Chapter Nineteen
Wren
I”m surprised I slept as well as I did with the big day ahead of me. I finally get to see and talk to Brooks, and I can”t decide if I am more excited or anxious. Knowing my anxiety will be high until I talk to Brooks, I ask Meadow if we can go to a yoga class. It is exactly what I need to have the right headspace going into this appointment.
When I get to the office, the receptionist tells me I can head back to see my doctor. I don”t expect to see Brooks”s face as soon as I walk into the room.
He and my doctor quit talking as soon as I open the door. Our eyes instantly lock. I was afraid all I”d see when I looked into his was pity and regret, but neither of those emotions are in sight. Instead, all I see is love.
”Hey, little minx,” Brooks chokes out.
Seeing him and hearing the emotion in his voice breaks me out of my trance. I take two quick steps towards the laptop sitting on the end of my therapist”s desk and slip into the chair. Tears are rolling down my face as all of my emotions slam into me. I”m fucking ecstatic to see him and relieved to see love and longing in his eyes, but I also feel guilty, anxious, and panicked about whether or not he”s going to accept me, flaws and all.
”You look so fucking beautiful, baby.”
His reaction makes a laugh burst out. ”You”re delusional, McSexy. I have no make-up on, and I gave up on trying to make my eyes not look like I”ve been crying for a week straight.”
”Fuck, it”s good to see you but even better to see you smile. I fucking miss you, Wren. Please tell me I can come home soon, baby.”
”Brooks.” We both startle at my therapist”s interruption. I forgot she was there as soon as I saw Brooks.
”Fuck. Sorry, little minx. I”m not supposed to ask that, and I totally get why. We need to do this on your time, and I will wait however long you need until you”re ready to see me again. I love you and want—no, I need—you to be happy, but more importantly, healthy. I love you so fucking much and am so proud of you for recognizing you needed help and for doing everything to take care of yourself.”
Taking a steady breath and wiping the tears from my face, I know I”m ready to tell him everything. ”I love you too, Brooks. I think I always have, which was part of the issue. I was so terrified you would leave me that I needed to make sure that didn”t happen. I”ve suffered from severe anxiety and panic attacks since my parents passed. It took a long time to find the right doctor to help me learn how to manage, but thanks to Lark, we did find one. I was finally able to ween off all medications in my mid-twenties and hadn”t had a panic attack in years. Lark and I both thought I had everything under control, but we were wrong. Sure, I was able to manage my anxiety and the panic attacks stopped, but that was only because I was keeping everyone at an arm”s length. It wasn”t until I met the girls that I started letting some of my walls come down. I was so caught up in fulfilling my dreams that I didn”t see the signs blaring in my face. My anxiety was rearing its ugly head. By the time you entered my life, my perfectly crafted walls were starting to fail. And once you set your sights on me, they didn”t stand a chance. Everything was good at first, but little things were setting off my anxiety. Then not so little things, like the issue with Jessa and then your mom not knowing about me.”
Brooks opens his mouth, but I raise my hand to stop him.
”Yes, we talked those things out and I honestly thought I was okay after, but I wasn”t. They fueled my anxiety. I was doing better until the night of the book club. I don”t even remember what set me off, other than the fact that you”re a professor and the school year was starting soon. I know we briefly talked about you working remotely, but I didn”t know to what extent. My anxiety quickly spiraled until I had a full-on panic attack. I sprinted from the store back to my shop. I couldn”t get the door unlocked in my state. Thankfully, Landon witnessed what was happening and stepped in. Chayse also helped me get through it. I know I should”ve told you about it, but I didn”t want you to think I was a complete basket case or that I was demanding your time. To sum it up, I was fucked up and handled it like I always do, by ignoring it and burying it under my walls.
”The phone call you got from your dean created the perfect storm for me. It was my tipping point. My fear and self-preservation kicked in. Instead of you leaving me, whether it would be now or a few months down the road when things got too hard, I”d leave you. It was my attempt to take control, but it completely backfired. The panic attack I had once I made it back to my apartment was fucking brutal. I basically lost the whole day and have no idea how long it would”ve gone on if Lark hadn”t shown up. I spilled my guts. Together, we decided I needed help and immediately. I don”t know how I got so lucky to find this practice and you,” I say, turning towards my doctor, ”but I will be eternally grateful for what you did. I know how lucky I am that you and I clicked, and I can”t thank you enough for taking my issues seriously and fitting me into your schedule every day since.”
Turning back towards Brooks, I can see tears running down his face as he sits on the edge of his chair.
”I think that sums everything up. I”m a fucking mess, but I recognize that now. I am going to continue to put my mental health first because I want to be the best version of myself that I can be, not only for you but for me too. I fucking miss you so much, and it”s been killing me to not take my phone back and call you. I”m sorry for putting you through this, but I knew if I did break down before I was ready, I”d lean too heavily on you. I was too afraid we”d end up in this same situation again, and I just couldn”t risk it. I”m so fucking sorry, and I love you so much, Brooks. Can you please forgive me and come home?”
The smile that breaks out on Brooks”s face takes my breath away.
”Yes, little minx. Everything is forgiven. I promise I will be home as soon as I can. I have one class to teach tomorrow and then another Friday afternoon, but I promise you I”ll be home for dinner Friday evening.”
I”m fucking disappointed that I have to wait two more days to see him, and it must show on my face. Brooks looks pained as he stares back at me, and I feel guilty again for causing him more pain. I want to spiral, but I stop when my therapist squeezes my hand.
”Don”t bury it. Tell him what you”re feeling, even if it”s uncomfortable.”
”Please, Wren. I might be upset, but I”d rather know so we can work through whatever is worrying you than having you bury it and act as everything is fine.”
I let out a breath, squaring my shoulders and facing the man I love. He”s right—I need to get over thinking he only wants me when everything is sunshine and roses.
”I feel disappointed that you can”t come home today. I also feel guilty for the way you looked pained a minute ago. I don”t want to cause you pain because I”m feeling insecure and missing you.”
”Little minx, if it were at all possible, I”d be with you right now. Sparrow Falls—but more importantly, you—are my home now. I can”t fucking wait to get back. I have some exciting things I need to talk about with you, but I”d rather do it face to face so you can see how sincere and excited I am about some changes I”m going to be making. Please don”t worry yourself with them. They are all good, I promise.”
Brooks smiles sweetly, and I instantly feel better. I”m definitely curious about what he wants to talk about, but he reassured me that it”s nothing I need to worry about.
The rest of my session is spent with my therapist explaining my conditions more in depth and some signs Brooks can look for in regard to my anxiety and panic attacks. She also teaches him the different techniques I can implement if I do happen to have a panic attack while I”m with him.
Boy, does my man take what she says seriously. Brooks grabs glasses, a pen, and paper to take diligent notes on everything my doctor is telling him. I can”t help but giggle at him looking so fucking cute being the perfect student. I knew he had glasses, but I”ve never been fortunate enough to see him wear them. Let me tell you, they do all the things, making me want Brooks even more than I do.
I hate saying goodbye to Brooks when my time is up, but now that he got all of this out of the way, I feel comfortable texting and talking to him on the phone, and I make him promise to call me later.
Needing to get some of my excited energy out of my system, I head back to the shop and track Lark down. When I get there, he”s made himself at home and is tattooing an extremely handsome blond man I”ve never seen before. Neither of them notices me when I walk in, so I take a minute to spy on my brother.
His work is impeccable, as always, but I”ve never seen Lark so flustered. He”s focusing intently on the piece he”s tattooing, but every time the man opens his mouth to talk, a blush covers Lark”s cheeks. I really wish I could hear what the man is saying, but the shop music, along with the hum of the machine, are too loud and drown out their words.
I wait until Lark takes a minute to wipe the ink away and inspect his work before walking all the way into the space. ”Whatcha working on?”
”Shit, you scared me. How did it go? I”m sorry I couldn”t be there, but judging by the smile on your face, I”m assuming it went well.” Lark is rambling, and it”s making me giggle. He seems more of a hot mess in this moment than I am. I know he was bummed about not being able to go with me today, but I had a good feeling everything would go well.
”Quit feeling guilty. It went really well, and Brooks will be home on Friday.”
”I told you she”d be fine, Lark,” the handsome man my brother is tattooing reassures him while giving his arm a squeeze.
Lark”s cheeks get even redder, making me wonder what”s gotten into him. I quirk my brow at him, but Lark just glares at me.
Dude in the chair smirks before reaching a massive hand out towards me. I hesitantly take it and am surprised when his shake is firm but somehow gentle at the same time.
”Hi, I”m Paxton. It”s a pleasure to meet you. I”ve heard a lot about you from your brother.”
”It”s nice to meet you too. I wish I could say the same, but this is a first for me.”
The giant, better known as Paxton, lets out a booming laugh before shoving Lark.
”I”d like to say that I”m shocked, but it honestly doesn”t surprise me.”
”So, how do you know my brother?” I cross my ankle over the other as I lean back on the wall. Arms crossed over my chest, I glare down at the guy sitting in my tattoo chair.
I”ve always wondered about Lark”s sexuality but never really knew how to bring it up. It”s none of my business, but I”d like my brother to know that who he dates doesn”t matter to me. The only thing I care about is that whomever he”s with treats him like the king he is.
”Paxton is a friend. I”m almost finished up, and then I”ll get out of your space.” Lark repositions Paxton”s arm and gets back to work.
”No need to rush. I don”t have any clients this afternoon. Besides, if you”re going to hang around, you might as well set up your own space. You know the last cubby has always been meant to be yours.”
Lark waves me off, so I shrug and go see if Meadow and River are around.
I find them in the break room.
”Hey, wenches,” I tease as I flop down in the chair between the two of them.
”Well, judging from that smile, I”d say your session with the good doc and Brooks went well.”
”It did. It was fucking torture seeing him and not being able to touch him, but it was a necessity. I”m glad I stuck to the plan and waited until today to talk to him.”
”So, when”s he coming home?” Daph questions excitedly.
”Friday.” I pout, making my best friends laugh.
”Quit being a brat. That”s only a few days. Now that you”ve talked to him, I”m assuming you”re going to keep talking until he”s home?””
”Of fucking course I am.” I pound my fist on the table, feeling more and more like myself with every passing minute. I know it”s partly because of the amazing friends and family I have.
”Okay, tiger. Tone it down,” Meadow teases. ”Daph and I will make sure to cover the shop Friday.”
”Yes, I already have appointments, so it won”t be an issue. What do you want to do to distract yourself until then?”
”How did it go covering my clients last week, Daph? Ezra didn”t give you any shit, did he?”
Ezra”s been my client for years, but until you get to know him, his standoffish attitude and devastatingly good looks can be very intimidating.
Daphne”s cheeks instantly flush, making me very interested in her reaction. She shifts in her seat a bit, not making eye contact.
”It was fine. He was fine. In and out,” she mutters.
I”m curious as fuck, but I can tell she”s not ready to talk about it, so I change the subject.
”Hmm, you ladies up for a hike?”
Both agree, so I take them out to see the falls.
Both of them, along with Lark, Chayse, and Landon, keep me so busy the next few days that I hardly have a chance to miss Brooks. It helps that we are able to talk and text all day long again.
Before I realize it, it”s Friday and time to meet Brooks at the bookstore.
Brooks
I feel a little guilty lying to Wren about when I”ll be home, but I”m hoping the surprise will be worth it.
I am supposed to teach a class Friday afternoon, but I give the students the day off since they all did so well on their last paper. I was already considering doing that before Wren and I had our session today. As soon as we hang up, I start putting my plan in motion.
I text Lark as soon as I send the email about canceling class, asking him to call me. It is hell waiting for him to get back to me, so I use the time to plan an epic date and a surprise for my girl. Needing a distraction, I call Carson and give him an update. I know if I call him, he”ll make sure everyone else in my family knows what is going on. As much as it sucks sending them updates, I need their support and encouragement this week.
”Hey, broski, what”s up?”
”Hey. I”m planning my trip back to Sparrow Falls—”
Carson cuts me off before I can tell him the good news. ”No shit! So, everything went well with Wren today?”
”It did. I wasn”t loving the idea of the first time us talking being with her therapist, but I”m so glad we did it this way. Her therapist called me a little early so we could discuss a few things before I talked to Wren. Our actual conversation went really well, and she asked me to come home. They both wanted me to stay on for the rest of her session, which I”m so glad I did. I have five pages of my journal filled with ways I can help Wren in the future.”
”Damn, that”s awesome, man. I”m really happy for you.” Carson takes a breath and slowly releases it. His tone is serious when he talks next. ”Do you think you could make a condensed version and send it to all of us? You know I can be an ass. I”d never want to do anything to hurt Wren or cause a panic attack, but if I”m around when one happens, I want to make sure I don”t make it any worse for her and can help if she needs me.”
”Yeah, I can do that.” My words are garbled as I get my emotions under control. Carson can be obnoxious, but he”s also got a huge heart and would do anything for the people he cares about.
”So, when are you heading back?”
”I told Wren I was coming back Friday evening, but I canceled my class so I can come back Thursday night.”
”You sly dog. Do you have something uber romantic planned, like from one of your romance books?” Carson teases, making me roll my eyes.
”Actually, I was wondering how bad a tattoo hurts.”
”Seriously? I mean, it doesn”t feel great but it”s really not that bad. What are you getting and where?”
”The ‘what’ is going to have to wait until Wren sees it. But I was thinking about getting it on my left peck.”
”Eh, you”ve got enough muscle that it shouldn”t be horrible. Although, it depends on how close to the sternum you get. It hurts like a bitch there.” Carson groans as if remembering the pain of getting his chest tattooed, which makes me chuckle.
”Noted. Hey, I have to go. Lark is calling me back, and I can”t miss this.”
”Sounds good. Keep us posted, and let me know when I can come see you guys.”
”Will do, man.” I hang up, switching over to Lark as fast as possible. I”m dying to see if he”ll be down with my idea and can”t wait another minute.
”Hey, Brooks. What”s up?”
”Hey, Lark. Do you think you”d be able to help me surprise your sister?”
”Hell yeah. What did you have in mind?”
I spend almost an hour going over everything I have planned and need Lark”s help with. He”s completely on board and thinks Wren is going to love it, which helps relieve some of my nerves.
It”s Friday night, and I just ushered the last customer out of the shop. I put a notice on all of our social media pages that we will be closing early, so nobody will be showing up unexpectedly.
My chest stings, but the entire tattoo process wasn”t nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. I”m meeting Lark and Wren out front. It killed me to be so close to her last night but not be able to see her. I just had to keep reminding myself that the surprise would be worth it.
Double-checking the picnic I set up in the book club area to make sure it”s perfect, I take a deep breath and head out front to wait for Wren.
The moment I see her, she steals my breath.
She looks like a goth princess. Her jet-black hair is in an intricate braid on the top of her head, making it look like she has a crown on. Her make-up is light, which allows me to see the blush rising on her cheeks as I take in every inch of her. She”s wearing my favorite combat boots, with black thigh-highs. Her dress is also black and teases a peek of her creamy thighs. But the best part is her sweet smile and the love shining in her eyes.
”Little minx, you look stunning.” I take a few steps closer, allowing me to pull her into my arms. I place a chaste kiss on her lips, too afraid that if I kiss her the way I want to, I”ll have her naked on the sidewalk. Neither of us need an indecent exposure on our records.
”You don”t look so bad yourself, McSexy,” she purrs as she runs her hands up my chest.
I flinch when she gets to my tattoo.
”What”s wrong? Are you hurt?”
”I”m good. I”ll show you in a minute. Come on.” I wave to Lark, guiding Wren into the store. I make sure to lock the door behind me before leading Wren to my setup.
She gasps and pulls up short when she sees the picnic I have set on the floor, surrounded by flameless candles and a variety of flowers.
”Brooks, this is amazing.” She steps closer, pulling out her phone and taking a few pictures before quickly tucking it back away.
I help her sit down on the floor, and follow suit.
”Okay, I need to get the big stuff out of the way real quick before we dive into this delicious spread Maverick hooked us up with.”
”Okay…” She”s hesitant, but I hope she”ll feel better after I tell her everything.
”This semester is going to be my last one teaching. At least, for the time being. After going back this week, I realized something was missing. While I know teaching is an important profession, this past week didn”t bring me the joy it normally does to be in front of a classroom full of students. And before you mention about being upset from everything going on with us, it wasn”t that. I was missing the spark I usually feel when teaching. I chalked it up to being melancholy from missing you. Then I went down a three-hour rabbit hole of picking out new inventory for the store while I thought I”d been looking for half that time, and I realized that this place is my calling. Everything I have going on here at the store excites me so much. I still get to share my love of books with people, just in a different capacity. So, you”re now looking at an official Sparrow Falls citizen for the foreseeable future, and I couldn”t be happier about that.”
I wait a minute to let that sink in and am relieved when Wren dives into my arms.
”Ouch.”
”Shit, I”m sorry. You said you weren”t hurt.”
”I”m not. Well, not in the general sense.” I unbutton my shirt, showing the new ink Lark did for me early this morning.
It”s a stack of books, the top one with the title Once Upon a Tattoo, just like her shop. Perched on the corner of the stack of books is a beautiful wren.
My little minx gasps when she sees the tattoo, gently running her fingers over it.
”I told you I was all in, and I meant it. I love you, Wren. Now I”ll always have you with me, close to my heart.”
Wren has tears in her eyes as she looks from my tattoo back to my face.
”I love you, Brooks. And I love this tattoo. It”s a little bit of me and a little bit of you, and it”s fucking perfect. Did Lark do it?”
”He did. I hope you”re not mad, but I actually got home last night. Lark and I had to be sneaky to get this done without you knowing.”
”Well, I”m glad you did. This was the most perfect surprise.”
”So, are we all good now? We”re all in?” I ask a little hesitantly.
”Yes, Brooks. I”m all in. I love you, and I can”t wait to see what our future holds.”
”I love you too, little minx. I can”t imagine a future with anyone but you.”