The Origin of a Life
Chapter forty-one
Juliet was overjoyed and relieved and so, so happy to see Sebastian take to his new family with such natural ease.
Truth be told, someone unaware of how recently the little boy had joined their family would no doubt think him born to them.
It was such a delight to see him with Samantha; after only one day, the two of them were already thick as thieves.
Harriet, of course, was a blessing. She had a way with children, with anyone, that was absolutely disarming.
Juliet watched Sebastian laugh and giggle and smile, and she felt her heart beat with a mother’s relief to see her son happy.
“I’ve never seen that smile on your face,” Christopher whispered as they walked along the garden arm in arm, their breaths mingling in the chilled air. “It is not for me, is it?” He winked at her.
Juliet heaved a deep sigh, one she felt in every fiber of her being.
“I’m afraid not,” she told him with a smile that grew wider as she looked across the small expanse toward the little boy who had come to mean everything to her.
“Only this morning,” she whispered, her gaze never leaving Sebastian, “he asked me if I would ever leave.” The longing look in his eyes was one she knew she would never forget.
“When I told him I would never dream of it, that I would remain at his side until the end of my days, he took my hand and looked up at me in a way that seemed wise beyond his years.” Tears shot to her eyes, and she turned to look at Christopher, a smile tickling the corners of her mouth.
“He said, ‘Good’, and then squeezed my hand. Oh, Christopher, I feel it now. I truly do. I had not thought it possible, especially not so quickly, but now I know. It is true.”
Although joy still stood upon Christopher’s face, a hint of confusion came to his eyes at her words. “What is true?” he asked, reaching for her hand, and pulling her closer before she could flutter away in her excitement.
Juliet sighed deeply, her eyes looking up into his.
“I am his mother,” she whispered, overcome by the awe she heard in her own voice.
“I truly am. I can feel it deep inside. I thought it would take months, at least weeks.” She shook her head, disbelief still rushing through her every once in a while. “But I already know.”
Christopher laughed, then he pulled her into his arms and spun her around in a wide circle.
“You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that,” he murmured once he had set her back down on her feet.
“The two of you,” he glanced over his shoulder to where Sebastian was still playing with Samantha and Harriet, “are two halves of my life. I cannot imagine it without either of you.”
Juliet nodded. “I know. Believe me, I know. But you don’t have to.
” She sank into his arms. “Everything is coming together the way it was meant to be. I truly believe that. For so long, I doubted the course of my life, what I was meant to do, who I was meant to be, but no longer. It was not a straight path—I suppose it rarely is—however, it led me to the very spot that has always been meant for me.”
Resting his forehead against hers, Christopher murmured, “I feel exactly the same way. If only we had not lost these past few years. That is my one regret.”
Juliet lifted her head a fraction to look into his eyes. “Not for me,” she whispered, watching the puff of her breath dance away on the cold autumn breeze.
Christopher frowned, a hint of doubt coming to his eyes, the same kind of doubt Juliet had often seen upon his face whenever his parents had been concerned.
“No, you misunderstand. I do wish we could’ve had these past five years together; however, part of me cannot help but think that if things had been different, if your parents had been different, would Sebastian exist today?
” She lifted her brows in question, looking up into his face.
Understanding dawned, and Christopher nodded. “Yes, perhaps you’re right.” He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. When he opened them again, Juliet could see a question there. “Will you now tell me?”
With a glance over her shoulder, Juliet ensured Sebastian was far enough away to not be within earshot.
“Yes,” she finally said, trying to find the right words.
However, she doubted words existed that would cushion the blow of what she was about to say.
And so, she simply began at the beginning, telling him of her visit to Fartherington Hall.
She spoke of his mother’s objections, objections he well knew, about his mother’s doubts regarding her raising another woman’s child.
“It is almost exactly what she said to me,” Christopher replied, sadness darkening his face.
“When I stopped at Fartherington Hall on my way to Ireland, I told her what I wanted to do, what we wanted to do and…she was appalled.” His hands tensed upon Juliet’s.
“I no longer held back, as I was no longer worried about disappointing her. At that moment, I no longer cared. I spoke my mind until I realized what she thought no longer mattered…and so, I simply left.”
Juliet believed his words, and yet she could see that they pained him. Despite everything that had happened, despite all his disappointments, he still wanted his mother’s affection, her respect, her devotion. And he deserved it, just as any child did.
“I did the same,” Juliet told him, taking his hands, and guiding him farther away from the others.
They walked to the edge of the forest and then sat down upon a fallen log, facing one another, his eyes expectant.
“I think Grandma Edie saw it first. She pretended to need a walk and asked Nora to accompany her. The look she gave me when they left…” Juliet shook her head, trying to express what she had felt in that moment.
“I don’t know. It gave me pause. It made me think that I was overlooking something.
I couldn’t quite put my finger on what she wanted to tell me, and so I simply asked the very question you’ve been asking yourself your whole life. ”
Christopher’s eyes fell from hers, and he bowed his head. A shuddering breath drifted from his lips before he looked up again and met her gaze. “You know, I don’t know how many times I told myself to simply ask her. I don’t know why I never did. It was cowardly of me but…”
Squeezing his hands, Juliet smiled at him. “It was not cowardly. There’s nothing cowardly about wanting one’s mother’s love.” She reached out to brush an errant curl from his forehead. “Of course, it was easier for me. She’s not my mother, and it was not my heart to be broken.”
Nodding, Christopher inhaled a deep breath. “What did she say?”
A part of Juliet shied away from voicing the truth. She knew it would hurt; however, eventually it would be a relief. “She told me that her late husband…was not your father.”
For a seemingly endless moment, Christopher simply stared at her. Then, as the truth slowly sank in, his features all but derailed. She could see disbelief and confusion, as well as denial and anger. However, lurking beneath them all was relief.
Even now.
Relief to finally make sense of something that had always been shrouded in secret.
Relief to finally have one’s questions answered.
Slowly, bit by bit, Juliet told her future husband everything his mother had told her. She left nothing out and spoke of the night that had changed one family’s lives forever.
Not uttering a single word, Christopher listened, his face pale and his hands clamped around hers. Every once in a while, Juliet felt his hands tense almost painfully before they once more released their grip as though he suddenly remembered not to hurt her.
“Are you all right?” Juliet finally asked, knowing it to be a completely inadequate question. How on earth was he supposed to answer? Yet what else was there to say?
Christopher shrugged. Then his gaze moved out toward the horizon, and for a long time, they simply sat there, side by side, watching the chilled autumn breeze shake leaves off the trees surrounding them.
They rained down upon them like snowflakes, beautiful golden snowflakes.
“If I’d known,” he finally whispered, his gaze still fixed upon the horizon, “I would’ve…
” He shrugged, then shook his head, completely at a loss.
“She should have told you,” Juliet murmured gently.
“They should have told you. And yet I can understand why they did not, why they could not. I think they tried to do the best they could. They could not know how everything would turn out. They did not know how it would affect you. I don’t think they treated you differently with intention.
I think…it simply happened. It was one of those things that one cannot help, one of those things one barely realizes. It was wrong but…”
Raking a hand through his hair, Christopher turned to look at her, a weak smile coming to his face.
“How am I supposed to feel about this? Am I supposed to be relieved? Angry? Disappointed?” he shrugged, something hard coming to his jaw.
“I’m unsure if I should cry or rant or throw something or…
” He shot to his feet and began to pace, his hands running through his hair again and again.
Every once in a while, he would stop and look at her before spinning around once more and resuming his pacing.
“There is no supposed to,” Juliet told him as she rose from the log.
“You feel whatever it is you feel. There is no right or wrong. You don’t have to choose.
You can feel disappointed and angry and relieved, all at the same time.
But know this,” she paused and waited until he turned to look at her, “your mother regrets what happened, what she did to you, and she believes she has no right to be forgiven.” Watching tears collect in the corners of his eyes, Juliet stepped forward and placing her hands upon his arms, she looked up into his face.
“You do what is right for you, and no one will hold it against you. However, perhaps with time, there is a chance for the two of you to get to know one another as the people you are today. Should you wish it.”
His lips pressed into a thin line as he nodded his head, then he paused and shook it from side to side. “I don’t know,” he forced out through gritted teeth, the look upon his face vulnerable one moment and then hardened the next. “I don’t know what I want.”
“You don’t have to. Not now. There is time.”
Sighing deeply, Christopher nodded. “Good,” he said, echoing his son’s earlier reply.
It made Juliet smile, and she cupped a hand to his face, feeling his cool cheek against her warm skin.
Then he blinked, and his gaze focused upon hers.
Something urgent lay in his eyes, and he grabbed her as though afraid she would dissolve into thin air.
“You’re my family,” he said then, vehemence in his voice.
“You’ve always been my family, Jules. Whenever my parents broke my heart with their rejection, you were there.
You’ve always been there.” Tears rolled down his cheeks.
“I was a fool not to see it sooner. I should have. I wish I had. But I know now, and I will never let you go again, do you hear me?”
Blinking back tears, Juliet nodded. “I do. I hear you, Kit.”
A smile sparked on his face. “I love you and I want us to be a family. Will you marry me?”
Juliet chuckled. “You’re asking me again? Did I not already say yes?”
Christopher shrugged, the look on his face softening, as it was now marked by happiness. “I find I enjoy proposing to you…and hearing your answer.”
Understanding the doubts that still clawed at his heart, Juliet pushed closer, her nose almost touching his as she looked deep into his eyes. “Ask me as often as you need to but know that my answer will always be yes.”
Swallowing, he nodded, and Juliet could see how desperately he had needed her to say those words. “Good,” he mumbled once more before hauling her into his arms and kissing her soundly.
Oh, despite everything that had happened and everything that remained to be seen, Juliet had never felt more at peace.
Patience had indeed been rewarded.
More than she ever would have dared to hope.