Chapter Sixteen
Ruan turned up at the beach Tammy had suggested a quarter of an hour early. He hated being late for anything and wasn’t sure how long it would take him to walk from the nearest parking to the remote cove, so had allowed far too much time.
It was a good job because, from the path above, he could see she was already on the sand, which was partly in shadow from the cliffs that protected it. She seemed to be scoping out the beach but hadn’t started the design yet.
The last section of the ‘path’ required a scramble over rocks so he transferred his focus to clambering down safely and soon he was dropping on to the soft sand.
The constant boom of the surf masked his arrival in the cove, where he and Tammy were the only two people. She had her back to him, hands on hips. She was barefoot in her hoodie, a tan line peeping out from the hem of her denim shorts.
With her hair scooped messily on her head, there was something so natural about her, such unawareness of her own magnificence, that Ruan’s heart rate soared to a new level.
The need to swing her into his arms and kiss her surged through him so strongly that he thrust his hands in the pockets of his jeans and held back. Finally, she caught sight of him and her brow puckered as if annoyed that he’d broken her concentration.
‘Have I missed anything?’ he asked.
Her frown melted away and her eyes crinkled at the corners as if she was pleased to see him. ‘Nope. You’re fine. I only just started.’
Tendrils escaped from her hair, wisping around her face, while the streaks of zinc oxide cream across each cheek made her look as if she was ready for some ancient battle. That combination of toughness and vulnerability was a heady mix, one he was becoming addicted to.
The tools of her trade lay beside her: a couple of slim rakes, the kind his dad used to collect leaves from the lawn, except these were telescopic to make them easy to carry.
‘What are we creating tonight then? I mean, what are you creating,’ he said, hastily correcting himself.
‘It can be we, if you like,’ she said with a sparkle in her eye.
‘The first one is a giant image of a main sponsor’s logo.
They’re a surf clothing company and the logo is a curling wave.
They want me to add a girl riding the wave.
Scaling it up is a challenge and it has to look amazing from the cliffs and in the drone footage,’ she explained.
‘I know you can do it,’ Ruan said. ‘But I appreciate working for a big company must be stressful.’
‘To be honest, it freaks me out a bit. A lot. The fee is more than welcome, obviously, but it increases the pressure to knock it out of the park with my design.’
‘You can only do what you would normally,’ Ruan said, ‘and from what I’ve seen, your normal is amazing.’
‘Thanks.’
‘What about the other two designs?’ Ruan asked, picking up one of her rakes and marvelling at the simplicity of it compared to the sublime results it produced.
‘They’re totally up to me as long as they tie in with the eco ocean theme in a loose way and they “capture the imagination of festival goers used to a weekend of fantastic music, dance and circus performances”.’
He snorted. ‘No pressure, then.’
She sighed. ‘It’s so different to creating art purely for myself.
Sometimes I decide to draw something just because I’ve spotted a new cove where the sea has changed the landscape enough to make the beach the perfect canvas for a piece of art.
I visualise what might fit there, or I’m inspired by the geology or the landscape. ’
‘You must want people to see your art, though?’
‘Yes, but I don’t get upset if they don’t. I enjoy the physical act of creating it, especially somewhere new. If people on the coast paths randomly come across it and are touched by it, that’s a bonus. This festival is huge – the most public place I’ve ever shared.’
‘So what have you chosen for your own designs?’ he asked, hoping he hadn’t added to her nervousness with his questions.
‘I was thinking of a leaping bottlenose dolphin for the second day. They aren’t that common around Cornwall and there are a lot of threats to them. When the sea washes the creature away, it will illustrate the fragility of their existence off Cornwall.’ Her voice became animated.
‘That’s brilliant. It’ll look great from above.’
‘Hopefully.’ She held up crossed fingers.
‘And the third day?’
‘A modified version of the rising sun I did for Dad,’ she said without hesitation.
‘Ah, that would be beautiful, but I imagine it could be challenging for you in a different way?’
‘Yes … but I feel I’m ready to share it with more people.
I’ve practised it several times and it means a lot to me.
When the sun sets, it’s another reminder of the transience of life, and of the natural world – yet it rises again in the morning, and when it does there’s hope.
’ She screwed up her nose. ‘That sounds cheesy, said out loud.’
‘No, it makes perfect sense,’ he said quickly. ‘I know you’ll smash it.’
Her smile seemed rather forced. This was such a big deal for her.
‘Let’s get on with it then.’
She worked smoothly, etching the marks in the sand, at one with her environment, explaining how she transferred the design from an initial paper sketch and iPad design to the beach.
Suddenly, she paused, turned to him with a big grin and declared. ‘Now it’s your turn.’
‘I—’
She planted her hands on her hips. ‘You didn’t think you were here to watch me do all the work? Come on, I’ll show you.’
Ruan took the rake. Obviously, he’d raked up plenty of leaves in his parents’ garden, but creating a piece of art? He felt completely nonplussed and didn’t want to look a fool.
‘No need to look so worried. It’s only a rake. Here. Hold your hands like this.’
Standing next to him, she positioned his hands on the rake and showed him how to move it across the sand with varying pressure to achieve different marks and tones. Her closeness unsettled him and made him want to kiss her again, but they had work to do. And how …
Soon, he was sweating and his lower back muscles were aching, though he’d never admit it. His kitesurfing had tired him out, especially since his injury and long layoff, but this was different.
He had to keep stopping and asking if his ‘help’ was OK and in the time it took for him to do his small area of work, she’d completed three times as much.
The rake hit a stone at one point and slipped from his hands. He groaned. ‘Feels like I’m always dropping things when you’re here.’
Smiling, Tammy came over. ‘I’m not sure whether to be flattered or not.’
Ruan looked into her eyes. ‘Be flattered.’
Quickly, she fixed her eyes back on her design as if she needed to avoid his gaze and any distraction. ‘Let’s have a break. We’ve almost finished but I also need to step back and see how it’s going.’
She produced water and energy bars from her backpack, and they ate and drank.
‘Thanks,’ Ruan said. ‘I’m thirsty and starving. This is hard work and it really gets the endorphins pumping.’
‘Like kitesurfing?’ she said.
He laughed. ‘Not quite. In a different way. Unexpected ways.’
She pulled the claw clip from her hair, retwisted it into a knot and clipped it back in place.
‘Glad you think it’s good exercise,’ she said briskly. ‘Now, the tide is turning. We have to get on.’
Ten minutes later, Tammy called a halt to the work and declared the design, ‘As finished as it would ever be.’
‘Let’s go back up top and take some pictures,’ she said.
Ruan scrambled up the path behind her and stood beside her on the cliff.
When he looked down, the results took his breath away. He had no words for the dolphin leaping across the expanse of sand.
‘That is – I’d no idea it would turn out like that.’
‘Neither had I,’ Tammy said, taking pictures with her phone. ‘It’s not quite right and obviously, the festival is a different beach, but it’s better than I’d hoped, given the time available.’
‘It’s incredible. I can’t believe you created it with a rake.’
‘We created it,’ she corrected. ‘You and me.’
‘I only did what I was told.’
‘You’re still part of it. Part of the creation, part of the landscape. Doesn’t it feel great?’ Her eyes were lit with fire, not only from the setting sun but with passion and joy. Her art wasn’t a job: it was part of her and she was part of it.
Ruan’s pulse skittered when Tammy held out her hand and took his.
That small gesture was so innocent yet so erotic, it sent him off into the stratosphere.
His stomach tightened low down with exquisite pain.
Never had he wanted someone more. Never had he felt as if he’d do anything for someone, abandon everything, gamble it all.
He reached for her and gathered her into his arms. He pushed his hand under her hair, his fingers supporting her neck as he kissed her, tasting the salt on her lips before the vanilla and honey of her lip balm.
She kissed him in return, holding on to him, bunching his T-shirt in her hand, exploring his muscles and pressing tighter against him.
His body responded, predictably yet to the max.
The need was so intense, it scared him. He didn’t want her to know how badly he wanted her, or the way she was scrambling his brain, his nerves, his responses … it made him too vulnerable.
The waves pounded the beach in the distance yet Ruan didn’t care if they broke over him and dragged him under. He wasn’t going to end this kiss for anyone.
‘Ruan …’
His eyes were still tightly closed when Tammy murmured his name.
‘Ruan,’ she said again, louder and making it sound like the key to a magic portal. An open sesame … Where had these fanciful feelings come from? This terrifying jumble of physical feelings and emotions he couldn’t put a name to?
‘Wow,’ he murmured.
‘Mmm. Wow …’
‘I don’t want this to end,’ he said.
She stiffened in his arms. He knew immediately that he’d said the wrong thing. The worst thing.
‘Everything has to end,’ she murmured, lowering her hands to his waist and resting them lightly there, as if she wanted to get away but was letting him down gently. Why had he said such a stupid thing? It was way too soon for her and he hadn’t really known what he meant himself.
‘This thing – between us. Us,’ she said. ‘We should enjoy it while it lasts.’
‘While it lasts? It’s only just started.’
‘Yes, but I want us to have no illusions.’
‘Illusions about what?’
She shook her head. ‘About some kind of holiday romance.’
‘I’m not on holiday,’ he said indignantly. ‘I live and work here.’
‘So you’re definitely planning to stay in the caravan?’ she asked.
‘Well, no. That is only temporary. I – need a more permanent home. I just haven’t decided one hundred per cent where that should be yet. It depends on work and on – other stuff.’
‘Don’t make it depend on me,’ she muttered. Then she spoke briskly. ‘Right, I have to go. It’s later than I thought. I promised to call round to Lola’s to help her eldest with his school art project.’
‘OK … Lucky boy.’
‘He won’t think that, but Lola says he needs inspiration.’ She hesitated. ‘I really enjoyed today. It was fun having a helper and sharing – everything. I just need to take things a little slowly for now. OK?’
‘Of course it’s OK. Take it at any pace you want to. It’s all good,’ he said, torn between hope and disappointment.
‘Thanks. See you soon, then.’
Back at the car, Ruan flicked the lock on his Audi.
She got into her van, leaving Ruan wrestling with a much more pressing problem than admitting he’d inherited a beautiful old wreck. Tammy hadn’t suggested they make another date.
She closed the door of her van.
Christ. He had to try to salvage the evening.
He leaned down to the open window. ‘I’ll call you tomorrow, then? Fix something up?’ he said with a what he hoped was an encouraging, though not desperate, smile.
She nodded and smiled back. ‘Sure. That’d be good.’
‘Great,’ he said warmly. ‘Speak soon.’
With a wave, she started the van and drove off, leaving him on the clifftop, trying to make sense of a mix of conflicting emotions. She’d told him she wanted to take things slowly and then asked him whether he planned on staying around again.
She was as changeable as the sea and as unpredictable: and probably even more of a threat to his previously ordered, safe life. A life that – he realised to his horror – would be drabber and paler without her in it.