Chapter 19 Jo
nineteen
Jo
“Rise and shine, Fireball,” a soft, sweet voice purrs in my ear, and I peek my eyes open. I’m being carried—strong arms tighten around me when I lift my head, and I see Hayden’s adoring expression looking at me. Glancing forward, I see that we’re in the doorway of a log cabin.
“Darlin’,” I sigh, snuggling back into him. His t-shirt is soft, and I wish I could scent him. “Did we already get to the safe house?”
“Yeah. Sam said something about checking the perimeter, and West is doing something to a keypad on the wall.”
“What about Kole?” I blink, yawning.
“Unloading the van. There’s duffel bags with clothing, food, and weapons.”
“Turnip?”
“Safe, snug, and wrapped in a blanket.”
“And how did you get stuck on babysittin’ duty, huh?” I smirk, looking up at him.
He scoffs, moving into the house. I spy a living room, a few couches, and a fireplace. “Please. They would have had to fight me to take you from my arms. And…” The carefree bravado falls away as his throat bobs. He looks so vulnerable right now, I just want to wrap him up and hold him.
“What is it, Darlin’?” I reach up, cupping his cheek. He closes his eyes, exhaling as he leans into my touch.
“I…I need you, Jo. You died. There was a full five minutes where I thought you were gone, and out of everything I’ve endured from my dad, from Thornfield…I’d go through it all a hundred times over if it meant I’d never have to feel that sudden emptiness inside me again.”
Tears sting my eyes as my thumb strokes his cheek. “Hayden…”
He keeps walking, his fingers tightening their grip. “Just…just let me take care of you? Please? You promised I could rub your feet and feed you grapes, if I remember correctly.” His tone has slipped back into teasing, but there’s that vulnerability in his eyes that has my heart breaking for him.
I was devastated when the bond went dark, and I knew what was happening. Hayden, though? I can’t imagine how I would have reacted if our roles were reversed and I thought he was dead. I don’t blame him one bit for trying to blow shit up.
“Okay, Darlin’,” I agree, and some of the tension leaves his shoulders as we continue through the bedroom and enter a large bathroom.
A giant claw-foot tub with a shower-head attachment sits off to the side, and there’s a fluffy as hell looking bath mat that I know will feel heavenly on my feet.
There’s even a little wooden stool at one side so someone can sit on it while the other person bathes.
“Good.” He sets me on the edge of the bathroom counter. “Declan said he would send crews to all the safe houses to get them ready for us—looks like they pulled out all the stops.”
I realize then, that I never asked how Dec got into contact with the guys. In fact, there are a lot of pieces I’m missing from when I got sent to the Cathedral to being rescued by my guys and Dec. I’ll have to interrogate everyone after I don’t feel like I’m a half-step from dying.
My Fire Demon steps away briefly to turn the shower attachment on the bathtub, and set the temperature to hot. “As good as red looks on you, let's get all the blood rinsed off before you soak.”
Frowning, I turn slightly to look at myself in the bathroom mirror.
Oh, shit. Yeah. I didn’t even feel it when it happened, but there’s blood splattered across my cheeks—almost in line with freckles.
My eyes seem nearly haunted, my cheeks less full than they were a week ago.
My hair is a straggly mess. The rest of my body feels disgusting too, I don’t even know how many days it's been since I’ve had a proper cleaning.
I pull my FAFO necklace off and set it on the bathroom counter, not wanting to get it wet.
I’m still cataloguing all my imperfections when Hayden returns, tingles running up my spine as he fingers the hem of my shirt.
“I missed you, Jo.” His words are a hushed whisper, his lips brushing my ear.
A shiver runs through me as my eyes meet his in the mirror.
For the first time since leaving Thornfield, I’m able to look at him properly.
His hazel gaze is trained on my face, nothing but love and desire in them, but I’m also noticing the dark shadows under his eyes for the first time.
Dirt and soot smear across his cheeks. His hair is a mess, like he’s spent the last few days constantly running his hands through it, and there’s a scruff along his jaw I’ve never seen before.
Twisting my body to face him, I watch his throat bob as his eyes search my face.
“Will you help me?” I ask, wanting my Fire Demon to feel secure in my need for him.
He nods jerkily, and I lift my shaky arms. He peels the garment off me, the act feeling more intimate than anything we’ve done so far.
He never breaks eye contact as his hands reach behind me and unhook my bra, his chest rising and falling with each quick breath.
His thumb grazes the underside of my breast, over the indentations of his bond mark. The one they tried to take from us. I shiver, a small gasp leaving me at the contact.
“Leggings next.” His voice is rough as his thumbs hook my waistband.
I brace myself on the counter as best as I can so he can slide them off me, but the effort leaves me near breathless.
I may have had a rush of adrenaline escaping Thornfield, but I’m still dealing with nearly a week of malnourishment and bond sickness—despite the fact I currently have no bond to speak of.
My bare ass on the cold counter has me shivering. “I got you, Fireball,” he murmurs gently, scooping me up against his warm body before turning and gently placing me in the bathtub. On instinct, I wrap my arms around my legs and prop my chin on my knees.
He sits on the stool behind me, and then removes the shower head, spraying down my hair and body. I watch with fascination as the water tinges red and even a little bit of brown before swirling down the drain.
Once the water runs clear, he switches to the faucet so the tub can start filling. “I’ll be right back.” He presses a kiss to my temple before standing and leaving the bathroom.
And then…I’m alone.
For the first time in…gods knows how long, I’m alone. No cameras, no orderlies, no doctors waiting for me to fuck up so they can punish me.
Just…alone. In the bath, of all places.
When was the last time I had a bath? We didn’t have a bathtub in the trailer I grew up in, and even though the room I had at Dec’s place had its own bathroom, I hardly used the tub.
My eyes are glued to the level of water as it rises, but I can't seem to make myself move from my hunched-over position. In fact, I’m starting to feel cold, despite the heat of the water.
My mind, which had been blissfully silent when I was in Hayden’s arms, starts to race.
I did it. I’m out. It’s done. I saved Mabel. But…now what? I can’t pretend that Mabel didn’t admit that she actually did murder her entire pack.
Not that I judge her for it. Not for one single second would I judge her for doing the exact same thing I’ve done. But…I was always doing it for her.
She says she did it for me.
“Shit, Baby,” Hayden’s voice has me jumping, “you’re shivering.”
I give him a weak smile, but don’t try to deny it. “Where did you go?”
He holds up a pre-bottled protein shake, which is open with a bendy-straw sticking out of it. “You need some calories. You haven’t had anything real to eat in days.”
“That’s not real food,” I argue. My teeth are chattering now, and Hayden checks the temperature of the water before cursing and placing the protein shake bottle on the stool he was sitting on earlier and turns off the water, which is up to my nipples now.
I don’t question it as he starts to strip out of his clothes.
I am surprised though when he walks over to the marble shower in the corner and sprays himself down, not bothering to wait for the water to heat up.
The dirt and the soot on his face washes away, and he doesn’t even grab a towel before he leaves the shower and comes back over to the bath.
He steps into the tub behind me, sitting down and pulling me against his chest so I’m sort of sitting sideways in his lap.
“Now that I’m not about to dirty up your bathwater, let’s see if we can get some of this protein shake down, okay? Then we can wash your hair.”
“I was promised grapes,” I mutter, instantly feeling soothed by his body heat. Maybe my omega is still responding to his proximity even though the bond is cut off right now.
“Well, my queen,” he reaches behind him to grab the shake, “I can see if I can find you something grape-flavored later, but this is what West gave me to give to you. Doctor’s orders.”
He holds the straw up to my mouth, and hesitantly, I take a sip. I guess it’s not horrible. Though I can’t help but wonder why the good doctor didn’t come in to give it to me himself. I guess I am naked, but if that was the only issue, wouldn’t Kole be in here too?
“I want you to know,” Hayden clears his throat suddenly as I drink, “I asked them to give me time with you. They would be in here otherwise.”
“Was I that obvious?” I laugh weakly.
“I could see the wheels turning after I mentioned West,” he admits, tightening his arm around me.
I continue to sip at the protein shake, my body slowly relaxing and becoming less shaky the longer I’m in contact with Hayden. There’s about half of the shake left when I push it away. “I can’t stomach any more than that.”
“That’s okay. We’ll try more later.” He puts the bottle back on the stool and then shifts me so I’m sitting between his legs.
He uses his hands to re-wet my hair, then pumps shampoo out of the bottle sitting on the side of the tub.
“I’ve never washed someone else's hair, Fireball,” he admits quietly as he starts to work it in.
“You’re gonna have to tell me if I’m fucking it up. ”
My heart seizes in my chest at his admission.
“I’ve never had my hair washed by someone else.
” My eyes flutter closed as his magical fingers start to massage my scalp.
“But I can tell you right now, you’re not fuckin’ it up.
In fact, I might never wash my own hair again. I’ll get y’all on a rotatin’ schedule.”
He chuckles, rinsing out the shampoo with the shower-head attachment, and a heady warmth envelopes me as the steamy water runs over my body. Is this what it feels like to be cherished? Is this what Mabel meant when she would talk about finding a pack?
It’s insane to realize that for the first time in five years…I feel safe. Treasured. Hayden’s masterful hands move to my shoulders and rub blissful circles as the conditioner sits, and his seemingly innocent touch makes me yearn to get closer.
This is different from anything else we’ve done. We’ve fucked, we’ve played, but this…intimacy is new.
I need more of it.
But…there’s something I have to say first.
“Hayden?” My voice is breathless as he starts to rinse out my hair again. It falls around my shoulders as he works the conditioner from the wet strands.
“Hmm?”
“I…” He needs to know how I feel about him, truly. He said the words to me before we bonded, and then we never talked about it again. “I love you.”
He freezes. “Jo…” he says, like he doesn’t quite believe me.
“I’m not just sayin’ it because you saved me, or because of our lost bond,” I add quickly, turning around and sitting on my knees.
I take his face in my hands and wipe the single tear tracking down his cheek with my thumb.
“I shoulda said it back when you told me the first time, ’cause I felt it then.
But…I was afraid. I love you, Hayden. I love how you make me feel alive, and the way you laugh.
Your heart is good, even if you like to hide under the crazy sometimes.
We’re alike in that way. You…you’re an amazin’ man, Hayden, and an even better alpha. I love you so damn much it hurts.”
His face softens, his chin tilting as our lips meet in a sweet, gentle kiss.
But then, a whimper leaves me, and he hooks his hands behind my knees, pulling me into his lap.
My hands move from his face to grip his hair, and a low moan leaves him when I gently tug.
“I love you so fucking much, Jo.” He pulls back and looks at me, searching my face.
“When I thought you were gone, I was ready to go with you.” His words make me feel like someone is stabbing a knife straight through my heart.
The thought of my sweet boy being so distraught…I shake my head, tears stinging my eyes. “No.” My words are harsh. “Don’t you ever do that again, okay?” He could have gotten himself killed, thinking I was dead. I’m not okay with that.
“Never. Because you’ll never die. I’m not gonna let you out of my sight ever again.”
“We’ll all die eventually, Darlin’.” I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but…never?
“Nope. Not happening. No more talk about dying.” He shifts slightly, making his hard cock brush against my core.
My argument dies on my lips at the contact, the sensation making another whimper climb up my throat.
I’ve never whimpered so much in my damn life.
He shushes me gently though, placing a reverent kiss to my lips.
“Now…I’m gonna take care of you, Baby,” he murmurs softly.
“You don’t have to do it all. Not anymore.
” His hand reaches down between us and passes through my soaking wet folds.
I gasp into his mouth, tightening my grip on his hair as he rubs tight circles around my clit.
The release is quick and violent, and then I’m shaking, holding onto him for dear life as I ride out the waves, all my stress and tension from the last week leaving my body.
I collapse against his chest, breathing hard, but right when I’m about to grab his dick and slide onto him, something cold hits my back.
“What are you doin’?” I ask in confusion, pushing off his chest and looking at him.
“I’m washing you.” He moves his hands up and down my back, rubbing the body wash across my skin.
I hate how small my voice is. “I thought…”
“Jo, you have no idea how much I want to fuck and bite you again. But…you’re still regaining your strength.
You just spent three days strapped to a bed with only an IV for sustenance, and I don’t even know what it was like in the Cathedral.
We have time. Nothing but time, if this whole lying low thing is going to go how I think. ”
I try to argue, but then his hands keep moving over my sensitive flesh, making all logical arguments flee my mind. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to be pampered just a little bit longer.