Chapter Forty-One
Tammy let Ruan into her flat the following day. He looked tired and very serious yet the gravitas only added to his physical attractiveness. Part of her wanted to fling her arms around him.
‘Are you OK?’ he asked. Judging by the concern etched on his face, she must have looked rough herself.
Even though she felt much better physically since her migraine, her mind had still been whirling with Davey’s prostate revelation.
She’d tried to understand that Ruan had delayed his news for Davey’s sake and he had shown her her father’s letter immediately.
However, she was still struggling to deal with the fact he’d kept Rosewarne a secret from her for so long.
With so many other things on her mind, she’d had to lock that issue in a room to deal with later.
‘How are you now?’ Ruan asked, arms kept firmly by his sides as if he was trying to resist the urge to hold her. He was obviously very wary around her, unsure of her feelings towards him – and probably his towards her.
Tammy would have loved a hug, yet said briskly, ‘Better. Look, there’s something I have to ask you about my mum – and Walter.’
‘Ask away but there’s something I need to tell you too. The day after I left you, I went to see Polly Tremain.’
Her pulse skittered. ‘Why?’
‘Because I thought she might be able to shed some light on Walter,’ he said, sitting down on her sofa.
‘Polly’s cousin was friendly with Kathleen before she went off to Scotland with her parents and cut off all contact with Walter.
Polly also knew Walter slightly when she was young.
Actually, she tried to avoid him because he used to scare off the locals from using the bridleway past Seaspray …
Rosewarne,’ he corrected himself. ‘Obviously, I didn’t say a word about the note from your father. Only you have seen that.’
‘And Dad and Walter …’ Tammy imagined her father’s state of mind when he wrote the warning to his old enemy and grew cold. Even allowing for Walter’s vindictive nature, she couldn’t shy away from the implications of the note.
‘Polly and Deidre said that Walter’s father was a bully. I’m not surprised he turned out how he did, but that’s no excuse for the misery he inflicted on others.’
It all felt tragic, yet she couldn’t feel sorry for the man considering the pain he’d caused, both during his life and after his death.
‘You said Kathleen is still alive?’ Tammy asked.
‘Yes. And she still lives in Scotland.’
‘So does my mum …’ Tammy said slowly. ‘And I’d like to visit her. I need to visit her to find out the truth. Until I do that, I don’t feel I know where I came from or where I’m heading. Do you understand?’
‘Yes. I think I do.’
‘You could see Kathleen too. You want to return her letter and ask more about Walter, don’t you?’
Ruan sat back in the seat and grimaced as if he was by no means sure about the plan. ‘I had thought about going but Scotland’s a big place if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking.’
‘My mother lives in a little town north of Glasgow,’ Tammy said. ‘What about Kathleen? Don’t say she lives on some remote island.’
‘Not now. Polly said she moved to Loch Lomond to be near her family. I suppose it might not be that far from your mum’s place.’
Tammy stood up, and to her relief, her head didn’t hurt. In fact, she felt fired up with fresh energy. ‘Then let’s go together. You could visit Kathleen and I could see Mum. We can share the driving.’
After a brief discussion they soon realised that with their work commitments, they’d be better off flying to Glasgow, and renting a car.
‘Let’s get an Airbnb. It’ll be more private,’ Tammy suggested, but instantly regretted her choice of words.
However, Ruan gave a nod of approval. ‘Better to have our own space.’
‘It’ll be cheaper too,’ she added hastily, realising an Airbnb would be more private but also riskier than getting two hotel rooms.
Even though she was conflicted about Ruan, the temptation to sleep with him would be off the scale.
Then again, how would Ruan feel about it even if she weakened?
She had flung some pretty harsh accusations at him lately …
no wonder it felt as if they were both treading on eggshells around each other.
‘OK. I need to ask Polly’s cousin, Deidre, to warn Kathleen first,’ he said. ‘Can you hold off on the booking until I get an answer? We don’t want a wasted journey.’
‘I’d better warn my mum too. And make up an excuse for visiting to Davey because I don’t know how I’m going to explain that I have a sudden urge to see her after all this time.’
Ruan stood up. ‘I’ll call Polly to set the wheels in motion with Kathleen. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.’
‘Thanks. I’d better call my mother,’ Tammy said with a sense of dread, wondering if her mother would even want to see her.
The gods must have been pleased with them because Tammy’s mother seemed happy at Tammy’s suggestion of a visit. Tammy told her she would be ‘in the area’ with a friend who was visiting a relative. Well, it was pretty close to the truth.
Ruan also heard back the next day. Polly told him that Deidre was ‘cock-a-hoop’ to be part of an ‘intrigue’, which filled Ruan with dismay. He didn’t want any more drama in his life, but Deidre did call Kathleen and whatever she’d said to Kathleen, the woman agreed to see him.
‘Deidre hasn’t breathed a word to Kathleen about the contents of this letter,’ Polly assured him. Ruan hoped it was true.
The stars aligned further in that there were two seats available on the Friday flight to Glasgow and Tammy managed to find a rental apartment in a village midway between Kathleen’s retirement village and her mum’s town.
Meanwhile, Davey proved a trickier proposition.
She couldn’t stop analysing everything he said to her, sifting his words for clues. Davey had sounded exactly like a father: worrying about her all the time.
She’d even taken to looking at old photographs, comparing herself to Davey and to her dad – to Neil.
If she was honest, she couldn’t see much resemblance to either of them; not in the way she could with her mother, with whom she shared eye shape and colour and a similar body shape: petite, with gentle curves.
After everything was booked, she ambushed Davey when he’d finished firing a batch of pieces in the kiln and was relaxing with a bottle of beer. He hadn’t started his treatment yet but that was scheduled within the next couple of weeks.
‘I – er – am going to Scotland at the weekend. I thought it was time I visited Mum.’ She realised she was judging every nuance of his reaction, hoping for a sign – of what, though? Guilt? Fear?
‘Oh?’ he said in mild surprise. ‘Anything wrong with your mum?’
‘No. It’s only that I realised it’s been a very long time since I saw her and now the festival’s over, I thought I ought to go before I talk myself out of it.’ She gave a wry smile. ‘Will you be OK without me in the shop over the weekend?’
Davey looked confused by her reasoning but then laughed softly. ‘For what it’s worth, I think it’s about time you visited her too. The break will do you good and I think I can manage with Breda and Mullet Boy. And I’m not going to pop my clogs while you’re away if that’s what you’re worried about.’
Tammy scoffed. ‘Course not. I only wanted to warn you I wouldn’t be around.’
‘It’s fine. I’m pleased. It can’t do any harm to reconnect with your mother. I know the two of you haven’t hit it off, to say the least, but she wasn’t entirely to blame for the split … it takes two to tango, as they say.’
Or three, thought Tammy, but kept any trace of suspicion from her face. ‘It seemed like a good time. Do you want me to tell her about …’
‘The cancer?’ Davey said starkly. ‘If you like but, for God’s sake, don’t make a drama out of it. There’s no drama to be made. I’m going to have treatment and I’m going to get better.’
‘She’d want me to be honest,’ Tammy said, wondering what her mother’s reaction would be.
Horror? Would she cry? Tammy had no idea.
Davey and her mum hadn’t seemed very close before or after she and her dad split up, though that could be a sign that the two of them felt responsible.
On the other hand, as far as she could remember, they’d seemed on good terms during those happy early days at Rosewarne.
Although she was a child then, and they’d probably have kept any possible secrets well hidden from her.
‘Go, and I hope it brings you both some peace,’ Davey said and seemed suddenly struck by a thought. ‘Are you driving all that way on your own?’
‘No, I’ve – er – booked a flight and rented a car.’
He whistled. ‘Fancy. I’m glad, otherwise you’d have spent most of your time on the roads. Pricey, though. Do you need a bung for the flight?’
‘Thanks for the offer, but I have savings and I haven’t had a holiday away from Cornwall for ages. I have enough beaches here.’ She smiled. ‘The mountains will be a change.’
‘There aren’t many mountains around Glenblair,’ Davey said.
‘Have you been?’
‘Years back before your mum moved there. Mountains don’t change.’
‘True. I thought I’d drive north to see Loch Lomond after I visit Mum.’
‘You’re not staying with her, then?’
‘I booked an Airbnb. I think it’s better if we all have our own space. I don’t fancy sharing the same bathroom with her lot and I know we’ll need to get away from each other at some point, even if things go well.’
‘Good thinking. Well, if you do need any help, let me know … You’ll need a lift to the airport, though?’
‘Thanks, but … Ruan’s taking me,’ she said.
‘I thought I’d let him as you’ll be busy working in the studio.
’ This was where Tammy’s guilt made her feel queasy.
Up to this moment, she’d managed to keep her plans as close to the truth as possible without mentioning Ruan was also coming with her for the weekend.
If Davey asked straight out, she’d tell him but for now, it was easier to act as if she was going alone.
Introducing Ruan to her mother would have seemed very odd to Davey. It was all too complicated.