8. Ciara
Alex stared at me for so long, I wondered if I’d made some misstep. He seemed… not exactly flustered by the question—a man like him didn’t seem to ever get flustered—but taken off-guard.
Not wanting to make him uncomfortable or do anything to destroy this fragile connection we were building, I started to backpedal. “You don’t have to?—”
“No.” He shook his head, as if to clear it, and closed the distance to sink down on the bench beside me. “No, it’s just been so long since I was free to dream that I hardly even know how to answer the question.”
The idea of that broke my heart. Even if I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do with my life, I still had the capacity to dream.
Was this a product of his military service, or did it have something to do with his life or family circumstances? Somehow, I sensed if I tried to pry, it would shut things down between us, and that was the last thing I wanted. So, I kept my tone matter-of-fact. “Well, it seems like now is as good a time as any. You said you were at a crossroads. That suggests a choice. What are your options? If you aren’t limited by work or family, what would you want to do?”
Alex said nothing for a bit as he opened up his food and tasted. “Mm, this is really excellent.”
“I’ll be happy to pass that back to Maury.”
The bench wasn’t large, and there was little space between us. Even with my eyes closed, I would have been aware of him beside me. There was a gravity to him that pulled me. As I shifted, our knees brushed. A casual touch to test the waters, because I wanted to kiss him again. In truth, I wanted to do a hell of a lot more than kissing, but I’d take my time, see where things stood.
Leaning over, I nudged his shoulder with mine, reminding him he hadn’t answered. “Do you have another job lined up? Interviews?”
“No. Not yet. I’ve only just left my old job.”
Ah. It had taken my brother a while to figure things out, too, when he’d left the military. Not that Alex had confirmed that assessment.
Before I could prod again, he turned the tables on me. “What about you? You said you weren’t sure about what you’re studying. What is that?”
Fine. I’d give him this, if for no other reason than I was grateful for the possibility of finally talking about this with someone who wasn’t involved.
“Well, I’ve spent the last four years in International Festival and Event Management. That’s what I was actually doing in London. Working a big academic conference down there.”
“You don’t like it?”
“I loved it for a while. I studied abroad in the US for a semester, and I’ve met all sorts of wonderful people. I do truly love the planning and the organization, seeing a vision come together and go off without a hitch. I’m good at it, and the program I’m in has an outstanding job placement rate for graduates.” These were all arguments I’d given myself many, many times to justify why I’d stayed.
When I didn’t go on, he nudged my shoulder in return. “But?”
Somehow, it was easier to tell him the thing I hadn’t been able to admit to anyone else.
“But I… There’s just something that’s not there for me. I don’t like the scale. I’m not intimidated by it, but I come from a small village. I mean, you’ve seen me interact with people here. I like people. I like the intimacy of knowing them, and there’s no real intimacy in this big festival planning stuff. It’s this huge scale thing, and I just can’t see myself doing that for the rest of my life.”
“Sometimes it”s hard, when you’re really good at a thing, to consider leaving that thing and doing something else.”
The statement rang with authenticity, and I wondered what it was he’d done in the military. But I didn’t voice the question.
“True story.” I folded my dinner wrappings into the bag. “Finished?”
“Aye.”
“Want to keep walking?”
“Sure.”
We gathered our trash and left the little hidden garden, winding our way back down to the street. Once we’d disposed of things in the bin, Alex took my hand in his. Those strong fingers felt incredible curled around mine, and I had to fight not to grin like a loon.
“So how could you apply those skills to something else that’s not quite what you’ve been doing?”
Oh, we were still talking about this? I struggled to pull my attention away from the warmth of his hand. “What do you mean?”
“Think outside the box. Those skills of organizing events and so on and so forth are transferable. It’s not just applicable to big festivals or large-scale whatever. Surely you could do that on a smaller scale with something else.”
I’d been so focused on the problem, I hadn’t considered the idea that I could make a lateral move to something else. Everyone around me had been doing the same thing I was. No one was talking about changing.
“Well, like you, I’ll have to think about it. But I do feel better about the idea that it’s not been an entire waste.”
“Most skills are transferable to something else. Sometimes you just have to have a shift of perspective to see how. In your case, it’s all logistics, aye? There’s always a need for people who are good at logistics.”
“True enough.” Needing to touch him, I curled my free hand around the crook of his elbow, tipping my head to his shoulder. “Did you go to university?”
“Not traditionally, no.”
“Have you ever thought about it? Completely changing what you’re doing.”
Alex stopped to look down at me and brushed the hair back from my cheek. “Well, I wasn’t before, but the idea has a hell of a lot of appeal right now. You make the idea seem very appealing. Or maybe that’s just you.”
Now or never.
Heart in my throat, I rose to my toes and brushed my lips to his. With a low groan, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in. Nothing about this was for show. There was no one to run off. No one to perform for. This was just for us. And it was utterly delicious. He was utterly delicious, and I wanted him.
On a hum, I dropped back down, taking his hand. “Will you come with me?”
“Anywhere.”
With that promise ringing in my ears, I led him another three blocks down to a scarred, black wooden door.
“Where are we?”
I swallowed.
“My place. Will you come up?” When he hesitated, I felt the need to clarify. “I know we only have tonight, but I feel a real connection with you, and I don’t want to let that pass by.”
If he begged off on some sort of noble grounds, I might just die of embarrassment.
But his heated gaze pinned me to the spot. “Neither do I. Are you sure?”
With a lopsided smile, I confessed, “I don’t normally do this, but yeah. Yeah, I’m sure.”
When was the last time someone had made me feel this seen?
Never. That alone was worth the risk.
His lips curved as he brought my hand up for a kiss that had my heart zooming like a hummingbird in my chest. “Lead the way.”
I unlocked the door and led him upstairs to my third-floor flat. Somewhere between the street and unlocking my own door, my nerves kicked up. Alex followed me inside, looking around in a way that told me he was taking in every detail. I wondered what he saw. We were poor university students, so we didn’t have that much stuff, and some of our furniture had been sidewalk or dumpster finds.
“My flatmate is out of town for the weekend, so we have the place to ourselves. It’s not much, but it’s my home away from home.” God, I wished he’d kiss me again to kill these nerves so I’d stop babbling.
Taking his hand again, I began backing toward my bedroom, thinking to speed things along.
“Ciara.” The low rumble of his voice had me stumbling, but Alex caught me, drawing me in until he took my mouth.
Oh, thank God.
I rose into him, opening for him, wanting, needing more. But he didn’t speed up, didn’t go deeper, instead taking his time to thoroughly make love to my mouth, until the nerves shifted into something else entirely. All the urgency to get to now, now, now simply melted into a loose, languorous sensation that drained away all rational thought but More. So I gave myself over to the kiss and happily resigned myself to let him lead.