Chapter Twenty-One #2
He pulled up his shirt. “True. Is it this tooth that I chipped years ago?” He opened his mouth and pointed to a lower tooth. I’d never notice it before. “Is it my hands? They really are too big for my body, but they come in handy for gripping a football.”
His hands held a master’s degree in doing the most incredible things to my body. They were perfect.
“I’m not telling you because I don’t want you to be self-conscious about it, like what you’ve done to me.” I had nothing. Absolutely nothing on him.
“Then tell me about the very dirty things you think about doing to me.”
Second-degree burns didn’t come in handy for much, except for hiding my embarrassment. “I want to tell you about me. You said I could and I’m ready.”
The jovial mood in the room died and his smile did too.
He cleared his throat and sat up in the chair. “Okay. Tell me. ‘Lake I-don’t-know-your-middle-name Jones was born …’”
I shook my head. “Just highlights. The ones that matter.”
He leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs. “I’m listening.” It pained me to see him stare at the ground, like he needed to emotionally brace himself.
“I met Ben on a bike tour of San Francisco. My friend Lindsay insisted we take the tour because her boyfriend owned the small tour business. They hadn’t been up and going long, so they needed people to take the tours, write a review, etcetera.”
Cage looked up. “You’re a very willing guinea pig.”
I nodded. “I’m game for just about anything once.
Anyway, Ben was our guide for the four-hour tour that morning.
At the end he handed me a purple conversation heart candy that said, ‘Say Yes.’ I stared at it with confusion for a few seconds, and then he asked me out on a date.
It was oddly romantic and totally unexpected.
I felt certain no guy would top his unique gesture.
Until I met you. Beijing for the win, baby. ”
His flicker of a smile encouraged me to continue.
“He gave me a conversational heart on every single date. It’s how he told me he loved me.
It was crazy how I lived for those two or three simple words.
I never ate them. Instead, I kept them in a jar.
On the morning of Luke and Jessica’s wedding, I was supposed to go to the church with the rest of the bridesmaids, but I didn’t.
I wanted my heart. I wanted those little words that meant so much to me.
So I had Ben pick me up and take me to breakfast before going to the church.
” I laughed, the kind that did nothing to ease the pain.
“Ben tried to talk me out of it. He said I should spend my morning with the other women. However, my insistence, my utter stubbornness, won over and he caved.”
“You blame yourself.”
My eyes met Cage’s. I nodded. “How can I not? The truck hit us on a road we never would have been on had I not altered the morning’s plans.” I closed my eyes and whispered, “Ben died and I lived.”
The bed dipped. I opened my eyes.
“Come here.” He leaned his back against the headboard and spread his legs.
I eased over between them so my back rested against his chest. He brushed my hair off to one side and kissed the back of my neck.
“Death is filled with whys, what-ifs, and so damn much regret that it can swallow your whole fucking world if you let it. Ben died and you lived. It’s just a fact. It’s nothing more and nothing less. You can hold onto it or let it go, but either way, it won’t change the fact.”
I rested my hands on his legs and my head against his shoulder. “Is that what you tell yourself about your dad?”
“Every damn day.”
“Does it help?”
“Sometimes.”
“I don’t remember the accident, but I remember the candy heart.
It said ‘Kiss Me.’ So I did. I leaned over the console and kissed his cheek.
I remember sitting back in my seat and adjusting the shoulder strap across my chest, and I remember him giving me the most adoring sideways glance.
And that’s it. That’s all I remember until I woke from a coma three months later without Ben … without my leg … and without Jessica.”
Cage’s body tensed against mine. I kept going, like the proverbial ripping off a Band-Aid.
“Jessica’s parents were murdered, and then she and her brother committed suicide, or at least that’s what we believed.
They received new identities and moved to Omaha while my family grieved for my leg, the uncertainty of my awaking from the coma, and my brother who was left so completely devastated by everything.
“Jessica is the strongest person I have ever known. I have her at rock star status, and I have no doubt that your dad loved her because she’s impossible not to love.
And she never told me what she said to you, but I know her, and her capacity to love is just enormous and her emotions are real, true, and completely unapologetic.
But here’s the thing, my brother loved her, my whole family loved her, and when he saw her—alive—it nearly killed him.
If your dad wouldn’t have died, I don’t know what she would have done, who she would have chosen, but it doesn’t matter anymore.
And I’m sorry—I am so very sorry that it doesn’t. ”
I lied. I lied to spare the last shred of his feelings. Jessica would have chosen Luke, I’d have bet my life on it.
“When my dad left to be with her—to die with her—I hated her for taking him. I hated him for choosing her. But …” He pressed his lips to my head.
“But?”
“But now I have this person in my life, and she’s melted butter and warm syrup on hot waffles, a blues song on the radio at sunset with a cold beer in hand, and the smile on my face when I’m all alone.
And if someone asked me to choose a lasting image to take with me before I died … I’d pick her face.”
I was “her.” I was “she.” The words that left his lips would never really sink into my full conscience.
The accident took so much more than my leg and yet Cage gave it all back to me tenfold.
He didn’t complete me with a part of himself; he just put me back together with all my own pieces.
I shattered and he crawled around on the floor handing me my confidence, my hope, my dreams, my voice, my future.
He mended me then kissed my scars and looked at me like I was nothing short of a timeless masterpiece.
Closing my eyes, I smiled. “I love our story. I love it so much because in every chapter you make me fall in love with you all over again. Let’s never be in love. Let’s fall every day without ever touching the ground.”
“Fuck gravity.” He rested his cheek on my head.
I chuckled. “Exactly, fuck gravity.”