mine. I’ve pretty much just spent the last three years chained to my desk.’
‘Well, you know my thoughts on that one.’
I nodded. Do something different. Take a risk.
‘I wonder sometimes if I should take a leaf out of your book.’
‘Don’t tell me you’re going to quit and bugger off travelling when I’ve just got back?’
My heart swelled a little at the genuine look of disappointment on his face.
‘No, I mean, maybe I should be a bit braver. Mags, one of my work colleagues wants us to set up our own business.’
‘Doing what?’
We were drifting close to a bank and Noah managed to steer us back in the other direction.
‘That’s the million-dollar question with hopefully a million-dollar answer.’ I’d never met anyone like Mags before. She was desperate to be an entrepreneur and I was utterly convinced one day soon she would be. ‘It’s all pie in the sky at the moment.’
‘Could be exciting.’
I smiled. Of course Noah found it exciting. He was one of life’s risk takers.
‘Could be terrifying.’
‘But what have you got to lose?’
‘A load of money we don’t have,’ I said, with a laugh.
It sounded ridiculous talking about it out loud.
That was sometimes the problem with dreams. They existed in a secret part of your brain and could be cultivated and nurtured, but when exposed to the elements they shrivelled up and died.
‘Perhaps I’d be better off just changing jobs. ’
‘Perhaps,’ he said, ‘but then you might end up with another Francis.’
My heart sank. ‘Fucking Francis.’
I started pedalling again. It was getting cold, and as much as my muscles ached, I wanted to keep warm.
‘In answer to your original question, though, I do think about the day we met sometimes. When I need a good laugh. Our faces when the taxi driver pulled up at the wrong supermarket.’ I closed my eyes.
‘Don’t. I’m now that traveller that arrives hours early for flights and ferries in case of taxi problems.’ He started a low giggle. ‘It’s random, when you look back though; we just let Paul talk us into going when we were complete strangers. But it felt like we’d known each other forever.’
‘The mark of a true friendship,’ I said, tilting my head to the side.
‘Hmm.’ He kept his head straight and looking forward, over the park.
My phone started to buzz in my bag and I rooted round to find it.
‘It’s my dad.’ I picked it up, miming a sorry to Noah as I said, ‘Hello.’
‘Hey LuLu, happy birthday.’
I almost dropped the phone in shock.
‘You remembered, on my actual birthday?’
‘Hey, I send you a card and phone every year.’
‘The last one you were a day a late. And you don’t send it, Tania does.’
‘Oh, the last leap year, yeah, well, maybe it’s easier today as it’s a work day. I can’t get away from the date. And everyone is talking about it on the radio.’
‘I know, why do they do it? It’s like this day only comes round once every four years or something.’
He laughed down the phone. I could hear the sounds of a busy office and it made me think of work and if I’d done enough for things to run smoothly without me being there.
Noah pulled a face and I realised that he was mirroring my scowl. I tried to relax and tune back into what Dad was saying.
‘We should be on our way back from Birmingham in time for lunch, so Tania said she’d book a table for half past one. Not far away from the station, if that’s still OK for you to head down?’
‘Yeah, I’m still good for that.’
‘It’ll give you time to get over tonight’s hangover. Are you doing anything nice?’
‘Just out with friends.’
‘Great stuff. Well, looking forward to hearing about it. Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. Tania and Gilly do too.’
‘Thanks, Dad.’
I hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment before I tucked it back in my bag.
‘Your dad remembered on the day?’
‘I know,’ I said. ‘Crazy, huh? And there’s my mum saying that men don’t change.’
Noah patted me on the leg.
‘All men, believe it or not, have the capacity to change. Sometimes it just takes us a while to work out what’s really important.’
‘Good to know.’ I wondered if we were still talking about my dad. His hand lingered on my leg and my eyes fell to it, and he moved it away.
‘So,’ he said, with a cough. And unzipping his small day pack, he pulled out a camera. ‘I’ve got a couple of pictures left on the film.’
‘On the film? Surely you must be the only person alive who hasn’t gone digital.’
‘You know me, old romantic. I love the element of surprise when you get the photos back.’
He held his hand out to try and take a picture.
‘You know, you’re probably only going to get our chins?’
‘I was hoping for my bald spot, actually.’
‘Bald spot? You don’t have a bald spot, do you?’ I started preening his hair like a monkey.
‘Not yet, but I tell you it’s thinning.’
‘We’re getting old.’
‘We’re getting old,’ he agreed, and he stretched his arm out. ‘Say leapling.’
I started to laugh as I heard the mechanical click.
‘Oh, that’ll be attractive,’ I said, trying to get the laughter under control. ‘I guess we’ll see.’
‘One more to go.’
‘Do you want me to take one of you, immortalise your first London tourist trip?’
‘No, no. I’ve got an idea for this one, just you wait.’
Trafalgar Square was always busy but lunchtime had made it even more so.
‘I still don’t get it. What do you want me to do?’ I asked, scanning the scene in front of me.
‘I’ll turn my back, you go off and stand somewhere in the crowd, somewhere not too obvious, but somewhere you can see me, or be seen by me, and I’ll take your photo. Then when I get the picture back, it’s like Where’s Wally.’
‘And I’m the Wally? Right?’
‘Well, yes. But come on, it’ll be a laugh. Adds something to getting your holiday photos back, you get to remember the day and have a little fun.’
‘Right, OK, and how exactly will I know that you’ve finished taking the photo?’
He nodded his head. ‘OK, fair point. I’ll put my hand up and wave and you’ll know it’s safe to come out.’
‘And you’ll turn round again.’
He laughed. ‘Now who’s taking this seriously. Yes, I’ll turn around. It shall be a mystery until it comes back from the developer.’
‘OK. OK.’ Only Noah would suggest this kind of thing. ‘Let’s do this.’
He turned around and I weaved my way through the crowd, turning my back to check I could still see him and he could see me. I was laughing to myself, a childlike giddiness coming over me.
I found the spot I was going for. At the very base of Nelson’s column. I stood by the plinth feeling ridiculous as I put my hand over my chest, mimicking Nelson’s pose. A couple sitting eating sandwiches looked up at me and I smiled. Noah always got me to do the most stupid things.
I watched him turn around to scan the crowd and the sight of him took my breath away.
It was like I’d seen him for the first time all over again.
Butterflies fluttered in my belly. I wanted him to find me, to lock eyes with me, but at the same time I wanted him to look for me in the photo.
He put the camera up to his eye and the next moment he waved his hand, like he was waving for his life, and turned round again.
It took me a moment to get my feet to move towards him, because I didn’t feel like I was walking to my friend anymore. All those times I’d told people that we’d only ever be platonic, but if someone asked me now, I’m not sure I’d be able to say it with any conviction.