13. Kalel
Kalel
The apothecary I cherished is now made up of only broken glass and ripped pages from my life’s work collecting herbs and my findings on them.
My back is pressed against the wall in the corner of my study, in the ruin of what I’ve done, with my head in my hands.
The way Alira looked at me with such despair and betrayal was enough to kill a man.
Why didn’t I do something when Achill had her taken away to his dungeon?
I just stood there… I should’ve listened to Nik and run away with her while I had the chance.
I never should have returned. After meeting with King Achill when we returned from Mortem, I spoke with him, and everything seems fine.
It wasn’t apparent that Tess had told him about the wisp.
Regardless, I planned to take Alira away after the festival.
I just wanted one more night with her here…
to see my kingdom in a good light before I run off with her and subject her to a life of uncertainty.
My chest shifts painfully with the broken pieces of my heart.
I hate this, but I only have myself to blame. It’s me who lied to her…and if she finds out about the time-loop curse I put on her…or the flowers…
Anxiety rolls through my system and makes each breath cumbersome.
I never wanted to be this way, so why did I do all these things?
“You look pitiful, you know that?” A sharp tongue from a young woman.
I don’t need to lift my head to know who it is. There’s only one maid in my palace who would talk to me like this.
“Nina, leave me be,” I mutter, drunk from the few glasses of ale I had. I never thought I’d use the alcohol I stored here in the lower cabinets. But here I am.
She stomps across the room over the mess I’ve made from destroying my apothecary, broken glass and books be damned, and stops before me.
The sound of her breaths are filled with rage.
I tilt my jaw up and look at her. Before I can take in how truly furious she is, Nina slaps me across the face so hard that it knocks me over onto my side.
“How could you let them take Alira? She’s your wife! She’s no monster. You are supposed to love her and keep her safe. The only monster that ever lived in this palace was you!” she screams and tries to slap me again. This time, someone catches her hand.
Nikolai grips her wrist tightly, wearing a deadly calm expression. “Nina, please gather your emotions and go home,” he murmurs, and the softness in his voice brings tears to her eyes.
“How can you serve under such a cruel man? You’re just as guilty as he is. Her blood is on your hands too.” Nina glares at him before giving me one more disdainful look. She tears her hand from Nikolai’s hold and storms out, running and breaking into a sob once she reaches the hallway.
Nikolai keeps his head toward the door until we can no longer hear her footsteps. Then he drops his shoulders and sighs, giving me a sad look.
“How could you let this happen to Alira?” he says through gritted teeth.
I drag a hand down my face, still a little dizzy from the ale. “Tessa is the one who told—”
Nikolai decks me across the face. It’s much stronger than Nina’s slap. Pain blooms over my cheek, and I struggle to sit back up straight. I lean against the wall and tilt my head back against it. A few strangled laughs escape my torn lips, and the taste of copper spreads across my tongue.
“Tessa did what she thought was right for our kingdom and her family. Did you know this was going to happen before the festival even started, Kalel? Why didn’t you take her outside of the veil?
Why didn’t you do anything?” Nik’s hands are in tight fists at his sides, trembling with rage.
I know he cares about her in the same way I do.
It must be unbearable to see me let her down in so many ways.
“Because a part of me believes that if she knew the truth of everything that we are…she would bring the war right to us. But I swear I didn’t know King Achill was going to act tonight… I thought I had more time.”
Nikolai pauses, just staring at me like he can’t believe what he’s hearing.
“You were hesitant because you had suspicions of her too.”
“If the demigods get in, which side will she be forced to choose? Have you asked yourself this? What about you? You would let your friends and comrades die right before your eyes?”
That hits him. He opens his mouth before twisting his expression with guilt.
“She speaks with the gods, Nik. The dragons.…” My eyes fall to the shattered mirror on the floor, where shards show me fractured reflections of myself, of what a broken man I’ve become.
“Perhaps Alira has these gifts because she has the ability to unite our kingdoms, old friend. Not tear them apart.” He extends his hand down to me.
“Tessa is the only one guarding the dungeon right now. We can get her out if we hurry. We can still make this right. I can’t speak to the war, but I know I will never forgive myself if we let Alira down like this. ”
I glance up at him, tired and hopeless. His gaze leaves no room for debate. I relent and grab his hand. Nikolai pulls me up with little effort and dusts some broken shards of glass from my pants.
I’ve been wanting to tell Nikolai for a long time now about the curse I put on Alira.
The reason I haven’t is that I know it’s too awful.
It’s the worst thing, next to the flowers.
But the fault of the curse belongs solely to me.
I’m not sure he will understand the heartache behind it.
I swallow thickly as I take an unsteady stride forward.
Nikolai catches me and sighs. “Let’s get you some water first. Then straight to the castle. We’ll get her out of the kingdom before King Achill knows anything is amiss.”