Chapter 17
BOONE
Every night we spent together turned into something bigger. I couldn't help but feel like I was completely out of my depth. So I buried myself in work. I was a little behind, and I had a few new things to work on with my plans to be more intentional with my business.
I was aware that Kennedy was researching and making her decisions. I didn't want to be near her when she was doing that. Her work was separate from our nights together.
It was late when my door opened and Beck walked in. The only people who wouldn't bother to knock were my brothers and Beck. My parents never stopped by unannounced.
I pushed my goggles onto my forehead. "Beck, what are you doing here?"
"Thought I'd check in and see how you're doing."
"I'm good. Just getting caught up on a few things." I pulled the goggles off, figuring he'd stick around for a while and chat. "You want a beer?"
"Sure."
I grabbed two from the fridge I kept in the back and led the way through the door to the back yard. I'd put some logs to sit on, and there was a fire pit in the middle. I handed him a beer and started a fire.
When it was burning, I sat down on one of the benches near him. "What's up?"
"The brewery opening has been better than I anticipated. We don't seem to have slow days. A lot of people are stopping by after work each day, and we're booked with group tastings on the weekend."
"This is what you wanted. Are you feeling like it's time to move onto something else?" He used to travel with his consulting work. When he met and fell in love with Clara, he decided to stay and be more involved with the brewery.
"I still do consulting work, and I can do that virtually. I only travel occasionally when a client insists on it. The brewery is my priority."
"I'm glad everything worked out." They were worried that it would be a bust, and that no one would support the business.
But that was turning out not to be true.
I longed to be in a place like that, knowing that your business was taking off, and you were on the right track.
But I was the one who'd stalled for too long, waiting for my parents to make me a success.
"What about you? You heard anything about Kennedy's plans for the inn?"
"We don't talk about that stuff. We keep it separate for our sanity. I don't want to influence her decision."
He stretched his neck. "So what does that mean for you?"
"I hired Gina to build a website for me, and I'm working with her on some marketing ideas. She's been really helpful so far." I was impressed with her knowledge and enthusiasm.
"I knew you wanted to contact her, but I didn't think you'd move so quickly. I thought you wanted to wait and see what your parents decided."
I picked at the label on my beer. "I'm done with waiting. I'm going to create the future I want."
"Good for you."
"You don't think it's a huge mistake? What if I'm too busy and can't create the furniture they want?"
Beck chuckled. "That's business. They didn't secure their spot, and now you're moving on. You don't have any obligation to them, even though they're your parents. You have a right to build your business the way you want to. If they didn't get on board when you had time, then that's their loss."
"I didn't feel good when I was just waiting for an answer. I felt powerless."
"Now you feel good, like you're moving in the right direction."
"Yes."
"That's the power of deciding. Don't let anyone dictate where you're going in life. You've gotta make those decisions yourself."
"I feel good, Beck. Better than I have in a long time." I sipped the beer, enjoying the evening despite the chill.
"I'm happy for you."
"Everything's working out for us." Beck was further along in his journey, but I wasn't too far behind him.
Knowing what I wanted was the biggest piece of the puzzle.
Now I was determined to build a business that sustained me, not the family.
And I was building a home I could be proud of.
No more living above my shop, no matter how easy and convenient it was.
"What's this I hear about you breaking ground on a house?"
I nodded. "I'm finally doing it. I contacted a few contractors, and I'm waiting for the estimates to roll in. I know what I want, and I'm making moves in that direction."
He clinked his bottle against mine. "That's great."
"Yeah, everything's coming together." So why did it feel a little empty, like something was missing? I was making moves with my business and my future home. What else was there?
"How's it going with Kennedy?"
"You mean personally?" I asked, buying myself a few more seconds to think.
He nodded. "Yeah, you still hanging out with her?"
"Yes."
His brow furrowed. "You sure that's a good idea?"
"I have no idea what I'm doing with her. We spend our nights together, and we don't talk about work, or at least not about the decision she has to make. It's kind of hanging between us." This unspoken thing that's getting bigger each day.
Beck leaned his elbows on his knees. "How are you feeling about the situation?"
"Conflicted."
"Have you talked about it?"
I chuckled. "Other than keeping our relationship separate from work and only getting together at night?"
"Yeah."
"That's what we're doing for now," I said, sensing that was the right move.
He tipped his bottle back and drank. When he lowered it, he asked, "You okay with her leaving?"
A sharp pain settled in my chest. "I don't want her to go, but I don't see how I could get her to stay."
"You gotta tell her how you feel."
"Like you did with Clara?" I remembered that they had a fight about him leaving when his consulting work was completed around Christmas last year.
"Don't screw up like I did. I was used to moving from place to place so I wouldn't get attached to anyone. I didn't want to get hurt. But when you meet someone and fall in love, what other choice do you have? It would have killed me to leave. I wasn't protecting myself by doing that."
"That's a good point." It was going to hurt when she left. "But I don't know what she wants."
"That's why you have to talk to her, tell her how you feel."
I let out a breath. "I'm not even sure what I'm feeling right now. I enjoy spending time with her, but our lives don't really line up. She travels for work and lives in Miami. My business and family are here."
"You don't think she'd move here?"
I chuckled. "She owns a condo on the beach. I got the impression she's really proud of herself for getting that. I don't see her giving it up anytime soon."
"Who says you have to give anything up? Maybe you can both have what you want."
"And that's the question; what do I want? What does she want? And do those things line up?"
"It sounds complicated until it's not. You get to the point where you're in love with them and nothing else matters."
I frowned. "I'm not there yet. My business is here. I can't just start over in Florida."
"You said yourself you haven't made a real go of it here. It's just word of mouth. What would you be giving up?"
I gestured at the building. "My workshop. The house."
"The house you haven't built yet? The workshop that can be anywhere? I'm sure it would be harder to start over in Florida, but you could do it."
"I don't know. I never imagined living anywhere else but here on this property with my family. It's always been my future."
"Things change. People want different things. That's all I'm saying."
He was saying that love changed everything. If I was in love with her, I'd want to move. But that wasn't the case, so I must not feel that strongly for her.
"I appreciate you stopping by to talk about it. No one else knows."
"Are you planning to keep it that way?"
"That's for the best. She's worried about her reputation. She dated someone at work once before, and it ended badly. She doesn't want a repeat."
"She has baggage."
I nodded. "Yeah."
"Her walls are up."
I swallowed some of my beer. "I guess they are."
"And yours are too."
I shrugged. "Who wants to get hurt?"
"When I got over myself and let my walls down, I let love in. And it's the best feeling in the world. I love Clara, my family, and yours. It's so much better than going it alone."
"It worked out for you." That didn't mean it was going to work out for me.
"It can work out for you too. You just have to figure out what you want."
I stretched my legs in front of me. "I can't imagine living in Florida with all that heat and sand."
"Could you if Kennedy was there?"
I didn't want to picture myself on that beach, because I felt good whenever I thought about Kennedy being in my future. "I don't have the answers."
"You'll figure it out. And if you need to talk, I'm here."
"Thanks, man."
The subject turned to the brewery and his thoughts on my business.
He was a consultant for that kind of thing, so his knowledge was invaluable.
I couldn't sell my things far away. I needed to be local, so where I set up shop mattered.
For now, I lived here. And I couldn't imagine moving anywhere else.
Not while my siblings were settling down and would have families soon. I liked being close to McCoy.
I couldn't see myself living anywhere else, but what if that's what Kennedy wanted? Could I move to be with her?
"You're on the right track. You just have to figure out what you want."
"Well, I thought I had things figured out until you showed up. I thought my life was here with my family. I was going to build the business and my house, and now I don't know what I want."
"I just want you to think about those things. Consider them. Don't assume that you'll be fine with Kennedy leaving."
I wasn't deluding myself; I knew it was going to be hard. But I'd get over her eventually, right?
"You all going to build that snow room?"
"What do you think?" He wasn't in the brew bath when we were all talking about it.
"I think it's a great idea. But you know I love risky ideas."
"You think my parents will go along with it?"
"Clara said your mom was interested. I don't know about your dad."
"Yeah, I haven't heard."
The fire crackled.
"But she wanted you to build the logs and trees. I think you should do it. It's a good experience.”
"You think I'll be building a lot of snow rooms in the future?"
He grinned. "If you move to Florida—"
I shook my head. "I thought I knew what I wanted, and then you had to come over and blow everything up."
He chuckled. "I'm just telling you my experience. It doesn't have to be yours."
I heard the sound of an engine coming down the lane. "That must be Kennedy."
"I'll say hello, then get out of here."
"I appreciate you stopping by." I took his empty bottle and dropped it into the recycling bin I kept behind the workshop.
I texted Kennedy.
Boone: Come around back. We have a fire going.
Kennedy: We?
Boone: It's just Beck.
Kennedy came around the corner with a smile. "Hey."
I remained seated when normally I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from getting up and going to her for a kiss. I needed to touch and kiss her, especially since we hadn't seen each other all day.
Kennedy sat on the other side of Beck. "What are you two up to?"
"We're just shooting the shit. Talking business," Beck said.
"You want a beer?" I asked, starting to get up.
"I'm okay. Thank you," she said, and I returned to my seat.
"You working hard today?" Beck asked her.
"I met with Judy and Raymond to go over the snow room. I think they want to move forward with it."
"Seriously?" I asked.
"They said they already knew everyone's vote on the matter."
"Everyone's in favor except for me and maybe Malcolm."
She shrugged. "And majority rules apparently."
"That's how the Harts handle business decisions," Beck said.
Kennedy looked at me. "You're still planning to help with the benches?" She looked around at the ones I had placed around the fire. "It would be something like these, but big enough for two people to sit."
"Yeah, I can do that. I'm not a fan of the idea, but if everyone else is on board—" I let my voice trail off.
"I appreciate that. I like the work you do," Kennedy said warmly.
"You're excited about this snow room idea, aren't you?" Beck asked.
"I'd love to see the final project. I've never actually been inside one before. I've only seen the pictures and people talking about them on social media."
"You know I love the idea. It's just outside the box enough to get people talking," Beck said.
"That means a lot that you think so."
"You going to stick around and see the final project?" he asked.
"I don't usually. But I might come back to see the snow room. It's so unique." Her eyes were bright with excitement. She wasn't thinking about what it meant to leave.
She might visit, but I wasn't sure how I felt about that.
If we broke things off, it would be easier not to see her again.
I wanted to move on at some point. And I couldn't do that if she was visiting or her name was coming up in conversation.
I needed a clean break, but it didn't seem like I was going to get one.
She was thinking about her work, and I was a distant second, but I couldn't blame her. Our relationship was supposed to be temporary. Neither of us were supposed to want more. I was the one who was feeling things, and I had to deal with it.
"Will you have time in your schedule to do the work?" Kennedy asked.
"I can do it now." I was just starting new marketing efforts, and who knew how busy I would be in a few months? It wasn't exactly what I was hoping for. I wanted to make the furniture in the rooms, but it was something. The important thing was that I wasn't depending on work from my family anymore.
"We would love for you to make the outdoor furniture for the brewery, picnic tables, and the rocking and Adirondack chairs," Beck said.
"I already included that in my plans." We always planned that I'd do all the brewery furniture.
Beck checked his phone. "Clara's on her way home. I'd better get going."
"I'll walk you to your truck."
Beck paused by Kennedy's stump. "I'll see you around, I'm sure." Then he continued around the building to his vehicle.
"Thanks for stopping by," I said to him.
"Don't forget to tell her how you feel. It's the most important thing and will save you a lot of heartache."
"Sure thing." It was also the hardest option. I wasn't great at expressing my feelings unless it was displeasure with having to socialize. Telling a woman that I enjoyed spending time with her was outside of my wheelhouse. Especially one that was leaving sooner rather than later.
"You'll do the right thing," Beck said, climbing into his truck.
I wasn't so sure about that. But I was glad he had confidence in my abilities. I was fairly sure that I was going to screw everything up.
It would be easier to let her walk out of my life. If I told her how I felt, there was a possibility that she could reject me. She could say that she didn't feel the same, and that would suck.