Chapter Sixteen
To: Myah
I’m coming over. We need to talk.
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Jace hadn't planned on answering.
He stared at the phone from the couch in Ellis's apartment while the television played some show neither of them were actually watching.
Ellis glanced over eventually. "You gonna answer her?"
Jace looked away from his phone. "I don't know."
That wasn't entirely true. He did know. The problem was that every option felt terrible. If he ignored her, he'd spend the night wondering what she wanted to say. If he answered, he'd have to hear it.
The explanations, the apologies, the excuses. Whatever she had left. Because he'd already heard enough. Hadn't he? The bet. The secret. The humiliation. The realization that he'd been the only person in the room who didn't know what was happening.
He'd spent days replaying every conversation. Every smile, every touch, every moment he'd thought something wonderful was beginning.
Had any of it been real? The question poisoned everything.
His phone buzzed again.
From: Myah
I'm not asking you to forgive me.
Another buzz.
From: Myah
I just need you to let me explain.
Jace closed his eyes and sighed.
Ellis groaned, "You're miserable."
"Thanks." Jace scowled at his friend.
"And she's miserable."
Jace laughed once. Humorless. "Good."
The second the word left his mouth, guilt followed. Because it wasn't true. Or maybe it was. Maybe part of him wanted her to hurt. Wanted her to understand what she'd done. Wanted her to feel even a fraction of what he'd felt sitting there while she confessed.
Ellis leaned forward."Go talk to her."
Jace looked over. "Why?"
"Because whether you stay mad or forgive her, you're not moving on until you do." Ellis frowned, “And your pouting is starting to look pathetic.”
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The drive felt longer than usual. His stomach twisted harder the closer he got. He almost turned around twice.
By the time he parked outside her apartment, he was already exhausted. One conversation. That's all. One conversation. Then he'd decide what happened next.
He climbed the stairs before knocking once. The door opened immediately like she'd been standing there waiting. Which she probably had. She was probably listening for his car.
Myah looked awful and worn down. Her hair was messy.
Dark circles lingered beneath her eyes. Her oversized sweatshirt hung from her frame like she'd been living in it. His chest ached at the sight of her. He almost couldn’t take this.
If she had been a second slower to get the door, he would have just turned around. Run away. Everything felt raw.
The air between them was charged. Both waiting for the other to start. For a second neither of them spoke. The very sight of her punched all the air from his lungs.
Because despite everything—God, he'd missed her.
The realization made him angrier.
"Hi." Her voice cracked, breaking their delicate silence.
He didn't reply, Myah moved back and swept her arm inside, inviting him in. Jace stepped up and closed the door without responding. The apartment felt strangely quiet without music playing. Without her talking. There was just tension, everywhere. This was awful.
Myah rubbed her palms against her legs. Like she was nervous. Jace’s breath was picking up pace, like he was nervous. He didn’t need to be nervous. He was supposed to be pissed.
"I didn't think you'd come."
"I almost didn't." The words landed hard and Jace watched as she flinched.
Good. Maybe she should. Maybe he was tired of being the only one hurting.
They stood several feet apart. Neither willing to close the distance.
Finally Jace looked at her. "Why me?" The question came out rough.
Myah blinked. "What?"
"Why me?"
Her face fell immediately. "Jace—"
"Why me?" His voice rose slightly.
Not shouting.
Not even close.
But loud enough to reveal the fracture underneath. "I just want to know."
The silence stretched until it became unbearable. Jace stared at her, his jaw clenched so tightly it ached. "You make me so damn angry."
"I know."
"No." He shook his head, taking another step toward her. "I don't think you do."
She lifted her chin, tears still clinging to her lashes. "Then tell me."
"I gave you everything." His voice cracked. "Every piece of me. Every stupid hope I had."
She let out some sort of sigh. Halfway between a gasp and a cry. Like he was the one that hurt her.
Jace laughed bitterly. "Do you have any idea what it feels like wondering if every smile… every touch... every 'I miss you' was just another lie?"
"It wasn't."
"You don't get to say that."
"It wasn't!" Her voice echoed through the apartment. For the first time since he'd arrived, she looked angry. "You don't get to tell me what I felt."
His eyes narrowed. "You don't get to rewrite this because you're guilty."
"I'm not rewriting anything." She took a step closer. "I screwed up. I lied. I hid it. I'll regret that for the rest of my life."
"Then why didn't you tell me?"
"I was terrified!"
"You shouldn’t have done it then.”
"I know!" Her words cracked like glass. "But don't stand there and act like none of this mattered to me."
Jace scoffed. "You expect me to believe that?"
"I expect you to look at me."
"I am looking at you."
"No." She pointed at her chest, tears falling unchecked. "You're looking at what I did. You're refusing to look at me."
His breathing grew heavier. "I've done nothing but look at you."
"Then look harder."
The challenge landed between them. Neither of them moved. Neither of them looked away.
"I fell in love with you," she whispered. "Not the bet. Not the joke. You."
Jace laughed, but there wasn't any humor in it. "That's convenient."
Her face crumpled. "Oh, screw you."
His eyebrows shot up. "What?"
"You heard me." She wiped her tears with the heel of her hand. "You don't get to act like you're the only one bleeding here."
His temper flared. "I was the one who got lied to."
"And I've been living with what I did every single day." Myah’s face tinted red in anger.
"You should."
"I know!" She shoved his shoulder. Not hard. Just enough to make him take half a step back.
His eyes widened. "You think that made you feel better?"
"No."
"Then why'd you do it?"
"Because you keep acting like I don't get to be angry too!"
"Angry?" He barked out a laugh. "At what?"
"At myself!" She shoved him again. "I hate what I did." Another shove. "I hate that I hurt you." Another. "I hate that I was too scared to tell you."
This time he caught her wrist before she could push him again. The room went still. Neither of them spoke. His hand wrapped around her wrist. Her pulse hammered beneath his fingers.
Neither of them pulled away.
"You drive me insane.” Jace’s voice was pitched low, gravelly with his emotion.
She looked up at him with wide, red-rimmed, blue eyes and beautiful furrowed brows and Jace…
Jace just couldn’t do this anymore.
He couldn’t hate her.
He didn’t want to be this frustrated. He wanted to love her.
Why? Why? Why did it have to go this way? Why did she have to be so self-aware?
His blood roared in his ears. His pulse thrummed and he made a decision. Jace couldn't hold himself back anymore.
He caught her face with both hands before leaning in and latching his lips to hers. She pushed back against his mouth, teeth nearly touching teeth with the force. They kissed aggressively, like they could pour their emotion into each other.
Myah bit down on his lower lip and Jace groaned in response.
Jace’s hands went into the hair at the nape of her neck and Myah’s curled around his upper arms. They pushed and pulled.
They fought for dominance in the kiss, reminiscent of previous ones.
Ones that happened before this betrayal.
Jace anguished at the memory, his kiss leaning more towards passionate than rough.
He slid his tongue into her mouth and she responded by sucking on it harshly. He pushed forward, just to make her gag a little bit. Almost like a punishment. Myah made an indecent noise, like maybe she enjoyed it.
Fucker.
Myah pulled back, gasping in front of Jace’s mouth. “What are we doing?”
Her lips were bright red, bruised almost and shiny with his spit.
“Fuck, Myah, I don’t know. I don’t know what to do with you.” Jace scowled. “Was it really real for you like it was for me?”
Myah’s face fell. “Of course it was, Jace.”
It was in the way she said his name. With almost tenderness. It gave him a full body shiver.
Jace—
He—
Jace believed her.
Fuck.
They kissed, faster than before and no less passionate.
Jace pulled Myah in close, wrapping his arms around her as if to make sure she wouldn’t leave him.
His lips left hers to trail down her neck, harshly sucking as he went.
Leaving marks, leaving anything tangible behind.
Myah made little breathy sounds as he did.
She drug her nails down his back over and over. She was leaving her mark as well.
They stumbled back from where they had been arguing in her entryway. How they made their way into Myah’s bedroom, Jace would not be able to recount if he tried. They stripped each other of their shirts as they went, leaving a trail of discarded clothing.
As soon as the door was pushed open and they were inside, Myah pushed Jace backwards. He let it happen, falling into her bed and pulling her hand. Myah landed on top of him with a disgruntled noise.
“Asshole,” she sniffed, pushing up on her hands and climbing off of him. “Undo your jeans.”
Jace thought briefly about putting up a fight.
Who is she to make demands of him? But quickly decided to give in to see where this was going.
He undid his buckle and unzipped his pants.
Myah took a hold of one of his pant legs in each hand and then yanked.
Jace’s pants pulled down. Not exactly smoothly but with two more pulls, they were off.
“Myah, what the hell?” He questioned, arching an eyebrow at her.