First Kisses
Chapter three
Juliet felt as though she had scarcely drawn breath since the moment Christopher had arrived at Laurelwood Manor the day before.
Her memories of Harriet’s wedding breakfast were a bit hazy.
She dimly remembered speaking to her sisters, her parents, a few guests as well; however, she could not for the life of her recall what about.
All she remembered was the dark look in Christopher’s eyes as she had blurted out her sisters’ suspicions. Do you care for him? He had asked, his rough voice sending a shiver down her back. She had not known what to answer, her voice caught in her throat.
Of course, she did not care for Keir. She liked him, yes; how could she not?
He was a very charismatic man with a smile that had the power to light up the world.
She had liked him instantly, for he had such an honest, cheerful way about him that had endeared him to her.
Yet she did not care for him. Not that way.
But was that truly what Christopher had meant?
Had she misunderstood him? Such a simple question, and yet it had stumped her.
Unable to sleep, Juliet rose early and spent a good deal of the morning pacing the length of her chamber.
Her heart yearned to see Christopher again, and yet she dreaded the very moment.
What ought she to say to him? Her limbs trembled at the thought of meeting him alone, of having that suffocating silence linger about them.
Once, they had known how to speak to one another without thinking. Now, however, everything was different.
A lot had changed in six years.
They were no longer the two people they had once been.
Especially not to each other.
That morning, Juliet was one of the last to set foot in the breakfast parlor, afraid to find herself alone with Christopher if she were to arrive early.
However, he was already there, his gaze instantly finding hers the moment she stepped over the threshold.
Juliet felt it like a soft graze along her skin, and she instantly averted her eyes.
Fortunately, conversation was lively that morning, everyone reminiscing about Harriet’s wedding, teasing the new couple and recounting the most precious moments of the day before.
Juliet sat and listened; her gaze fixed upon her plate.
Yet, deep down, she knew Christopher was looking at her.
She could all but feel it. Or was she imagining it?
Was that simply what she wished for? Proof that he still cared?
That she still meant something—anything—to him?
After breakfast was finally over, Juliet found herself dragged along by her sisters. While the men remained behind in the breakfast parlor, the women retreated to the drawing room, yesterday’s setting of Harriet’s wedding once again looked as it had before.
“It is so wonderful to have you back with us,” Juliet’s mother exclaimed as she once more embraced Anne. “We’ve missed you dearly.” After Anne’s parents had passed on years ago, their beloved cousin had come to live with the Whickertons and been like another sister to them.
“I’ve missed you all as well. It feels as though ages have passed since we’ve last been all together like this.”
Juliet helped Grandma Edie settle into a cushioned armchair by the fireplace and then took her place beside her. Leonora, Christina and Harriet managed to squeeze onto the settee next to Anne while their mother and Louisa occupied the other two remaining armchairs.
“This is a snug little drawing room,” Louisa remarked with a grin, one hand draped over her growing belly. “It’s not just me, is it? Because I’m getting larger with each passing day.”
Everyone chuckled. “Don’t worry, dear,” their mother said gently, reaching out a hand to grasp Louisa’s. “It is perfectly normal to feel like this.”
“You mean like a whale beached on the shore?” Louisa demanded with a huff. Then she turned her head and looked at Anne. “Something for you to look forward to.” A teasing grin came to her face, and everybody laughed again.
Everyone except Juliet.
Although she wished she could join in, all of a sudden, there was sadness and regret in her heart. She did not want to feel it, but the sensation remained, stuck and unable to leave like Louisa’s hypothetical whale on the beach.
Never would Juliet be a mother. Never would she know the feeling of a child growing inside her. Never would she share this experience with her sisters.
With a sigh, Juliet reminded herself that she had accepted that fact long ago. Why was she lamenting it now?
Somehow, she had become Grandma Edie’s companion, the task to ensure that their beloved grandmother was well and safe and taken care of every moment of every day had fallen to her.
It was not a thankless task, far from it.
Juliet adored her grandmother as they all did, and yet her acquiescence to her grandmother’s wishes had kept her from pursuing her own.
With a heavy heart, Juliet sat among her family and listened as her sisters, her mother, her cousin, even her grandmother began reminiscing about marriage, about falling in love, about their first kiss.
Their first kiss with the man they loved.
The man they had married.
“Mine was most awful as you recall,” Anne chuckled, her cheeks slightly flushed as she looked around their small circle.
Louisa laughed. “Yes, the worst mistletoe kiss I have ever had the misfortune to witness,” she teased good-naturedly.
Anne glared at her in feigned outrage. “It was your fault. You forced Tobias and me under that dreadful thing.” She shuddered at the memory. “Everyone was watching. I wanted to sink into a hole in the ground.”
Louisa flashed her an apologetic smile. “Yet you have to admit that without that disastrous first kiss, there would most likely not have been a second one.” Her brows rose in challenge.
Juliet saw Anne’s blush deepen. “I suppose.”
“And the second was better?” Christina asked as only Louisa and Leonora had accompanied Anne to the Hamiltons’ house party that year. The rest of the Whickertons had been forced to remain behind after catching a nasty cold.
Anne nodded with a twinkle in her eyes. “Much better.” She sighed.
“Tobias found me the next day in the library. We were alone, with no one watching,” she cast a meaningful look at Louisa, “and…it was wonderful.” Another sigh left her lips before she turned to Louisa.
“What about you? The day you kissed Phin as a dare, was that truly the first time you kissed him?”
Louisa chuckled, and Juliet remembered the hatred that had once existed between Louisa and her husband because of a misunderstanding years earlier. “It was.”
“You kissed Phineas because of a dare?” Harry interjected. “How come I never knew that? Was he surprised?”
Before Louisa could answer, Anne nodded. “Oh, yes, he was,” she exclaimed with a laugh. “She marched right up to him, told him not to read anything into it and kissed him on the mouth.”
Louisa bowed her head, trying to hide a grin, and her sisters roared with laughter. “And then?” Harry pressed, now at the edge of her seat.
With a sideways glance at Louisa, Anne said, “He kissed her right back, far from satisfied with only one kiss.”
Louisa threw up her hands. “All right, enough about me. Tell us about your first time kissing Jack!” Louisa wiggled her brows at Harriet meaningfully.
Harry sighed with a slight roll of her eyes. “Well, he argues it was when I tried to catch him off guard with a peck on the cheek.” She shook her head. “But anyone knows a peck does not count.”
Juliet swallowed, wishing she could neglect a kiss with such ease.
If only she had ever received one; even if only just a peck on the cheek.
She felt her fingernails dig into her palms as she listened to her sisters—her younger sisters!
—speak of the kisses they had shared with their husbands, knowing she could never join in.
Never.
Harry chewed on her bottom lip in thought. “It was some time later. We had discussed kisses and their effect at length—”
“Truly?” their mother asked, surprise in her eyes before she exchanged a meaningful look with Grandma Edie, who chuckled with amusement.
Harry nodded. “Why?”
Leonora grinned. “It sounds very scientific,” she remarked. “Like something I would do.”
Rolling her eyes in a somewhat exasperated fashion, Louisa laughed. “Very true.”
Harry shrugged. “Well, we did. We spoke of want and wanting, and then Jack suddenly looked at me and said that,” a mesmerized smile came to her lips, “he wanted to kiss me.”
“Oh, that’s sweet,” Leonora exclaimed with a sigh. “I think I’m beginning to understand why you call him Sweet Jack.”
“What about you, Leo?” Christina asked gently. “When did you share your first kiss with Drake?”
Juliet watched Leonora tense slightly. Although her sister was not shy by nature, she rather disliked being the center of attention.
“Well,” Leonora began tentatively, her hands folded in her lap, “I…I asked him to kiss me.”
Louisa’s jaw dropped. “You did? Bravo, Leo.” She squeezed her sister’s hand affectionately.
Leonora offered her a bashful smile. “Well, after…er…you know…”
Everyone nodded, and Juliet could all but feel a dark cloud descend over their heads at the reminder of what Leonora had suffered.
It had been roughly a year and a half ago—before Leonora had even met her future husband—that Louisa and Leonora had sneaked away to a forbidden masquerade.
There, Leonora had been attacked by a man in a mask, the experience shattering her trust in men and haunting her every step for months after.
In the end, it had been Drake who had seen her fear and offered his help.
He had taught her how to protect herself, and Leonora had slowly regained a part of herself she had thought lost for good.
“I knew I cared for him,” Leonora recounted, a soft smile gracing her lips as she spoke, “and I wanted to know what a kiss freely given would feel like.”
Juliet saw their mother’s eyes mist with tears, her hands clamped tightly around one another as she listened.
“And?” pressed Grandma Edie from her seat by the fire.
Leonora smiled. “It made me realize I wanted him and no other.”
Everyone cheered, and Leonora blushed crimson.
“Well, who’s left?” Grandma Edie exclaimed, and Juliet swallowed as her grandmother’s gaze passed over her to settle upon her younger sister Christina.
“Chris, we all know that you married dear Thorne because you thought him an awful creature and wanted to protect your friend from being forced into a union with him.” She chuckled loudly.
“We can all see that your opinion of him has changed. Pray, tell how did that happen?”
Christina grinned at them. “Truthfully, our first kiss was a test.”
“A test?” exclaimed Harriet. “What do you mean?”
Christina cleared her throat. “Well, frankly, I had never been kissed before and the thought of being married to him, being…his wife,” her brows rose meaningfully as a slight flush came to her cheeks, “made me somewhat uneasy. I told him so, and he suggested a test.”
“To see how a kiss would make you feel?” Harry asked, a teasing grin coming to her face. “And?”
Christina fought the wide smile that began to spread over her face and failed. “Let’s just say that after our test, I no longer felt uneasy.”
Another cheer went up, and Juliet wanted to weep. How exactly had this happened? How had life simply…passed her by? Nothing in her heart but regret?
No, that was not quite true. Of course, Juliet felt more than regret. She loved her life, considered herself fortunate to be part of such a loving and devoted family and yet…something was missing.
Silently, Juliet rose from her chair. She mumbled an excuse under her breath and then quickly left the drawing room, her sisters’ joyful voices echoing after her.
Closing the door behind her, she stilled, wrenching a deep breath down into her lungs as she closed her eyes and rested her forehead against the smooth wood.
Regret pulsed in her veins, and she felt sadness trickle down her cheeks.
“Are you all right?”
At the sound of Christopher’s voice, Juliet spun around, her eyes wide with shock and humiliation that he should see her like this. She wished he would leave, simply turn and walk away. She expected him to do so—men felt uneasy around weeping females, did they not?
Instead, however, Christopher moved toward her, the look upon his face whispering of concern as his dark brown eyes swept over her. “Tell me what happened,” he murmured a heartbeat before she felt his hands cup her face, the pads of his thumbs gently brushing away her tears.
Juliet stared into his eyes, shock freezing her limbs. He was a stranger. Years had passed since they had really spoken. Yet, here, in this moment, he suddenly felt like Kit again. “Would you kiss me?” The words left her lips without thinking.
Instantly, Christopher’s features stilled, frozen in place as though suddenly turned to ice. His eyes were wide and unblinking; yet there was something in his gaze that…
Humiliation found Juliet like an arrow suddenly piercing her heart. Heat shot to her cheeks, and her breath lodged in her throat. “I-I’m s-sorry. I…I didn’t mean—”
“Yes.” The word flew from his lips, echoing between them.