8. Kalel
Kalel
Alira’s shoulders tense when I ask her if she’s okay.
She slowly looks back at me, her lovely silver hair drenched.
My little godling is sitting in a few inches of water, but it looks like she was completely submerged at one point.
Did she fall in? She must be freezing. I reach for her, and she flinches, watching me with a stare that I haven’t seen on her since the day her kingdom handed her over.
Distrust.
I retract my hand, fingers curling into my palm as I do.
My pulse is racing.
What did the wisp show her?
The wariness in her gaze cuts me deeper than any blade ever could. It edges my soul with the need to fix whatever is wrong. The gods have made it clear by sending the wisp that they intend to show her things…to turn her against me, I’d bet.
I need to tell her the truth first. She needs to hear it from me, or it will only be worse.
But how do I tell her? My gut wrenches as I offer her my hand once more.
“We need to warm you up, Alira,” I say gently, and after a moment of hesitation, she slides her hand onto mine.
It’s ice cold. Dusk has already come upon us, so there’s no sense in hurrying out.
Whatever phantoms we may see must be dealt with on sheer will.
As long as we stay together, we will be fine.
“How did you get completely soaked? The water is only a few inches deep here.” My voice carries the worry in my chest.
She blinks and looks down at her hands, which have paled significantly as her circulation slows from the cold settling in. “I…I don’t know.” Her voice is distant with thought.
I scoop her up and wrap her in my cloak before carrying her alongside the cliffside until we reach an area where the incline isn’t nearly as steep. She’s quiet as I make my way up. There are a thousand things I try to say, but they won’t come out.
Did the wisp show her the demigods waiting outside the veil? Ready for war? Or did it show her Pluto granting my prayer after she led the raid on Thornhall and me placing a curse on her? Horror seeps into my chest. The time-loop curse was cruel of me, but we are only here together because of it.
My thoughts are enough to run me ragged. No. If she saw any of that, she would be fighting to get away from me.
It’s not hatred in her eyes. It’s uncertainty.
The gods are anything but vague when they choose to send wisps.
I try to push these thoughts away as we finally reach the horses on the top of the plateau.
Thankfully, I managed to find my comrades before descending.
Nikolai and Tessa have the horses secured, so if they get spooked again, they won’t be able to run off.
My eyes linger on Tessa. Her expression is set like stone, but I know her better than most. She’s furious that Alira broke formation on purpose. And with how high the tensions have been with the looming war at our kingdom’s door, I’m not sure she’ll risk not telling King Achill.
If she does, he’ll lock Alira up for this stunt.
I place my godling on my lap so I can keep her warm on the ride back to Devicit.
“Let’s get the fuck out of here before something sinister shows up. A wisp is the least of our worries,” Nikolai says as he tugs the reins. His horse turns sharply and starts running toward the bridge.
My heart races, and I look around the thick mist warily. “He’s right. I’ll deal with you once we are on the other side.” My tone has a bite to it, but I’m not sure she even heard it. Alira’s mind seems elsewhere.
It’s long past nightfall thanks to the detour, but luckily, we don’t run into anything too otherworldly before crossing the bridge back onto the mainland.
Though I know the stories of unexplainable things happening after dusk must be true because shadows have been following us since the sun set.
Thank the gods they keep to the fog. Every hair on the back of my neck stays up until the moment we cross the bridge.
The eerie feeling that wrapped around us falls like a sheet, and I can breathe again.
We won’t make it back to the palace until late in the evening, and the fresh snow was unexpected, so I find the old cave I use from time to time when the weather acts out like this for us to spend the night.
Tessa opposes the plan to make the trip back longer, but I remind her that Alira isn’t immune to the cold like we are. She wrinkles her nose but ultimately agrees.
Nikolai gets a roaring fire going rather easily. His arcane skills come in handy more often than they don’t. He’s been quiet since the wisp ordeal. We all have. Everyone is upset with Alira and she knows it.
Alira sits with her arms wrapped around her legs and my cloak over her shoulders while I hand out the food rations and take off my armor.
Her ocean eyes are glued to the flames, lost deep in thought.
At least her hair has finally dried, but I’m still worried about her core temperature.
I’ll sleep close to her tonight to warm her up.
Nikolai gives me a concerned frown from across the cave as he stokes the flames and nods toward the entrance, likely to talk about what the fuck just happened and what we’re going to do about it.
I give Alira more time to herself as I make sure the horses have everything they need for the night before following Tessa and Nikolai outside into the snow.
“What the fuck happened back there?” Tessa snaps, shoving me with a hard push to the shoulder.
I grunt at the force she packed in it and glare at her.
“What was I supposed to do, Tess? I chased after her and tried to catch her before she got too far, but I couldn’t see a fucking thing in that snowstorm.
Where were you? If you want to play the blame game,” I growl at her, seething from her words but more so from all of it.
This day has been an utter nightmare, first with the Gates of Mortem being open, and now this.
Nikolai takes a deep breath and slowly pushes his hair back. “She was dead set on finding out what the wisp was going to show her… She knows we’re keeping a secret. Of course she fucking knows; it’s not hard to tell. And King Achill having extra guards on her all the time doesn’t help.”
There’s a reason I’ve been keeping Nikolai as her guard for as many of the days as I can.
He keeps me updated on her thoughts and what she’s suspicious of.
The guilt eats away at me, but Alira is no stranger to his ability.
If anything, she’s only more careful about her thoughts because of it, so there’s no telling what she’s truly feeling.
“Did you read her tonight?” I ask, glancing back at the cave to make sure she’s still by the fire. Alira hasn’t moved a muscle. She’s still wrapped up in the blanket, sinking into herself with her knees pulled tightly to her chest and staring into the coals.
Nikolai nods. “She followed the wisp because I wouldn’t tell her what we’re hiding… If I gave her a small bit of information, then we wouldn’t be in this situation.” He shakes his head and turns away from me.
“What situation?” I ask, narrowing my gaze at Tessa. I think I already know, but I want to hear her say it.
Her arms are crossed. She doesn’t look proud of what she’s about to admit, but she says it anyway. “Kalel, you know we have to report this to the king.”
My eyes widen. “Tessa. Alira is harmless. She’s just—”
“Harmless?” Her voice cuts through me, biting with venom. “She led the attack on Thornhall, killing innocent villagers, including your mother. Did you forget? Is that harmless?”
Nikolai whirls at the hatred in her tone and looks at me with worry blooming across his face.
A sword might as well have been plunged straight through my heart.
But responding in rage has never aided me in matters of the heart. So I take a deep breath and look Tessa in the eyes.
“You think I can forget such terrible things, Tess?” I whisper.
She was hoping I’d snap at her. The regret in her expression is instant.
“Alira is my wife. She was desperate to find out what the vision was. No crime or foul play has been committed.”
“Except we have no clue what it showed her. She could be in there plotting against us as we speak!” Her eyes burn with fury. Tessa’s rage isn’t misplaced. We’ve never been able to trust the demigods… And we haven’t known Alira long enough for an established trust to build.
Fuck.
I can’t remember the last time I fought with Tessa like this. She’s always on my side, following orders and loyal no matter what because she believes in me.
“I’m sorry, Commander. My hands are tied. If you think I’m going to let her disobey our orders without consequence, then you need to remember which side of the war you’re on. Are you a demon or a demigod sympathizer?” She speaks as if she’s in charge of me, and it makes my blood boil.
“Tessa…he will put her in his dungeon. Please.” I lower to my knees and dip my head.
Nikolai closes the distance between Tessa and himself and sets his hand on her shoulder. “Tess, I’ve been monitoring her closely. Alira has no ill will toward us. We need to believe in each other, or it will only bring our own ruin—”
“Neither of you has family in the kingdom. You may not care what one demigod on the inside of the veil can do, but I do. Her fate will be up to King Achill. He won’t harm her, and I’m sure he will release her once the Alzhorian army has been demolished.”
Fire consumes my lungs as I stand back up and unsheathe my sword, pointing it at her throat. “That could be years.”
She doesn’t even flinch. “It could be fifty years. Good thing you will live a long life since you’re a devourer. And she’s the daughter of Venus; you both will long outlive the rest of us.” Tessa slaps the blade away from her face and stalks past me briskly.
Every muscle in my body is quivering with fury. “Tess, if you do this…”
Nikolai stumbles after her, hand raised. “Tessa, come back!”
She turns swiftly and kicks him square in the chest, sending him flying back into the snow. I kneel beside him to help him back up. We both watch in disbelief as she mounts her horse and rides into the night toward Devicit.
Nikolai coughs as I get him standing once more. He looks at me in defeat. “Kalel…the king will not be kind to Alira. I’ve read his thoughts.” Nik shudders and swallows thickly. “We can’t take her back to the kingdom.”
I offer him a disheartened smile. “But then we’ll be traitors too. The only other option would be to chase Tessa down and sever her head.”
His eyes flash with horror, but he knows I’m right.
If I weren’t a commander…maybe then it would be different.
We could run away together, and I’d take her back to the small cottage I found in the holy lands when we first brought her back.
Our lives would be quiet and long, filled with softness and peace.
We’d know this world under different circumstances.
Nikolai steadies himself and takes a few steps toward the cave entrance. He stops and looks back at me with a tortured smile. “You could run, you know.”
I grit my teeth and walk past him. “Stay out of my head.”
Alira watches me closely as I sit down beside her and touch her hands. They are a lot warmer now. I blow out a sigh of relief, though I’m not sure how long that will last.
“Where’s Tessa?” she asks, eyes flicking to the entrance, waiting to see the knight walk in.
“She was so worried about the Gates of Mortem that she rode ahead.” The lie tastes sour, and I have to look away to hide the rage I have for Tessa. If she follows through with telling the king, I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to forgive her.
“Is it safe to travel by herself in this weather?”
I want to tell her not to worry about Tessa, but I just nod. Nikolai sits across from us and looks like he’s going to cry. He blinks away the glassiness in his eyes and lies on his side facing the cave wall, leaving his back to us.
I clear my throat. “Alira, is everything okay? What did the wisp show you?” I finally ask. There’s no reason why she shouldn’t trust me unless they showed her the war waiting outside the veil or my sins against her, like the curse or the flowers…
Her eyes narrow with dread, and she shakes her head. “I’d rather not talk about it.” Her voice is just above a whisper.
A frown pulls at my lips. “Was it about me? I don’t mean to pry, but you’ve been looking at me as if I’ll bite you.” I offer a slight grin at the joke.
Her eyes widen a fraction, and she cracks a small smile. “You do bite.”
I chuckle and gently set my hand on hers. “Then what could make you look at me like that? Like you’re afraid.” Bold, but I want her to tell me so I can try to course-correct.
Alira’s lips purse, and it’s evident she’s trying to find something to say. “They showed me a future. One where we are a family, with little ones and the kingdom thrives.” Her words are slow and she won’t meet my eyes.
I study her lovely expression before averting my gaze to the flames, trying to picture what she describes. Even if it is a lie, it sounds beautiful. My soul aches and yearns for even a sliver of that life.
“And they showed me another.” Her tone is heavy.
I look up and meet her icy gaze.
“One where the war has not ended. Devicit falls, and everyone we both care about is dead, including us.” She keeps it short and to the point, and yet it paints a perfect image in my head.
The veil falls. The kingdom we’ve built crumbles to the ground.
Blood meets blood.
My muscles stiffen, and I have to swallow the knot in my throat as I force out more lies.
“We ended the war with our marriage, Alira.” I hold her wavering gaze.
She’s searching desperately for something to cling to.
It only makes me feel worse when her features soften and she seems to not doubt me as much.
I need to tell her the truth.
I need to keep her out of King Achill’s dungeon.
Neither of which I know how to do.