Chapter Fifteen
Wren
The past few weeks since Brooks”s store opening have been so busy that, most nights, Brooks and I end up falling into bed from exhaustion. Not only is Brooks super busy at the bookstore, but my schedule has been jam-packed as well. I”ve had some high-profile clients who took time out of their busy schedules to get tattooed by me, and I will be eternally grateful that they are willing to travel to little old Sparrow Falls. The only downfall has been rearranging appointments I already had and a lot of late nights.
Even though there have been some long nights and I”m missing my social life, I”m kind of glad we”ve both been so busy. Things got hot and heavy between Brooks and me so fast. The incident with Jessa, and then his mom dropping the bomb that she knew nothing about me, made me take a step back and look at our relationship. Sure, I was reluctant when everything started, but once I made my mind up, I was all in. I thought Brooks was right there with me, but that day made me question everything.
After recovering from my hangover the next day, I realized how much the situation was still bothering me. I know I should”ve talked to Brooks about it. Instead, I told him I had a client and left. That has kind of been our pattern these past few weeks, with me acting like everything is fine as we both work ourselves to the bone. We”ve both been so tired and wrapped up in our own heads that Brooks hasn”t noticed me pulling away some.
Tonight, I won”t be able to hide away. It”s our first book club meeting at Brooks”s store. Daphne and Meadow will be there, along with Chayse, Landon, Spencer, Emerson, and a few other women they know. Reid tried inviting himself, but Landon shut him down.
Brooks posted our poll on his Instagram, and the response was really impressive. Over 1,000 people commented, with the winning book being Hot Flashes and Hockey Slashes by Marikay Ray and Sylvie Stewart.
Brooks ordered enough copies for everyone who signed up and added more for anyone who might not be able to attend or want to join our club. He also ordered journals for everyone to use for notes while they read. The best part was that he threw the journals in for free as a thank you for being the official first book club.
It”s late in the afternoon, and the shop is pretty quiet seeing as it”s a Tuesday. We don”t have a ton of walk-in business during the middle of the week, which made it a no-brainer to close the shop early today so that we can participate in the book club. Our new hours seem to be working well for everyone, and having River help was a brilliant idea.
I head to see if Meadow and Daphne are done for the day. Neither of them is in their area, so I go to the breakroom and find them sitting at the table, chatting with their books in front of them.
”Hey, no starting book club without me!” They both startle as they turn towards me, making me giggle.
”I hate it when you sneak up on me like that.” Meadow swats at me when I walk past to go sit down with them.
”I can”t help it if you don”t pay attention to what”s going on around you!” I exclaim with a laugh.
”Whatever. We”re just excited about book club tonight,” Meadow says.
”Me too. Is River coming?” Since she was essentially a single teen mom, Meadow is very open with River when it comes to sex. River will join in our book clubs every now and then, but listening to your mom talk about sex would be awkward for any kid, even ones with as close of a relationship as Meadow and River”s.
”No, she”s not coming. She told me she needs therapy from the last time we included her in our book club.”
Daphne and I both laugh as we remember going off book topic and instead talking about our sexploits, like we tend to do. I don”t know if Meadow forgot River was with us and probably wouldn”t want to hear about her mom”s sex life, or if she is just trying to normalize it as much as possible. Either way, Meadow”s TMI had River fleeing from the room as if she was running from a fire.
”Um, do you really blame her for not wanting to come, Meadow? I mean, I wish I would”ve been able to talk about this stuff with my mom instead of her acting like I don”t exist until I can be her perfect little puppet, but no kid needs to know about her mom”s hookup having a pierced penis.” Daphne”s face blushes when she says ”penis”, and I can”t help but giggle.
”What time are we going over to set up?” Daphne ignores me as she changes the topic.
”I”m all done for the day. I was actually coming to find you ladies, to see if you were done too?” When they both nod, I smile happily. ”Good. Then you can come with me to run some errands. Brooks didn”t get his order of plates and silverware yet, so we need to get those. I also want to grab some snacks and booze.”
”Sounds good. Are we walking, or do you want to drive?” Meadow asks as she absentmindedly braids her wild blonde hair.
”I think we should be able to get everything on Main Street. I know it”s early, but we can get everything we need and then bring some takeout back to hold us over if you want?”
”Sounds good to me.” Meadow grins as she jumps up to head out front.
”Me too. I”m going to run upstairs and change, and then I”ll meet you guys back down here if that”s alright?”
”Sure, Daph. I”ll go help Meadow shut down and get everything locked up. Meet us out front.”
I find Meadow watering her plants using water from the cooler we have on hand for our customers. She”s singing softly under her breath as she floats around the room.
My best friend is a total babe with her boho chic style, wild blonde hair, a body that reminds me of Jessica Rabbit”s, and a face full of freckles. She”s also got one of the most beautiful voices I”ve ever heard. The way she sings only adds to the ethereal vibe she has.
I clear my throat so she can”t accuse me of sneaking up on her again, but it”s no use. She startles, letting out a little scream before turning and throwing the cup of water at me. I dodge her missile, just narrowly missing taking a full cup of water to the face.
”Fuck, Meadow. I didn”t even sneak up on you this time. I made my presence known.”
”Sorry, Wren. I was lost in my own world.”
”I know. Honestly, I”m a little jealous. It seemed like a beautiful place to be.” I smile, letting her know I”m serious and not teasing her, but Meadow already knows that. People think she”s eccentric, and they”re not totally wrong, but that doesn”t mean she isn”t perfect exactly as she is.
”Um, what happened here?” Daphne questions as she steps into the puddle on the floor.
”Oh, you know, the little scaredy cat over here threw water at me when I startled her.” When I fake glare at Meadow, she bats her long eyelashes at me, playing the innocent act perfectly. ”Come on. We have a lot to do to get ready for the book club.”
The next few hours fly by as I spend time with my best friends. This is exactly what I needed after the past few weeks and all their craziness. We order an early dinner from The Tavern since we stopped there to grab some of Maverick”s brews. Not everyone is a wine lover, just like not everyone loves beer, so we got both. We took our dinner back to my apartment, where we ate and just enjoyed spending time as gal pals and relaxing.
For some reason, I am anxious when it is time to go to book club and nervous to be the leader of this group. I don”t really volunteer to be the leader of anything other than my shop, and really, I see that as more of a partnership than anything. I”m even more nervous because I know Brooks is a professor and used to doing this, so I don”t want to look like an idiot in front of him. He”s used to seeing me confident, and that”s how I like it.
As I”m setting out the plates we got, I instantly freeze. I forgot Brooks was a professor, not just a store owner. Well, maybe not forgot, but I did a damn good job ignoring it. We”re close to the end of summer, which means school is about to start. I know this because River hasn”t stopped talking about how she can”t wait to go back, but I never really thought about what that means for Brooks, or more importantly, us.
My hands shake as my breaths grow more rapid. Fuck, this is not good. I need to get the fuck out of here before I have a full-blown panic attack.
Waving at Daphne to get her attention, I let her know I forgot something at the apartment and will be right back. My whole body is trembling at this point, and I”m gasping for breath.
I stumble out the front door of the store, glad that Brooks is occupied with a customer and didn”t see me. The last thing I need him to see is me having a panic attack over the thought of him leaving me. I try three times to get my keys in the shop door, unsuccessfully, until a hand wraps around mine, and together we get the door open.
Stepping into my shop, I don”t even register that someone is following me in until a gentle hand on my back guides me to one of the chairs we have for the clients. It rubs small circles on my back. The soothing male voice is trying to tell me something, but the panic is winning out. My fingers are tingling, and I feel like I”m suffocating, gasping for air even more now. No matter how hard I try, my lungs won”t inflate fully, which only adds to my increasing panic. I claw at my chest and throat until strong hands wrap firmly around mine and pin them to my chest.
My body is covered in a sheen of sweat as my stomach rolls and dips, making it hard to keep from puking all over the shop floor. The door slams open, but I still can”t focus on the sound or the fact that someone else is in my shop. I realize it doesn”t matter because I couldn”t see the person even if I wanted to. Whether I did it on my own or someone else did it for me, I find myself with my head shoved between my knees.
A cool, wet rag at the back of my neck stuns me enough that, for a minute, I forget about my panic to see who is here with me. I find Landon and Chayse kneeling on either side of me, watching me intently. I”m so relieved neither one of them are Brooks that I break into a hiccupping sob.
”There you are. Breathe, Wren,” Landon kindly encourages. He grabs my hand and places it on his chest. ”Feel me breathe and try to do just like I do, okay?”
I swear I try, but once the tears start, there”s no pulling them back. I sob uncontrollably as I wrap around myself to hold the pieces together.
It”s been so long since I”ve had a panic attack that I forgot how fucking awful this is. I can register Landon and Chayse here, but I can”t seem to completely pull myself out of this episode. I feel hands on my face, and my eyes finally focus on Landon”s only inches away.
”Come on, Wren. You have to calm your breathing before you pass out. Is this the first time you”ve had a panic attack?”
I slowly shake my head.
”Okay, that”s good to know. Is there anything you”ve been taught to do to help stop them?”
I nod, which seems to make Landon happy.
”That”s great. Do you remember which one?”
I”m still struggling to stop my crying long enough to talk, so I hold up my shaky hand and show five fingers, dropping one at a time.
”Okay, let”s take a deep breath.”
My hand is still on Landon”s chest as I mimic his breathing and stop crying, still shaky and panicked, but having Landon so close to focus on is helping fight the panic back.
”That”s great, Wren. Can you tell me five things you see right now?”
”Your freckles, the little cats on your shirt…” Gulping, I look for more things I see. ”The stickers on the front counter, the green lights on the ceiling, Chayse”s Lucero band tee.”
”Good job, babe. What are four things you can feel?” Chayse encourages.
I take another shaky breath and focus. ”Landon breathing, the sun shining on my cheek through the front window, the AC cooling the sweat on my forehead, and the fringe on the bottom of my shirt grazing my stomach.”
Feeling a little better, I dive into three things I can hear. ”I can hear the music we forgot to turn off earlier, the AC running, and people talking out on the sidewalk as they walk by. Two things I can smell are the clean, antiseptic smell of the shop and Landon”s cologne. One thing I can taste is bile. Yuck.” I scrunch my nose and shake my head, which makes Landon and Chayse sigh in relief.
I slouch back in the chair and rub my hands on my arms. My breathing is finally back to normal, but I feel completely wrecked. All I want to do is go upstairs and curl up in my apartment. I know I can”t do that, though, and probably shouldn”t in case another panic attack comes around. It”s pretty common to have several in a day once I”ve had one, especially if I wallow by myself.
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I see a few texts from Daphne and that the book club is going to start in about twenty minutes. I really don”t want to lead this book club, but Brooks will worry if I bail. That”s the last thing I need right now.
I can”t begin to thank Landon and Chayse enough for taking care of me. It”s been so long since I”ve had an attack that my brain couldn”t figure out what to do to make it stop. Looks like I need to practice my techniques now and then so I can be prepared if it happens again. With the start of the school year looming over us, I have a feeling it’s inevitable, which is exactly why I should never have started a relationship with Brooks. I don”t need to fall back into the constant state of anxiety and world of panic attacks I used to experience for years after my parents left me.
”Fuck, that was rough,” I stammer out as I run a hand down my face.
”It looked pretty bad. Do you usually have panic attacks?” Chayse asks, looking concerned.
”I used to, but I haven”t had one in years. It”s been so long that I even quit practicing my techniques, which was probably why this one was so debilitating. I won”t make that mistake again.”
”Do you know what set it off?”
I furrow my brows at Landon because I know what caused it, but I”m not ready to talk about it yet.
”You don”t have to say anything if you don”t want to. I don”t want to make things worse for you.”
”Thanks, I appreciate that. I”m going to run upstairs and fix up my make-up. I”ll be over in about five if you guys want to head over.”
”Yeah, that”s not happening, toots. We”ll come upstairs with you, and then we can all go together.” Landon stands up and holds a hand out to tug me out of my chair.
I”m about to object when Chayse cuts me off.
”Don”t even start. I know that tone, and he means business. Besides, you”re way more important than a book club. Lead the way.”
I reluctantly head back through the shop and up to my apartment with them hot on my heels. They fill the silence with mindless chatter, and I can”t help but laugh at the way the two bicker and act like an old married couple. I quickly touch up my make-up, knowing there”s nothing I can do to make myself look like I didn”t just bawl my eyes out. Oh, well. At least I”ll be cutting it close to the start of book club so I should be able to avoid Brooks.
When we get back to the store, the girls got all of the refreshments and food set up and arranged the reading area chairs so they”re in a loose circle. The space looks amazing, and I”m happy to see people already here curled up in the comfy chairs and giant puff pillows on the floor. Emerson and Spencer are on the small couch, with a blanket, food, and drinks. They greet us warmly.
”You don”t have to lead tonight if you don”t want to. Landon and I can do it,” Chayse says quietly.
Her kindness has my eyes tearing up, but I fight the tears back and square my shoulders. Chayse recognizes me pulling my shit together and gives me an approving grin.
”I”ve got this. I think it will help if I lead. It will guarantee I pay attention.”
”Damn straight. You”ve got this.”
Arms wrap around me from behind, making me jump and Chayse laugh. That wench knew Brooks was coming and didn”t give me any warning. I cross my arms and glare at her, which only makes her laugh harder.
Brooks spins me around, and I watch as the smile drops from his face and concern fills his eyes.
”What”s wrong, little minx?”
”Nothing. I was a little anxious about running the group, but Chayse calmed me down.”
”Are you sure that”s all?”
I nod, unable to lie to Brooks right now. There”s so much fucking wrong, but now is not the time to deal with that.
”Alright, if you say so. I know you”re going to do amazing. Just kick it off like you”re talking to me and the girls about the book and how much you love it, and all the anxiety will fade away.” He smiles at me then pecks my forehead, nose, and finally my lips, making me smile even though I”m still filled with anxiety.
”Thanks, McSexy. I suppose it”s time to get this show on the road. Wish me luck.”
”How about a good luck kiss instead?”
I nod, thinking Brooks will give me another chaste kiss but am shocked when his hands grip my hair, pulling my head back, and his lips slam down on mine. The kiss is indecent, and I have to remind myself where I am before I climb Brooks like a tree. Catcalls and whistles wring out in the room, putting an end to our kiss. Brooks is smirking and looking proud of himself as he heads to the front of the store.
”Hot damn, Wren. Now, that”s the way to start a romance book club.” Landon fans his face, and everyone else dissolves into laughter.
I can”t even argue with the man, so instead I grab my book, notebook, and a beer before plopping in a chair and starting book club. For the next two hours, the panic fades, and I completely absorb myself in the world where happily-ever-afters are true, even as I feel mine slipping away.