CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
SONYA
Inviting Walker to spend the night wasn’t meant to leave my stomach in such tight knots. We were together earlier, and I wasn’t this anxious, but here I am, letting my hair down for the millionth time as I stare at my reflection in the mirror and hope by some miracle it might become easier to breathe over the thought of him. I suddenly fear facing my best friend after coming to terms with the fact I am completely in love with him.
It hit me all at once. Dylan forced me to wake up from the daydream I’d been living in, where things with Walker were simple and platonic and easy. The relief I felt quickly became a bubbling panic. Nothing about this is easy. It’s terrifying and complicated and so not platonic. I’ve never been so scared to face Walker in my life.
My Cowboy.
I don’t want to be scared to face him. I don’t want to have this pinching feeling in my chest at the idea of being in the same room as him, but I’m terrified. Terrified he might not feel the same way. Terrified that sharing this information is going to change everything between us, even more so than the sex we’ve been having for the last few months. Amazing, earth-shattering sex. As if his body has molded in the shape of mine.
But I don’t have a choice. We promised each other one day at a time. To wave the white flag when things changed, and things changed that very same night. I just never let myself see it for what it really was.
When my phone buzzes on the bathroom counter, I am forced to tear my gaze away from my reflection to see Walker’s name on my screen. The words I’m here written just below them, and suddenly I have no other choice. I’m out of time to come up with how to tell him. We made a promise to be honest with each other, no matter what, but being honest with Walker has never been so gut-wrenching.
Giving myself one final glance, I swipe my phone off the counter and head downstairs. A door stands between me and what could possibly ruin everything, but as the panic becomes more difficult to fight off, I reach for the handle and find my relief in the grey eyes staring back at me. The corners of my lips pull up at the corners because how could anything be scary when I know it’s Walker on the other side? The mere sight of him has the panic in my chest deflating.
I meant it when I said he was my safe place.
I don’t think there will ever be a day where relief doesn’t flood my system at the sight of him and the ease he brings to my heart, knowing it’s safe in his hands. It’s been safe there since the day I met him, and I was just too in my head to admit it to myself. That everything I have ever wanted has been at my side this whole time.
A best friend and a partner all wrapped up in one.
“Hi, Cowboy.”
His smile is gentle as he tucks his hands into the pockets of his grey sweatpants, rocking forward on his toes. “Hi, Sunny.”
Opening the door wider, I step to the side to let him inside and feel the knots in my stomach slowly start to loosen. I don’t know how I was ever afraid to tell this man I’m totally and completely obsessed with him. He won’t run. I know that. I’ve always known that.
He’s what keeps my world spinning.
“Everyone head to bed al—”
“I love you.”
Walker’s lips part in surprise as he turns to face me, the question dying on his tongue. “What?” he asks, pulling his hands from his pockets.
I nod my head, pushing the door closed. “Yeah,” I say, clearing my throat as I stand a little taller and pull at the sleeves of my sweatshirt. “I love you. It hurts how much I love you, but I do, Walker. I really, really do. I am so insanely in love with you. You’re my person, and I know that’s a lot to take in because it must seem like it’s coming from nowhere. And maybe it is, but I think I’ve been slowly falling in love with you since the moment we met. It was a slow fall, but I’ve fallen. Hard and desperately, and we said we were going to be honest with each other when things change, and things have changed for me, so here I am…” I trail off, swallowing the lump in my throat as I hold his gaze. “Being honest.”
Silence fills the space between us, and with each second that passes, I feel less and less sure of myself. I hadn’t said it expecting to hear it back. The need for him to know was overwhelming, pressing down on my lungs with the burning desire to lay everything on the table. This feeling has been brewing blindly for the last several weeks, and now that it’s out here in the open, I had at least hoped he would say something.
Anything would be better than this numb silence hanging in the air between us.
“Okay, I know that was a lot…I didn’t mean to overwhelm you or toss all this on you, but I just needed to tell you. To be honest, so you knew and—”
The rambling thought dies when his fingers wrap gently around the side of my neck, his thumb running along the bottom of my jaw to tilt my head back, and his lips find mine. A gasp slips out, my hands moving to his waist as we take a stumbling step back, and his hand comes out to cushion my body before it completely hits the wall. His body fits against mine like he’s always meant to be there.
“You weren’t supposed to say it first,” he whispers against my lips before pulling back just enough that his nose nudges mine.
My heart swells in my chest, his touch like fire along my skin. Heat bleeds over me from head to toe, warming me from the inside before he kisses me again.
My lips curl up into a smile, and my fingers tighten around the fistfuls of his shirt, pulling him towards me. “We can pretend like I didn’t,” I say, leaning my head against the wall. “If you have something to tell me, Cowboy.”
“Something to tell you.” He shakes his head at me, pressing forward until there is no room between me and him. He fills in every empty inch and tangles his fingers in my hair the way I love. “It’s always been you, Sunny.” He rests his forehead against mine. “It’s always going to be you. Today, tomorrow. Fifty years from now. I want all of you in every way. I am so deeply in love with you.”
I lean up onto my toes and loosen my hold on his shirt, trailing my fingers up his spine until the heel of my hand is pressed against his cheek. His tongue meets mine, and his hands move down my waist and over my ass, his fingers curling into my thighs to lift me off my feet and sandwich me between him and the wall.
“Again,” I whisper, pulling back just enough that our lips are still touching. “Say it again.”
He grins and presses his lips to my jaw. “I love you,” he whispers, his lips finding my jawline. “I love you, I love you,” he says a little louder this time, working up to my ear and then down my throat until his nose is buried against my neck. “I love you.”
Rocking my hips forward, I press my heels into the back of his thighs and squeeze my legs around his hips. “I love you,” I moan, curling my fingers into his hair. “I love you.”
“One more time.”
I grin at him and press my lips to his. “I love you, Walker Bodie.”
A groan slips from his lips as his hands move over my thighs, squeezing gently as he hoists me higher up. My arms slip over his shoulders, dangling while he finds his way to the stairs without stumbling. His hand hits the wall before the stairs, feeling it on his way up to the second floor and the short way down the hall until I’m pressed tightly against the door frame.
“Walker,” I moan his name and slide my fingers down his back, pulling at the fabric that covers his chest. “Clothes. I need you to take your clothes off right now.”
“Greedy girl,” he whispers against my skin. His tongue runs along the pulse point in my neck. His hand slides up, letting me land softly on my feet. He guides me back into my bedroom, the moonlight bleeds in through the windows and onto the floor. “Strip.”
My brows draw together. “You’re so demanding,” I tell him, scrunching my nose up and giggling when he takes a step in my direction. His hands slip under the hem of my sweatshirt and up to the bare skin at my waist. “Say please.”
“I love you.”
A grin creases my skin, lifting my arms up to let him pull the sweatshirt up. Those three words suddenly mean please, thank you, and everything in between. “One more time.”
He lifts my shirt up and lets it fall to the floor next to our feet, his hands sliding up my ribs and towards my back. A shiver runs up my spine, my nipples pebbling at the cold air and his calloused hand on my tender skin. “I love you,” he says, pressing his lips to my collarbone. “I love you here.” He kisses the hollow of my throat. “And I love you here.” His lips rest over my heart. “And here.”
“Walker,” I whimper when his tongue runs over my nipple. He presses kisses along my breast, sinking down to his knees to press his lips between them, and trails down to my belly button. His hand skates up my thigh and under the hem of my shorts. “You are going to be the death of me.”
“Well, we can’t have that.” His lips press to my hip bone, tilting his head back until his chin rests just below my navel. “You’re perfect, Sunny.”
“You’re perfect.” My fingers rack through his hair and down behind his ears to move his glasses forward. “Can I take these off?” I ask, stopping my fingers on the side of the arms. He nods his head, the point of his chin pressing deeper into my skin. I slide them off and take in the cooling grey of his eyes. “God, I am so in love with you.”
“Yeah?”
“Always,” I whisper and reach back to set his glasses down before pushing my hands down his back. The thin fabric of his shirt stretches across his broad shoulders. “Off, please,” I plead, pressing my lips to the tip of his nose and then his cheek.
He lifts his arms up and a grin spreads across my face as I sink to my knees, reaching for the hem of his shirt to work the fabric up his torso and over his head. With the shirt in the pile of clothes we’ve left on the carpeted floor, my hands run down his chest and trail along the ridges of his muscles. His hands come down to run over my ribs, rubbing small circles over my skin.
“Tell me what you need, Sunny girl.” He inches closer and runs my hand down my back, guiding me to lie down. The soft carpet rubs against my skin.
“You,” I say, trailing my fingers down his chest to the elastic waistband. My fingertips dip beneath his sweats, wrapping around his thickening length and giving it a gentle stroke. “Preferably without pants,” I tell him, moving my hips forward. He rocks into me with the same eagerness, his hands moving down my thighs to pull my shorts off.
“I think that can be arranged.”
He sits up to slide out of his sweats and comes back to me almost immediately, pressing kisses to the hollow of my throat. His breath is warm against my skin, guiding himself to my entrance. I lift my hips in search of friction when he thrusts forward.
It’s never felt more right. The way his hands slide up my ribs, his palm spreading across my skin and around to my back. I lift my legs to hook around his hips, pulling him forward until he’s buried deep. Each roll hits just the right spot, and I drape my arms over his shoulders.
We’ve done this so many times at this point that it feels like he knows me better than I know myself. It’s a dance we’ve done over and over again, memorizing each other and knowing just the right way to move to get the other off, but this doesn’t feel like all the other times. It doesn’t feel fleeting in the way it has so many times before.
Sex with Walker before always had an expiration date. It has always been something I knew was going to end. It was supposed to be temporary, but nothing about this feels temporary. He is the person I want every day, at every turn and every corner.
He is my whole heart.
“Walker,” I whimper, his hips rocking forward and my shoulders brushing against the carpet.
His hand drifts over my torso, his thumb finding my clit, and it all but throws me over the edge as my shoulders press into the floor, pressing my chest into his. He groans against my skin, his hand sprawling over my stomach, damp and sweaty.
“I love you,” he says between kisses to my jaw.
Warm spreads through my bones, and my heart settles in my chest. This feeling is a warm glow hanging over my heart. I am never going to be sick of this. “Cowboy?”
He hums, turning his head to look at me. “Yeah?”
“I don’t think I want to be just friends anymore.”
His laugh fills the room as he rolls onto his back and I wish I could capture it, store it away to play on repeat every day until the end of time. “Yeah, Sunny,” he says, turning his head to look at me while resting his hand against his heaving chest. “I think we are way past friends.”