Chapter 20 What’s Love Got to Do with It? #2
Cheri. Tètè. Your mother and I send this card with love.
We send this card with the hope that you will reach back out.
The silence of the last two months has been deafening.
Disrespectful. We do not ask much and do not wish for anything more or less than your happiness.
You have done nothing but wrestle with us for it.
Please call. Please write. Please anything.
It is your birthday to do with as you please, but remember that we are the reason for your birth.
Be grateful. You are a beautiful human being with much to offer the world.
Do not run away from it. Do not hide it.
Be present. Everyone has a past and everyone has a path forward.
In this 34th year of your life, we hope you are able to find yours and march down it proudly. Be you.
Bondye Bon!
Dad you’re getting too thin.
A degree in political science would be much more useful than theater.
I don’t know why you like those fake braids when you have such beautiful hair.
The money you spent on “Coa-chello” could’ve gone into a place you can own.
Constantly having your life choices put into question was psychological warfare, yes, but she was used to it, at least. In her lowest, loneliest moments, she yearned for the comfort of what she was accustomed to.
Eve did consider calling her parents, as requested, but for the time being, her father’s barely legible lecture was enough.
Instead, she scanned and rescanned the hodgepodge of words, hearing his deep, velvety voice and all the hints of Haiti in his intonation.
They meant well. She knew that. They loved her, which was much more than some could say. She wished that were enough.
“Hey.”
Startled, Eve looked up to see Jamie standing in front of her, donning his typical ensemble of jeans and a button-down with the sleeves rolled to his elbows.
She’d been distracted, so she was unsurprised that she missed the approach of his footsteps, but she definitely hadn’t expected to see him anytime soon.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
His gaze was sympathetic as he nodded to the contents in her hands. “You okay?”
She fixed her face and stuffed the card back in its mauve envelope. “I’m fine,” she said. “Why are you here?”
“May I?”
Eve gestured for him to take a seat, which he accepted, claiming a lateral spot on the steps. “You didn’t answer any of my texts.”
“Most people would’ve taken that as a message in itself…”
Jamie appeared disappointed by her answer, his small smile flattening into nothing. Understandably. “I guess I just wanted to make sure this was over before I gave up on it,” he said.
Eve stared at the ground, studying the shape of the cobblestones in the walkway, the unevenness in some places, smooth in others. “How’s your dad?” she asked.
Jamie chewed at his bottom lip contemplatively before answering. “I think he’s as fine as he’s gonna be.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t know. Nothin’.”
His response was disquieting, leaving Eve fidgeting with her envelope while Jamie sat there as composed as ever. “Well, is he okay? Is he in the hospital?” she asked.
“Oh. Yeah. No, nothing like that. Just your run-of-the-mill clash-of-the-parent-with-the-adult-child kinda thing.”
Eve nodded, wishing she couldn’t relate. She showed off her envelope to Jamie. “Birthday card from mine.”
Jamie grimaced, his dark brows knitting over his light eyes. “It’s your birthday?”
“Not until the beginning of the month. They’re just weird.”
“They wanted to make sure it got to you in time.”
Eve pushed a long breath through her lips before shaking her head. “The thing I hate about our relationship is I’m never sure whether I’m the disappointment or if they are.”
Jamie scratched at his bearded cheek before replying.
“I would think it’s a little bit of both for all of us.
And not just with our parents, but for me, it’s every relationship I have.
It’s that push and pull, give and take, am I getting this right?
Am I accepting too little? Doing too much?
” He shook his head, too, and then rested it against the banister, his eye catching hers and not letting go. “I never know the answer.”
Eve’s gaze softened under his, and she regretted that she didn’t have one for him. She wished she were better at this. Better for him. “I don’t know if I can make this make sense to you, but…you weren’t in my plans,” she said. “This”—she gestured between them—“wasn’t in my plans.”
“No, I get that. I didn’t come here expecting to find you either. But we’re here now. And I guess I don’t understand why we can’t just…see where things go. I don’t really know what the issue is, and I don’t think it’s fair for you to just disappear without even explaining it to me.”
“It’s not an issue . It’s me. I don’t know what I’m doing here. But asking me to meet your parents four hours after we have sex for the first time is a lot. It’s too much.”
“I wasn’t asking you to meet my parents .” He frowned and then sighed. “I just wanted to spend more time with you,” he said.
Eve felt herself internally melting at his earnestness. None of this was good for her resolve, her sanity, or anything in between.
“I can see how a request like that would sound overwhelming,” he conceded. “But that doesn’t mean you just stop communicating with me. You can’t just cut me off like that, Eve.”
“I told you I needed time. I don’t owe you more than that.”
“You owe me the respect I’d give to you. God knows you’ve had a wall up from day one, but I still communicate.”
“You can’t force me to be who you want me to be. I’ve never been unclear about who I am.”
Jamie opened his mouth, but then paused. “You’re right,” he said. He nodded as he stared out to the trees ahead, still biting at his lip as a quiet breeze inserted itself into the conversation. “I expected too much,” he said eventually.
“That’s not what I’m saying, Jamie.”
“That sounds like exactly what you’re saying.”
“I’m saying…that I’m scared. Because I like you.” Eve exhaled, the confession taking her by surprise. She already knew it—and said as much to Maya a couple of weeks ago—but she never imagined sharing that news with him. “And the truth is…I just wanna spend more time with you, too.”
Jamie looked to Eve once more, his blue eyes dancing with hers, both of them instinctively basking in the excitement of requited like.
“Yeah?” Jamie asked.
“I shouldn’t like you,” Eve said. “I didn’t mean to.”
“So ignoring me all week was your attempt to what? Undo it all?”
“Whatever it was, it didn’t work.” Eve smiled in spite of herself, her gaze flitting back to the card from her parents, and she wondered whether their wishes for her happiness would ever align with what actually made her happy.
Going forward, she would hold on to her pointless prayers about not falling in love with Jamie.
She still didn’t want to, but she could feel it happening anyway.
Now, she simply hoped, she prayed, that she wouldn’t disappoint him.
That he wouldn’t disappoint her. That somehow, they would both simply make it out of this thing, whatever it was, whatever it turned out to be, unscathed.