Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
ONYX
August
My hand on the doorknob pauses when I hear my mom call, “Onyx?” just as I begin to open the door. I can barely see Cash still fast asleep on my bed through the couple inches. Mom comes around the corner just as I close the door again with a quiet click.
“I thought that was you,” she says with a smile. “You’re up early.”
“Bathroom,” I say as I come toward her. If I hadn’t looked over my shoulder at the door again, she might not have asked anything further.
Mom puts a hand on her hip and raises a brow. “Who’re you hiding?”
I playfully push my mom out of the hall so our voices don’t carry and wake Cash up. Not that I think he’ll wake up. That man will sleep through just about anything unless pointedly being woken up. Or that god-forsaken alarm he sets. I’d rather have nails shoved through my eyes than listen to that.
“Cash,” I answer once we’re in the kitchen.
Mom stares at me as if she doesn’t know who Cash is. Her face is blank for a solid ten seconds, and then her eyebrows knit together. “Cash Ellis?”
Amused, I nod. “I don’t know another Cash, do you?”
“I don’t, but I feel like that’s a line you crossed with your best friend.”
I walk by my mom and grab the juice from the fridge. While pouring myself a glass, I say, “I thought that right up until the morning I learned he wished his brother dead. Out loud. To his brother.”
My words linger in the air as I take a long sip. Facing my mother again, I add, “It felt like a moment of clarity. Benson isn’t the boy who was my best friend, and that boy is just… gone.”
“So you decided to sleep with his baby brother as punishment?”
“Okay, first, he’s almost twenty-one. Don’t call him baby brother. That makes it sound illegal and gross.”
Mom laughs. “Sorry.”
“Second, I was sleeping with him before that day, except that I kind of fucked it up because I did think it was crossing a line, but why should I have respect for a man who respects literally no one, including me? Second… uh, third? I’ve been in love with Cash since we were kids. So…”
Mom’s smirk says she knows that, and she’s just giving me a hard time. She leans her hip against the counter.
“I don’t appreciate your taunting expression,” I mutter and take another sip of juice.
“My co-worker, Hudson, said you’d been walking Cash to and from work. Given the rumors that Benson has now been disciplined and on warning from the Calloways, the island thinks you’re being the extra good guy you are and trying to balance out Ben’s bad, as you’ve always done—”
“I have not,” I answer defensively.
The smirk Mom tries to hide says she doesn’t agree, though she doesn’t respond. “—and protecting Cash from his brother. Given what I know of Cash, I didn’t think he’d agree to that kind of constant protection, so I already suspected something else was going on between you two.”
“And you wanted me to say it out loud?” I raise an eyebrow.
“Of course. I don’t want you to think you can’t tell your mother who you’re dating.”
All the annoyed defensiveness drains out of me. “I’m not keeping him a secret. We’re just… not in a hurry for another Benson explosion.”
“I know,” Mom says. “If I had to guess, at least half the island thinks the same way I do. Cash has never been afraid of his brother. He’s incredibly independent and would not look happy having you tagging along as a defense against his brother.”
“But they’re not spreading that rumor like fire,” I note.
“I think they’re also avoiding a Benson explosion. Also, everyone is preoccupied with Laiken, Lie, and Nason.”
I shake my head. “I kind of wish Nason would get run over by a boat,” I mutter.
“Onyx!”
I’m entirely unapologetic as I take another sip of juice.
She hasn’t been hanging around with Lie and Laiken like Cash and I have.
Hearing the gossip that spreads through the island is not the same as seeing the effects of what’s happening in person.
Sometimes, I think the residents of Kala forget that we’re all human.
This situation isn’t just a juicy story.
They’re people. Laiken and Lie are hurting immensely.
“I don’t take it back,” I say, shrugging.
My mom sighs. “You didn’t hear this from me, but so do I. You just don’t treat your kid like that.”
I pour more juice into my glass before putting the pitcher back in the fridge.
“Cash going to be awake soon?” Mom asks.
I snort. “Not unless I wake him up. He’ll sleep the day away unless he has an alarm set. Since he doesn’t work today and we were up very late last night, I doubt he has one set.”
Mom raises an eyebrow. “Why were you up so late?”
“It’s cute you think I’m waiting until marriage,” I tease.
Mom rolls her eyes.
“Actually, we’ve been hanging out with Lie when Laiken is at work. Lie really needs the company. Last night, we ended up roasting random shit on skewers over the fire pit.”
“Doesn’t Laiken have a grill?”
I grin. “Yes, but Lie and Cash thought it was a fun idea, and we’re there to cheer Lie up, so… skewers it was.”
Mom laughs, and then her expression turns sad. “I hate that Lie is going through that with his parents. It breaks my heart.”
Nodding, I take a few more sips of juice. It’s definitely heartbreaking. While I didn’t spend nearly as much time with Lie as I did Cash growing up, he was around often as Cash’s best friend. I know him. I know how close he was with his father. The pain in his eyes now is bright like the sun.
“Want to wake Cash up in an hour or so? I’ll make breakfast, and we can hang out for the morning,” Mom suggests.
“As long as you promise not to be an awkward mom,” I accuse, narrowing my eyes.
Mom’s wide, far-too-innocent eyes make my shoulders sag. “I wouldn’t do that.”
Sighing, I push myself up from the counter. “Sure you wouldn’t.” I kiss my mom’s cheek on the way by. “Yes, I’ll wake him up in an hour.”
“Good. I’d really like to spend time with you and your boyfriend.”
My heart jumps at the word. Boyfriend. I can’t say we’ve actually had a conversation about being together. Like labels and intent and all that. Is it assumed because we said we love each other?
Cash is still fast asleep when I step back into my room.
I set the juice on my desk and strip back down to nothing.
Then I’m standing over my bed and looking down at him.
He’s so damn beautiful. His hair obscures his face, and though he’s buried under blankets, I can see them rise and fall rhythmically with his breathing.
Gently, so I don’t wake him, I brush his hair from his face so I have an unobstructed view. He has such soft features. Long lashes lying across his flawless skin.
“Why are you always watching me sleep like a creepy stalker?” Cash murmurs sleepily. He doesn’t even open his eyes.
Grinning, I climb into bed and pull him to my chest. “Because I can’t believe you’re my boyfriend. I get to be the one to hold you while you sleep.”
He smiles, though his eyes still don’t open. Cash doesn’t object to my use of the word. He snuggles closer into my chest and sighs in contentment. “Me too,” he whispers.
“Mom wants to have breakfast in an hour. You going to be up for that?”
“She knows I’m in here?” His eyes open. I can feel his lashes against my bare chest.
“Yeah. She asked who I was hiding, and I told her. Is that okay?” I’m not sure why I’m so nervous. Does he want to keep this a secret? What does it mean if he does?
“Yes, I just… is she going to tell everyone?”
I try to ignore the tightness in my chest. “I—maybe? I don’t know. Do you want her to?”
Cash doesn’t answer right away, and a pit forms in my stomach to match the heavy tightness in my chest.
He sighs. Cash shifts so he can look into my eyes. “I’m really enjoying the peace we have right now. As soon as Benson finds out, the sky is going to open, and fireballs are going to rain down, and I’m so damn tired of his anger and hostility, Onyx.”
I take a breath as the uneasy feelings begin to dissipate. I can see the exhaustion in his eyes. It’s been nine years now. Nine years in August since Benson turned into an asshole toward his brother. He’s been living with Benson’s growing hatred and animosity for nine years.
“It’s been peaceful since he was slapped with consequences, hasn’t it?” I ask. I trace the shell of his ear with my finger.
Cash nods. “I haven’t seen him since that night,” he says.
“I haven’t heard the sneer in his voice or had to see the contempt on his face.
I don’t walk out of my room prepared to fight every morning.
I’m not ready for the peace to go away, you know?
Right now, all we have to focus on is us.
You and me. But once Ben knows?” He shakes his head and sighs heavily.
I press my forehead to his. “I understand.” I do. He’s right. I agree. “I don’t want to keep this a secret forever, though. How long are we going to carry on with it just to avoid Benson’s outrage? I feel like we’re still letting him control our lives?”
Cash wraps his arms around me, and his body comes flush against mine.
Which means I feel his hard cock against my thigh.
“Not forever, Onyx. I’ve just lived for so long with Benson being a dark cloud hanging over my life that it’s really nice to have a break.
And not just a break, but I get to be happy with you.
I guess I’m not ready to give that up yet. ”
I press my lips to his for a lingering kiss.
“If you want to tell people, we can,” he says after a minute. I’m far more transparent with him than I thought I was being. “I’m not really hiding. Promise. I’ve been dreaming of you since I was a little kid. You’re the entire reason I realized I’m gay!”
Laughter bursts out of me, and Cash grins, though his cheeks are pink. Which makes me believe him. He’s telling me the truth.
“So… I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, and you’ve been crushing on me since we were kids. Is that right?”
“Guess so.”
“How much time we’ve wasted.” I sigh. “Imagine everything we could have experienced together.”
“I could have been all your firsts, too, instead of just you being mine.”
My hand trails down his bare back to his sexy ass. “I love being your first.”
“Speaking of first. I just remembered you acted surprised that first time we had sex.” Cash narrows his eyes. “Why? I already told you before that I was a virgin.”
“I heard you dated that guy at work and I thought…” I shrug, not wanting to say the words out loud.
“Oh yeah. You thought I was mad at you and hurt that I thought I’d just go sleep with someone else?”
“People do that,” I point out.
“I’m going to slap you if you really think that of me.”
I press my lips to his once more, but I feel how grumpy he is as he refuses to kiss me back. “I didn’t think it was in punishment, Cash. I don’t think that’s the kind of person you are. But I did think you slept with him.”
He gives me a disgruntled look that I’d laugh at under any other circumstances. “Why?”
“I guess… I don’t know. Something someone said, maybe?” I try to remember what gave me that impression. What had I heard? Or was it all fabricated from my own fear of losing him? “I don’t remember why I thought that,” I admit.
“I went on one date with him, Onyx. We got dinner and then walked home. I didn’t even let him kiss me or hold my hand!”
“Why?”
He huffs. “Because I loved you, you fool.”
I laugh and bury my face in his neck.
“Is this your way of telling me you were hoeing it up in the weeks I wasn’t talking to you?”
“Not a chance. I was too busy hating myself for being stupid and pushing you away to realize there were other people around.”
His arms tighten around me. “I love you,” he says quietly. “Let’s not be stupid again. Okay?”
I inhale his sleepy smell until it’s all that fills my lungs. With one arm right around his back, I press the other one between us so I can grip his hard cock. “Yes,” I answer, stroking him gently.
Cash sighs. “I promise, I want everyone to know,” he says, once again calling me out on my insecurities. “I’ve never had something in my life that I’ve wanted every single living soul in the entire world to know about. We can tell people now and get dealing with Benson out of the way if you want.”
My hand stilled on his cock when he said he wanted everyone to know.
Now my thumb just rubs absently around his cockhead as I listen to him talk.
Is that what I want? Yes and no. In the end, there’s no one on this island who has suffered at Benson’s hand as much or as long as Cash.
He deserves to have a moment’s peace. He deserves to have it for as long as he wants it.
“No. Let’s wait a while. You’re right. This past month with Ben’s silence has been… a new world. I feel like it’s a taste of the future when Ben actually leaves.”
“You actually think he’s going to leave, do you?” His skepticism is loud.
“Yes. Either he’ll find his own way off the island, or he’s going to become such a menace that he’s going to be forced off.
You and I both know this is just the calm before the storm.
Benson’s been harboring so much hate and anger for so long without telling anyone what the fuck is going on with him that we know he’s going to detonate. ”
His hips jerk forward. “Look, I love talking about my douchey brother with your hand on my cock as much as the next guy, but how about we put a pin in this conversation, and you jerk me off? It’s the least you can do for waking me up by staring at me like a creeper.”
I laugh and cover his mouth with mine. No more soft kisses this morning. With my body, I push him onto his back so I have better access to his cock and his mouth. The taste of his moan in my mouth is fucking delicious. Morning breath be damned.